Background checks...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 19, 2014 4:11 AM GMT
    How much do you research the guys you meet for a hookup or a date, etc.?
    I have ALWAYS done a background check on guys before I will meet them privately....as in I have an online subscription and will run checks on name, phone, e-mail and address.....gonna know if someone has a shady past or is transient or not as single or gay as they claim....If we actually meet EDIT:....I bring a copy of MY background check on me for him....sorry I didn't proof this before I posted.........some react very nonchalant others are pissed....either way...I feel covered. Recently, I was told that I am wrong to be invading the guy's privacy with this check......Why is it wrong?...all public information. It has saved me a few times from guys with convictions for drugs, violence, fraud....things you can't just see...and they are the ones that get pissed when I break the date...just curious if I am unique on this....lots of liars out there.
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    Jan 19, 2014 4:21 AM GMT
    I wouldn't be pissed but I would definitely feel creeped out!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 19, 2014 4:26 AM GMT
    That's just weird. A simple Google is fine. But to run a full background check? No.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 19, 2014 4:33 AM GMT
    If someone handed me a printout at a first meeting, that meeting would be over oh so very quickly. Never to be repeated.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 19, 2014 4:35 AM GMT
    If you gave me a copy of my background check upon meeting, I would immediately leave. It just says you don't respect my privacy and I assume you'd be the type to ask to search through my phone, my e-mail, my Facebook, etc if we were to enter a relationship together.
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    Jan 19, 2014 4:36 AM GMT
    While I really don't have anything to hide....I would be very creeped out and would end the date.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 19, 2014 4:37 AM GMT
    Avsigkommen saidIf you gave me a copy of my background check upon meeting, I would immediately leave. It just says you don't respect my privacy and I assume you'd be the type to ask to search through my phone, my e-mail, my Facebook, etc if we were to enter a relationship together.

    Wow, you actually said something I agree with completely.
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    Jan 19, 2014 4:48 AM GMT
    I can understand why OP would want to run a background check, but not why he would tell the guy, or give him a copy of his own background check. OP should keep the results to himself. People like to think they are being trusted, even if in fact, you don't trust them. Most guys are likely t be offended, even if they don't say so. In trying to protect himself, the OP may be poisoning otherwise potential relationships.
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    Jan 19, 2014 4:52 AM GMT
    I can understand if OP was getting serious with a guy, about to get married, share assets, and both agree to the background check. But at first meeting? That's a bit overboard.
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    Jan 19, 2014 6:29 AM GMT
    Seems a little overboard for a first meet. But I have checked out two or three guys that gave me an odd vibe. Amazing what you can find out from just a phone number.

    One time, I had a good time with a guy, then discovered his extensive oeuvre on the "Nifty" fantasy archive. I mentioned it to him on the second date, which turned out to be the last. Unfortunately, I just blurted it out without having anything intelligent to say about it, and he probably took it badly. What I should have done was read it all carefully as a guide to satisfying his fantasies, then kept it to myself for a while. Even breezing through the first story, I recognized a couple of things we'd gotten in to on the first date icon_redface.gif
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    Jan 19, 2014 6:31 AM GMT
    mindgarden saidSeems a little overboard for a first meet. But I have checked out two or three guys that gave me an odd vibe. Amazing what you can find out from just a phone number.

    One time, I had a good time with a guy, then discovered his extensive oeuvre on the "Nifty" fantasy archive. I mentioned it to him on the second date, which turned out to be the last. Unfortunately, I just blurted it out without having anything intelligent to say about it, and he probably took it badly. What I should have done was read it all carefully as a guide to satisfying his fantasies, then kept it to myself for a while. Even breezing through the first story, I recognized a couple of things we'd gotten in to on the first date icon_redface.gif
    What's "Nifty" fantasy?
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    Jan 19, 2014 6:35 AM GMT
    Seriously? http://www.nifty.org

    Or more specifically: http://www.nifty.org/nifty/gay/sf-fantasy/

    Great heaps of steaming dreck, but there are a few gems amidst the offal. Some people put a lot of effort into this stuff. Unfortunately, some people put a lot of effort into it and still turn out 48-part chunks of unreadable crepe. (How can anybody type that much and still not figure out how to complete a sentence?)
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Jan 19, 2014 6:38 AM GMT
    For just a first date that seems a bit overly cautious ... and yes ... creepy too ... but I hear your pain ... you can't just trust everyone ... that's why you meet in a public place and have a phone number to reach them at ... my first dates rarely go to a second date ... but hey if that is normal for you ... then when you meet a guy that presents you with your paper when he meets you, you'll know you have met your match.
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    Jan 19, 2014 6:39 AM GMT
    I just use the basics.. does he have a Facebook, a Twitter or an Instagram? Ok.. good to go, He's real!


