Adopting as a SINGLE gay man, any one have any advice?

  • tbone25

    Posts: 144

    Jan 15, 2014 4:06 AM GMT
    I am heading towards 37 and thinking seriously about adopting in the next few years. I don't want to miss fatherhood. I am not in a relationship now. I'd love to hear from any guys who adopted as single gay men. How hard was it? What advice would you give? anything
  • RGW94

    Posts: 84

    Jan 15, 2014 4:07 AM GMT
    I didn't even know that was possible. That makes me happy, now I don't have to find someone to be in a relationship with hahaha
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    Jan 15, 2014 4:08 AM GMT
    Not a single gay dad. But I have to say, raising kids is expensive. Time, money, patience. Better have lots of it.
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    Jan 15, 2014 4:09 AM GMT
    Adopt two, otherwise the one will get bored and start gnawing on the furniture.
  • PolitiMAC

    Posts: 728

    Jan 15, 2014 4:17 AM GMT
    Well, in this day and age, it's very hard to do it. It would definitely require a lot of money, patience and time, but then again, doesn't everything? The only difference is that it is very important to maintain that commitment as best as possible and that it lasts a long time icon_razz.gif

    I would like kids myself one day, and I think it's always possible, even with the legal hurdles. It's just like any other investment, just one that requires long-term commitment and love.

    Just getting the child is the first step though icon_razz.gif Unfortunately, the governments around the Western World are not entirely committed to being as helpful with it as I would like them to be icon_confused.gif
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    Jan 15, 2014 4:17 AM GMT
    Matiz saidAdopt two, otherwise the one will get bored and start gnawing on the furniture.


    Dumb comment. If you raise an only child they will have traits of a first child. A leader, independent, and a perfectionist. They will also become close to you -- you may find yourself in a Gilmore Girls type relationship.

    You won't get a warranty, but I'd like to also note most Astronauts are first borns -- willing to explore unknown territory.

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    Jan 15, 2014 4:19 AM GMT
    It was hard enough---and exhausting enough---to raise kids with two parents. I wouldn't recommend it without a partner or at least some help.
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    Jan 15, 2014 4:22 AM GMT
    Can't speak from personal experience, but I do know that single people don't always have an easy time adopting, as some agencies prefer couples. If you are ready to be a father and can handle the responsibilities, go for it, but be aware that being single can unfortunately play against you.
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    Jan 15, 2014 4:23 AM GMT
    5052Penn said
    Matiz saidAdopt two, otherwise the one will get bored and start gnawing on the furniture.



    Doesn't always work--- the problem child will always entice the other to join in some shenanigans. "Oh, let's play tug with these chair cushions and spread the shredded cushions all over the yard so it looks like it has snowed"


    Sounds like the problem is not enough chew toys. Or the kids needs to be taken to the park and run around until they're tired.
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    Jan 15, 2014 4:26 AM GMT
    Aristoshark saidIt was hard enough---and exhausting enough---to raise kids with two parents. I wouldn't recommend it without a partner or at least some help.


    Yes, if the mother in Gilmore Girls didn't have her parents (her daughter's grandparents) as well as a loving community and WB's hair and makeup crew -- it would've been a lot harder to pull off having a content life and providing an atmosphere to contributing to a successful beautiful child.

    If you have the funds you can always hire help, but nothing compares to a loving family/community. Hopefully you have people that will be a part of your child's life. A lot of single celebrities adopt children -- it's extremely beautiful.

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    Jan 15, 2014 4:32 AM GMT
    tbone25 saidI am heading towards 37 and thinking seriously about adopting in the next few years. I don't want to miss fatherhood. I am not in a relationship now. I'd love to hear from any guys who adopted as single gay men. How hard was it? What advice would you give? anything



    I had two kids . It's not possible to raise a kid alone unless you have major cash for a nanny, day care etc. Kids cost around $200,000 before college and require around a16 year full time commitment.

    There is no good reason for a gay guy to have a kid.
  • ThatSwimmerGu...

    Posts: 3755

    Jan 15, 2014 4:50 AM GMT
    I would say do not go into it single. Also depending on the age you adopt, it will be more expensive.
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    Jan 15, 2014 5:00 AM GMT
    Alpha13 said
    tbone25 saidI am heading towards 37 and thinking seriously about adopting in the next few years. I don't want to miss fatherhood. I am not in a relationship now. I'd love to hear from any guys who adopted as single gay men. How hard was it? What advice would you give? anything



    I had two kids . It's not possible to raise a kid alone unless you have major cash for a nanny, day care etc. Kids cost around $200,000 before college and require around a16 year full time commitment.

