Got a question, if you're willing to answer...

  • hellofromca

    Posts: 3

    Jan 07, 2014 6:12 AM GMT
    Hello everyone,

    This is my first time visiting and posting on this site. I actually came because I have a big question which I want to ask in an environment where I won't be judged. Hopefully I picked the right place! icon_lol.gif

    Let me get right to it. I usually describe myself as a 'bi-curious' man but live in a extremely 'conservative' area. I've had these desires to experiment with another man for a while and, surprisingly, only my girlfriend knows about these feelings. I've yet to act on these fantasies...at all.

    Recently, I've started getting some sexual vibes from my life-long best friend. And that's where my question is at because I am not sure if he's in the same boat as me or not.

    First off, he is a 'jokester' so I usually take whatever he says with a grain of salt. He says stuff like 'I have a big sausage, you want to try it out?' or 'dude, if you do that, I will follow you a dark ally and butt rape you!' So it's hard to separate the things he's joking about and he's serious about. An example of him in a serious mood was when I told him Daddy Yankee was gay, to which he replied 'why would someone who can get all those hot girls be gay?' I also, usually, misjudge these kind of situations in the past, which is why I am asking for help.

    The first time I took notice of his recent behavior was while we were watching a movie at his house out of no where he touched my elbow softly and when I said 'what?' and turned he was giving me a weird smile. I said 'wtf?' and went back to watching the movie without giving it much thought other than 'he's acting weird'. On the next day we hanged out he told me straight up 'I don't like hair down there, shave it n clean it.' I'm sure you're yelling 'why are you asking for our opinion? This is a solved case!' ...but... wait, there is more! He has jumped in bed with me (said he was cold), he has slapped my ass (no, we were not in a sporting situation) and commented that I have a big ass. Last but not least, every time I utter the words (these days more on purpose rather than in frustration) 'fuck me!' he quickly replies 'okay!' He has, on more than one occasions, asked me to give him a message, but I believe all of these stuff are just normal, and I'm making a mountain out of a molehill.

    Of course my nerves usually get the best of me and I don't say the right things at those moments mentioned above. My biggest fear is that I will say/do something and find out he wasn't on the same page as I and I will lose our friendship. My doubts come from other moments where he's not in the above mood, like the comment about Daddy Yankee, which shows a lack of understanding (which I'm sure he would grasp if he was bi/gay). Or, a better example was few weeks ago, we were talking about one of my exes and I mentioned that I still have her video then I said 'but...' and he finished it with '...oh your shit is in it? No thanks!'

    So, whoever was able to read my post all the way to this point, what do you think? If this was your straight friend, would you take a leap of faith and make a move on him? If so, please tell me, what moves should I be making?

    And thanks for reading!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 07, 2014 6:24 AM GMT
    Just a question here, I think you'd like it if he was trying to figure out how to talk to you about this same thing, so why not simply mention that you're gay?

    Your explanation felt like you were saying you're gay but go along as bi because of the conservative community you're in etc.

    -intrigued
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    Jan 07, 2014 6:40 AM GMT
    I would be very careful too.

    Are you attracted to him? If you are, most likely your emotions will override your judgment. I've been in that boat where I was attracted to my friend that I misread everything. He jokingly said things like "let me hug you" and many looks he gave me that made me confused.

    In the end he is straight. I would have ruined our friendship if I initiated something.

    Have you observed how your friend interacts with others? How about ask him questions about his girlfriend, his future marriage, etc?
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    Jan 07, 2014 7:12 AM GMT
    I've been in situations like this with The Most "straight" guys.. seriously.. a handful.

    I think if you have feminine qualities and are easy going, yet not a big ol queen.. they find comfort in you.. what for? I Do Not Know!

    But your at the right step to find out for Me and All of the other gay guys going through this same thing, you seem to hang out a lot which is a good thing

    Guys like this Like having control over you and doing things at their Own pace.. if you flirt back then they Will Push Back.. then continue to flirt again with you the next day

    What You NEED to do is get him alone again.. preferably at night, preferably after a drink if you guys do that and ask him straight up.. don't give him any hints you are about to do this because he will detect this and runaway..

