Sad dating post

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 15, 2008 4:08 PM GMT
    Okay I'm not sure anyone is "relationship type"

    Well I feel so pathetic.... For the past week I've posted an ad on craigslist for someone (a bodybuidling type like me) that wants a serious relationship.
    It seems guys that take care of their body don't seem to want anything else but sex. It says that I'm not looking for sex at all and yet that's the only reply I'm getting. Is it really true that guys with built bodies only care about themselves? It seems the replys I get are only about sex, almost like my post isnt being read.

    Maybe craigslist is the wrong place to go, or maybe posting something about serious relationships is just sad. You come to a point where you're tired of everyone being the same, then you get pathetic and post and ad.

    I'm to ashamed to post my post here lol.

    Online stuff has gotten me nothing but fakes. In person, guys just hang on me like hungry dogs. Where is a good place to find quality guys that like to work out? Where does one go?

    icon_cry.gificon_cry.gificon_evil.gif


  • Delivis

    Posts: 2332

    Dec 15, 2008 4:11 PM GMT
    Toronto. Clearly. (only half joking!)

    Seriously though i do hope you find what you are looking for. I have the same sort of troubles.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 15, 2008 4:12 PM GMT
    ONSLAUGHT said

    It seems the replys I get are only about sex, almost like my post isnt being read.



    You expected anything other than that from Craigslist....... icon_confused.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 15, 2008 4:20 PM GMT
    AMT87 said
    ONSLAUGHT said

    It seems the replys I get are only about sex, almost like my post isnt being read.



    You expected anything other than that from Craigslist....... icon_confused.gif



    Well as long as there are gay people, there gonna be the sex feinds that ask for it everywhere.

    Don't get me wrong, I'm a horn dog but I'm not an animal that acts on it. Noting wrong with it if that's what you get down with.

    Maybe colorado isnt the place to be, I seem to know every homo in this town or they know me.

    There comes a point where you feel really stupid for looking for something that might not ever happen. I met one guy that fit the bill till I found out he had a family with a women. I tried to date a guy from the gym, all seemed perfect but he was only after sex. He was honest about it and if he came along two years ago I wouldnt have a problem. Now I'm looking for something certain so it's come to the pathetic point of posting personal ads for love.

    God I feel dumb for it but still hopeful
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 15, 2008 4:23 PM GMT
    There are advantages to going to bars or gay social organizations. People find it harder to lie when you see them in person. Many guys in the early 20s are less interested in making the commitment of a relationship. They would rather have the no strings attached of casual sex. I find things start changing for many guys in their late 20s/early 30s.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 15, 2008 4:26 PM GMT
    I'm sure not every gay guy in Colorado is only interested in sex



    Why not try approaching it from the point of view of making new friends and then progressing towards asking them out for dating and whatever icon_neutral.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 15, 2008 4:30 PM GMT
    AMT87 saidI'm sure not every gay guy in Colorado is only interested in sex



    Why not try approaching it from the point of view of making new friends and then progressing towards asking them out for dating and whatever icon_neutral.gif




    I wish that were true.... Ask anyone in denver, go and look. I'm sure you will find someone that knows me. They can tell you how people act around me. My friends even want some, everyone ive met wants sex. I'm not saying all guys in co just want that,just guys that come after me.


  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 15, 2008 4:34 PM GMT
    My friend sing this song to me all the time, they say its totally about me

  • Rookz

    Posts: 947

    Dec 15, 2008 5:52 PM GMT
    Always remember that people are different: some are only interested in sex, some are not, some want a serious relationship, some want a lot of serious relationship, etc.

    You'll find your guy.

    Everyone, gay or straight, goes through this in which they don't people they'll ever find the right person. My best friend, she believes she'll never find the right guy for her, but I try my best to keep her spirit up. And its great that you have a friend to sing that song to you, spending time with people is always good. She's now come to a revelation that she'll just enjoy life, work out, go out, volunteer, etc. and that she doesn't need a man (at the moment) for she needs to take care of herself.

    I wouldn't know if you need time for yourself but in due time, your special someone will be there. And you'll have it all, all-out-animal-sex, talks, relationship and love. Good luck on that!icon_smile.gif
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Dec 15, 2008 5:58 PM GMT
    Onslaught .... posting online isn't gonna get you very far if you're looking for a LTR
    UNLESS you keep an open mind and realize that you're gonna have to entertain a WHOLE lotta losers until you get that one good guy
    best to culture some good friends
    get yourself out there in the real world and see where that gets you
    it's a lot easier finding the right guy when you actually see him than in the smoke and mirror world of online
  • UncleverName

    Posts: 741

    Dec 15, 2008 5:58 PM GMT
    Can't keep mouth shut... can't do it...

    Stop taking yourself so damn seriously.
    I mean really, you're like what, 23? And you're thinking of giving up on finding a real relationship, after posting on Craig's list?
    And you're whining because all guys want is to fuck you and use you for your amazing body?
    Wahhhh!!!! Wahhhh!!!!

