How often do people suppose you are gay?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 30, 2014 4:44 AM GMT
    This is a question about gaydar. Straigt people will get that feeling just from looking at you, even if you're not doing anything obviously gay like making out with another guy. But a couple weeks at the hotel I was working at, I was talking to my friend at the front desk, I was just leaving but apparently this lady saw me and she told my friend "Oh my gosh! Who is that guy? He is so cute! I have to have him meet my son!" icon_lol.gif

    I mean, like, I don't like to imagine I strike most people as being gay just from my general appearance or mannerisms, though I might have a more stylish, polished appearance that indicates good taste.

    How often do you set someone else's gaydar off?
  • samiiow

    Posts: 10

    Jan 30, 2014 4:48 AM GMT
    all the time. i'm campy
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    Jan 30, 2014 4:56 AM GMT
    I've had gay and straight people ask if I'm gay or say their gaydar goes off on me lol its weird Ive only told like my best friend and I don't act feminine or anything but I still get that lmao

    I'd say it happens twice a month
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    Jan 30, 2014 5:24 AM GMT
    Almost never. Don't know why.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Jan 30, 2014 5:46 AM GMT
    When I was young, a lot ... almost never now that I'm old(er)
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    Jan 30, 2014 5:48 AM GMT
    Unfortunately, it's way too often, and I hate it. I don't want people to know that I am gay, but I can't seem to hide my mannerism and my tone of voice. I've been asked by some friends and coworkers upfront. My close friend has told me that others had asked him behind my back whether I was gay. icon_cry.gif

    Even with my normal speaking voice over the phone, people on the other line would call me "ma'am". icon_mad.gif

    I would have to make a conscious effort to not look or sound gay. icon_sad.gif
  • killercliche

    Posts: 948

    Jan 30, 2014 7:18 AM GMT
    Scotticvs saidThis is a question about gaydar. Straigt people will get that feeling just from looking at you, even if you're not doing anything obviously gay like making out with another guy. But a couple weeks at the hotel I was working at, I was talking to my friend at the front desk, I was just leaving but apparently this lady saw me and she told my friend "Oh my gosh! Who is that guy? He is so cute! I have to have him meet my son!"

    How often do you set someone else's gaydar off?


    I would just take it as a complement. I find the people usually are interested in finding the sexual preference of a person that is attractive. In this case, the mother had a son she wanted to hook up.

    If you look at your daily life, how often do you speculate on a person's sexuality and what percentage of those people do you yourself find attractive?
  • Oliv3

    Posts: 5

    Jan 30, 2014 7:22 AM GMT
    I don't know. Anyone knew I was gay before comming out to them.
  • PolitiMAC

    Posts: 728

    Jan 30, 2014 7:58 AM GMT
    Anyone can tell with me in the first 10 minutes icon_razz.gif When I first came out to people outside my family, it spread like wildfire, but everyone knew beforehand icon_razz.gif No surprise from anyone.

    I suppose my mannerisms and voice give it away. I don't know what I'm like when I'm just walking by, but when it comes to communicating with others, they're gonna know icon_smile.gif
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    Jan 30, 2014 9:12 AM GMT
    YourName2000 said
    What I'm getting at is that I think even the premise of the question (let alone some of the answers) are evidence of your own internal homophobia.


    It's got nothing to do with me being internally homophobic. I'm at peace with my sexuality and I really don't care much to change that. I'm only concerned about potentially passing for the sake of personal safety and security. A lot of people are understanding and accepting, of course. But...a lot of people also aren't. So it's wise to exercise judgment about how open to be and when. I don't hate myself; I just don't wanna get my ass kicked someday by some shitty straight guy because he's too stupid to understand.
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    Jan 30, 2014 9:37 AM GMT
    Most people don't realise, even if they have known me for years. The two groups that are more likely to guess are other gay people, and guys that check out women a lot and ask why I don't do the same thing. It's not because I am putting on an act of any sort though.
  • PolitiMAC

    Posts: 728

    Jan 30, 2014 12:46 PM GMT
    kiwiLifter said
    Scotticvs said
    YourName2000 said
    What I'm getting at is that I think even the premise of the question (let alone some of the answers) are evidence of your own internal homophobia.


    It's got nothing to do with me being internally homophobic. I'm at peace with my sexuality and I really don't care much to change that. I'm only concerned about potentially passing for the sake of personal safety and security. A lot of people are understanding and accepting, of course. But...a lot of people also aren't. So it's wise to exercise judgment about how open to be and when. I don't hate myself; I just don't wanna get my ass kicked someday by some shitty straight guy because he's too stupid to understand.


    The phrase "internalised homophobia" gets thrown around a lot by the PC muppets if they suspect you of a Thought Crime. They act like the phrase has some kind of legitimate psychology field credibility - of course it is nothing more than political sloganeering.

    Notice how YourName2000 feels more than free to assume some kind of "therapist" role and you are the "patient" who needs "healing".


