My family is pushing for Marriage?

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    Jan 10, 2014 2:24 PM GMT
    Hello there, my family is pushing for marriage so hard and they are turning my life into hell without knowing. So far, my replies were like I'm searching, I didn't find a suitable one and so on.. what helped me is I'm already living away from them but their calls are always about the same subject, and saying things like we want to see your kids before we die and that sad stuff. Don't know what to do.. Coming out is not an option for me at all levels.. I need creative ideas to make them stop asking me even if it's a lie I don't care.. Any advise please?
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    Jan 10, 2014 2:40 PM GMT
    "I really don't have any interest in getting married, at least not for a while. Please stop pressuring me about it. It's hurting my feelings."

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    Jan 10, 2014 2:43 PM GMT
    JumpMan_Josh said"I really don't have any interest in getting married, at least not for a while. Please stop pressuring me about it. It's hurting my feelings."

    Wish it is as easy as it sounds, but may be I should give it a try.
  • RainBow_Drago...

    Posts: 337

    Jan 10, 2014 3:28 PM GMT
    You pretty much answered your own question--if you marry her, and start a family with her, you'll be miserable, because you're gay and you know it.

    What should you do?
    1-come out and get disowned.
    2-Tell your family to back off and your aunties and close relatives spread vicious "but true" roamers about you being a fag, and eventually end up being an outcast.
    3- migrate to a more gay-friendly live a happy life.


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    Jan 10, 2014 3:37 PM GMT
    The plot thickens.

    Will we get to vote at some point?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 10, 2014 4:10 PM GMT
    Tell your family you are gay.
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    Jan 10, 2014 4:41 PM GMT
    EternalOp saidWhy don't you get married and have a boyfriend on the side? Make everyone happy :p


    O.O
    OP please do not follow this advice.

    If they don't back off even after telling them that you are not interested in marriage for now and that they should back off, nothing is going to work but coming out, dear OP. But if you are not ready to do that, NEVER get in a relationship (of God forbid marry) with a woman only to put on a show. That would make anyone absolutely miserable.
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    Jan 10, 2014 4:43 PM GMT
    Jaggal said
    JarIan saidTell your family you are gay.


    he comes from an arab country.


    That was the first thing I checked. He's not in North America and what may work here may not work there. =O
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    Jan 10, 2014 4:57 PM GMT
    EternalOp saidWhy don't you get married and have a boyfriend on the side? Make everyone happy :p


    Everyone except the wife? That poor woman has only one life to live, just as we do. She deserves a husband that can love her. And you can't live in the shadow for ever.

    I have the same issue with my family. I came to the USA because of this. You can try the same.

    Many of my gay friends in China married to lesbians. I think it's not a bad idea when relocation is not an option. But be careful with the pre-marriage contracts. The laws tend to protect women when there's a divorce, as far as I know.
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    Jan 10, 2014 5:35 PM GMT
    Yes I know their culture, just a little bit. But marrying a woman is not a good solution for him, unless he wants to live in misery for the rest of his life. I suggested another way.
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    Jan 10, 2014 5:37 PM GMT
    Jaggal said
    JarIan saidTell your family you are gay.


    he comes from an arab country.


    Sorry, I don't understand. Care to explain?
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    Jan 10, 2014 5:50 PM GMT
    JarIan said
    Jaggal said
    JarIan saidTell your family you are gay.


    he comes from an arab country.


    Sorry, I don't understand. Care to explain?


    Arabic countries are generally much less tolerant towards homosexuals than oriental ones. The consequences of coming out could be very harsh for the OP.
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    Jan 10, 2014 5:55 PM GMT
    EternalOp said
    gayusasian82 said
    EternalOp saidWhy don't you get married and have a boyfriend on the side? Make everyone happy :p


    Everyone except the wife? That poor woman has only one life to live, just as we do.


    True. But you pretty much have to act hypocrite coming from a hypocritical culture/ society. Lesbian women would do the same.

    Middle eastern cultures are very clannish and you have to think about all the safety and societal consequences concerning you and your family members when coming out. It's almost selfish to put your family through that.



    Don't listen to this one; life is hard enough already without this kind of crap and unnecessary guilt.
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    Jan 10, 2014 5:59 PM GMT
    Unfortunately, I can't tell my family, friends or anyone that I'm gay.. They won't kill me of course but I can't take it.. I'll feel detached even if they didn't do anything to me. I thought of marrying a lesbian and I already contacted some but don't know I'm a little bit scared.. to find a lesbian who has the same circumstances and in the same time -since it is a marriage to please the family- she should have the wife-standards is very difficult. the idea of moving is not applicable to me because i have already moved, the issue here is more cultural and the push from family would continue anyway..
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    Jan 10, 2014 6:03 PM GMT
    Rita said
    JarIan said
    Jaggal said
    JarIan saidTell your family you are gay.


    he comes from an arab country.