    There is no good reason for a gay guy to have a kid.


    It depends on what will make the OP truly happy and satisfied. Some human's contribute through their careers, others through their offspring, and some people waste oxygen (kidding). The OP should take careful consideration before taking on this responsibility. As a counterpoint there are people who refuse to take on the responsibility of adopting a beautiful Doberman, Husky, or mixed dog from the pound -- yet pet owners know the joy their furry friends bring to their lives. Many people have their pets in their wills to guarantee their wellbeing after they pass on.

    A child is a huge responsibility. There are no guarantees, but I've accepted the fact no man will ever compare to the love I know and feel from my immediate family.

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    Jan 15, 2014 5:04 AM GMT
    tbone25 saidI am heading towards 37 and thinking seriously about adopting in the next few years. I don't want to miss fatherhood. I am not in a relationship now. I'd love to hear from any guys who adopted as single gay men. How hard was it? What advice would you give? anything



    Planning to do the same man! Definitely gotta raise a couple of munchkins, the spice of life! Good luck and God Bless! icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jan 15, 2014 5:12 AM GMT
    Alpha13 said
    tbone25 saidI am heading towards 37 and thinking seriously about adopting in the next few years. I don't want to miss fatherhood. I am not in a relationship now. I'd love to hear from any guys who adopted as single gay men. How hard was it? What advice would you give? anything



    I had two kids . It's not possible to raise a kid alone unless you have major cash for a nanny, day care etc. Kids cost around $200,000 before college and require around a16 year full time commitment.

    There is no good reason for a gay guy to have a kid.


    Seriously? This is one of the most ignorant, self-loathing comments any man (gay or straight) could make about parenting. Do you all live under rocks? There are single parents raising kids in this country every single day in every single city from every single background and minority. Kids don't cost $200,000, that's ludicrous. That may be the case for some, but it certainly isn't for most.

    If any gay guy or couple wants to have children, go do it. Plan for it, but go do it. Soliciting advice on this site was obviously a poor idea, as evidenced by some of the stupid/idiotic comments made here. There are gay men who raise kids. You probably should find a support group or try to meet more gay men who are parents before you make your decision. This is obviously not that place.

    And one more totally STUPID comment to refute: "There is no good reason for a gay guy to have a kid." That statement is just plane STUPID!!

    This is one of those threads, where if you don't have something good to say to the poster, don't say it at all.
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    Jan 15, 2014 5:26 AM GMT
    This is one of the gifts I gave to gay couple (unfortunately now still trying to adopt). I made this and also gave an item off of their registry -- some gays pick the most expensive stores. I didn't even get to wear a sweater that was $200 plus dollars as a baby -- not to mention a baby will outgrow it in a few months.

    photo image_zps62dbb0d2.jpg

    Adoption Creed
    Not flesh of my flesh,
    Nor bone of my bone,
    But still Miraculously my own.

    Never forget for a single minute,
    You did not grow under my heart,
    But in it.


    A close adopted family friend, considered family, told me growing up that we are special because we have been chosen. She's older than I am by like 20 years and she could pass as being naturally born, but I thought it was beautifully put. More children deserve loving homes. I still think it's a little selfish gays want to use surrogates to have their own genes passed on, but I'll remain composed.
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    Jan 15, 2014 5:27 AM GMT
    AnOriginal saidThis is one of the gifts I gave to gay couple (unfortunately now still trying to adopt). I made this and also gave an item off of their registry -- some gays pick the most expensive stores. I didn't even get to wear a sweater that was $200 plus dollars as a baby -- not to mention a baby will outgrow it in a few months.

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    Show yourself!
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    Jan 15, 2014 5:44 AM GMT
    shawnathan said
    AnOriginal saidThis is one of the gifts I gave to gay couple (unfortunately now still trying to adopt). I made this and also gave an item off of their registry -- some gays pick the most expensive stores. I didn't even get to wear a sweater that was $200 plus dollars as a baby -- not to mention a baby will outgrow it in a few months.

    photo image_zps62dbb0d2.jpg
    Show yourself!


