Worst breakup I have ever had. or heard of for that matter.

  • tajsreve

    Posts: 418

    Feb 02, 2014 10:53 AM GMT
    I am a very trusting person to a fault... My "ex" is very narcissistic and I have known this from the beginning and have been cool with it. I just never thought that his Narcissism was a bad as it really is. We met in 2004 in Florida, he's German and we met through personals. He was on vacation and the relationship progressed to the point that we decided that I would move to Germany to be with him. I couldn't speak the language but I have worked my ass off to learn this language and try to assimilate the culture. After five years together we bought a house and car and have traveled the world. It has been a great ride. I love(ed) him so much. About six months ago he was able to refinance the house and take out some extra money to go on a personal retreat in Thailand. On Christmas day he ( before he left ) tells me that I need to move out he's done and wants to start over. Come to find out, that all this time the house and the car were never in my name at all, he had just used me as cosigner to obtained the loan. Once he got the refinancing he was able to take my name off as cosigner and so everything is his free and clear. He told me that I have to be packed up and be gone before he gets back. Now that I have gotten a good grasp of this language I have learned so many other things about him and that he has told so many lies. I cannot believe I have been with someone for 10 years, invested all this love and support... and I NEVER knew this man at all. Furthermore, I cannot believe that anyone could be so narcissistic to have done all this to someone and then leave them in their apartment for 6 weeks while they go on a retreat. I just keep thinking of all the damage I could wreak.... I am not a violent person at all, but damn I am struggling with all this hostility, working out doesn't even help. FUCK I feel like a complete idiot!
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    Feb 02, 2014 11:07 AM GMT
    Holy crap dude! What an awful situation you're in! I hope it all works out for you!
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    Feb 02, 2014 11:11 AM GMT
    Sad to hear. I hope things work out for you.
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    Feb 02, 2014 11:12 AM GMT
    In the UK you would be able to take him to court for that so it may be the case in Germany as well. If you were paying some of the mortgage you would be entitled to equity in the house.
  • tajsreve

    Posts: 418

    Feb 02, 2014 11:24 AM GMT
    Ohno saidIn the UK you would be able to take him to court for that so it may be the case in Germany as well. If you were paying some of the mortgage you would be entitled to equity in the house.


    true, but in the long run will it all be worth it? court fees, attorney costs. Having to stay here till it is all drug through court. I think he knows this. I am quickly finding out that he is not a simple narcissist it is more a Psychopathology with narcissistic traits.
  • tajsreve

    Posts: 418

    Feb 02, 2014 11:31 AM GMT
    sorry, Sociopathology not Psychopathology.
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    Feb 02, 2014 11:39 AM GMT
    tajsreve said
    Ohno saidIn the UK you would be able to take him to court for that so it may be the case in Germany as well. If you were paying some of the mortgage you would be entitled to equity in the house.


    true, but in the long run will it all be worth it? court fees, attorney costs. Having to stay here till it is all drug through court. I think he knows this. I am quickly finding out that he is not a simple narcissist it is more a Psychopathology with narcissistic traits.


    If it is 10 years or nearly 10 years then it will definitely be worth going through with it. Sometimes it is best to just plough on with something you are dreading. Plus it will teach this Scheissekopf a lesson.
  • tajsreve

    Posts: 418

    Feb 02, 2014 12:14 PM GMT
    I think scheißkopf is a little mild. The sad part, He still turns me on like a motherfucker. Shit I hate that. It clouds all my logical judgement. I am sure he knows that as well. fucker is hot as hell.
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    Feb 02, 2014 1:16 PM GMT
    Use whatever you can to destroy him completely.icon_smile.gif Take it from me.Ryan.
  • jo2hotbod

    Posts: 3603

    Feb 02, 2014 1:25 PM GMT
    tajsreve saidI think scheißkopf is a little mild. The sad part, He still turns me on like a motherfucker. Shit I hate that. It clouds all my logical judgement. I am sure he knows that as well. fucker is hot as hell.


