When Did/ How Will You Decide To Come Out, And To Whom?

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    Jan 19, 2014 1:24 PM GMT
    So I'm talking to a few gay people online in a strictly platonic way, which is a delightful rarity. And I'm giving one advice to Fully come out because he already kind of half way Outed himself. Then I Realize Who am I to tell Someone to come out when I haven't even come close to doing it on purpose yet. So Instead I told him to do what he feels is right, which is what I should have said in the first place

    So our conversation got me thinking... why not come out myself? No more excuses as to why I am single, no more lying to people when they ask If I am gay, and No more trying to act more masculine.. I rarely do this last part but I have randomly complimented girls to seem straight before or held myself back from saying the things I wanted to say

    The Only problem is I have ZERO wanting for Any of my family to find out. My college is near home and many of my high school peers have come to the same college... If just 1 of them finds out... they will tell the other, and then that one will tell the other and so on and so forth until its on Facebook and Everyone knows. Some friends come over my mothers house from time to time and I don't want anyone to slip up and say anything.. Assuming these "friends" (not even that close with them) still want to be around me

    I Really just want New people at my college to find out, but that doesn't sound too likely.. Much too Much to think about

    So When Did/ How Will You Decide To Come Out, And Who did you want to know? Did things go as planned?

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    Jan 19, 2014 9:47 PM GMT
    I started coming out in high school when it became pretty obvious that I was developing strong feelings and desire for intimacy for more guys than girls. I came out to my closest friends first, but decided to take my time with my family because my parents were homophobic and were known to act rashly.

    When I moved to Toronto for university, I came out to more friends and eventually my sister as I began to explore the gay scenes, and met and befriended other gay people. Shortly after moving back to Calgary, I came out to my parents just as it became apparent to them that they would either have to accept my sexuality or lose me forever.

    Not long ago, I changed my Interested In status on Facebook to Men, because I was becoming weary of wondering when and who I need to come out to. I don't know if other guys go through that phase as well, but I am at a point where I feel like I shouldn't have to tell others who I decide to go to bed with as soon as I become acquainted with them. Especially now that my closest family members know about my sexuality, I don't really care about other people finding out about me behind my back.
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    Jan 19, 2014 10:22 PM GMT
    I was in the closet for longer than I really needed to be, waiting for the right moment to tell someone. It was kind of silly reasoning, but at the time I didn't feel close enough to anyone to sit them down and tell them that way.

    So eventually, I was in a situation where a friend was very casually talking about her own bisexuality and then turned to me asking if I was surprised...to which I said "join the club".
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    Jan 20, 2014 1:05 AM GMT

    I feel like, If I met someone I was interested in I would walk by their side proudly and not care what others think, especially if it the guy I like currently

    Everyone can Suck It! Because he is a 10 ++ lol, no shame in my game
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    Jan 20, 2014 1:29 AM GMT
    What a great posting, because I was technically "outed" while in college. What happened was beautiful, because it instantly let me know who my REAL friends were, as well as the folks who were NEVER my friends. I wish you only the best.
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    Jan 20, 2014 1:32 AM GMT


    Awwwwwwww Shucks,,,,,,,,,, Thank You! haha
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    Jan 20, 2014 1:57 AM GMT
    I have the same issues. I feel like i will know in the very near future what i should do. Friends dont bother me because quite honestly all my straight friends are very two faced. Its my family I am worried about. There are alot of people in my family who wont understand. Friends I really dont care if they get it or not because basically when they say something negative ill know they never were my friend anyway. I have a pretty good idea who my real friends are anyway. I work in a very competitive environment and people will use anything to their advantage. I can count my friends on one hand and they are the ones i will tell. Everybody else doesnt deserve to know.
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    Jan 20, 2014 4:27 AM GMT
    I am still in the closet for several reasons:

    The people around me are staunch homophobes, so it really puts a damper on the possibility of coming out while I am around them. Simple reasons being fear of physical hurt and also the emotional impact of it. My family I know would be pissed, I have known for years their feelings toward homosexuality, from comments like they should be shot, they don't let my nephew watch Sponge Bob Square pants because it will make him Gay, my mothers belief that Gay people are disgusting.

    Some would likely say, maybe if you let them know you are gay, they will have a change of heart. Oh please, this is real life, not a Lifetime movie! As I get older, there is a lot at risk for me, both in terms of family and the work place.

    Growing up in Jamaica, there are expectations for a 30 year old man, you really should have a girlfriend, heck, you should be married. My high school friends are getting married, having children, it begins to show you up. When that happens, the questions, the rumors and the ridicule starts. The next part of that will lead to persecution and abuse and even issues in your work life, worst is the fact that I live and work in the same community. That's why when people ask me my age, I tell them I am 23. But how long can I do that for?

    I have come out to myself though and I have accepted. My feelings at first were one of shock. I am really Gay, there is no changing it, this is really who I am. That over 100 GBs of Gay porn on your external hard disk is evidence. icon_biggrin.gif

    Its still a journey, I am still searching for answers and I believe that's part of why I joined Realjock. Just in the past 5 months alone, I have really committed to making some serious changes in my life that I hope can help me full express my sexuality without fear. I do hope they come true, for sake of my sanity and finding my purpose in life.

    All of 2013, I have felt like I lost purpose in my life, 9 to 5 job and repeat the routine 5 days a week. No guy in my life to express and receive affection, the feel of a warm embrace. Just having these feelings bottled up I know is dangerous, just writing about them alone is not enough for me.

    As 'ikilledcaptainplanet' said, its a job you have to keep up 365 days of the year, there are no weekends or public holidays off. Personally, I think that's messed up!.
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    Jan 20, 2014 5:04 AM GMT
    I came out in 2008 with a couple of friends and a cousin. Then I went back in the closet for 2 years. In 2010, I came out for good. It just felt right. I told my family and all my closest friends.

    I had the same problem as you, didn't want anyone else to know. I didn't want to be the reason for gossiping. However, as the years went by I just stoped caring. I've bumped into a few friends (not that close) who asked me "hey I've heard rumours about your sexuality" and I simply respond "they're not rumours. I'm gay" and I don't give a fuck any more. Coming out is a never ending process you'll never stop coming out but it gets way easier cos it just comes naturally afterwards, you no longer need big speeches it's just "oh, I'm gay" or -"Oh, that guy's cute" - "You gay?" - "Yes".

    It never goes as planned but coming out has been one of the best decisions I've made in my life and wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.

    Good luck with it! And you'll know when the right moment comes. icon_smile.gif
  • being_human

    Posts: 152

    Jan 20, 2014 5:29 AM GMT
    great comments.
    personally, I haven't but I really want to. I believe it will get better. I dont have many friends so im not really worried about losing more. hehe. just my family scares me. I want to be completely independent first, then.. I can handle the rejection, if nt anythin else. negative much,eh? I knw.