The most important thing for newbies to keep in mind is that they have now joined "gym culture". And, as a part of that culture, the cute hot ones must understand and accept that if they are selected for ritual hazing (usually involving their complete sexual submission at a time and place outside of the gym), that it is their responsibility and obligation to comply.
Newbies need to know that it might be sudden and with a short, succinct command such as, "You! Come with us!". Obedience is absolutely obligatory as you make your way with one of gym culture's "high priests" to the Beck's Motor Lodge on Market Street (or other such temple for the ritual). You will know a "high priest" of any age by their smoking hot gym sculpted body top to toe. High priests of the gym NEVER neglect the dreaded but necessary "Leg Day".
After the ritual hazing, Newbies should remain in a state of genuflection when in the gym, and should listen to and adopt the cultural mores which High Priests may share with them from time to time. The newbie will find this of great benefit as their bodies begin to tighten and get ripped. Additional ritual sexual tribute to the High Priests should be accepted on all occasions and looked at as an honor and proof that they are successfully integrating in to gym culture.
Newbies are encouraged to post these tips in conspicuous places for other newbies and High Priests to see. The locker room, the sauna, the steam room, in places where newbies frequent.
In the mean time, GAMRican suggests that newbies can demonstrate their respect to the High Priests by:
1. Not hogging equipment
2. Reracking their weights
3. Using a gym towel to wipe down equipment after use.
4. Not being afraid to ask a High Priest how to use certain equipment properly. (Especially if you are hot and cute and the High Priest has been observing you)
5. Observing how High Priests use (and don't use) certain equipment.
6. Taking personal training sessions to formally learn how to use equipment and properly exercise.
7. After a shower drying off while still in the wet area of the shower so as not to track water into the locker room changing area.
8. Wear a shirt and shorts into any co-ed sauna and steam room.
9. If you choose to shave, don't leave a fucking mess in the shower and/or sink.
10. Cologne or other fragrances in the gym are to be avoided.
11. Google "Richard Simmons". Don't dress like him.
12. Wear form fitting clothing (especially if you are still a twink).
13. Don't eat garlic, curry, onions, or be detoxing from a bender if/when you go to do "hot yoga".
14. Don't stare at High Priests for inordinate amounts of time. Steal glances using the mirrors. 15. If you really admire and would like to submit yourself to a High Priest for ritual hazing, respectfully approach the High Priest and make sincere (but not overly flattering) comments about his body. But don't tell him he has a nice "package" or "smoking hot ass". Keep it classy. Be prepared with your number written on a slip of paper. Ask politely if you can get together to discuss "working out". Give him your number. Allow the High Priest the option of contacting you.
16. Smile when you are in the gym. Be friendly.
17. Continue devotion to nutrition and exercise so that your body will become more worthy of repeated ritual hazing by the High Priests. And, one day too you will be regarded as a High Priest.
There you have it. GAMRican's top tips for newbies to the gym. Welcome to the gym!
Aloha and Be Well!
Alan "High Priest - Level 16"