Here I go again- confused over another man

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    Jan 13, 2014 8:05 PM GMT
    Well here goes again lol. Third post about a "straight" close male friend. Well I have this friend who I've known for probably a little more than a year, however we've been steady hanging out the past 7 months. I met him through his cousin, who I met through my brother. Him and his cousin would come over and have a few beers every now and then. I wasn't in to him in the beginning until July came and he wanted to go fishing. I thought "cool a new fishing buddy". At that time I was trying to get over a previous hurt which I posted about before. He got my mind off of things and we spent 4th of July fishing and watching fire works. It was real comforting and cool and I felt I had a new friend. We slowly began hanging out more and more until he would be staying two or three days at my apartment every week. This pattern has pretty much continued all the way up until now, and when we hang out it's always just is two. In fact I think I posted about him before so this is more of an update.

    At this point months and months later I'm confused about our friendships. I've had suspicions that he could be bisexual or gay because

    1) he hasn't had a girlfriend since we've been hanging out and now suddenly he says he has a girl which he said "I would probably never meet". Idk if he is lieng about that or hiding something about this "girl"

    2) we have slept in the same bed together multiple times, in which recently he hasn't been sleeping in the bed with me probably due to some suspicions that his cousin has had about us.

    3) he always wants to go eat together, and we talk to each other so different than how we talk to our other friends.

    4) he always makes gay jokes for instance asking me if I have been hanging out at so and so bar. I had never heard of this bar and when I looked it up it was a gay bar. Why would he even know the name of a gay bar.

    5) he has this older gay male friend who would give him massages.

    Reasons why I think he likes me

    1) whenever he does something that ticks me off he always makes an effort later to talk about it, and then tries extra hard to make things right.

    2) spends pretty much every weekend with me

    3) my mom thought we were in a relationship but we told her we weren't gay.

    4)always going places together and he's always planning future events with me.

    Reasons why I'm feeling confused and insecure

    1)a couple weeks ago we got drunk and I accidently told him how I felt about him etc. He didn't say anything about feeling the same way but just kept quiet because he was drunk and I was being overly emotional. A couple days later he came over we had a talk and we are good now, and he looked me in my eyes and said id always be his best friend.

    Two weeks later which is this last weekend we got drunk together and somehow the topic of people having sex with males in jail came up. I somehow asked him if he was in jail would he fuck me. He said yes he would because he would have to get off some way or another. Then I asked him what about outside of jail and he said no because he isn't gay, only in jail. And he brang up this "girlfriend" of his which he never has named and said "besides I couldn't cheat on my girl". We pretty much got into a semi argument over why having sex in jail with a man and outside is no different, and he sweats it is. We were soooo drunk. Now he knows I'm sexually attracted to him. We didn't talk about it the next day but we watched a movie last night and lit the fireplace and hung out. He is at my apartment now while I'm at work.

    I feel like he has had sex with a male before after saying the stuff he said while he was drunk etc. I noticed that he does text a lot and guards his phone a lot, and if he was texting women I doubt he would try to hide that. But not sure why he won't just say "screw it you only live once" and have sex with me or something lol. His birthday is next week and he wants to come over and have beer with me. He has opened up to me about some really personal stuff and I just don't know where this is going but it has such a relationship vibe to it.


    Help!! How do I act around him? Etc.... Do I just kept hanging out with him every weekend and drinking until something finally happens? Because despite him learning I am emotionally and sexually attracted to him, that's a big confession and he still wants to hang out. Has he not gotten physical because i show my feelings too easily? Am I not providing enough of a challenge? Or is he nervous about making moves on me out of fear that people will find out. I live with my bro who is his cousins friend.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 13, 2014 8:11 PM GMT
    Patience
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    Jan 13, 2014 8:26 PM GMT
    I would just enjoy the companionship, you pushing it further can ruin your relationship. Not very often do true friends come along. If anything romantic happens it shouldn't be forced, just enjoy your friendship.
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    Jan 13, 2014 8:26 PM GMT
    He is so nervous about the idea of dating a guy that pursuing him will likely be fruitless, however you go about it. You should concentrate your attentions on other guys. This may actually have the side effect of getting him into gear - jealousy is a strong emotion.

    Incidentally, you may have missed a good opportunity to come out to your mum without making a big song and dance about it. Something to consider.
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    Jan 13, 2014 10:59 PM GMT
    Ohno saidHe is so nervous about the idea of dating a guy that pursuing him will likely be fruitless, however you go about it. You should concentrate your attentions on other guys. This may actually have the side effect of getting him into gear - jealousy is a strong emotion.

    Incidentally, you may have missed a good opportunity to come out to your mum without making a big song and dance about it. Something to consider.
    hahahahah true that. Well part of it is this, I'm kind of weird in the aspect that currently I'm enjoy secrecy. Something about the thrill. Besides, my mom has changed in her views against gays because before she was the one pushing how bad it is to be gay. So I wasn't quite comfortable with telling her that at this moment. Something about people knowing my sexuality makes me feel vulnerable. Only two best friends who are straight men know about me for sure, and that's only because we accidently messed around while drunk.
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    Jan 14, 2014 1:04 AM GMT
    lawkan saidI would just enjoy the companionship, you pushing it further can ruin your relationship. Not very often do true friends come along. If anything romantic happens it shouldn't be forced, just enjoy your friendship.
    true that
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    Jan 14, 2014 1:18 AM GMT
    Your life, and the life of every gay man ever, would be a lot less stressful if you followed the rule of: no "dl" guys, no "str8-acting" guys, and no "discreet" guys.
  • jgymnast733