    Just ask him "are you flirting with me?"
    He will likely dis you with a smile, so be prepared for this
    Then Say "Well if you were.. I kind of like it"

    This alone will Still likely not make him admit anything it just opens up the road for You to take charge and get more aggressive with him, question his past actions and then tell him you like him in a Completely gay way.. leave no room for him to change the subject or play confused..

    Do this All in one night.. before he leaves tell him the two of you are still friends regardless if he reacts in good or bad way to the other things you have said

    Yes I Have had time to think this over, easier said than done.. buuut you don't have to act this out, as in say exactly what I said.. this is just an outline, say what's on your mind

    The guy I was most serious about in HS who treated me this way Would NOT spend time alone with me outside of school, lots of failed plans... I was even going to smoke weed for the first time with him, he kept begging to bring his random friend along, I said no.. and he did not show up...

    I was Ready too! I told him I was "scared the weed will make me say stuff I don't want to say out loud" He looked at me endearingly and said "Yeah, but you can tell me anything"

    Ugh!.. guys!... icon_confused.gif
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    Jan 07, 2014 7:14 AM GMT
    Good friends are much harder to come by than sex partners.
    Truly.
    Go experiment with your sexual feelings with some other guy, preferably one you don't yet know. That way you aren't messing anything up if you realize afterwards that you're not really into guys.

    The answer to your question is: he's either outright gay or has some gay feelings. But it does NOT mean he's prepared to admit them or act on them. He might, he might not. But even if your move was successful, now it gets complicated. If you'd rather have him as an FWB or even a lover, okay---but it sounds like you've been really good friends for a long time, and that's rare and important.

    In short, go sow your oats elsewhere.
  • hellofromca

    Posts: 3

    Jan 07, 2014 8:05 AM GMT
    Thanks for the replies everyone!

    meninlove said Just a question here, I think you'd like it if he was trying to figure out how to talk to you about this same thing, so why not simply mention that you're gay?

    Your explanation felt like you were saying you're gay but go along as bi because of the conservative community you're in etc.

    -intrigued


    Let me try clarify it, I am physically attracted to women, but the idea of sex with men turns me on. While watching gay porn, the sex-act turns me on but I don't care for their bodies or faces etc...

    I remember when I was watching one of my first porn tape (VCR days), and an advertisement for their other films came on, and it had a very short clip of a three way with two guys and girl. It lasted for less than 8 seconds but in that time I wanted to be in place of the guy in the middle of the sandwich. At the time I was confused why I had those feelings but I moved on like it never happened.


    polfsky saidI would be very careful too.

    Are you attracted to him? If you are, most likely your emotions will override your judgment. I've been in that boat where I was attracted to my friend that I misread everything. He jokingly said things like "let me hug you" and many looks he gave me that made me confused.

    In the end he is straight. I would have ruined our friendship if I initiated something.

    Have you observed how your friend interacts with others? How about ask him questions about his girlfriend, his future marriage, etc?


    We have tons of mutual friends and he is still the joker of the group but he doesn't take it as far as when we're alone. He dates a lot and doesn't like the idea of marriage. Overall though, I get your point, and misreading everything is what I've been worried about all along.

    As for the question of being attracted to him, when looking at it objectively, I believe it's just a lot of sexual desire. I'm sure if this whole thing was happening but another friend took his place, I would still be asking these questions.

    ReeBad19 saidI've been in situations like this with The Most "straight" guys.. seriously.. a handful.

    I think if you have feminine qualities and are easy going, yet not a big ol queen.. they find comfort in you.. what for? I Do Not Know!

    But your at the right step to find out for Me and All of the other gay guys going through this same thing, you seem to hang out a lot which is a good thing

    Guys like this Like having control over you and doing things at their Own pace.. if you flirt back then they Will Push Back.. then continue to flirt again with you the next day

    What You NEED to do is get him alone again.. preferably at night, preferably after a drink if you guys do that and ask him straight up.. don't give him any hints you are about to do this because he will detect this and runaway..

