Dating guys who are in **Open** relationship!

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 15, 2014 8:18 AM GMT
    How do you guys feel about this? Hypothetically speaking, let's say when you see someone you like a lot and he reveals *I'm in an open relationship! Would you pursue him if the feeling is mutual? This happened to me in the past and I didn't pursued him because I didn't want to be in the middle of it. So, now I'm asking your opinions on this, maybe it will happen again! who knows!!
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    Jan 15, 2014 8:32 AM GMT
    You're not dating a guy in an open relationship. You're his weekend fuck buddy.

    I don't care what other people do. But I couldn't do it. I'm just not into sharing. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jan 15, 2014 8:39 AM GMT
    ^^ never done fuck buddy so I wouldn't know! Well I guess I should elaborate, are most **open guys on the verge of breaking up and ready to move on? Lol It seems like a formula for heading to that direction.

  • YouKnow

    Posts: 32

    Jan 15, 2014 10:57 AM GMT
    EternalOp saidOpen relationships are sexually open, not emotionally so .

    You can't be in love with 2 people.

    I wouldn't get my hopes up for a guy that is taken.


    how can't you be in love with 2 people? it is perfectly possible, emotional polygami is the best feeling ever.
  • PolitiMAC

    Posts: 728

    Jan 15, 2014 11:26 AM GMT
    YouKnow said
    EternalOp saidOpen relationships are sexually open, not emotionally so .

    You can't be in love with 2 people.

    I wouldn't get my hopes up for a guy that is taken.


    how can't you be in love with 2 people? it is perfectly possible, emotional polygami is the best feeling ever.


    Not so sure about that icon_razz.gif I get the feeling that humans can be invested emotionally very particularly. Different kinds of love exist, yeah, but not the kind that you reserve for a man being shared around.

    ...Or maybe I'm just a little old fashioned icon_razz.gif
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    Jan 15, 2014 12:16 PM GMT
    Recipe for trouble.
  • lgg5819

    Posts: 141

    Jan 15, 2014 12:20 PM GMT
    xrichx saidYou're not dating a guy in an open relationship. You're his weekend fuck buddy.


    As somebody who is experimenting with an open relationship, I think this hit the nail on the head. The "other" guy I'm talking to right now is just a weekend type thing, and while I could see us becoming friends, I have no interest in developing feelings for him. If that's a position you're willing to be in, go for it. But realize there's like a 2% chance guys in open relationships are emotionally available or even looking to be emotionally available. It's primarily a physical thing.
  • abej1984

    Posts: 9

    Jan 15, 2014 4:27 PM GMT
    There is a guy right now who has made it very clear he wants me to come to Chicago and visit him, and get on me....So tempting, because hes super hot, but I dont know how I feel about it, since he is in a relationship. Open, but still. Part of me would just feel bad if I did.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 15, 2014 4:32 PM GMT
    not a chance in hell
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    Jan 15, 2014 4:38 PM GMT
    Hmm...All I know is that open relationships are kinda fucked up...You "love" someone but want to play with other people...If you really "loved" that person you wouldn't feel the need or desire to play with others outside the relationship...
    But what do I know. I'm horrible with this kind of stuff. I'm good at no emotion fuck buddy stuff...but the fuck buddy always seems to get attached and want more so I have to stop with them cause it gets weird...I don't like hurting people but as long as your clear from the start what it is your doing they should know. Developing feelings with someone who is involved with someone else is...not the smartest thing to do.
    "Don't fall in love with a prostitute" kind of thing...Open relationships are just asking for trouble.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Jan 15, 2014 4:49 PM GMT
    Chase646 saidHmm...All I know is that open relationships are kinda fucked up...You "love" someone but want to play with other people...If you really "loved" that person you wouldn't feel the need or desire to play with others outside the relationship...
    But what do I know. I'm horrible with this kind of stuff. I'm good at no emotion fuck buddy stuff...but the fuck buddy always seems to get attached and want more so I have to stop with them cause it gets weird...I don't like hurting people but as long as your clear from the start what it is your doing they should know. Developing feelings with someone who is involved with someone else is...not the smartest thing to do.
    "Don't fall in love with a prostitute" kind of thing...Open relationships are just asking for trouble.

