Have you gotten legally married?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 06, 2014 2:35 AM GMT
    Have any RJ members tied the knot since same-sex marriage has become legal in many states? If so....what advice or perspectives can you offer.

    What worked well? What would you do differently? Anything else you wish you had done?

    Knowing what you know now....what advice would you offer to those considering marriage?


    ((Oh....and no offense to anyone...but I'm not interested in opinions about whether we need same-sex marriage or any political perspectives. I'm merely interested in personal narratives or advice in regards to getting married, from those who have actually done it.))
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 06, 2014 2:53 AM GMT
    I not only got legally married (in Vermont) but I also got legally divorced (in Minnesota). I'm not sure what sort of practical advice you're looking for. In states that have legalized same-sex marriage it's basically the same logistical details as you would deal with as with an opposite-sex marriage. In any event, congratulations on your engagement and best of luck with your wedding plans.

    As for me, although the marriage ended, I can still say that we had a great wedding!
  • madsexy

    Posts: 4843

    Jan 06, 2014 3:17 PM GMT
    duluthrunner saidI not only got legally married (in Vermont) but I also got legally divorced (in Minnesota). I'm not sure what sort of practical advice you're looking for. In states that have legalized same-sex marriage it's basically the same logistical details as you would deal with as with an opposite-sex marriage. In any event, congratulations on your engagement and best of luck with your wedding plans.

    As for me, although the marriage ended, I can still say that we had a great wedding!

    Is that like "the surgery was a success; unfortunately the patient died?" icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 06, 2014 4:19 PM GMT
    We wanted to elope, because we weren't interested in a wedding and almost missed what has become my favorite part of getting married:

    my husbands immediate family, parents, sisters with husbands, including nieces and nephews made it to the ceremony at the courthouse and their support, happiness and love for us was incredible. So, my advice is to bring your loved ones to the ceremony and have a wedding celebration.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 06, 2014 7:39 PM GMT
    in Canada one is "forced" into a legally binding common-law marriage if you live together "conjugally" for 12 months. The legal part is quite sparse compared to real marriage, but what is cool is that gays and straights are equal before the law. I refer to my bf as my "common law spouse." We have to report each other's income on our taxes. He is required to extend his employer's health plan to me. And we get a discount on fishing licenses because we are a family. If one of us dies, some (but not all) retirement accounts go to the survivor.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 06, 2014 9:05 PM GMT

    "What worked well? What would you do differently? Anything else you wish you had done?"


    For us, NOT planning ages in advance and having family get into it up their elbows (trust me, even with only a week's notice, they tried, lol). We would it again just the same. In the backyard with family (both sides) and friends. The marriage commissionaire made up our vows for us (they were dynamite, so we left them as is.)




    "Knowing what you know now....what advice would you offer to those considering marriage?"

    WAIT. Get to know each other first, and by that I mean the good and the bad, from the highest pinnacles of happy to the depths of arguments and unhappiness. Explore these to their limits when they occur, keeping each other close, very close, emotionally and communicatively when going through them.


    NEVER forget what you first saw in each other, and that's not just with eyes, but the smell, sound and touch as well.

    TRUST, understanding that such a precious thing is earned, and thrives on reassurance, and can be easily broken, and not easily repaired.



  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 07, 2014 4:20 AM GMT
    Maybe this year!
  • JC30

    Posts: 2

    Jan 07, 2014 10:22 AM GMT
    We jumped te gun and got married after a few months of knowing each other. Way too many obstacles... Right now he's in Idaho and I'm in ca. I asked him to go home and visit family while I clear my mind. I keep thinking that there must be something better for my life... Cause after being cheated on and catching him on craigslist on top of the vengeful anger issues, I'm throwing in the towel. He's been the best and worst thing to happen. Don't get me wrong, he is the most attentive, and more loving person and especially lately. However I feel my trust is gone and so is my will to try. Except when it comes to signing the papers, we both say yes in heart arguments but neither one of us can seem to actually do it. Anyway, off topic and definitely just venting
  • LuckyGuyKC

    Posts: 2080

    Jan 07, 2014 11:33 AM GMT
    Let me fix one thing Pellaz
    pellaz said
    finally husbands cant don't have to testify against each other.

  • JC30

    Posts: 2

    Jan 07, 2014 1:54 PM GMT
    pellaz said
    JC30 said ... I asked him to go home and visit family while I clear my mind. I keep thinking that there must be something better for my life ...


    no; nothing better out there.

    i would work it out with you husband, get the free couples training at a local LGBT center. Spend the $250 and fly out to ID and talk to him soon.

    i feel my Irish Setter has better faster relationship skills than gay men. Your trust issues will carry over and corrupt your next relationship. Bet the same thing will happen with your next man so get over it and attend the training with an open mind. Dont let the counselor drop you two guys because either one will not budge. Next relationship it could be YOU that is doing the cheating.

    anyway hope this helps, 2013 been a rough year for me too. things were along the same lines you talk about. I knew my boy a few years and still things got phucked up.



    Oh man! I'm trying... I'm not saying I'm not willing to try. Lord knows I'm not actively searching to replace him. I know what he means to me and why I married him. I've forgiven the cheating but the continual mistrust and his actions jt helping me trust him that just has me tired. So I lie that he's in ID... I can focus on myself for a while. I love him but I was me before him and right now I need to be myself without him around to cloud my thoughts.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 07, 2014 2:03 PM GMT
    My partner and I legally married in the State of Vermont last year. We currently live in Vermont and really don't have any plans on moving. We actually love it here.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 07, 2014 2:34 PM GMT
    I had a different-sex wedding and was married for 6 years... until I wasn't any more.

    Not sure I'm looking to tie that knot again... homo or hetero.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 07, 2014 3:25 PM GMT
    Yes, back in November.