    Just ask him "are you flirting with me?"
    He will likely dis you with a smile, so be prepared for this
    Then Say "Well if you were.. I kind of like it"

    This alone will Still likely not make him admit anything it just opens up the road for You to take charge and get more aggressive with him, question his past actions and then tell him you like him in a Completely gay way.. leave no room for him to change the subject or play confused..

    Do this All in one night.. before he leaves tell him the two of you are still friends regardless if he reacts in good or bad way to the other things you have said

    Yes I Have had time to think this over, easier said than done.. buuut you don't have to act this out, as in say exactly what I said.. this is just an outline, say what's on your mind

    The guy I was most serious about in HS who treated me this way Would NOT spend time alone with me outside of school, lots of failed plans... I was even going to smoke weed for the first time with him, he kept begging to bring his random friend along, I said no.. and he did not show up...

    I was Ready too! I told him I was "scared the weed will make me say stuff I don't want to say out loud" He looked at me endearingly and said "Yeah, but you can tell me anything"

    Ugh!.. guys!... icon_confused.gif


    Lol I know exactly what you mean by those 'plans' that never went into action for one reason or another. This whole situation makes me feel like I went back in time to middle school where I catch a stare from a girl and I ask my self 'what does it all mean?' Reading your comment makes me want to take a leap of faith. But the post above and below you make me think twice. If we do ever get drunk, which we rarely do, I will try out your outline to a point.

    Aristoshark saidGood friends are much harder to come by than sex partners.
    Truly.
    Go experiment with your sexual feelings with some other guy, preferably one you don't yet know. That way you aren't messing anything up if you realize afterwards that you're not really into guys.

    The answer to your question is: he's either outright gay or has some gay feelings. But it does NOT mean he's prepared to admit them or act on them. He might, he might not. But even if your move was successful, now it gets complicated. If you'd rather have him as an FWB or even a lover, okay---but it sounds like you've been really good friends for a long time, and that's rare and important.

    In short, go sow your oats elsewhere.


    Like I said above, you're comment makes me think twice about what I'm risking by making a move. I won't do anything unless he fully makes a move on me.

    Honestly, when I created this topic, I thought I would get a unanimous answer of 'Are you blind? Can't you see that he wants you, go for it!' But I see that isn't the case and my original doubts aren't too imaginative. Thanks a bunch fellas!
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    Jan 07, 2014 8:39 AM GMT
    I don't lay in bed with my best friend, nor do I ask him to fuck me, or any of that sexual stuff. We have never played grab ass, nor have I ever played grab ass with any other guy that I've been friends with. Anyways, your best friend is not gay. Trust me, he's just saying those things because it's funny in the moment. He reminds me of my own best friend and we say funny stuff because it just happens to be the right moment, but we really don't mean it. I've met a straight guy that likes to be hugged and groped by anybody and he's really outgoing, but he doesn't want to have sex with another man. I think you and your best friend probably just have a platonic relationship and that he just finds it funny to mess around. Anyways, if he's your best friend and you think that you might have feelings or that he is gay, then just bring it up lol. When I came out to my best friend, I asked him if he knew anything about me that he didn't want to tell me and asked him around the sexual identity department, and he told me that he suspected already that I was gay lol. People just know things. Just bring it up like I did in a non-direct way and ask him about it in a way that won't upset him - he's your best friend, as he wouldn't be such a good friend if you couldn't ask him these things lol.
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    Jan 07, 2014 3:45 PM GMT


    "Let me try clarify it, I am physically attracted to women, but the idea of sex with men turns me on. While watching gay porn, the sex-act turns me on but I don't care for their bodies or faces etc..."

    Hmmm....that sounds like men as sex toys. They're people with feelings, just like...um..you. icon_wink.gif

    As long as it's with someone who equally sees you as a flesh machine sex toy and nothing more, then no harm done.
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    Jan 07, 2014 3:51 PM GMT
    meninlove said

    "Let me try clarify it, I am physically attracted to women, but the idea of sex with men turns me on. While watching gay porn, the sex-act turns me on but I don't care for their bodies or faces etc..."

