Hitting "the end"

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 19, 2014 7:46 PM GMT
    Wondering what suggestions people have with regard to what I am calling "hitting the end". I have been trying to figure it out but am struggling with a plan.

    Ever since I turned 50 I have been feeling that the best part of life is behind me. My body will never be great. As hard as I try, I dont see any real results. Its making working out a chore. At best I feel I can maintain where it is, but I have put on weight since 50 that i cant seem to shake. (I use to wonder why people like Alec Baldwin were thin and hot in their youger years and blew up...now I know icon_smile.gif )My looks arent going to get any better as I get older either.

    Job wise I am as high up as I am ever going to get. Which is fine. But if I were to lose it it would be almost impossible to replace again. I am planning on investing in it more which will keep my challenged. Learning new things, etc.

    Meeting people is difficult at best. I use to go out all the time, now I struggle too. My straight friends are all married and either have kids or are planning them soon. My gay friends are all partnered. I dont think I know any gay single gay people. Which for people near my age is normal. However it makes meeting people more difficult since none are single and the ones that are, in my experience, are single for a reason. Usually they are bat shit crazy. What I seem to attract are bottoms all looking to get plugged and partnered guys.

    I basically feel like I have hit the end of life. Im not always looking for that new job. Not capable of getting those washboard abs. Unlikely to meet anyone for whatever reason. Sort of feels like I get up, put on clothes, work, eat, sleep repeat. Nothing exciting or meaningful on the horizon. Just sort of existing.

    Anyway, not meant to be a pity party. I know I control most of this except the aging part. Any ideas how to shake things up. My relationship with video games and the indentation on my couch are both growing at an alarming rate icon_smile.gif



  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 19, 2014 7:55 PM GMT
    Wow. Have you been reading my diary?
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    Jan 19, 2014 7:57 PM GMT
    I think lots of guys much younger than 50 can relate to much of what you are experiencing. I'm sure many guys can recall a time when they were single, not really dating, and it seemed like all of their friends were coupled up.

    Several of my closest friends from university (straight, both sexes) were especially bummed out when we were in our mid-thirties because they were unmarried, no kids, no partners, no house and not exactly on career-trajectory jobs. It really bothered them when their friends with young kids seemed to talk about nothing else than their kids' lives or their "new" life as a parent. I get that.

    It seems to me that when we get in a funk like that we need to shake up our own lives. I suggest putting yourself out there and taking a class, trying a new outdoor activity with a group, or something like that. Something that will get you meeting people while doing something fun.

    Besides, you never know who you'll meet. Possibly a new friend, a partner or even a connection for an interesting new job.
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    Jan 19, 2014 8:16 PM GMT
    If this guy can do it...

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    Jan 19, 2014 8:18 PM GMT
    bump. for some reason this thread just isn't getting picked up on the main page! Odd.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 19, 2014 8:19 PM GMT
    Hey, i think the same all the time. Someone told me after 50 all you get to look forward to is death!. Since i only came out 4 yrs ago, I'm hoping to find even a small amount of gay happiness. I look for it each day… wish me 'blinded' luck! lol. And to the OP… wanna go on a date? icon_wink.gif
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    Jan 19, 2014 8:20 PM GMT
    You know, life can be stale for everyone. When I say everyone... I mean everybody.
    Even us coupled guys can get in a rut from time to time.
    Life in general can be very mundane unless you try and keep things in a constant state of moving forward.
    My BF is a Cancer, and those guys are such home bodies!
    I'm the traveler and love adventure. So, staying at home on Sunday or Sat. can get old by noon.

    No question, you need a hobby that takes you out of the house and mixes you up with other guys.
    Here in Dallas, we have tons of groups. You can join a group that dines out once a week, goes to movies, plays sports, singles dating over 50 etc.
    You need to get off that couch and look for your next activity. Keeping active and vital keeps us young.
    Sitting still on the computer or couch makes us an old fart, fast!
    My dad just turned 77 the other day and he still goes to the gym 4-5 days a week...icon_eek.gif
    Prime example of looking and feeling years younger than you are is beautifully illustrated just below me!
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    Jan 19, 2014 9:12 PM GMT
    ^^^ wow about your dad and the gym. My dad died of a heart attack at 66 from making poor lifestyle choices. I'm not repeating his mistake so I hope I turn out like your Dad 26 years from now.
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    Jan 19, 2014 9:45 PM GMT
    Kinda sounds like my 30's. I got over it, but I did have to take a leap out of the comfort zone. Or three.

