The only bottom in a room full of tops, or so they say...

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    Dec 17, 2008 6:08 AM GMT
    So I was sitting in a bar in dc with a bunch of gay men I have recently befriended. The talk inevitably turned to sex, and we discussed who was a top and who was a bottom. Everyone went around the table and said they were all tops, or versatile, with an emphasis on topping. When it got to my turn, I said I only like to bottom, and they looked at me like I was a unicorn or something. They said hardly anyone they knew was so willing to admit they only liked to bottom.

    It got me wondering, are there not many people who just like to bottom, or do you think people are a little loathe to admit it? My boyfriend told me not many like to admit it because they're afraid of being percieved as sissies or feminine. I don;t really understand because I like what I like and I like to think I'm good at it, so I don;t see why one would be ashamed at what they like and are good at.

    What do you all think?

    And I'm sorry if you thought from the forum title that you were going to read the gay equivalent of Letters to Penthouse and read this instead...
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    Dec 17, 2008 6:13 AM GMT
    Hey, nothing wrong with bottoming at all. There are PLENTY of times when I prefer to bottom; sometimes I want to top, though not as often.

    Nothing sissy about at all!
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    Dec 17, 2008 6:14 AM GMT
    My best friend is just a bottom, he just can't top and doesnt care.

    You're right guys are some what timid about loving the cock in their butt more then sticking theirs in.

    Most of the guys I've dated all say they were mostly tops. I ended up topping them more. I don't like to bottom unless the guy is my size or bigger, thats just me. Saying you're a top gives the hint that you are some how more manly or masculine. Um don't forget boys, you are fucking a dude, you're still a homo. Top or bottom, you still bang dudes.

    I do know guys that are just tops or just bottoms. The reasons could be that they havent found the right person to try stuff with or they are scared to.


    I never liked to bottom, hated it so assumed I was a top. A guy my sized did so and I wanted to bottom more then I wanted to top.

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    Dec 17, 2008 6:15 AM GMT
    TheIStrat saidI don;t really understand because I like what I like and I like to think I'm good at it, so I don;t see why one would be ashamed at what they like and are good at..


    Nor should you feel ashamed of it, every top needs a bottom and every bottom needs a top, otherwise we are all just not getting laid!

    apparently from what I've heard it can be "unmanly" as my mates have said to be the apparent "submissive one" which bottoms get stuck into even though that isn't the case... Its a stupid hetro thing, women submit, men stick there little winkies into women, therefor anything they stick there little winkies into is weak.

    Personaly, I think its utter stupidity on there part, I bottom by choice and because I like it, I submit to no man and for the most part, I tend to be a lot mentally stronger so they lose out on that one.

    you like it, then do it, stuff anyone who wants to look down on you for it!
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    Dec 17, 2008 7:00 AM GMT
    Probably just ashamed. icon_razz.gif It does have connotations of being the 'woman'. I know, I know... ridiculous.

    Kudos for not bowing down to 'top' pressure. icon_wink.gif
  • rnch

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    Dec 17, 2008 9:11 AM GMT
    here in new orleans it seems like tops are hard (no pun intended) to find in a group of gay guys. icon_sad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 17, 2008 9:14 AM GMT
    I personally hate the feeling of bottoming so I guess I'm a top.
    The bottom should never feel like less of a man, he is taking it like a man.
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    Dec 17, 2008 11:02 AM GMT
    TheIStrat saidSo I was sitting in a bar in dc with a bunch of gay men I have recently befriended. The talk inevitably turned to sex, and we discussed who was a top and who was a bottom. Everyone went around the table and said they were all tops, or versatile, with an emphasis on topping. When it got to my turn, I said I only like to bottom, and they looked at me like I was a unicorn or something. They said hardly anyone they knew was so willing to admit they only liked to bottom.

    It got me wondering, are there not many people who just like to bottom, or do you think people are a little loathe to admit it? My boyfriend told me not many like to admit it because they're afraid of being percieved as sissies or feminine. I don;t really understand because I like what I like and I like to think I'm good at it, so I don;t see why one would be ashamed at what they like and are good at.

    What do you all think?