    Sorry, I'm actually trying to be helpful here, it's just pretty difficult when all I want to do is tell you to go find something bigger than yourself to whine about.

    Put up a profile on other sites. Like manline.com, plenty of fish, and whatever other ones are out there. Make it clear in your profile that you're not looking just for sex, make your profile warm and welcoming (so that your approachable by guys that aren't just looking for sex), and ignore the mails that come that you don't like.

    Or get out there at the bar. Don't wear tight ass shirts that basically say you want to be eye-fucked, and be approachable without giving off the vibe that you want to have sex then and there.

    Or join some gay organizations where you can meet guys for something other than sex. Like sports teams, or youth volunteer groups.

    Do something instead of complaining about it on here. You're young and apparently good looking. Unless you have the best 'come fuck me' eyes ever, then you shouldn't have much problems finding someone. Either you're doing something wrong with how you look/approach guys or looking in the wrong places.

    And just because you find someone to date doesn't mean they're the one and that your life is set. For two reasons: one, you have to go through as many failed relationships as it takes to find 'the one'; two, partnership is real work and isn't all roses and perfection.

    Sit back, relax, calm down and get out there again. Stop whining about how tough it is, and how hard it is for you because guys just want you for your amazing body, but don't want a relationship. It's pretty damn unattractive. Think about the fact that you could be ugly, or have broken legs, or be deaf, or have one testicle, or have the hugest mole in the middle of your forehead, or Alzheimers or an addiction to crack or any number of other real obstacles to finding a partner.

    Do something different if what you're doing isn't working. That's really all there is (to this and life in general).
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 15, 2008 5:59 PM GMT
    STARBUCKS! lol if you go a few times a week around the same time you'll see the same ppl who hang out there and at some point when you're in line together be like, i see you here a lot, conversation starts and plus chilling at starbucks with coffee and a goo book is so much fun!!!

    in fact i may have just talked myself into going this afternoon haha

    we're having one of those rare rainy cold days here in SD so i wanna take advantage of it hehe
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 15, 2008 6:01 PM GMT
    ONSLAUGHT saidOkay I'm not sure anyone is "relationship type"

    It seems guys that take care of their body don't seem to want anything else but sex.



    Well, at the very high risk of overgeneralizing, stereotyping and pissing off fellow RJ members, I have found this to be true a lot of the time. It almost seems the hotter the body, the less interested a gay guy is in a meaningful relationship. Of course, this isn't true ALL of the time(few things are) but it sort of makes sense. If a guy is so focused on the outward appearance(which is primarily for sexual attraction), he's going to have less time for the inward(the place where deeper relationships spring from). There's nothing wrong with that. Some guys just want sex. That's one of the good things about being a gay guy. You don't HAVE to get into a relationship to get sex. As long as sex with as many hot guys as possible is the goal, then all you have to do is make sure you're hot as well and go out and find it(which is what a lot of guys do). That's why the guys that have made themselves "hot" only have sex as a goal. Of course, a lot may say that they're looking for a meaningful relationship but the fact that they only seek those relationships with other "hot" guys shows that the physical appearance is the most important thing to them. When two guys get together for the way they look, it's only going to be a superficial attraction and probably won't last long. Again, not that there's anything wrong with that. As long as you take it for what it is and don't expect much more out of it. It's harder for us guys because we're so visually-oriented. It's hard for us to get interested in someone who doesn't ring our bell visually. Yet deep relationships are a matter of the inner self(mind, soul, spirit, whatever) and have very little(if anything) to do with the outer appearance. Trying to find a guy who is interested in health and fitness as a lifestyle is great but it's very hard to find true love based on physical appearance. You may hit the lottery, but it's hard. I think a lot of guys realize this and so they only aim at sexual encounters. They want to have sex with you because they think you're hot and they don't expect anything more. It's just that simple. The relationship you're seeking probably won't be found on Craig's List or online. It will probably come from your everyday life.You just have to truly open yourself up to all possibilities. And don't be surprised if he's not your "ideal" physically. I wish you all the best in your search.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 15, 2008 6:01 PM GMT
    if you posted something about a "serious relationship" online, most people will not take it seriously, since for most "serious" comes after the months or years of friendship... so maybe friendship is a good way to start.... also, you mention about the guys with built bodies as the people you want to build a serious relationship with. it's likely that you need to focus on the guys with built minds and souls instead?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 15, 2008 6:09 PM GMT
    By the way, I hope you don't take my post as preaching to you. I'm talking from personal experience, obviously. Just look at my nick. I'm primarily attracted to muscular guys. It's still what turns me on and probably always will be(though as I get older, my tastes have broadened considerably). I spent years chasing after the outward and not much came of it. Even the sex wasn't that great(I've found "hotter" guys make worse lovers). In the meantime, the deepest, most meaningful, most loving relationships in my life have developed with guys who weren't even CLOSE to what I find physically appealing. I've got some years on you. You'll learn this in time. Trust me. I'm just now learning all this and, yet, still chasing muscle. icon_redface.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 15, 2008 6:12 PM GMT
    Craig's List is the gutter of hook up sites. It's where the manhunt rejects go to get theirs IMO.