    Sure, sometimes it feels like there aren't all that many years left. But I hear that 50-y/o's are prime chicken down in Palm Springs...
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    Jan 19, 2014 10:08 PM GMT
    I sometimes feel that way but then I generally cheer up once I've had a good run or workout and had a good night's sleep. I really hear you about feeling that friends who are coupled (gay or straight) are often inaccessible and I spend much more time alone than I would like. Ironically, I'm often jealous of guys like YOU who live in areas with much larger gay communities than where I live. (I'm not moving because I have a great job that I'm fairly certain I couldn't easily match elsewhere. )

    If I could play matchmaker (at least with respect to seeking out new gay friends in your area)- let me suggest you contact "marathonmaniac" and say hi.

    Chin up!

    David
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    Jan 19, 2014 10:20 PM GMT
    Perspective. I'm just happy I made it to fifty.
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    Jan 20, 2014 2:16 AM GMT
    I feel the EXACT same way and I'm 22.
    Find something you love, like my dad who cycles, he's always setting new goals for himself and he's entering a huge bike race soon. Don't be so hard on yourself.

    After all, you could have been like me and completely fucked up before your life even began. icon_lol.gif
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Jan 20, 2014 2:41 AM GMT
    I feel very much the same way, Dallasfan, especially recently. Life threw a wrench in my works and totally screwed things up. It has taken me months and I'm only just beginning to get things back on track.

    In the mean time, I've turned 66yo which seems WAY closer to 70 than 65 did for some reason. OMFG icon_eek.gif

    But, yeah, at the moment I feel all 6s and 7s, unsure of myself, where I'm headed, feeling like I don't have much to look forward to except getting older, uglier and grumpier with each passing year. icon_neutral.gif

    I try to not stay stuck in that though. No fun at all! icon_idea.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 20, 2014 2:45 AM GMT
    I think I'm getting close to it. Trying to turn things around, but seems like I'm just spinning my wheels. icon_neutral.gif
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    Jan 20, 2014 3:04 AM GMT
    Sometimes, I feel like that, but when that feeling creeps up, I immediately just pick up and go do something to shake it off. Sometimes it's just a walk or maybe I'll go down to the pier and the beach to just clear my head a bit. It's all about breaking out of feeling it's "the end" and feeling like you are alive.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Jan 20, 2014 3:57 AM GMT
    I totally know what you are talking about. I look in the mirror and ugh ... after days of changing my diet and working out ... nothing. I've come to the conclusion at this age you really have to cut back on the size of your meals to practically nil ... now I know why my grandmother would eat her meal off a coffee saucer. But I'm not ready to cut back to 20 grams of food per day. I know I just have to keep trying, because giving up is not an option.

    " Sort of feels like I get up, put on clothes, work, eat, sleep repeat."

    Yes every day seems like that sometimes ... well most times. But you have to fill your life with other things, no matter how mundane they may seem. There is a certain sense of peace in finding something you like to do, whether it be reading, sewing, building model air planes, photography, programming, growing an herb garden or joining a bowling team. We find something that we like to do that gives us life and a reason to live on.

    Yes our old life does end. It does for everyone. We all change. Life only has one direction. You can only move forward. You can't go back. Move forward, look back, but don't get stuck in the past. The beauty of getting older is you get a little wiser, but you know what will make you happy, you just have to do it.
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    Jan 20, 2014 4:05 AM GMT
    Don't worry boo. There are plenty of young bucks such as myself who actively seek out older men. I find their chivalry, life experience, and confidence very refreshing.

    Maybe you need to move. Change jobs. Go out and get laid. Whatever it is you have to do to feel happy again.icon_biggrin.gif
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Jan 20, 2014 5:00 AM GMT
    I suspect that you want a lot of things to change, but that you're not doing anything to change them.

    Do you belong to any dating sites (not just for sex, but actual dating) ?
    Have you asked anybody if they would like to meet for coffee ? You could make a lot of new friends, even if none of them turn out to be boyfriends.