    Sorry, I don't understand. Care to explain?


    Arabic countries are generally much less tolerant towards homosexuals than oriental ones. The consequences of coming out could be very harsh for the OP.


    A family's love will always be there.
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    Jan 10, 2014 6:15 PM GMT
    ". I thought of marrying a lesbian and I already contacted some but don't know I'm a little bit scared.. to find a lesbian who has the same circumstances and in the same time "

    All over the world gays and lesbians have arranged marriages for the purpose of immigration. Oh yeah, and a lot of heteros do the same thing.

    If you feel pressured to marry a woman it's better that you marry a lesbian woman whom you won't disappoint. You'll be saving her from a disastrous relationship too.

    Make sure the wedding gifts will be worth your efforts!
  • kentstrongtom...

    Posts: 1294

    Jan 10, 2014 6:57 PM GMT
    "Coming out is not an option at all levels". Dude, are you living totally on your parents money and planing to do so for the rest of your life? That's how it sounds like.
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    Jan 10, 2014 7:14 PM GMT
    ^Can't speak for Jaggal's situation, but I personally believe that you do not owe your family anything, and if they do not treat you with respect after trying to work it out with them, you should seriously consider cutting ties.

    You wouldn't tolerate a friend who treated you like crap, right? Then I see no reason why it should be different if a family member does the same to you. You don't choose your family.
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    Jan 10, 2014 7:29 PM GMT
    Jaggal said
    JarIan said
    Rita said
    JarIan said
    Jaggal said
    JarIan saidTell your family you are gay.


    he comes from an arab country.


    Sorry, I don't understand. Care to explain?


    Arabic countries are generally much less tolerant towards homosexuals than oriental ones. The consequences of coming out could be very harsh for the OP.


    A family's love will always be there.


    I highly suggest you read about different culture's attitudes towards homosexuality. In arab culture, God (Islam) and honor generally take priority over "love".


    I see
  • Apparition

    Posts: 3529

    Jan 10, 2014 7:40 PM GMT
    Find and hire a nice actress to play someone they would absolutely detest, wrong religion, wrong race, too bossy, too western, whatever it takes. Have her been married before and lost the kid and husband and cant have kids anymore. Make her inspire their hate. Have her fight with them so you have an excuse not to bring her around. They will stop the marriage pressure for a while, they will tell you to date someone else, but you can point to the phantom girlfriend who conveniently lives far away and "travels a lot"
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    Jan 10, 2014 7:41 PM GMT
    Are you an only child? If you have siblings, your parents can't say "I'll never have grandkids". It could take some of the pressure off you with regard to children and coming out?
  • Apparition

    Posts: 3529

    Jan 10, 2014 7:43 PM GMT
    woodsmen saidThere have always been gay men in Arab countries. What do they do?


    They fuck around on their wives
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    Jan 10, 2014 7:45 PM GMT
    Find a girl with a nice dowry and get on with it.
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    Jan 10, 2014 7:55 PM GMT
    Apparition saidFind and hire a nice actress to play someone they would absolutely detest, wrong religion, wrong race, too bossy, too western, whatever it takes. Have her been married before and lost the kid and husband and cant have kids anymore. Make her inspire their hate. Have her fight with them so you have an excuse not to bring her around. They will stop the marriage pressure for a while, they will tell you to date someone else, but you can point to the phantom girlfriend who conveniently lives far away and "travels a lot"



    Actually this makes a whole lot of sense. Best suggestion yet.
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    Jan 10, 2014 10:15 PM GMT
    You could say the line I've heard a few times over the years: "There isn't a girl alive who could tear me away from my work. My work is everything to me, and I'm just so dedicated to my career that I'm afraid I've no time for anything else in my life at this point."

    Or - you could do what I've had to do, which is to just stop talking to my own mean mouthed mother. Sure, she says she's an intelligent, liberal, accepting woman of the world. But what I hear instead from her best friend is that she detests me and my sexuality, life choices, etc. The woman is quoted as saying, "How could he do this to me? How dare he do this to our family?" So much for coming out to some parents. I've just had to leave her alone and stay away from her. Hopefully you'll move away from your family and live your own life too..............and either tell them or not tell them your news.