Dating Older Men

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 27, 2014 8:31 PM GMT
    As someone in my early 20's, I find myself attracted to men in in their 40's, and sometimes beyond, and usually, older, mature men are attracted to me, in more ways than just physically. Which I appreciate.

    The problem is, I can't see myself integrating with his daily life, and vise-versa. I feel bad, but I can't see him getting along with my friends at all, seeing as most of them are even younger than I am. Like it would be really weird. Not because he's older, but because I have no friends his age. He'd be hanging around some youngsters with some fairly immature habits.

    Anyone in their 20's date an older guy? Did it work out? Why/why not.
    Also, if any mature men have experience dating college aged guys, how did that work out for you?
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    Jan 27, 2014 8:48 PM GMT
    woodsmen saidIf you love someone, it will be just the two of you traversing the world you don't decide based on the acceptance or denial of friends.
    At the same time, I don't feel right just abandoning some of the most supportive people in my life. I also love all of my friends very much, and have a perfect record of never losing one.
    What would ditching them say about my capacity for loyalty and devotion?
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    Jan 27, 2014 8:50 PM GMT
    Dated a guy in his 50s and hanging out with his biker buddies was odd at first, but we all eventually got along and age didn't play knit anything other than the occasional fun poke at each other.

    Dated a guy in his 40s and hung out with his friends and he hung out with mine. Everyone got along great and the age thing really didn't matter.

    Last boyfriend was 30 and I honestly couldn't click with his friends or he couldn't click with mine.


    It all depends really
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    Jan 27, 2014 8:58 PM GMT
    I've met older/younger couples. It's usually not a big deal for the older guy's friends. They tend to have a better understanding that love is love, etc. But often times it's the younger guy's friends that might think it's weird. Old creeper, chicken hawk, cradle robber.. all those things might cross their mind. I don't have any real advice to give you. If your friends are mature and open minded, I don't think they'll have any issues with your potential boyfriend regardless of age.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Jan 27, 2014 9:02 PM GMT
    I'm not particularly sold on the idea, but hey, your life, your choice, I just wonder how long you are expecting such a relationship to a last. If you're just fooling around and having fun, I say go for it, but if you are thinking long term, what exactly do you see in your future? Also, understand that once you get involved with someone, it is not that easy to just leave that situation and start a different life. And the all the time you spend in any one situation are missed opportunities of a different life.

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    I briefly dated a guy 25 years younger then me, but realized very quickly that there could be no future in it and I didn't want to waste his time, when he might find Mr. Right and maybe life long happiness. Not sure what became of him, we didn't keep contact, but I told him he really needed to find someone his own age to really be happy.
  • Destinharbor

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    Jan 27, 2014 9:39 PM GMT
    I'm significantly older than my partner. He can comfortably be with my older friends but I really have little interest in his Ultimate frisbee friends. He has his
    Tuesday night frisbee match and sometimes has a beer after and sometimes we'll meet up with my friends. But the thing is when you become a couple, you just naturally spend less time with your friends because you become each other's best friend. You don't need all those other people. It's part of growing up. Your circle of friends gets smaller. If you're not prepared to redirect your time from friends to your lover, you're not prepared to have a lover.

    An older guy will also have his own interests and habits (not to mention a job) so he won't mind you spending time with your friends so long as you choose to be with him when you both can.

    And btw, my older friends at first were suspicious that Alex might be a gold-digger, daddy issue guy, etc, etc. That cuts both ways. If you meet an older guy you like, don't worry about friends on either side. Just be yourselves and all that other stuff will sort itself out.
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    Jan 27, 2014 10:06 PM GMT
    Destinharbor saidI'm significantly older than my partner. He can comfortably be with my older friends but I really have little interest in his Ultimate frisbee friends. He has his
    Tuesday night frisbee match and sometimes has a beer after and sometimes we'll meet up with my friends. But the thing is when you become a couple, you just naturally spend less time with your friends because you become each other's best friend. You don't need all those other people. It's part of growing up. Your circle of friends gets smaller. If you're not prepared to redirect your time from friends to your lover, you're not prepared to have a lover.