    You're very confused. Guys in committed relationships can also be "good at no emotion fuck buddy stuff." It is no reflection on the relationship and it is not "fucked up." Get your own emotional life in order before you call someone else's "fucked up." You clearly can't commit yourself so how would you know how it works for someone else, much less how it works within the dynamic of a particular couple's relationship.

    I do agree that the third party shouldn't look at it as "dating" but I'm guessing the OP meant having sex or meeting regularly with someone in an open relationship. My advice to the OP is to not worry about it as long as you are sure the other member of the relationship knows and is OK with it. But never try to come between them.
  • starboard5

    Posts: 969

    Jan 15, 2014 5:36 PM GMT
    For me, the bottom line is the simple old axiom of Do Unto Others. If you would not be comfortable in an open relationship yourself, then don't hook up with someone who's in one. Treat all relationships (open or monogamous) as you would want your relationship treated. If you are someone who is capable of a committed and open relationship, then you might not have any problems with getting involved with someone who is equally comfortable.
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    Jan 15, 2014 5:49 PM GMT
    I would never on the off chance I actually cared to have a relationship w. The person - NSA is a lot less personal than knowing a guy enough to know he has some aspousal thing arranged. Eck - additionally I never see these positively, it seems to be a bridge with much water under it.
  • Splendidus_1

    Posts: 611

    Jan 15, 2014 5:59 PM GMT
    Your example just shows why I'd never accept to be in an open relationship. Although I do believe some people can turn emotions off, and fuck a hole when they have spare time from their relationship, I can see many guys using it as an excuse to try and see what's out there, while securing they have a guy in the meanwhile.
    If you say that guy liked you a lot, while he was in a relationship .. hm, yeah. Either he was playing you, or he shouldn't be in a relationship in the first place.

    P.S. - I fail to see why a guy would accept (voluntarily) to be someone's 2nd choice; nothing but a "booty call" waiting around for him to be available. But then again, I don't do hookups, nor fuck buddies, so my opinion is rigged.
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    Jan 15, 2014 7:47 PM GMT
    Oh I meant no offense. It's just my take on it. Everyone has a view. icon_smile.gif
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    Jan 15, 2014 7:54 PM GMT
    I sorta feel the same with you! I don't know I feel like most **open guys are like 1 step away from being single! Because most of the guys I met who are **open are so unhappy! As far as being FB and hurting people feelings, I learned that lesson in my 20s too! So now, I don't lead guys on nor chase after him if I'm not completely into him.



    Chase646 saidHmm...All I know is that open relationships are kinda fucked up...You "love" someone but want to play with other people...If you really "loved" that person you wouldn't feel the need or desire to play with others outside the relationship...
    But what do I know. I'm horrible with this kind of stuff. I'm good at no emotion fuck buddy stuff...but the fuck buddy always seems to get attached and want more so I have to stop with them cause it gets weird...I don't like hurting people but as long as your clear from the start what it is your doing they should know. Developing feelings with someone who is involved with someone else is...not the smartest thing to do.
    "Don't fall in love with a prostitute" kind of thing...Open relationships are just asking for trouble.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 15, 2014 8:49 PM GMT
    Haha-oh-hell-no-Favim.com-373613.gif
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    Jan 15, 2014 9:05 PM GMT
    After my break-up, I met a guy who really interested me: artistic, studied to be a pastry chef in Paris, had a steady job, sweet and funny, fit, kickin' libido.

    After about a week, he admitted he had a boyfriend, but their relationship was open. He wanted me to meet his boyfriend for his approval. I went to their house and it started out fine...then, I watched them take verbal swipes at each other, which led to an icy silence. I finished my wine and left.

    I never called him back. I'm not jumping in that quagmire. I'm very hesitant to get near open relationships.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Jan 15, 2014 9:28 PM GMT
    ikilledcaptainplanet saidopen relationships are an oxymormon. icon_lol.gif either you're in a relationship or you're not.

