Exotifying mixed people- why it's not a compliment.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 25, 2014 7:43 PM GMT
    I was reading through old forums when I came across this statement. I'm not sure if people are just unaware, so I'm going to speak my 2 cents on what I see when someone states a comment like this.

    Chainers said

    Mixed is the way to go, most hot guys I meet have a good mix of Cherokee, black, Latin, white, Asian, and so forth.

    You get the best of both worlds.


    Exotification can be flattering, but at the same time, very much discomforting. It raise questions about whether the person likes you for who you are, or because he/she projects this exotic image of who you are supposed to be. That you are seen as a fetish before you are seen as a human being, and making us feel that we are valued by our genes then that of which we have more important things to offer.

    We are people, and not things to just look at.

    Sorry chainers for quoting you without your permission.
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    Jan 25, 2014 9:16 PM GMT
    Varus said.
    We are people, and not things to just look at.


    Same thing to all those non-white OPs of those threads where they're pining for white guys. Stop objectifying us - we're not all that, so stop thinking of us as trophies. We're people, just like you.
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    Jan 25, 2014 9:22 PM GMT
    eagermuscle said
    Varus said.
    We are people, and not things to just look at.


    Same thing to all those non-white OPs of those threads where they're pining for white guys. Stop objectifying us - we're not all that, so stop thinking of us as trophies. We're people, just like you.


    I personally don't objectify white men, but I have to admit a lot of the minorities do. I don't blame the minorities either though, I blame the system. You can't blame people for the force feeding of things they are exposed to everyday.
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    Jan 25, 2014 9:29 PM GMT
    Varus said

    Sorry chainers for quoting you without your permission.


    Permission to quote? What is he, a yacht?

    DofE-PermissionToBoardSir800.jpg
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Jan 25, 2014 9:49 PM GMT
    What type of man should be objectified?
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    Jan 25, 2014 9:50 PM GMT
    I think whenever someone says they only date a race not of their own I get a tinge of suspicion, not because there is anything wrong with interracial dating, but because when people begin to sounds like they are fetishizing another race I tend to not take them seriously relationship wise.

    but anyway I dont think there is anything wrong with asking mixed people question, sometimes our past can be interesting ( mine is, I enjoy learning about my families history ), But when the questions begin to turn into some freaky sexual fascination then I stay away from those people.

    i.e "best of both worlds" comments I've gotten

    "can I put more cream in your coffee?
    "Oh I've never had a black guy b4"
    "I've never had a mixed guy before"
    " mmm can I pull on your curly hair and ride ?"
    " red bois are the best "


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 25, 2014 9:53 PM GMT
    LOL. Chainers likes to, um, yank people's chains. So I can't say for sure that he was being serious with his statement. icon_wink.gif
  • Apparition

    Posts: 3525

    Jan 25, 2014 9:55 PM GMT
    life isnt fair, it will never change, people will date whom they want. do we need yet another forum post on this...
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Jan 25, 2014 9:57 PM GMT
    Like it or not, men tend to be visual.
    We are attracted to men whom we see as good looking.
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    Jan 25, 2014 10:04 PM GMT
    Webster666 saidLike it or not, men tend to be visual.
    We are attracted to men whom we see as good looking.

    Apparition saidlife isnt fair, it will never change, people will date whom they want. do we need yet another forum post on this...




    Does this mean the fetishization of us by monoracials is a "like it or not" situation ? Do you think its appropriate for monoracials to judge what may or may not be a big deal or offensive/disrespectful to multiracials ?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 25, 2014 10:15 PM GMT
    Why let it bother you?
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    Jan 25, 2014 10:18 PM GMT
    MikeW saidWhat type of man should be objectified?


    I've observed that on this site, very often, the type of man objectified is the muscled one.

  • Chainers

    Posts: 375

    Jan 25, 2014 10:41 PM GMT
    xrichx saidLOL. Chainers likes to, um, yank people's chains. So I can't say for sure that he was being serious with his statement. icon_wink.gif


    One that is how I feel.

    Two...so not being attracted to you is wrong...being attracted to you is wrong...

    Boy a lot of people on this forum need some serious therapy.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 25, 2014 11:34 PM GMT
    Just wait until you hit your 50s. You're going to miss being objectified and pray you find someone with a daddy fetish or an ethnic Jewish obsession.

    For dinner, I know how to make reservations, just in case any prospect was wondering.
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    Jan 25, 2014 11:37 PM GMT
    theantijock saidJust wait until you hit your 50s. You're going to miss being objectified and pray you find someone with a daddy fetish or an ethnic Jewish obsession.

    For dinner, I know how to make reservations, just in case any prospect was wondering.

    There are just way too many young guys looking for Daddies, I am not worried for my 50s. icon_lol.gif
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    Jan 27, 2014 4:32 PM GMT
    morphic said
    theantijock saidJust wait until you hit your 50s. You're going to miss being objectified and pray you find someone with a daddy fetish or an ethnic Jewish obsession.

