Question for the older guys

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 23, 2014 10:05 PM GMT
    How was it coming up for you guys? I know now we don't exactly have all rights, but 20-30-? Years ago it had to be so much worse. Do you guys have any stories about the experiences you had coming up as a gay male in these times?
  • mascmuscle35

    Posts: 79

    Jan 23, 2014 11:18 PM GMT
    I basically stayed with women. Growing up with the fear of AIDS, I liked women and I liked men. It was easier and safer to be with a woman, so I was. My family is very progressive, they were mad it took me so long to tell them.
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    Jan 23, 2014 11:43 PM GMT
    Raised in a very religious Catholic home. Knew I liked men at an early age. Played around with my best friend growing up, who's funeral I attended just yesterday incidentally. The first boy to touch my penis is now dead. Must be a milestone of sorts.

    Didn't have a gay relationship until 21 after breaking up with my high school sweetheart. It lasted much of the 80s. He and I were exclusive and closeted. After I asked him to be my life partner and him turning me down I figured it was easier to stay in the closet than to deal with the AIDS crisis.

    Through the 90s and 00s I was married and raised a daughter.

    Came out in 2010, divorced in 2011.

    Happier than I ever was.

    I strongly believe that if I did come out in the 80s I'd either be dead or living with AIDS as many of my out friends were/are.
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    Jan 23, 2014 11:46 PM GMT
    Wow that's very interesting guys! Do you feel like now is an easier Time for guys to come out ? More acceptance of gays ?
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    Jan 23, 2014 11:52 PM GMT
    _Behemoth_ saidWow that's very interesting guys! Do you feel like now is an easier Time for guys to come out ? More acceptance of gays ?


    Well, it was easier for me to come out after my parents realized their other two sons were gay. I was just icing on the big homo cake in our family!
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    Jan 23, 2014 11:57 PM GMT
    20-30 years ago it was hard. Not like today when its almost 'trendy' to be gay. I stayed with women for fear of being shunned by society. I remember as a 11-12 yr old, being made to watch my uncles gut there bears and dear.. was supposed to 'toughen' me up… It didn't work! Now I'm just cold and heartless..icon_mad.gif LOL.. Also when i was 16 my mother moved me to a small butt-hole of a town. Not coming out early is a big regret, but oh well… I'm out now!
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    Jan 24, 2014 12:03 AM GMT
    UndercoverMan said
    _Behemoth_ saidWow that's very interesting guys! Do you feel like now is an easier Time for guys to come out ? More acceptance of gays ?


    Well, it was easier for me to come out after my parents realized their other two sons were gay. I was just icing on the big homo cake in our family!
    hehe 3z leches cake icon_razz.gif
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    Jan 24, 2014 12:15 AM GMT
    ^^^ That is fuckin' funny. Do I have your permission to use it?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 24, 2014 12:20 AM GMT
    The OP might find something of interest in this recent thread, which had a lot of response:

    http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/3604149
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 24, 2014 12:22 AM GMT
    UndercoverMan said^^^ That is fuckin' funny. Do I have your permission to use it?
    haha yea
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    Jan 24, 2014 12:34 AM GMT
    Thirty years ago was definitely more conservative. We lived in Michigan at the time. The possibility that two men or two women could have sexual relations was never discussed in sex ed and my parents never had the birds and bees talk with me, instead relying on the school to teach me that. I didn't even know same sex relations were possible until I saw my first Penthouse Letters when I was in college (1984). That was both enlightening and an eye opener!

    I'm 100% that had I known what being gay was and been out at my first high school, that I would have been bullied. I'm not sure how severe it would have been. My dad was a teacher there so it probably would have been less dramatic than if he weren't. My second high school (Wisconsin) was more liberal and I don't think there would have been any bullying issues there had I been out.

    I'm now a high school coach in Connecticut. My assistant coaches and team know I'm gay. Nobody has cared. Quite a different scenario than when I grew up. We've made a lot of progress but still have more to do.
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    Jan 24, 2014 12:36 AM GMT
    big homo cake… hahaha…
  • Dave_StMtn

    Posts: 36

    Jan 24, 2014 12:42 AM GMT
    In the late 70s and early 80s, I don't remember anyone coming out. The only places to meet in Seattle were a youth center, the seedy bars, the downtown YMCA, and an underage club called The Monastery, where you'd have the usual drug crowd, rent boys, and the pimps who tried to pull in other street kids and runaways.

    As depressing as all that sounds, it was thrilling in a Less Than Zero kind of way.

    Still, my brief and few experiences were harrowing enough to make me steer clear of the gay culture, such as it was then.
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    Jan 24, 2014 12:46 AM GMT
    Dave_StMtn saidIn the late 70s and early 80s, I don't remember anyone coming out. The only places to meet in Seattle were a youth center, the seedy bars, the downtown YMCA, and an underage club called The Monastery, where you'd have the usual drug crowd, rent boys, and the pimps who tried to pull in other street kids and runaways.

    As depressing as all that sounds, it was thrilling in a Less Than Zero kind of way.