    ...says a guy who's never been in a relationship. So all you single guys who've never been in a relationship but love sex have a notion that once you're in a relationship, all interest in other guys magically evaporates and you're whisked away to monogamous nirvana in the blink of an eye? You suddenly lose interest in (what I call) sport sex? Sex just for the fun of it? Right now my guy and I are monogamous because we choose to be but there have been times when the relationship was open within set boundaries. Try opening your minds to something other than 19th century middle and lower middle class morality designed to ensure the genetic identity of the carrier of the family name.
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    Jan 15, 2014 9:34 PM GMT
    I wouldn't do it...then again, I am young and haven't experienced much. But I do agree in that open relationships are just an excuse to fuck around. If I were horny and my boyfriend wasn't available, I would just jack off! Haha
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    Jan 15, 2014 9:36 PM GMT
    Nebraskakid467 saidI wouldn't do it...then again, I am young and haven't experienced much. But I do agree in that open relationships are just an excuse to fuck around. If I were horny and my boyfriend wasn't available, I would just jack off! Haha


    I agree. what's the whole point of being in a relationship if you are just going to be fucking around and fucking other guys? you might as well call yourselves friends with benefits.

  • Jan 15, 2014 9:38 PM GMT
    Oh hell to the no! I personally feel it's a recipe for disaster and a fear of being alone. So in order to keep your guy you have to share him or he will flee. To me an open relationship seems more like best friends that fuck around. I won't judge anyone in an open relationship, as long as both parties are happy with the decision and not hurting one another.
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    Jan 15, 2014 9:42 PM GMT
    socalx10 saidHow do you guys feel about this? Hypothetically speaking, let's say when you see someone you like a lot and he reveals *I'm in an open relationship! Would you pursue him if the feeling is mutual? This happened to me in the past and I didn't pursued him because I didn't want to be in the middle of it. So, now I'm asking your opinions on this, maybe it will happen again! who knows!!

    The big question is 'what are you pursuing'? If you're trying to establish a relationship then I'd say no. You need someone who's looking to you for an emotional relationship. Someone already in an open relationship is emotionally connected to someone and only looking for some physical pleasure, hopefully with the consent of his partner.

    If the guy is emotionally into you, then you have an issue. He can not be emotionally available to two different guys, in my opinion. That's called love and you have to love one person in the relationship. Opening it up is only for the benefit of enjoying more physical pleasures than are available with your partner, despite the reasons. It's an agreement between both parties (couple) to allow either to find someone else to enjoy sex with.

    If you're fine with only sex and knowing that you can't have either of the partnered guys emotionally, then go for it. If you have an emotional connection to one then you're going to basically either break them up or get terribly hurt when they end it. If their openness is due to relationship issues then you don't want to be a part of it.
  • DanOmatic

    Posts: 1155

    Jan 15, 2014 9:45 PM GMT
    I've played with guys (both one-on-one and as a pair) who were in open relationships. It can be fun and enjoyed equally by everyone, but sometimes it's really not that fun at all. While I can get into a good roll in the hay with someone (or a couple) in an open relationship, I can't imagine it being any more than a one-off or very irregular thing because I know that for myself it is not satisfying to be a third wheel. Likewise there are often fissures in the established relationship that crack open when an outside party comes into the mix.

    Most couples I know who took it further than just a sexual thing and made it an emotional threesome with someone didn't last: either the third couldn't handle it (let's face it, it's hard to stumble into something that has its own chemistry, history and rules and establish your own place in that configuration), or the primary couple couldn't navigate it without becoming jealous, possessive or insecure.

    Sure, there are outliers where they all live blissfully ever after, but I don't think it happens very much.
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    Jan 15, 2014 9:45 PM GMT
    Destinharbor said
    ikilledcaptainplanet saidopen relationships are an oxymormon. icon_lol.gif either you're in a relationship or you're not.

    ...says a guy who's never been in a relationship. So all you single guys who've never been in a relationship but love sex have a notion that once you're in a relationship, all interest in other guys magically evaporates and you're whisked away to monogamous nirvana in the blink of an eye? You suddenly lose interest in (what I call) sport sex? Sex just for the fun of it? Right now my guy and I are monogamous because we choose to be but there have been times when the relationship was open within set boundaries. Try opening your minds to something other than 19th century middle and lower middle class morality designed to ensure the genetic identity of the carrier of the family name.


    I can honestly say that I lost interest in sport sex and sex just for the hell of it though my reasons may not be the norm. I've been there and done the promiscuous thing from threesomes, parties etc and now I have no interest in that because it's nothing special(no offense to all the past people i hooked up with) so just to answer that it is possible to lose all interest in a blink of an eye lol icon_biggrin.gif