What gives you total closure

  • BeauBlanc

    Posts: 10

    Jan 23, 2014 7:20 PM GMT
    Alright so kinda sappy here but serious problem none the less and just want some opinions. I was in a very toxic relationship but did not know it until my heart was totally vested in him and things had already gone to shit. He was a really bad BAD person the text book definition of sociopath and he had me going for it all. He was (Gratefully) abruptly taken out of my life by a higher power and the legal battles ensued from damages done. I have moved on in my professional life my head is back on straight and things have never been better 1.5 years later. The problem is he literally went away so fast there were no goodbyes and worse than that is the realization of an illusion of love fronted to hide ulterior motives to distort truths and use people in ways i never knew people could be capable of. His motives are clear now and I have dealt with the reality of the situation I am eternally grateful for the lessons learned threw the experience, it has helped refine me into the person I am today. None of this rationalization helps me deal with what I felt for him. The feelings were forged form lies and ill willed motives but enough ranting opinions are appreciated related to personal experience and perspectives. Thanks
  • lgg5819

    Posts: 141

    Jan 23, 2014 7:28 PM GMT
    Have you looked into counseling?
  • BeauBlanc

    Posts: 10

    Jan 23, 2014 9:39 PM GMT
    Yes of course
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    Jan 24, 2014 11:44 AM GMT
    Time.

    More time.

    More counseling.
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    Jan 26, 2014 4:05 AM GMT
    I was a crazy bitch when I went through an experience like this. I threw things away or lit them on fire let go of friends moved and changed entirely my choices towards my autonomy. I also wrote/spoke about it for an art opening and people clapped for me. Never forgetting I'm glad it' is over. Remembering the good that resulted from the change is most important or, the lessons. Knowing what to look for so it does not happen again too :-)

    :-) be well, be awesome :-)
  • mybud

    Posts: 11837

    Jan 26, 2014 4:39 AM GMT
    Ok, you said he was a sociopath but you regret you weren't able to say goodbye. Next time these "regrets" surface think about how he treated you like shit. This will produce anger within. Your closure should be centered around that anger. Get angry...scream and holler...throw fists into a pillows until the anger pasts. Then move on.
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    Jan 26, 2014 5:40 AM GMT
    If he was a sociopath, there's nothing you could do to get resolution with him. You won't get it. Sociopaths have no empathy and no compassion. The only way is to be in therapy and develop the closure on your own terms. You're kn a win/ lose situation with a sociopath .
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    Jan 27, 2014 4:22 PM GMT
    Hire someone to beat the crap out of him.
    Childish? Perhaps. But oh so satisfying.
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    Jan 27, 2014 11:01 PM GMT
    Aristoshark saidHire someone to beat the crap out of him.
    Childish? Perhaps. But oh so satisfying.

    This.
    If he is really a sociopath he will understand he deserved a brutal beating.
  • BeauBlanc

    Posts: 10

    Jan 29, 2014 4:40 PM GMT
    mybud saidOk, you said he was a sociopath but you regret you weren't able to say goodbye. Next time these "regrets" surface think about how he treated you like shit. This will produce anger within. Your closure should be centered around that anger. Get angry...scream and holler...throw fists into a pillows until the anger pasts. Then move on.


    Unfortunately I am very much a passive aggressive person so anger is just not something that comes easy or at all for me. If he were to come around my family and friends again that would change in a heartbeat and I would beat his ass, but my family would not condone that behavior.
  • BeauBlanc

    Posts: 10

    Jan 29, 2014 4:42 PM GMT
    Aristoshark saidHire someone to beat the crap out of him.
    Childish? Perhaps. But oh so satisfying.


    Hate begets hate so it has to stop somewhere, so its better I be the bigger man right?
  • BeauBlanc

    Posts: 10

    Jan 29, 2014 4:50 PM GMT
    Thanks guys for your responses and ideas/experience a big part of this experience has been learning what he is a Sociopath and what that means which is exactly what your saying he has no empathy and i cant get closure from him. It has to come from me I still just struggle to fathom that there are people like this in the world. In my world people do not hurt others intentionally but anyways thanks again guys! I am doing great things I am a fuel cell engineering major have two jobs and complete independence so that part is good but when i started these ventures I told my self i did not need want anyone ever again i was content by my self in life but i have found i cant make myself believe that, so I am trying to talk date/again and that's essentially why this all came up again. Plus the recent discovery of some stuff on my credit of his.
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    Feb 03, 2014 7:04 AM GMT
    Congratulations :-)