    The definition of insanity is doing the same things over and over again hoping to get the same results. If you sit around and wait for people to come after you, then yes they're going to have motives. And you know what? Having motives works for them 99% of the time.

    You're probably going to have to adjust your expectations if you're looking for a date or a relationship. Not everyone is going to have your genetics, and not all people with muscle attained it in a healthy way regardless of those genetics. As much as gay men value looks, the body is still a shell for your soul. In my opinion a lot of people spend too much time on the outside without doing much of anything on fixing the inside. There are a ton of things that can make a man attractive besides muscles, and good looks.

    So find something constructive to do such as volunteer, or join a sports team. The internet, the bars, and the clubs are monopolized by people who expect something of you and that is to be their conquest or trophy to do what they want with, and then throw aside. The people who aren't like this aren't going to be throwing themselves at you, you're going to have to go to them.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 15, 2008 6:23 PM GMT
    ONSLAUGHT saidOkay I'm not sure anyone is "relationship type"
    Online stuff has gotten me nothing but fakes. In person, guys just hang on me like hungry dogs. Where is a good place to find quality guys that like to work out? Where does one go?

    I would try more social/non sexual sites first and then also try to join sports teams or local groups. Sometimes getting distracted from the lonliness helps Onslaught, especially this time of year. I would love to date a well rounded muscled man like you, but like you I find difficult.
    Think of dating Onslaught like working out. It takes a long time to develop and reach your goal and it's just ALOT of repetition and preparation.
    I try to remind myself often of that and just put myself in better situations so I can have the ability to meet the guys I want to date.
    Hope that helps....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 15, 2008 6:26 PM GMT
    I've always found that the more work I do on ME, the better I am in giving my fair share to a healthy relationship.

    I just had to tell a very sweet man who'd taken me on 3 wonderful dates that I am a little emotionally messy right now and that it would not be fair to continue with me needing to do some internal work.

    He thanked me for my honesty. Made him hotter. And that respectful, adult response had nothing to do with his external looks.

    Chin up - head high - I bet he will come along for you when you least expect it. And in the meantime, enjoy a little attention from the guys who like the way your body looks!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 15, 2008 6:27 PM GMT
    Unclevername:

    Glad you said it. Maybe someone had to. . . .
  • Classyboy04

    Posts: 497

    Dec 15, 2008 6:27 PM GMT
    SurrealLife saidThere are advantages to going to bars or gay social organizations. People find it harder to lie when you see them in person. Many guys in the early 20s are less interested in making the commitment of a relationship. They would rather have the no strings attached of casual sex. I find things start changing for many guys in their late 20s/early 30s.


    Im in my early 20's ans I dont feel like that. I also too would like to find someone that I can call my own. Dont say many, say some.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 15, 2008 6:32 PM GMT
    you tell 'em unclever.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 15, 2008 6:34 PM GMT
    I think the saying love will find you when you least expect is so true!! You are still young and I applaud you for wanting to find love and a relationship but its hard considering gays are only a small percentage of the population.

    Live your life, keep working on yourself, inside and out. I always find that when I am living life for me.....love finds me.

    Photobucket
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 15, 2008 6:37 PM GMT
    Try Tuesday night bingo.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 15, 2008 7:21 PM GMT
    ONSLAUGHT said :

    "Maybe colorado isnt the place to be, I seem to know every homo in this town or they know me. "

    Oh, no no no, that is a HUGE redflag for any guy, no one would like to become instant celebrities on the scene just because theire datin a guy! icon_wink.gif

    Just find a guy whos nice and intelligent with a cute face, get him to the gym, make him workout like a trojan for six or seven months, make him a body, then enjoy!! but cross ur fingers it doesnt get to his head and turn himself into a wild slut afterwards!

    I found ive got the exact opposite problem, some doesnt want to have sex with me or be friends, they just wanna mary me without even knowing me atall, want me to meet their moms at the second date! or ask me to move with them at just weeks of meeting them!! geez..

  • SpartanJock

    Posts: 199

    Dec 15, 2008 7:31 PM GMT
    I kept telling my housemate/best friend pretty much the same thing for years! Keep your chin up, continue to work on yourself, and when you are ready you will find what you are looking for. Finally, she stopped worrying about not finding 'the one', had a kid, went back to school and....lo and behold she ran across a very nice girl that is worthy to date.

    This story has 2 morals. 1) it doesn't really matter what we say, you have to figure it out yourself, and 2) the advice really works. icon_wink.gif