    An older guy will also have his own interests and habits (not to mention a job) so he won't mind you spending time with your friends so long as you choose to be with him when you both can.

    And btw, my older friends at first were suspicious that Alex might be a gold-digger, daddy issue guy, etc, etc. That cuts both ways. If you meet an older guy you like, don't worry about friends on either side. Just be yourselves and all that other stuff will sort itself out.
    Yeah I find that kind "daddy issue" argument is more or less a projection onto other people, especially since I'm attracted to men of a wide age range, including my own age.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Jan 27, 2014 10:19 PM GMT
    I agree. I look at Alex as a self-realized adult, capable of making up his own mind what he likes and wants. Still, others like to put labels on things. I'm not a chicken-hawk either. I'd never dated significantly younger before him. We just hit it off and decided to forge our own path. We've been together 6 1/2 years, living together for 4 1/2 since he graduated from grad school. All our friends and families have supported us once they saw we were happy and nothing weird was going on. Go for it, man, if you've got a guy picked out. But do watch out-- there are some older guys out there who prey on younger just as there are some younger who prey on older.
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    Jan 27, 2014 10:37 PM GMT
    You may want to give yourself some more time because I have seen my preference in men changing over last few years. As I am getting closer to 30, I find guys close to my age more attractive as compared to my early 20s when I wasn't at all interested in dating guys around my age. I had a three year long relationship with a guy 9 years older than me.
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    Jan 27, 2014 10:45 PM GMT
    My ex boyfriend was about 9 years older than me, I met him when I was about 26. That relationship lasted about 3 years! I noticed in our time together, it was fine in the beginning but as I gotten to know more about him! I realized that we have very different opinions and perspectives on life! He was basically done, wanted a house-husband, very homebody! Which is fine, but ultimately I wasn't the one for him! I ended it because there were other things I want to experience and accomplish. And I don't really see myself as the homebody house-husband type, I want an adventurous guy who can keep me on my toe! Now I'm in my early 30s, I like guys similar to my age because we have so much in common and I realize a lot of them are attractive/hot, too.
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    Jan 27, 2014 10:56 PM GMT
    I have never dated anyone older than me. I prefer younger and hairless and it seems geezers are often older and hairy. Plus, I need someone with a ton of energy and the oldsters are usually boring and in need of a nap.
    To each his own I imagine.
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    Jan 28, 2014 1:00 AM GMT
    I feel the Exact same way.... I suggest going with young guys now though.. when your older they may not want you.. young guys are hot too.. if you think it wont work out it likely wont but anything is possible... but why not find a nice young guy now, grow older with him together and maybe he will look as stunning young as he does old...
  • bucks88

    Posts: 5

    Jan 28, 2014 1:06 AM GMT
    I have come across that same situation as well.
    Like you, I am generally attracted to older, more mature guys. Sometimes I wonder if it's even possible to get into anything really long term, because we are at different places in our lives.

    If you ever figure it out, i am welcome to any advice icon_smile.gif
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    Jan 28, 2014 1:21 AM GMT
    FRANKHOMESTEADER saidWhat the hell is going on with the so called gay movement. This drag queen cat fight is a real turn off. To hell with age !


    Its the truth what is being said here. if you can't accept that then maybe you have a few problems with your own age..
  • Jockasian703

    Posts: 73

    Jan 28, 2014 1:25 AM GMT
    Ajjax said
    woodsmen saidIf you love someone, it will be just the two of you traversing the world you don't decide based on the acceptance or denial of friends.
    At the same time, I don't feel right just abandoning some of the most supportive people in my life. I also love all of my friends very much, and have a perfect record of never losing one.
    What would ditching them say about my capacity for loyalty and devotion?


    Why can't you still hang out with your friends and vice versa. My boyfriend is 13 to 14 years older than I and we both do mutual things with my friends and his friends. Just thought I share this. If you truly care/love your partner, age aint nothing but a number.
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    Jan 28, 2014 2:31 AM GMT
    ikilledcaptainplanet saidthe only thing that actually bothers me a bit about dating someone who's older than me is that they might use their wisdom and their experience to take advantage of me.