    Online I find your bossiness kind of sexy. In real life I give the orders, though. :-* icon_wink.gif
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    Jan 15, 2014 5:47 AM GMT
    AnOriginal said
    shawnathan said
    AnOriginal saidThis is one of the gifts I gave to gay couple (unfortunately now still trying to adopt). I made this and also gave an item off of their registry -- some gays pick the most expensive stores. I didn't even get to wear a sweater that was $200 plus dollars as a baby -- not to mention a baby will outgrow it in a few months.

    photo image_zps62dbb0d2.jpg
    Show yourself!


    Online I find your bossiness kind of sexy. In real life I give the orders, though. :-* icon_wink.gif
    You're like 5'4"
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    Jan 15, 2014 5:55 AM GMT
    shawnathan said
    AnOriginal said
    shawnathan said
    AnOriginal saidThis is one of the gifts I gave to gay couple (unfortunately now still trying to adopt). I made this and also gave an item off of their registry -- some gays pick the most expensive stores. I didn't even get to wear a sweater that was $200 plus dollars as a baby -- not to mention a baby will outgrow it in a few months.

    photo image_zps62dbb0d2.jpg
    Show yourself!


    Online I find your bossiness kind of sexy. In real life I give the orders, though. :-* icon_wink.gif
    You're like 5'4"


    Professor I'm 5'6" plus I'm big where it counts (my beautiful soul and heart icon_wink.gif )

    You should meet some of the petite ladies in my family. They'd bring any man to their knees if you piss them off. Maybe height plays a role in president elections, but I didn't know it had an effect on being assertive and calling the shots when it comes to my life.

    By nature I'm sweet and amicable, but I don't tolerate overly dominant men. Most people make stupid choices and letting someone else call the shots is embracing stupidity.
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    Jan 15, 2014 6:08 AM GMT
    EternalOp saidIdeally you should find the hubby before the baby . but If you have the means for it and you really want a child, why not?

    I would think it gets harder as a single parent but yet I know of single parents raising 4 kids on their own. When you have to you will make it happen.

    Besides when you have a child your life is pretty much about him and not about you anymore, or that's how I feel. Are you ready to give it all up for him? It's a lifetime commitment and make sure you know what you're signing up for, you can't back out of it like marriage or a relationship.



    Ding, ding, ding... This is why most relationships fail nowadays. We've become a self serving spoiled generation -- God forbid we live for someone or something other than ourselves.
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    Jan 15, 2014 6:11 AM GMT
    Think long and hard. I have 3 teens and I can assure you it's a big commitment even with a SO. If you have a job that requires a fair bit of traveling or long hours it will be very hard. Being a parent requires a lot of time and money, frankly.

    I'm not trying to scare you off, just encouraging you to really investigate it.
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    Jan 15, 2014 6:14 AM GMT
    tbone25 saidI am heading towards 37 and thinking seriously about adopting in the next few years. I don't want to miss fatherhood. I am not in a relationship now. I'd love to hear from any guys who adopted as single gay men. How hard was it? What advice would you give? anything


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    Jan 15, 2014 6:20 AM GMT
    AnOriginal said

    Professor I'm 5'6" plus I'm big where it counts (my beautiful soul and heart icon_wink.gif )

    You should meet some of the petite ladies in my family. They'd bring any man to their knees if you piss them off. Maybe height plays a role in president elections, but I didn't know it had an effect on being assertive and calling the shots when it comes to my life.

    By nature I'm sweet and amicable, but I don't tolerate overly dominant men. Most people make stupid choices and letting someone else call the shots is embracing stupidity.
    ok ok, please come back and post as a normal member
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    Jan 15, 2014 6:35 AM GMT
    tbone25 saidI am heading towards 37 and thinking seriously about adopting in the next few years. I don't want to miss fatherhood. It's not about living someone else's "ideal" of what "fatherhood" is -- some people just know parenthood is right for them. I am not in a relationship now. I'd love to hear from any guys who adopted as single gay men. How hard was it? What advice would you give? anything Besides the adoption process. Your parents or a relative that has gone through raising a child successfully will be your greatest resource for information. Sure there are probably YouTube videos on how to change a diaper, but you will truly view it as a Godsend to have someone you're close with help you out. A lot of gay couples that adopt have parents or relatives they can call to ask advice on everything that goes into raising a child.


    If a child is in your deck of cards -- I wish you nothing but the best! Adoption agencies also hold yearly events and parties; it's a great way a parent(s) can communicate their concerns with other parents in a similar situation.

    If you are close to your parents -- you'd probably want your mother to be with you the first week or two when receiving your child. I know this is what a gay couple planned to do -- which is extremely smart IMO. All the books in the world, although helpful, won't replace a helping human hand.