Staying friends with a crush

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 10, 2014 3:44 PM GMT
    Hello

    TL;DR: Do you think you can stay friends with a crush of yours ?

    About 1,5 year ago I had a pretty big crush on some guy. We dated a couple of times and had a lot of fun, but he clearly stated not being ready for a relationship. He also said he was into me, but had no real feelings for me. So that quickly turned into a dead end, but I still had major feelings for that guy.

    After that we decided to stop seeing eachother, because it was a little too painful for me at the time. However, that has been about 8 months ago that I last saw him and I kinda wanna contact him again just to do stuff friends would do. I'm not fooling myself, thinking I can get him back this way, so it would just be friends.. We get a long very well and are pretty much on the exact same wave length.

    I'm a little apprehensive about it though, so that's why I ask, from your experience, can you stay friends with a crush?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 10, 2014 4:00 PM GMT
    Well he is a crush and not an ex so I'm guessing that would be a bit easier since you guys don't have the history as two who were in a relationship would have. I am friends with my ex and it is still a bit weird for us to be around each other and that's only because we care for one another. I would say it's not impossible but you would have to set some boundaries and stick by them so that the friendship remains only that.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 10, 2014 4:39 PM GMT
    What kind of boundaries do you mean ?



    Sex?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 10, 2014 5:23 PM GMT
    Yea, anything intimate really i.e. things you wouldn't do with a typical friend. You could even set some personal ones for yourself so that you can get accustomed to the relationship as friends. So you don't touch him lingeringly or make an effort to not see him too often at the start, stuff like that.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11819

    Jan 10, 2014 9:43 PM GMT
    In opinion...When a guy says he doesn't want a relationship...What he's really saying is he's not that in to you...If you can except that and forge a friendship...GO FOR IT..But if you can't handle that fact...MOVE ON.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 11, 2014 4:53 AM GMT
    Look into your heart - if you are still crushing on him, even a little. you can't be friends.
  • PolitiMAC

    Posts: 728

    Jan 11, 2014 5:21 AM GMT
    If no one is feeling pain, then it's fine. Sure, you might feel longing, but I've done it before. We remained friends for a long time.

    ...Until he got on Marijuana icon_razz.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 11, 2014 10:47 AM GMT
    I have a close gay friend (Z), know him since 2005, he had a crush on me on and off! I think a couple of guys read my thread about this a while back, anyway too long to go into, but We sorta parted ways and met up again! He did his things, I did my things and I think he still likes me after all these years! We kinda had a disagreement last year and things sorta fell apart again! Currently, we're not talking to each other! I think it's fading out our friendship but you know, I feel like I gave my all into the friendship but I don't feel romantic at all for him. I feel less stressed not hanging out with him lately, weird huh!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 11, 2014 12:13 PM GMT
    I invited him to go play sports at some LGBT club I go to and he ignored my invitation lol



    I must have really driven him up the walls icon_lol.gif

    Oh well, kinda relieved. I don't think it would have done me much good.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 12, 2014 12:32 AM GMT
    Truppensturm saidI invited him to go play sports at some LGBT club I go to and he ignored my invitation lol



    I must have really driven him up the walls icon_lol.gif

    Oh well, kinda relieved. I don't think it would have done me much good.


    Awww that sucks. No matter: chin up, chest out and we're walking, we're walking, we're walking. icon_smile.gif
  • Midas426

    Posts: 965

    Jan 24, 2014 5:47 AM GMT
    mybud saidIn opinion...When a guy says he doesn't want a relationship...What he's really saying is he's not that in to you...If you can except that and forge a friendship...GO FOR IT..But if you can't handle that fact...MOVE ON.
    So true. One of my closest friends today started out with me being majorly attracted to him but he not to me. He made it clear from the beginning he wasn't interested but was open to friendship. I guess what helped too was that he was from a different state. I will admit even with that barrier it took me a good year or two to get used to concept. The first few times a year we interacted in person I felt jealous whenever he expressed interest in other guys. But eventually as we got to know each other more I realized that I actually preferred him as a friend and it'll be 9 years in February that we've been friends. So it's possible with some effort.
  • Midas426

    Posts: 965

    Jan 24, 2014 5:48 AM GMT
    Truppensturm saidI invited him to go play sports at some LGBT club I go to and he ignored my invitation lol



    I must have really driven him up the walls icon_lol.gif

    Oh well, kinda relieved. I don't think it would have done me much good.
    Ooops..guess I should've read rest of thread before replying. icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 24, 2014 6:01 AM GMT
    Yes you can! When you spend more time with the guy, you learn to value the friendship and eventually, the crush feeling goes away.