    Still, my brief and few experiences were harrowing enough to make me steer clear of the gay culture, such as it was then.
    I think the scene hasn't changed much , which is why I'm probably gonna be taking a long vacation from it
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    Jan 24, 2014 12:50 AM GMT
    My fear from that time was keeping "the dirty little secret" and not risking loss of employment. The energy invested in protecting the secret would have been better spent building a major career full of significant contributions to the profession.

    With everything said above, it's still not "completely safe" for the younger guys to be out in all environments. With all the softening of attitudes, are approaching the time when being gay becomes a non-issue.
  • Ploktorb

    Posts: 95

    Jan 24, 2014 12:53 AM GMT
    In the early 70's I had my first gay experience. I was 14 at the time and my friend was 12, we messed around for a couple months till he decided he was really into but I was. I had to stay in the closet for fear of being disowned by my family. In the mid 80's, when I was about half way done with college I started to experiment again with my roommate who was also gay/curious. We dated, in the closet, for the remaining time in college but ended up breaking up with me, saying that he had just been confused. I decided to just give up on my gay interests and ended up marrying my now ex-wife in 1991. Just a couple years ago I divorced her because now that being gay is a little more acceptable I have found it easier to come out and now live with a guy that I have been dating for 6 months now and I am happier than I have ever been in my life. Even though being gay got me AIDS.
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    Jan 24, 2014 1:12 AM GMT
    A_Spooky_Ghost saidIn the early 70's I had my first gay experience. I was 14 at the time and my friend was 12, we messed around for a couple months till he decided he was really into but I was. I had to stay in the closet for fear of being disowned by my family. In the mid 80's, when I was about half way done with college I started to experiment again with my roommate who was also gay/curious. We dated, in the closet, for the remaining time in college but ended up breaking up with me, saying that he had just been confused. I decided to just give up on my gay interests and ended up marrying my now ex-wife in 1991. Just a couple years ago I divorced her because now that being gay is a little more acceptable I have found it easier to come out and now live with a guy that I have been dating for 6 months now and I am happier than I have ever been in my life. Even though being gay got me AIDS.
    thanks for sharing that story though it is kinda confusing..your profile is of a 22yo. But thanks for sharing
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    Jan 24, 2014 1:18 AM GMT
    _Behemoth_ said
    A_Spooky_Ghost saidIn the early 70's I had my first gay experience. I was 14 at the time and my friend was 12, we messed around for a couple months till he decided he was really into but I was. I had to stay in the closet for fear of being disowned by my family. In the mid 80's, when I was about half way done with college I started to experiment again with my roommate who was also gay/curious. We dated, in the closet, for the remaining time in college but ended up breaking up with me, saying that he had just been confused. I decided to just give up on my gay interests and ended up marrying my now ex-wife in 1991. Just a couple years ago I divorced her because now that being gay is a little more acceptable I have found it easier to come out and now live with a guy that I have been dating for 6 months now and I am happier than I have ever been in my life. Even though being gay got me AIDS.
    thanks for sharing that story though it is kinda confusing..your profile is of a 22yo. But thanks for sharing


    that's why his photo looks like he's 50 years old. it all make perfect sense, now.
  • Ploktorb

    Posts: 95

    Jan 24, 2014 1:22 AM GMT
    Yea, I just want people to think im younger by falsifying my age on here. Does that make me a terrible person?
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    Jan 24, 2014 1:37 AM GMT
    A_Spooky_Ghost saidYea, I just want people to think im younger by falsifying my age on here. Does that make me a terrible person?

    Nope. A terrible person you aren't. You rock my world.
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    Jan 24, 2014 1:44 AM GMT
    I grew up not even knowing what gay was until I moved to CA in the late 70s. Even when I learned about this 'group' of people, they were so over the top with dress and mannerisms that I immediately discounted any idea that I was gay, despite loving to see a naked guy. I knew no one that was gay and figured I was str8 but just liked looking at guys because I was horny and not in a relationship. I did thing I understood, I found a woman I enjoyed and married figuring all those feelings would disappear. They did for awhile as I was busy being married, raising a family and just keeping busy, then came the internet....the rest was downhill!

    I do think it's easier for guys now because society is more accepting and have been better educated. I do believe there's much more acceptance for gays now and I think most kids in school know someone gay. When I was young, no one would admit they were gay. The closet was very crowded back then!
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    Jan 24, 2014 1:46 AM GMT
    I came out in the early 90's when I was in college. Except for my mom, nobody cared including my best friend who is a straight guy. I'm glad I came out then. My family and relatives kept asking about when l was getting a girlfriend or when I was going to get married....that got old fast!
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    Jan 24, 2014 1:50 AM GMT
    I came out in the early 80's and to be honest... I partied my ass off! Kinda a miracle I'm still alive and in decent shape. It was the tail end of the Disco Rave and the beginning of the Punk era. Still, lots of dancing, some drinking and fun party times,(think Fable today, minus the hangover) but I didn't find it hard to be gay back then or now.
  • Dave_StMtn

    Posts: 36

    Jan 24, 2014 1:50 AM GMT
    eb925guy said...then came the internet....the rest was downhill!


    Pretty much.
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    Jan 24, 2014 1:52 AM GMT
    Dave_StMtn said
    eb925guy said...then came the internet....the rest was downhill!


    Pretty much.

    QFT!
    It was actually more fun when you had to go out and look for F U N in real time.