    Of course, the profile has to pass the real check. Anything more I think is doing too much.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 19, 2014 6:39 AM GMT
    mindgarden saidSeriously? http://www.nifty.org

    Or more specifically: http://www.nifty.org/nifty/gay/sf-fantasy/

    Great heaps of steaming dreck, but there are a few gems amidst the offal. Some people put a lot of effort into this stuff. Unfortunately, some people put a lot of effort into it and still turn out 48-part chunks of unreadable crepe. (How can anybody type that much and still not figure out how to complete a sentence?)
    Oh. The name was familiar.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Jan 19, 2014 6:40 AM GMT
    xrichx said
    mindgarden saidSeems a little overboard for a first meet. But I have checked out two or three guys that gave me an odd vibe. Amazing what you can find out from just a phone number.

    One time, I had a good time with a guy, then discovered his extensive oeuvre on the "Nifty" fantasy archive. I mentioned it to him on the second date, which turned out to be the last. Unfortunately, I just blurted it out without having anything intelligent to say about it, and he probably took it badly. What I should have done was read it all carefully as a guide to satisfying his fantasies, then kept it to myself for a while. Even breezing through the first story, I recognized a couple of things we'd gotten in to on the first date icon_redface.gif
    What's "Nifty" fantasy?

    So basically, you made yourself sound like a stalker.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 19, 2014 6:45 AM GMT
    AMoonHawk said
    xrichx said
    mindgarden saidSeems a little overboard for a first meet. But I have checked out two or three guys that gave me an odd vibe. Amazing what you can find out from just a phone number.

    One time, I had a good time with a guy, then discovered his extensive oeuvre on the "Nifty" fantasy archive. I mentioned it to him on the second date, which turned out to be the last. Unfortunately, I just blurted it out without having anything intelligent to say about it, and he probably took it badly. What I should have done was read it all carefully as a guide to satisfying his fantasies, then kept it to myself for a while. Even breezing through the first story, I recognized a couple of things we'd gotten in to on the first date icon_redface.gif
    What's "Nifty" fantasy?

    So basically, you made yourself sound like a stalker.


    Yep. icon_redface.gif Although I was a wee bit distracted at the time because he had his legs wrapped around my waist in the shower. All the blood had rushed out of my brain. Although, on the other hand, he had publicly published details about our first date on the internet. Er... if you could imagine that it took place in a distant forest, and I was , like, some battle-scarred old dude in a jockstrap, cloak, and sword belt.icon_rolleyes.gif
  • chadwick1985

    Posts: 391

    Jan 19, 2014 2:55 PM GMT
    FFor a first date I will check facebook or twitter. You can tell a lot about a guy by the pictures posted and friends he associates with. Plus that verifies he's a real dude and not a catfish.

    Now as for a full background check even for me that's pushing it past the extreme. I may not want to associate with a drug addict but no one is perfect and we all have made mistakes / done things in our youth we chouldnt have but im not going to judge someone just of their past. I look at the person at where they are now.

    Yes I have run a dates name but that was on the 3rd date and something felt off. I never mentioned to him I did it though so he had no idea and we dated for a while.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 19, 2014 4:59 PM GMT
    It wouldn't bother me at all , in the contrary it would make me feel safer .
    Who has nothing to hide , has nothing to fear from background checks !
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 19, 2014 6:48 PM GMT
    Ok.

    what the hell is going on here???
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 20, 2014 1:58 AM GMT
    Dr. Phil says its something we all need to do in today's times.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 20, 2014 2:33 AM GMT
    Erik101 saidI wouldn't be pissed but I would definitely feel creeped out!


    Yeah.... I would be GONE!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 20, 2014 3:58 AM GMT
    I consult the vast Jedi archives on Coruscant. If it's not there, it doesn't exist.
    Sadly, I've missed a lot of first dates due to the long far, far away travel.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 20, 2014 4:05 AM GMT
    Gee, I just want the OP to respond to any of us!
  • Apparition

    Posts: 3534

    Jan 20, 2014 4:34 AM GMT
    first date is an interview, im up front about that. he has to hand me his wallet and we go through it. it is fun .