    As for your body, it's as simple as using up more calories than you take in. Don't starve yourself. Just stop bringing more cookies, and chips, and doughnuts, than real food, into the house.

    Exercise is the secret to not looking your age.

    Living on the couch is the worst thing you can do to yourself.

    Your profile pics look great, but I'd lose that white facial hair, if you want to instantly take years off your looks. Just my opinion...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 20, 2014 5:02 AM GMT
    I heard a pretty good idea recently. Go check out the gay lit section of your local book store, maybe strike up some conversation. If it's like the chapter's near my house, there's even a place to sit and have coffee.

    Also, Gay literature is great -- I highly suggest Giovanni's Room.
  • Webster666

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    Jan 20, 2014 5:04 AM GMT
    jmusmc85 saidDon't worry boo. There are plenty of young bucks such as myself who actively seek out older men. I find their chivalry, life experience, and confidence very refreshing.

    Maybe you need to move. Change jobs. Go out and get laid. Whatever it is you have to do to feel happy again.icon_biggrin.gif



    I love this response.
    And, I've since read a lot of other great, positive, constructive responses, above.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 20, 2014 6:13 AM GMT
    AMoonHawk saidI totally know what you are talking about. I look in the mirror and ugh ... after days of changing my diet and working out ... nothing. I've come to the conclusion at this age you really have to cut back on the size of your meals to practically nil ... now I know why my grandmother would eat her meal off a coffee saucer. But I'm not ready to cut back to 20 grams of food per day. I know I just have to keep trying, because giving up is not an option.



    I've watched my grandparents, and my mother go into steep declines when they cut their meals back to small quantities of junk food. (All carbs.) It becomes increasingly important to eat hearty, but rational meals. My Mom literally goes insane if she feeds herself (metabolic encephalothopathy). It takes six months of therapy to get her mind back. She can only survive with someone else feeding her, which she complains incessantly about, but at least she is able to complain. If you aren't outside doing hard physical work, stay away from simple carbs. But do shovel in protein and vegetables.

    Heck, I never really got abs until I was 50. (Sort of made it a priority - Abs by 50th birthday or bust.) The tricky part was eating enough.
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    Jan 20, 2014 3:32 PM GMT
    Thanks for the replies and the useful info. Im going to try to look forward as much as I can and try not to too do "I remember when". Hopefully I can find a mental place where I can be happier. I had lunch yesterday with some friends, all straight. People I really like hanging out with. They are all younger. One couple moved here from Atlanta about a year ago. They have a house in the hills, etc. I thought they would be here a while but both couples said they were moving to Texas in the next few months. Ugh.
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    Jan 20, 2014 4:29 PM GMT
    I think we all go thru phases like this, but, DUDE, you are really hot. Lots of guys would sell their souls to look as hot as you do.

    I didn't start going to the gym until last year, at age 53, and now, for the first time in my life, I have six pack abs. So, it is possible. I've also seen plenty of other gains (arms, chest, back, legs, and butt). I finally have a nice butt again.

    Meeting new people might be trickier. I think what helped me with that was the boost in my confidence level. Once I started feeling good about myself, plenty of guys started showing interest in me. I had to turn down several guys who were just way too young. Started dating again for the first time in five years. And now have a boyfriend who is just perfect (1/2 my age plus 7 years), who works out with me every day at the gym.

    You might want to consider a complete physical. Some of what you describe sounds like low T.
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    Jan 20, 2014 5:36 PM GMT
    AMoonHawk saidI've come to the conclusion at this age you really have to cut back on the size of your meals to practically nil ... now I know why my grandmother would eat her meal off a coffee saucer.

    Yes. THIS is the part that sucks. Dieting like a supermodel - without the blow.
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    Jan 20, 2014 6:21 PM GMT
    eagermuscle said
    AMoonHawk saidI've come to the conclusion at this age you really have to cut back on the size of your meals to practically nil ... now I know why my grandmother would eat her meal off a coffee saucer.

    Yes. THIS is the part that sucks. Dieting like a supermodel - without the blow.


    I don't know about that, I eat like a teenager and have only recently been able to get above 145#. This morning I weighed 146# (baby steps). Seriously, I go to DQ every night after the gym and get a cheeseburger and fries. I tried to raise my cholesterol and it didn't budge.