    That wouldn't be wisdom; that would be guile.
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    Jan 28, 2014 3:08 AM GMT
    Ajjax saidAnyone in their 20's date an older guy? Did it work out? Why/why not.
    Also, if any mature men have experience dating college aged guys, how did that work out for you?


    I've dated all over the map, age-wise, including the combinations you mention above. I seek out my partners and dates based on personality, attraction, shared interests, and how we could make each other better people.

    Age never made any difference in any of those. To date, my best relationships were with a guy 22 years older and another 24 years younger than me. What worked well about those two was that we could learn a lot from each other, which made for amazing conversations. We were all three also extremely active, which meant there were tons of things we could DO together.

    Seriously, if I were you I would simply introduce my friends to my lover and vice-versa. Make it clear that it is important to you that they get along. If they cannot, that says a lot about your friends or your potential partner.
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    Jan 28, 2014 5:20 AM GMT
    Here's some guys that are pretty old now:

    http://youtu.be/omCIX1vnG0o
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Jan 28, 2014 5:36 AM GMT
    mx5guynj saidHere's some guys that are pretty old now:

    http://youtu.be/omCIX1vnG0o



    Love that song
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    Jan 28, 2014 5:41 AM GMT
    The youngest man I've ever been serious with was 33, so I may not be the best person to answer this, but I'm puzzled.

    I can understand being at different places in your lives, and having to negotiate that. I can understand each of your friends being suspicious of motives at first, and having to get past that.

    What I can't understand is someone who has immature friends being attracted to much older men. I have never seen a young person claim they're attracted to older men without identifying as a primary reason that they consider themselves too mature for men their own age.

    Unless, of course, they're gold-diggers. But perhaps there's another possibility?
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    Jan 28, 2014 5:48 AM GMT
    mx5guynj saidHere's some guys that are pretty old now:

    http://youtu.be/omCIX1vnG0o


    Ya mean, this whole thing really isn't just some new fad??   icon_wink.gif

    Seriously, that was sweet.
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    Jan 28, 2014 5:48 AM GMT
    ikilledcaptainplanet saidthe only thing that actually bothers me a bit about dating someone who's older than me is that they might use their wisdom and their experience to take advantage of me. i'm willing to learn some trick of the trade BUT i'll be damned if some older guy thinks because i'm 27, he could get over on me. same thing with a younger guy. i'm aware that some of the younger guys like to use their age as an excuse to make mistakes they know they wouldn't get a pass for. you know.. "i got drunk and then i slept with the guy or whatever. please don't break up with me." uhhh no. i can forgive someone but that doesn't mean that i would stay with them. i'd straight up end that shit. i'm not one of those guys that has a tolerance for any bullshit.

    Precisely why young men who are attracted to older men need to exercise caution and employ good judgement. There are predators out there, and there are signs you are being targeted by one. When a 57-year-old protests constantly that he isn't attracted to teenagers but is always trying to get close to them, watch out.
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    Jan 28, 2014 6:14 AM GMT
    I personally am willing to take one ( or many) for the team, and I will gladly 'date' any younger guy who wants the experience, perhaps you can then cross it off your bucket list ( or fuck it list) as the case may be!
    I know, Im always giving of myself… icon_wink.gif
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Jan 28, 2014 9:25 PM GMT
    FRANKHOMESTEADER saidI would not want to date mama's child ,the young one's today are setting back societies morals ,they get it so good being pampered . Poof / just take away the toys , ( cell phone and games ) are so important to them . I will leave my fortune to an adult my age or older.

    I'm older. Let me know what information you need to put me in your will. icon_lol.gif
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    Jan 28, 2014 9:42 PM GMT
    I'm 21 and am with my boyfriend of 6 and a half months (he is 40). We enjoy spending time with just each other. We'll watch movies, go on road trips, skiing, etc. He has a couple of friends (straight) around his age that he met through college and the army, and sometimes we will get together to watch a movie or something. But most of the time it's just me and my boyfriend which I am completely satisfied with. It seems like a lifetime isn't nearly long enough for us to be with each other, so we are fine spending quality time together.

    We also go to places like museums where it's sort of an interaction among several more people, and I think that is nice sometimes. Best of luck!