Jan 28, 2014 4:59 AM GMT
I know this is long, but I just have to let it out. It's just been 1 of those weeks.
With Denver going to the Superbowl playing Seattle, now everyone gets to hear both cities' names on a daily basis. Now that that's the case, it brings a bit more attention/focus to the city (not as much as NY hosting Superbowl).
But for what it's worth...all the hype just don't do anything for me. In order to really understand it, you just have be around these people long enough in my shoes to understand just how silly and narrow-minded they can be out here. It's amazing how a city's people can just totally detract from an otherwise decent city for some people.
I was just at the gym today, and it reminded me of that. I decided to listen in on a conversation, just to see what and how people start chatting here. For one, I always find I get excluded from conversations...because whenever I'm in the steamroom/sauna...for the most part I'm never acknowledged. They'll chat with people who are the majority for the state, but act like I'm not even there. Then, I noticed the conversation always turns to snowboarding or other winter sports. Nothing wrong with that, but I don't even know anyone who does that kind of stuff because I never get invited to join anyone.
Then, 1 of the guys in the sauna went to the hottub 1st at the same time I was thinking of going. The same guy who I had a brief conversation. He gets in the pool first, but I sit way on the other end and he immediately gets out. I'm like, what the hell is his problem? What, I'm going to contaminate the fucking pool or something?
Then, the gay scene here is no different. People mingle in their closely knit (cliquey) circles and totally snub you if you're a minority. The Black guys you see here are either alone because no one will approach them, or they are aggressively hunting down what they want, because no one will approach them. I observed and realized who the Black guys here who have some popularity going for themselves. It's almost always because they can be used for rides, party favors, or a place to crash. I mean, you might get a little bit of fake attention here and there from some groups (and you have to know someone they know), but it's quickly revealed down the line that it's all about nothing. The minute they realize you can't or won't do what they need you for (or once they get it), they fall to the wayside. Friendship over. It has to be all about what the fuck you can do for their fucking sorry ass.
I'm just over it. 3 years of living in inadequacy. I call it that because it's not that I haven't had fun here, or met some great friends/dates/fuck buddies or gone to some nice places...but it's usually short-lived or hollowed up experiences. It didn't last, and it's always been conditional. I've been able to go further in many other cities I've lived (except Dallas, which wasn't much different).
I'm just ready. I need to just start somewhere. I'll take Raleigh, maybe DC area, Minneapolis, Florida, Boston. Even if it's not long-term, but just something temporary just to break the cycle or something.