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    Jan 14, 2014 1:56 AM GMT
    Well, if you want to see how he really feels..See less of him, tell him you met someone and dont be so available...I'm sure he'll make his feelings known soon enough...
    Worked for me..!!icon_wink.gif
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    Jan 14, 2014 2:09 AM GMT
    jgymnast733 saidWell, if you want to see how he really feels..See less of him, tell him you met someone and dont be so available...I'm sure he'll make his feelings known soon enough...
    Worked for me..!!icon_wink.gif
    ok. It's crazy I've never been so happy to come home to someone. There is no way that I can feel this way and he not feel something. It may not be as strong for him as by nature I feel shit intensely, but It really feels like we are connected. Now I won't lie I'd be kind of scared of what a relationship would be like. I've never been in one. And I don't blame him for being scared either. And once we open the bag of physical display of affection there's no closing it. That's so scary. Maybe I'm the one holding things back subconsciously? Is that even possible or am I over analyzing
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    Jan 14, 2014 3:54 AM GMT
    I get so jelous when he texts lol I'm gonna have to step up my hard to get game I can hardly turn down a chance to hang with him. I think that's why I'm not getting more from him. I'm going to not message him this hole week after I take him home tomorrow until his bday Saturday. After that I'm gonna disappear for a week n only respond to his texts every now n then as an experiment. Lol to see how he reacts. I'm with him right now eating at a restaurant. Damn I wish we were together. Lol
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    Jan 14, 2014 5:04 AM GMT
    Avsigkommen saidYour life, and the life of every gay man ever, would be a lot less stressful if you followed the rule of: no "dl" guys, no "str8-acting" guys, and no "discreet" guys.
    but I'm down low too
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Jan 14, 2014 5:20 AM GMT
    cj1111 said
    Avsigkommen saidYour life, and the life of every gay man ever, would be a lot less stressful if you followed the rule of: no "dl" guys, no "str8-acting" guys, and no "discreet" guys.
    but I'm down low too

    Do you really believe that you can have a DL relationship? One that is sexually and emotionally satisfying and remains on the DL? You seriously don't see that you're setting yourself up for a world of hurt? I wish you the best but i think you're delusional.
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    Jan 14, 2014 7:12 AM GMT
    Lmmfao!!!! Y'all are so mean. I don't think he does but if he does then that sucks but to be honest he can talk to as many guys or girls as he wants. Not like we are in a committed relationship. It would be nice to know for sure. Either way hoping this develops into something deeper. Ok maybe it won't stay secret forever that's not the point. I'm just saying going into a first relationship with someone like me (not out and discreet) would be more of an experience. I'd like it to start out discreet until we are comfortable. But anyway I don't know what will happen with us. I just know I haven't liked someone this much and had this strong of a sexual attraction to. Frustrated!
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    Jan 14, 2014 12:56 PM GMT
    Ohno saidHe is so nervous about the idea of dating a guy that pursuing him will likely be fruitless, however you go about it. You should concentrate your attentions on other guys. This may actually have the side effect of getting him into gear - jealousy is a strong emotion.

    Incidentally, you may have missed a good opportunity to come out to your mum without making a big song and dance about it. Something to consider.


    AMEN!!!
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    Jan 14, 2014 1:35 PM GMT
    kiwiLifter saidI'm not trying to be mean.

    But you wanted some feed back.

    I see NO RELATIONSHIP in anything you described.

    I think he is stringing you along.

    He has got access to an apartment where he can bring back hookups without fear of being sprung. I think there is a high chance he is doing this.

    One of them could be a total psycho...
    this is one of the first times that he has stayed in my apartment by himself. I've stayed at his house b4 plenty times.
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    Jan 14, 2014 1:37 PM GMT
    jgymnast733 saidWell, if you want to see how he really feels..See less of him, tell him you met someone and dont be so available...I'm sure he'll make his feelings known soon enough...
    Worked for me..!!icon_wink.gif
    thanks for that. I mean I know if I don't talk to him for a few days he starts texting me a lot and trying to reserve me for the weekend. Idk if it doesn't ever happen then it doesn't, but I feel like he feels the same about me but is nervous about it
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    Jan 15, 2014 3:51 AM GMT
    QUOTE Jan 14, 2014 11:49 AM Edit Post Delete Post
    This sucks I want to be with this guy more than anything. i will be patient. I feel stuck. And starting to lose hope that I'll ever find someone who will eventually want to be with me as much as I want to be with them.
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    Feb 05, 2014 6:31 AM GMT
    Straight men are the fobbiden apple for us. U'll be over it soon. Just need to listed to some people here and weigh your thoughts. Try to do it in a public place, where you see couples, who are so happy with each other.

    Source: Recent experience icon_cry.gif
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    Feb 24, 2014 4:41 AM GMT
    This one sounds tricky, but I think you should try to forget about anything happening between you too and just enjoy your friendship. Don't aske me how because I would have liked to know all last year long!,
    I have a str8 friend who lived at my house for a year and a half, whom I know from even longer, and I got very much in love with him...secretly in love, that is; I imagined possibilities happening between us, I transformed normal conversation into wooing signals, and my jealousy was horrible. We had fights that later made me worry of having ruined everything, but in the end our friendship-brotherhood was stronger.
    Besides, even if he is bi or gay he might not fancy you, and you have to respect that too. Your friendship can be strained if you don't control your jealousy.