    And I'm sorry if you thought from the forum title that you were going to read the gay equivalent of Letters to Penthouse and read this instead...


    Just another one of the many divisions created by the gay community, for the gay community. A friend of mine in his mid-forties said when he was just coming out, top or bottom was never an issue, you did what you wanted, you were just gay, and you had fun doing gay things.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Dec 17, 2008 11:37 AM GMT
    It's like The Fifties version of ...... "are you Sir or have you ever been a member of the Communist Party?" icon_cool.gif
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    Dec 17, 2008 11:49 AM GMT
    hi,

    maybe those guys who are friends share the same kind of mindset so they happen to like the same things, maybe ...

    otherwise i know that according a gay french magazine there are 70% of bottoms and 30% of tops, probably a not so scientifical article but i suspect lots of tops to be repressed or unaware of their true sexuality
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    Dec 17, 2008 11:50 AM GMT
    diamanda saidhi,

    maybe those guys who are friends share the same kind of mindset so they happen to like the same things, maybe ...

    otherwise i know that according a gay french magazine there are 70% of bottoms and 30% of tops, probably a not so scientifical article but i suspect lots of tops to be repressed or unaware of their true sexuality


    icon_lol.gif I've always heard bottoms are a dime a dozen.
  • qalbi30

    Posts: 116

    Dec 17, 2008 12:39 PM GMT
    Whatever turns you on !

    I remember what I read on a forum post here "A good bottom is always in charge" so true !

    Just because it give you pleasure do'nt let anybody try to put you down,enjoy and have fun.icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 17, 2008 1:11 PM GMT
    TheIStrat saidSo I was sitting in a bar in dc with a bunch of gay men I have recently befriended. The talk inevitably turned to sex, and we discussed who was a top and who was a bottom. Everyone went around the table and said they were all tops, or versatile, with an emphasis on topping. When it got to my turn, I said I only like to bottom, and they looked at me like I was a unicorn or something. They said hardly anyone they knew was so willing to admit they only liked to bottom.

    It got me wondering, are there not many people who just like to bottom, or do you think people are a little loathe to admit it? My boyfriend told me not many like to admit it because they're afraid of being percieved as sissies or feminine. I don;t really understand because I like what I like and I like to think I'm good at it, so I don;t see why one would be ashamed at what they like and are good at.

    What do you all think?

    And I'm sorry if you thought from the forum title that you were going to read the gay equivalent of Letters to Penthouse and read this instead...


    Blame it on the masculine mystique. Many gay men are afraid to admit they like to take the so-called passive role. After all men are supposed to be in control and active.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 17, 2008 2:42 PM GMT
    rnch saidhere in new orleans it seems like tops are hard (no pun intended) to find in a group of gay guys. icon_sad.gif


    That's one reason why when you go to New Orleans you can always count on having a good time.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11525

    Dec 17, 2008 3:08 PM GMT
    TexDef07 said
    rnch saidhere in new orleans it seems like tops are hard (no pun intended) to find in a group of gay guys. icon_sad.gif


    That's one reason why when you go to New Orleans you can always count on having a good time.
    if/when you cum to nawlinz lemmie know!!
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Dec 17, 2008 3:42 PM GMT
    I like bottoming. I do like topping, too. Someday I hope to do both at the same time.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11525

    Dec 17, 2008 4:19 PM GMT
    muchmorethanmuscle saidLOL....nice thread. Kudos to the OP'er who started this thread. You're a unicorn! LOL

    I admit that I like to bottom too. Although I happily admit to preferring this role in bed I tend to want to top every once in a blue moon after I get to really liking someone. Maybe it's a comfort level. But I'd be happy dating a total top with a voracious sexual appetite. icon_smile.gif
    yes, i believe in the "comfort level" has a lot to do with it...my FB of 7 months and i are just getting to the point that we can both be versatile with each other... it's a good place to be!! icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 17, 2008 4:21 PM GMT
    rnch saidhere in new orleans it seems like tops are hard (no pun intended) to find in a group of gay guys. icon_sad.gif


    Same thing here in Atlanta. icon_confused.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 17, 2008 4:35 PM GMT
    I am a total bottom. My dick is very sensitive so topping or having my dick sucked does not feel good to me. However, bottoming feels damn good. I've always viewed sex as recreation or sport so bottoming is just the "position" I play (like a wide receiver, tight end, quarterback). I'm very secure with my masculinity, and bottoming doesn't lessen that. In fact, being a total bottom and very masculine seems to make the sex even hotter.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 17, 2008 4:47 PM GMT
    TheISrat puts forth a great question.

