How do I handle this situation with my crazy ex?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 19, 2014 4:35 PM GMT
    It started out as dating, and now it's turning into something I regret. To make a long story short I dated this guy for around 2 months, and he was awesome! After a month he said he loved me and it really turned me off and made me cautious towards him, and I'm glad it did.

    A month later he dumped me on New Years Eve because I didn't feel comfortable being his DD around people I didn't know. I decided to have a quiet night with other friends instead drinking some red wine and sparkling grape juice icon_wink.gif

    Anyway, I was bummed out being dumped but it happens and life goes on, but then he texts me saying he's a wreck and asking why I broke up with him? I explained to him that he dropped my belongings off at our mutual friends house and he said it was over so it was him who dumped me, but it was fine and we could be friends.

    I block him from facebook and other social medias just so I can move on. I post a picture of me shirtless on facebook and he manages to get on his brother's facebook and find me. He sees the picture of me shirtless and starts blowing up my phone calling me a slut, cheater, and every bad name in the book. At this point I tell him to get some fucking help because he's gone off the deep end. Well, he apparently cries to his older brother who comes into my place of employment and starts causing extreme drama with me. So much drama I had to call management above me to get there. I just couldn't believe this was happening when I simply decided to drop it and move on.

    He texted me two nights ago saying we should grab dinner. He will only communicate through text and has refused to talk over the phone or in person from the day the incident happened. And then...

    Last night I was hanging with my friends and he sends me a picture message of him fucking two other guys. He says "I'm having a threesome" and I say "lol okay." But part of me just feels hurt that all this is going on, and almost like I have to get revenge. I'm trying my best to move the fuck on but I constantly am getting bombard with shit from him left and right. On top of that his brother messages me saying he's going to come into my place of employment and cause trouble all the time (trust me - he will). I feel like my life is going to be living hell for a while, and I'm just not sure what to do.

    Oh yeah, the guy I dated was 33 and his brother is 48. Somehow they're calling me the immature one out of all of this. Sorry for the long-winded post, I just feel really weird at the moment and it's all really bothering me. I haven't been able to sleep these past couple of days or eat much at all.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 19, 2014 4:38 PM GMT
    ViciousRumor saidFake your death Tom Sawyer style.


    This isn't a Lifetime Original movie!
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    Jan 19, 2014 4:42 PM GMT
    Block, ignore, block, ignore, repeat repeat repeat.
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    Jan 19, 2014 4:55 PM GMT
    restraining order for the big brother. Starting shit at your place of employment is fricked up.
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    Jan 19, 2014 5:05 PM GMT
    Don't get revenge, let him think he "won" and you will be the actual winner. For the brother, if your manager has a problem with it (which he does if he is a good manager) then the brother will be banned and security notified (depending on what you do). After being thrown out of somewhere, people don't come back, or if they do they never come back a third time. Don't engage with the brother at all.
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Jan 19, 2014 5:09 PM GMT
    okonomiyaki saidBlock, ignore, block, ignore, repeat repeat repeat.

    Pretty much this, unfortunately.

    Ultimately it doesn't really matter who did what, who is right, who is wrong, who is at fault and who isn't. What matters is ending the back-and-forth dynamic which *is* the drama.

    It isn't easy. No one likes to be falsely accused or portrayed as 'wrong' and, so, we tend to get easily hooked into defending ourselves when someone says or does something offensive. The only problem is, our defensive stance becomes an opportunity for our adversary to reply with yet another hook -- and thus round and round the not so merry go-round goes. We see on-line versions of it here in threads all the time.

    So, what to do? Especially when one's emotions are involved (hurt, anger, embarrassment, maybe even fear, etc.).

    First, as suggested, block and ignore. Do not get hooked into replying for any reason, especially getting even. At work, take a pro-active stance. Not sure exactly what that might mean in your situation but, for example, you might have a talk with your immediate supervisor and/or the store security. You don't have to give them all the gory details, simply tell them you're being stalked by a crazy person you want nothing to do with. If need be, speak with local law-enforcement. Again, the details are irrelevant. If someone is harassing you, you have a right to alert them and defend yourself. You can even get a restraining order if necessary.

    The real work is learning to not go on and on and on about it inside your own head, justifying yourself to yourself, making yourself and your life miserable 24/7/365 by obsessing about it. It's ok to give it a certain amount of rational thought, but emotionally driven obsessing is not rational thought. All that is a distraction from what Josh is really all about and really wants… which is getting through school, keeping your job at work, and eventually getting the hell out of this luny bin.

    Take deep breaths. Find quiet moments to just be still. Let it all go… Stay focused on what is important right now, whether it is work or study or whatever it is. Whatever you do, don't feed the drama. Let it all go and eventually it will all be gone.
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    Jan 19, 2014 5:09 PM GMT
    It might get to the point you have to get a restraining order, these people sound unstable.
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    Jan 19, 2014 5:30 PM GMT
    A restraining order probably merely functions like a lock on a bike, keeping it safe from people who don't normally steal.

    So no restraining order unless absolutely necessary. Someone disrespecting you won't respect that and so it could escalate. Sounds like you are dealing with some very imbalanced people.

    Your management, being aware of your situation, could threaten police action to protect their business from his disruptions but at this point it doesn't sound like that should come directly from you.

    If he sends another picture (he obviously thinks that will make you jelly) just write back in a supportive but not endearing way that you think it is great that he's moving on to new people and that you hope he finds someone compatible. Offer no encouragement towards you, offer no discouragement for him to walk away.

    And here's for future reference that you might not like: If you were only going after safe sex with these guys instead of, right off, a relationship, then instead of filling them with expectations of what might never be, you keep at safe distance something that could become into your futures but doesn't rule the day.

    I know that's tough when young because you go all head over heals for love but realize that the more you set someone up with your dreams the more you will disrupt their sleep when you wake up.
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    Jan 19, 2014 5:42 PM GMT
    sorry to hear that such a niece guy as you is having so much heartache over a douchebag. You are on the right path. You really ought to cut him out of your life entirely, so you can move on. You got some good advice about the brother, and getting him banned from your place of employment. As for your ex, don't answer the phone when he calls. Don't return phone calls. Delete his texts and emails without reading them or opening them. Then you won't see another picture of him. Block his brother from your FB page. There is no reason for you ever to have contact with this guy again. If you do all this, you will be able to get him out of your mind sooner, and your life will improve. What MIkeW said is right on: "Take deep breaths. Find quiet moments to just be still. Let it all go… Stay focused on what is important right now, whether it is work or study or whatever it is. Whatever you do, don't feed the drama. Let it all go and eventually it will all be gone."

    We all have made mistakes - especially in the love department. Just learn from this one, and your next relationship will be a better one.
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    Jan 19, 2014 5:53 PM GMT
    All the info you need is in here already. Don't pay any mind to any communication he sends you.

    Delete, block, ignore, delete, block, ignore, repeat, repeat, repeat. He and the brother will find another mark to go chase eventually.
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    Jan 19, 2014 6:13 PM GMT
    Sadly Josh, maturity does not always come with age.

    You need to stop responding to his texts though. Each time you reply to his messages, it gives him a little bit of hope. Just block his number and inform his brother that if you get anymore contact from either one, you'll be filing a restraining order.
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    Jan 19, 2014 6:18 PM GMT
    The craziest thing is surely that you were only going out for 2 months!