    The Left tend to see themselves as the Enlightened Ones and anyone else as cavemen who must be told why they are stupid and the need to be corrected icon_razz.gif

    You get a bit that way with the Global Warming conversation, though, Kiwi icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 30, 2014 1:00 PM GMT
    I didn't see anywhere that this question was about denial or pretending anything. Some people may have more mannerisms that are stereotypically seen as "gay" and others don't. I know some guys who act more gay than many gay guys I know, but I'm pretty sure they are not.
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    Jan 30, 2014 1:05 PM GMT
    I don't ever come off as a prancing girly man, so no one pegs me as a prancing girly man. That said, I'm kind of a homo.
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    Jan 30, 2014 1:13 PM GMT
    Never as far as I know of. I have had people thinking I was making this stuff up when I came out of the closet, that was interesting.

    It's also funny when you tell friends you are gay and half a year later they are making remarks to you about some girl that passes by or something and seem to assume you are straight. Like they've completely forgotten you are a homo or ever came of the closet to them. I'm sure this has happened to some of you before as well. I don't mind it, at the very least it means, they don't give a rat's ass about whether you are straight or gay.
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    Jan 30, 2014 1:16 PM GMT
    I don't come off as being gay/bi at first because i have a somewhat low deep voice that is mistaken for being "masculine" even though i despise the assumption of it or being feminine because i am neither. So my answer would be not as often but i like for people to guess what my orientation is and i leave hints a lot
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    Jan 30, 2014 1:18 PM GMT
    polfsky saidUnfortunately, it's way too often, and I hate it. I don't want people to know that I am gay, but I can't seem to hide my mannerism and my tone of voice. I've been asked by some friends and coworkers upfront. My close friend has told me that others had asked him behind my back whether I was gay. icon_cry.gif

    Even with my normal speaking voice over the phone, people on the other line would call me "ma'am". icon_mad.gif

    I would have to make a conscious effort to not look or sound gay. icon_sad.gif

    Aw haha thats kinda cute
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    Jan 30, 2014 5:40 PM GMT
    Not at first. After getting to know me better, considering I'm single (as far as they know) and finding out that I don't talk about women or sports I'm sure it crosses people' s minds.
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    Jan 30, 2014 5:48 PM GMT
    I think they know even before I speak. I couldn't careless tbh
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    Feb 01, 2014 1:38 AM GMT
    David3000 said
    polfsky saidUnfortunately, it's way too often, and I hate it. I don't want people to know that I am gay, but I can't seem to hide my mannerism and my tone of voice. I've been asked by some friends and coworkers upfront. My close friend has told me that others had asked him behind my back whether I was gay. icon_cry.gif

    Even with my normal speaking voice over the phone, people on the other line would call me "ma'am". icon_mad.gif

    I would have to make a conscious effort to not look or sound gay. icon_sad.gif

    Aw haha thats kinda cute


    Would be nice if my elementary and high school classmates shared your sentiments. Growing up wasn't easy! icon_sad.gif
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Feb 01, 2014 1:43 AM GMT
    I recently had a woman I see occasionally at Panera when I have lunch say "It's a shame you're married..."
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    Feb 01, 2014 3:15 AM GMT
    Truppensturm saidNever as far as I know of. I have had people thinking I was making this stuff up when I came out of the closet, that was interesting.

    It's also funny when you tell friends you are gay and half a year later they are making remarks to you about some girl that passes by or something and seem to assume you are straight. Like they've completely forgotten you are a homo or ever came of the closet to them. I'm sure this has happened to some of you before as well. I don't mind it, at the very least it means, they don't give a rat's ass about whether you are straight or gay.

    Exactly.

    Most people have a preconceived notion of what a gay man looks/acts like. They have a hard time believing some of us don't fit their stereotype.
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    Feb 01, 2014 3:17 AM GMT
    Timbales saidI recently had a woman I see occasionally at Panera when I have lunch say "It's a shame you're married..."

    LOL.. I get this too a lot since I wear a ring.
    I also hear things like, your wife sure does dress you nicely!
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Feb 01, 2014 3:19 AM GMT
    TheGuyNextDoor said
    Timbales saidI recently had a woman I see occasionally at Panera when I have lunch say "It's a shame you're married..."

    LOL.. I get this too a lot since I wear a ring.
    I also hear things like, your wife sure does dress you nicely!


    she does ;)
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    Feb 01, 2014 3:24 AM GMT
    Broseph saidNever that I know of. I think I was so scared back in junior high that someone would find out I was gay that I just... made sure to never act stereotypical. I didn't run out and do a bunch of macho things to throw people off, but I was always conscious that my voice never went too high and how I gestured when I talked (or held my wrists), etc. I'm sure in a parallel universe somewhere I'm a raving queen.


    I was like this also. Since I have come out, i guess I'm a lot more accepting of my gayness and don't care anymore if people think i'am. Its funny cause a lot men ( in some social circles) are afraid I will steal their GF's or wives, and those wives or GF's are afraid I will steal their men. LOL.