    For dinner, I know how to make reservations, just in case any prospect was wondering.

    There are just way too many young guys looking for Daddies, I am not worried for my 50s. icon_lol.gif


    Sorry for delayed response. Guess I forgot about thread. Must be my age.

    A weird thing is getting used to the idea that maybe a lot of sexuality is about fetishizing, whether that means someone's skin color or body type or body part or ethnicity or age or whatever characteristic.

    The "oh but I just want to be loved for me" might be rare. I think I had that once with my last bud because we'd gotten to like each other very much so before even exchanging pictures back in the early days of AOL. And we had chatted a lot up to that point so we knew each other pretty well. Turned out he was a good looking guy but not my type i.e. not my fetish. So we worked around that naturally and developed one of the most intimate relationships I've known, sex not being a big part of it.

    On the other hand, when fetishizing was thrown in my face, like someone being obvious that they were into me because I was Jewish--and that's happened a few time--I'd reject them, because, as the OP is expressing, it felt too weird. But I don't know if that was simply about being objectified because when I was young I loved being objectified. My first bud and I used to play with that all the time. Going out and teasing and getting teased was fun.

    So I was okay with guys objectifying me for my bod back then, just not my ethnicity. I don't fully understand that. It could be that it tapped into some insecurities I might have had about being Jewish in a gentile world but I was not consciously aware of it at the time. I considered myself comfortable with myself. But maybe there was some remnant nonsense inside that I hadn't yet dealt with.

    I had similar issues with age back in my late 30s, after I lost my first best bud and noticed very young guys coming after me. I tricked with only one of them and I didn't enjoy it very much, preferring guys my age. I had even one guy, probably 15 or more years my junior who thought of himself as my generation because he had siblings older than me. But even that freaked me out.

    I still don't fully accept it but I'm starting to intellectually realize it, now that there are so many fewer people who would be interested in me because of my age: Thank God for fetish. (just not the super icky ones, ewwww, keep those away from me, thanx.)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 27, 2014 4:37 PM GMT
    I objectify everyone. I have no interest in your actual qualities.
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    Jan 27, 2014 4:45 PM GMT
    Varus said
    Exotification can be flattering, but at the same time, very much discomforting. It raise questions about whether the person likes you for who you are, or because he/she projects this exotic image of who you are supposed to be. That you are seen as a fetish before you are seen as a human being, and making us feel that we are valued by our genes then that of which we have more important things to offer.

    We are people, and not things to just look at.


    UGLY.gif
    If you're in "discomfort" about this, I have very bad news for you......you're going to be in discomfort the rest of your life. Life is short. Stop being so damn concerned about the little shit. Be thankful anyone finds you attractive at all. There are a lot of people who are seen as ugly by just about everyone.
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    Jan 27, 2014 5:04 PM GMT
    Further evidence that human beings never miss an opportunity to find one more thing to bitch and moan about. icon_lol.gif
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    Jan 27, 2014 6:01 PM GMT
    It's easy to assume something as frivolous as physical appearance is something that shouldn't even be discussed when it comes to mixed children, after all we get the best of both worlds right? I find it funny that the accusations come from people who are not mixed, yet think they have any idea on the struggles that a mixed person had to go through growing up.

    At a young age I was already experiencing things that a 7 year old should have never experienced until later years. I was being ostracized because of my skin color and features. I went to school that was predominantly white, and in the upper middle class. I felt like I was a human experiment, like pieces sewn together for the amusement of others. Kids always asking me "what am I?" I'm human, and that's all that matters. I was outcasted by my fellow students because I did not look like them. I was not white enough for the white kids, and not dark enough for the dark kids. Later on in life I started to see a rift in cliques, that later I even had to choose what part of my ethnicity I had to declare more "dominate" to be able to associate myself with certain groups.

    It wasn't until I got into college and started dating that I realized, men were only attracted to me because of how abstract I looked and not for me. It eventually took a toll on my self esteem. Going from freak show, to desired (but for the wrong reasons) my mental fortitude about myself just shattered.
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    Jan 27, 2014 6:32 PM GMT
    Varus said
    eagermuscle said
    Varus said.
    We are people, and not things to just look at.


    Same thing to all those non-white OPs of those threads where they're pining for white guys. Stop objectifying us - we're not all that, so stop thinking of us as trophies. We're people, just like you.


    I personally don't objectify white men, but I have to admit a lot of the minorities do. I don't blame the minorities either though, I blame the system. You can't blame people for the force feeding of things they are exposed to everyday.
    The media is not so influential, subliminal or not, that it would actually affect our psyches to such a degree. I think blaming "the system" is more of a get out of jail free card, than a legitimate excuse for human behaviors that we don't agree with.

    Even besides that, your view doesn't exactly favor the ability of people to think for themselves. In a word, you're calling these people stupid. And I highly doubt that was your intended meaning, otherwise this topic would have a different tone entirely.
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    Jan 27, 2014 6:51 PM GMT
    Youre the first one to exotify people with your threads.