    Hmmm....that sounds like men as sex toys. They're people with feelings, just like...um..you.


    This ^^^ I'm sick of always hearing bi-homos explain how they just want to fuck around with gay guys using us like a piece of meat but dont give a shit about our feelings... like we're not even human beings just sex dolls so they can use them like a sexual toilet... We dont enjoy being dumped on

    giphy.gif
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    Jan 07, 2014 3:56 PM GMT
    I recognize this writing style and call FAKE.
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    Jan 07, 2014 4:01 PM GMT
    CopperDevil saidI'm sick of always hearing bi-homos explain how they just want to fuck around with gay guys using us like a piece of meat but dont give a shit about our feelings... like we're not even human beings just sex dolls so they can use them like a sexual toilet... We dont enjoy being dumped in...

    You're both right, of course, but isn't this the way most straight men feel about women? It's all part of the spread-that-seed evolutionary DNA (not that the urge shouldn't be fought).
  • Apparition

    Posts: 3521

    Jan 07, 2014 4:06 PM GMT
    Start your next conversation, "so, my girlfriend was pegging me so good last night..."
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    Jan 07, 2014 7:19 PM GMT
    Apparition saidStart your next conversation, "so, my girlfriend was pegging me so good last night..."


    icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 07, 2014 9:31 PM GMT
    I think he knows you're gay.
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    Jan 07, 2014 10:08 PM GMT
    Assuming you are a real person (which is questionable): He's either not gay, or more deeply in the closet than you. If you bring anything up, yo are likely to turn him off to your friendship. You might not be gay either. You won't know until you try, but don't try anything with him. Like Aristoshark said, good friends are a lot harder to come by than sex partners. You would be better off to assume he is straight, and find a gay outlet somewhere else (if you really want to explore gay sex (which it seems you don't).

    You might just ask him sometime when he pulls the gay routine on you - "Are you gay?" He will deny it, and your relationship can continue as before.
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    Jan 07, 2014 10:13 PM GMT
    Jaggal said
    JarIan saidI think he knows you're gay.


    He's not gay.



    Is he not sexually attracted to the same sex?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 07, 2014 10:38 PM GMT
    Jaggal said
    JarIan said
    Jaggal said
    JarIan saidI think he knows you're gay.


    He's not gay.



    Is he not sexually attracted to the same sex?


    Yes, his above post states he has sexually feelings for his best friend.


    See, thank you for reading.
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    Jan 07, 2014 10:59 PM GMT
    Jaggal said
    JarIan said
    Jaggal said
    JarIan said
    Jaggal said
    JarIan saidI think he knows you're gay.


    He's not gay.



    Is he not sexually attracted to the same sex?


    Yes, his above post states he has sexually feelings for his best friend.


    See, thank you for reading.


    He said he is bicurious, and he could be bisexual. Don't label others.


    Are you still on my quote button?
  • hellofromca

    Posts: 3

    Jan 08, 2014 2:55 AM GMT
    meninlove said


    Hmmm....that sounds like men as sex toys. They're people with feelings, just like...um..you. icon_wink.gif

    As long as it's with someone who equally sees you as a flesh machine sex toy and nothing more, then no harm done.



    CopperDevil said

    This ^^^ I'm sick of always hearing bi-homos explain how they just want to fuck around with gay guys using us like a piece of meat but dont give a shit about our feelings... like we're not even human beings just sex dolls so they can use them like a sexual toilet... We dont enjoy being dumped on

    giphy.gif


    But I never said I want to use gays as 'sex toys' or anything of that sort. Just as you said 'They're people with feelings, just like...um..you' and I was just describing my feeling in my post. That was all. icon_smile.gif

    JohnSpotter said
    You're both right, of course, but isn't this the way most straight men feel about women? It's all part of the spread-that-seed evolutionary DNA (not that the urge shouldn't be fought).


    That could be right but my fantasies revolve around being a bottom as I am naturally submissive. So, no, I am not trying to spread my seed.

    Thanks for the all your inputs, specially KBM13 and HikerSkier!