Being incompatible in bed... Can you overcome it?

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    Jan 07, 2014 7:48 PM GMT
    I care about a guy a lot and the feeling is mutual. We're both very attracted to each other. But in bed, there isn't much of a spark. I'm a total top, he's a total bottom so the foundation is there. But I enjoy making a guy feel good and am very tactile/exploratory. He has a passive take on his bottoming role where he wants me to do what I want to him and wants me to be really aggressive while he just lays there. He doesn't grab me or use his hands much like I'm used to. I know he's still getting used to my size and I'm patient there. But when I bring it up to him in conversation, the whole idea of him putting his arms around me and touching me with his hands seems like a foreign concept to him which makes me lose interest in being anything more than friends. Are we doomed?
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    Jan 07, 2014 9:12 PM GMT
    woodsmen saidYou are not doomed. He is waiting for you to train him. Be dominant and tell him what to do, what you want. Command him to seduce you.



    ...and you can also spend a fair amount of time telling him that his touch at times like that (heheheh) is a turn on!

    How about explaining to him what a power bottom is?

    -intrigued




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    Jan 07, 2014 11:02 PM GMT
    I brought a guy back once who (it turned out) wanted to get a bj but couldn't give one because that would be "too gay". That is incompatibility!
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    Jan 13, 2014 3:02 AM GMT
    Ohno saidI brought a guy back once who (it turned out) wanted to get a bj but couldn't give one because that would be "too gay". That is incompatibility!


    Lol.
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    Jan 13, 2014 3:21 AM GMT
    Lol I don't believe in absolute bottom/top in the bedroom, if the guy is just either, then he's not compatible with me! Lol from the sound of it, it looks like he's not interested? no sparks in the bedroom. Does he lose his erection when he's with you in bed? Lol if so, I'd say move on before you get into deep.

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    Jan 13, 2014 4:25 AM GMT
    socalx10 saidLol I don't believe in absolute bottom/top in the bedroom, if the guy is just either, then he's not compatible with me! Lol from the sound of it, it looks like he's not interested? no sparks in the bedroom. Does he lose his erection when he's with you in bed? Lol if so, I'd say move on before you get into deep.



    No. We're both "aroused" the entire time and he initiates the hooking up as often as I do.
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    Jan 13, 2014 5:04 AM GMT
    been in a relationship with another bottom, if we can make it work so can you. it just takes effort and time, u'll fall into your roles eventually its just communication and see what each of you are willing or able to do. everytime i had sex with a guy i change my sexual behavior and learn something new. it also sounds like he really does just need to learn how to power bottom
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    Jan 13, 2014 5:47 AM GMT
    You may be able to train him, but will you be happy with the result? If you didn't care so much about each other, I'd say don't bother. But since you do, it's worth a try. You have to find a way to do it delicately. Can you send him somewhere to be trained by a master, a la Kill Bill?

    One of my exes didn't know how to kiss. Chicken pecks were all he knew about. Without criticizing his skills, I took him in hand and showed him how it's done. After that, he became quite a good kisser. He just needed a role model.

    You can do this. Just be gentle.