    I've been on top of men who were completely masculine, assertive and in total control. These men are comfortable and free to do what they want. When I've experienced this, I give the guy all I got, because it's all about HIM.

    I have total respect for a man who is secure enough to let another guy in (physically and emotionally) and these guys have thrown away outdated damaging stereotypes.

    The question should make every gay guy stop and think. As men, we don't like to be known as passive in life and some guys assocate being a bottom as being passive ( a woman's role).

    Naturally, many guys do what they want based on what they physically prefer, but i think some of those preferences are based on a mind game.

    Some of the worst judgements about this come from within the gay community, not straight people.

    There are men who want to appear masculine but are ashamed to say they like to bottom. There are tops who won't ever bottom.There are bottoms who think they have to be passive in bed and be a wife. There are feminine guys who like to top.

    Bottoms are thought of as slutty. I've heard gay guys hurl insults at each other based on derogatory ideas of being a bottom. Have you ever heard nasy insults because a guy is a top? Is he called a top bitch?

    Freedom from this nonsense is an evolutionary process. Unfortunately, a lot of guys will always hold on to these limiting, self imposed fears and ideas.





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    Dec 17, 2008 4:52 PM GMT
    I remember when I first came out, my first experience and then my first bf, I was the top. For about the first 10 years of my gay life I was a top, with a few bottom experiences mixed in there.

    Then one day it was like a switch flipped, I discovered my prostate, and been more of a vers/btm ever since.

    I also clearly remembering being kind of embarassed at first by admitting that I liked to bottom, being that I felt it made me more of the weaker/submissive role (that's a whole other topic, hehe), but I remember someone telling me one time that it's really the bottom who's in control, that it takes more of a man to be able to give up that part of himself as opposed to just sticking your dick somewhere, etc.

    So ever since then...I really don't mind admitting that I like to bottom, but as some other's said, once in a while I get a hankerin' for piece of ass too =)

    And hey, it takes a good bottom to know how to be a good top, or so they say ;)
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    Dec 17, 2008 4:54 PM GMT
    Wow...kissingpro really hit it on the head, great post!
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    Dec 17, 2008 7:57 PM GMT
    rnch said
    TexDef07 said
    rnch saidhere in new orleans it seems like tops are hard (no pun intended) to find in a group of gay guys. icon_sad.gif


    That's one reason why when you go to New Orleans you can always count on having a good time.
    if/when you cum to nawlinz lemmie know!!


    It's a deal.

    BTW I was just in NOLA 3 weeks ago so I know what I'm talking about. Its traditional form of hospitality is just as warm as ever!
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    Dec 17, 2008 10:34 PM GMT
    I thought all gay Americans were bottoms.
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    Dec 18, 2008 11:18 PM GMT
    TheIStrat saidSo I was sitting in a bar in dc with a bunch of gay men I have recently befriended. The talk inevitably turned to sex, and we discussed who was a top and who was a bottom. Everyone went around the table and said they were all tops, or versatile, with an emphasis on topping. When it got to my turn, I said I only like to bottom, and they looked at me like I was a unicorn or something. They said hardly anyone they knew was so willing to admit they only liked to bottom.

    It got me wondering, are there not many people who just like to bottom, or do you think people are a little loathe to admit it? My boyfriend told me not many like to admit it because they're afraid of being percieved as sissies or feminine. I don;t really understand because I like what I like and I like to think I'm good at it, so I don;t see why one would be ashamed at what they like and are good at.

    What do you all think?

    And I'm sorry if you thought from the forum title that you were going to read the gay equivalent of Letters to Penthouse and read this instead...
    Damn you need to come to Atlanta, bottom heaven.