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would u feel happy if u knew your ex was dying?

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    Posts: 7258

    Jan 06, 2014 3:27 AM GMT
    An old friend of mine called me today and told me her ex husband is dying. She is 29 years old, and her ex husband is about only five years older than her. I've known this friend almost my entire life. Her family was friends with my family growing up..... I also knew her ex-husband. Seemed like a decent guy to me. We hung out plenty of times and got on great.

    I guess it was a bad relationship which involved a lot of lying, cheating, abuse, drug addiction.... etc.. She was very high strung and hard to please. They are both very well off financially, so money is not a factor of their failed relationship....

    so when my friend called today, she started giggling and said, "I am glad that bastard is going to die. He perhaps will go to hell too."

    I was like icon_eek.gif
    I'm not sure how I really feel about this? I mean I've really dislied ex's in the past, but not actually hated them... and couldn't imagine feeling happy about an impending death.

    I guess I have no right to really judge her because this is her feeling. However, I wonder if my friend is a vindictive, cruel, and hateful bitch?
    She's never done anything wrong to me and has been a great friend my whole life, but this conversation I had with her today made me see a side of her I've never seen..... kind of hateful and nasty... phew. I'm like wtf? Anyone else ever glad their ex was dying?
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  • Adozark

    Posts: 299

    Jan 06, 2014 3:30 AM GMT
    No. I would actually feel pretty bad for them, there are few people I could legitimately hate that much.

    I mean I could say "I don't care if they die." but if they really were I would have sympathy.

    Would it chock me up? No, but I certainly wouldn't be happy.
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    Jan 06, 2014 3:33 AM GMT
    Some people won't be missed when they die. Sorry, I know that sounds harsh. We all think it, but rarely say it.
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    Jan 06, 2014 3:34 AM GMT
    No absolutely not. Being happy that someone's dying is just plain cruel. Ex or not, they were still apart of your life and regardless of how the relationship ended, I am sure they still have a piece ( or Morsel) of your heart.
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    Jan 06, 2014 3:35 AM GMT
    Ouch! I had one ex that was rather cruel, but we are still civil with each other. No, I wouldn't be happy to know this. People that I can't stand, I'd just feel indifferent rather than sad, but certainly not glad.

    I would judge your friend based on your relationship with her. You never know what happens behind closed doors. Maybe he was abusive or grabbed her one too many times. People carry different scars and emotions -- "Be kind to everyone..."
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    Jan 06, 2014 3:43 AM GMT
    It's possible it is her way of dealing with the pain. She convinces herself she is glad he is dying to avoid experiencing her true feelings. Seen that a lot.
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    Jan 06, 2014 3:47 AM GMT
    strongbull saidIt's possible it is her way of dealing with the pain. She convinces herself she is glad he is dying to avoid experiencing her true feelings. Seen that a lot.


    This is true too. Coulda, woulda, shoulda -- now it's all going to be gone :-(
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    Jan 06, 2014 3:47 AM GMT
    strongbull saidIt's possible it is her way of dealing with the pain. She convinces herself she is glad he is dying to avoid experiencing her true feelings. Seen that a lot.


    This has been my rationale..... it's a way for her to deal with the pain?..Ive been like thinking about it all day. 1. I can't believe he's dying.
    2. I can't believe how happy and cavalier she seems to be about it.
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    Jan 06, 2014 3:51 AM GMT
    Import said
    strongbull saidIt's possible it is her way of dealing with the pain. She convinces herself she is glad he is dying to avoid experiencing her true feelings. Seen that a lot.


    This has been my rationale..... it's a way for her to deal with the pain?..Ive been like thinking about it all day. 1. I can't believe he's dying.
    2. I can't believe how happy and cavalier she seems to be about it.
    Must have been a really bad marriage.
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    Jan 06, 2014 3:52 AM GMT
    I had a friend that knew their grandma was going to pass on, and their whole family seemed to make peace with it. I told him he could talk to me about it and he said he accepted it. I thought it was rather robotic...

    After she passed on it took them awhile, but reality sank in and the natural grieving process occurred. I didn't want my friend or his parents and siblings to be sad, but honestly at first when I saw their reaction I was like WTF in my head.

    I <3 him.
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  • MikeW

    Posts: 6065

    Jan 06, 2014 3:56 AM GMT
    In my younger, adolescent, days I had a lot of repressed anger, specifically toward my father and a brother in law, 17 years my senior. They were both quite abusive toward me in various ways during my growing up and I hated them both. Once I got away from them and eventually got several years of therapy under my belt, not to mention practicing meditation, I managed to let go of a lot of it. But I have to confess, I did not mourn their passing ('96 and '09 respectively). It didn't make me feel gleeful but I was relieved they're no longer on this planet.

    Now, I don't know your friend or her situation. One can only guess. All I'm saying is, I can understand feeling enough hatred toward someone that you *want* them to die. It is a form of madness, but sometimes we're driven there.

    My previous ex died in November 2010. We hadn't been together in about 9 years and our relationship had been very intense, both passionate and full of drama. I hadn't seen him in several years but the news of his death was a real shock (my second partner loss). He had been living with HIV for many years so it wasn't entirely unexpected but it happened very suddenly. Heart attack, age 53. I'd almost forgotten that I still loved him even though we were completely incompatible.
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    Jan 06, 2014 3:57 AM GMT
    I've had one ex. Even though we didn't really end it well, I would not be happy if he were dying.
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  • Adozark

    Posts: 299

    Jan 06, 2014 3:57 AM GMT
    AnOriginal saidI had a friend that knew their grandma was going to pass on, and their whole family seemed to make peace with it. I told him he could talk to me about it and he said he accepted it. I thought it was rather robotic...

    After she passed on it took them awhile, but reality sank in and the natural grieving process occurred. I didn't want my friend or his parents and siblings to be sad, but honestly at first when I saw their reaction I was like WTF in my head.

    I <3 him.


    That's how I deal with loss. It's weird because I know that I'm in denial and that it will hit soon, but I still always have a calculated response and eventually in private I break down, not really one to show emotion even to my family/friends.

    The internet is always a good venting spot because I know it's essentially anonymous since I don't know anyone on here IRL.
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    Jan 06, 2014 4:01 AM GMT
    My last ex is truly evil and I don't say that lightly. I won't be throwing a party when he goes but I won't even pretend to be sorry, either. What a pile of dung.
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    Jan 06, 2014 4:05 AM GMT
    There's a handful of people that would make me smile inside if I heard they were dying, and I didn't even have a bad romantic relationship with them.
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    Jan 06, 2014 4:11 AM GMT
    I think it's when there's still unresolved pain. Tina Turner was hit on the head with a wooden shoe stretcher and then forced to have sex with Ike, and for a long time she went through hell. When he finally passed she said it was as if a stranger died -- she was neither sad nor happy. If he died sooner she may have felt differently. She was already in a long term relationship with her now husband when Ike passed. I really think people that are "happy" about it have unresolved pain that needs to be worked out or they just don't view life rationally.

    Maybe next time she says that OP gently say "Was he really that bad?" It will bring consciousness to her own pain.
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    Jan 06, 2014 4:14 AM GMT
    unfounded7 saidThere's a handful of people that would make me smile inside if I heard they were dying, and I didn't even have a bad romantic relationship with them.


    Yes as Jaggal said people that commit barbaric acts aren't exactly on my list of making this world a better place.
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    Jan 06, 2014 4:15 AM GMT
    If your friend is expressing a coping mechanism, not too terrible but if your friend is expressing joy that's a red flag.

    I don't believe I've ever wished anyone dead though on the oft times that my betraying xcousin comes to mind, I attach to that the thought that she should go to hell.

    But also I do wish her a long life. I am not unsympathetic to the devil.
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    Jan 06, 2014 4:17 AM GMT
    AnOriginal said
    unfounded7 saidThere's a handful of people that would make me smile inside if I heard they were dying, and I didn't even have a bad romantic relationship with them.
    Yes as Jaggal said people that commit barbaric acts aren't exactly on my list of making this world a better place.


    Who said mine committed barbaric acts? icon_confused.gif
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    Jan 06, 2014 4:27 AM GMT
    unfounded7 said
    AnOriginal said
    unfounded7 saidThere's a handful of people that would make me smile inside if I heard they were dying, and I didn't even have a bad romantic relationship with them.
    Yes as Jaggal said people that commit barbaric acts aren't exactly on my list of making this world a better place.


    Who said mine committed barbaric acts? icon_confused.gif


    Well I'm hoping it isn't family or some school bullies.

    Maybe we will all look at you in a new light icon_eek.gif
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    Jan 06, 2014 4:29 AM GMT
    No. In fact I would be depressed. I wish all my exes the best!
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    Jan 06, 2014 5:03 AM GMT
    Jaggal saidI`d love to commit a sexually barbaric act to your body ;)


    icon_eek.gif
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    Jan 06, 2014 5:06 AM GMT
    AnOriginal saidWell I'm hoping it isn't family or some school bullies.

    Maybe we will all look at you in a new light icon_eek.gif

    Or, maybe I just see death in a different light than others.
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    Jan 06, 2014 5:07 AM GMT
    RadRTT saidNo. In fact I would be depressed. I wish all my exes the best!

    Even the accident-prone one?
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    Jan 06, 2014 5:18 AM GMT
    Jaggal said
    I`d love to commit a sexually barbaric act to your body ;)


    Oh no you Don't!!!... If there's gonna be a victim in this thread it's gonna be me...

    Oh look... I'm running away from Jaggal and screaming .. S-L-O-W-L-Y.

    I just tripped.. icon_eek.gif
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