    First, you need to dial in on all that anger and all the hurt he's caused you when you're around him so you stay focused on getting your fair share,

    Second, go after what is rightfully yours. There's no way attorney fees will add up to half the value of your house and what ever else you've invested
  • Nayro

    Posts: 1825

    Feb 02, 2014 1:33 PM GMT
    Woaw that sucks. Also sucks that you are still into him even though he hurt you this bad. But I guess it makes sense, you can't just stop loving someone out of the blue, at least sane people can't

    As for me. I would take the 6 weeks to think about my feelings, cry, vent, do whatever is needed. Then in the 5th week. I would text him; Hey, just so you know, I'm not leaving our house just cause you want to. I'd try to make it work out as adults but it seems he's the kind of person that isn't reasonable. In that case I would take out all my frustration and anger and let that bitch (excuse my language) see there is no messing with me! Fight it out till the end, how hard it may be. What he has done to you is so unfair and I am pretty sure as has been mentioned before Germany has laws for this. Don't let him take everything from you!
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    Feb 02, 2014 1:34 PM GMT
    jo2hotbod saidFirst, you need to dial in on all that anger and all the hurt he's caused you when you're around him so you stay focused on getting your fair share,

    Second, go after what is rightfully yours. There's no way attorney fees will add up to half the value of your house and what ever else you've invested


    I agree. Emotional hurt aside, you must deal objectively with the property and financial side of your break-up. You are entitled to the proceeds of your joint assets. You should be able to get some initial free legal advice on how you stand.
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    Feb 02, 2014 3:07 PM GMT
    I can kill him and strike his head off in anger

    why dont u break his limbs and fingers ? then burn his tongue

    man im so very angry
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    Feb 02, 2014 3:27 PM GMT
    Agree with most who piped in here. But I like those who said be logical and keep sane and take what's rightfully yours. Cloud your judgement not with the past that so enamored you with the douche. He's obviously used that feelings for his own benefit and nothing else. This is war and you must win it with an open mind and full force of the law (and those people that truly care for you). Wipe our tears away and focus on what's truly important: YOU!
  • NRTX

    Posts: 24

    Feb 02, 2014 3:42 PM GMT
    1) did you invest money in the house and car you guys bought together?
    2) if yes, ask the bank to provide you the transferring history for buying them. Or the transferring history to his account. You didn't use cash for that, did you?
    3) hire a lawyer to trace your money back from him. It's hard. But you get nothing to lose, right?
    4) if your lawyer is good enough, he can help you to take a bite in the add-value of the house. It's harder. But you can try.
  • somedaytoo

    Posts: 704

    Feb 02, 2014 3:55 PM GMT
    It's crazy that one person would do something like this to another. So sorry to hear your sad story man. You obviously deserved much better. Best of luck my friend.
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    Feb 02, 2014 3:59 PM GMT
    Re-coop your money. Sell some stuff. Pack up and leave. Start fresh and new somewhere else. If it were me...I'd make sure he remembers.
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    Feb 02, 2014 4:06 PM GMT
    Sorry to hear this!
    I know this is extremely difficult time, but Whatever you do, I hope you don't go towards the side of revenge!
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    Feb 02, 2014 4:24 PM GMT
    I hate to think he gets to keep everything, and his reputation undamaged by this, allowing him to do it again & again. If a German attorney will work largely on contingency then I'd be willing to deal with the hassle, not so much for my own gain, but to deny him all or some of his. It's a simple matter of justice.
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    Feb 02, 2014 4:25 PM GMT
    tajsreve saidI think scheißkopf is a little mild. The sad part, He still turns me on like a motherfucker. Shit I hate that. It clouds all my logical judgement. I am sure he knows that as well. fucker is hot as hell.


    I was just thinking that: "Fucker is hot as hell".
    or that he must be, funny what we'll do for beauty--"Sell my soul to get with that".
    It always make me wonder who's the true narcissist in these relationships.
    I feel for you man; however, it doesn't make sense to me; the whole "10 year" thing and I think there must be a lot more to this story.
    I do appreciate your sharing as this is a true cautionary tale of careful what you wish for, not to mention, the reasons to get married.

    While titling our last vehicle, Babe stepped up asking that it be put in his name, saying he didn't appreciate all the vehicles were in my name--it hadn't occurred to me.
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    Feb 02, 2014 4:58 PM GMT
    He is probably enjoying his vacation, thinking you'll be obedient and be gone by the time he gets back. I would shake him up and cause him some major grief.

    Suggest a short text or email with the following points:

    1. You're not leaving.

    2. You've already spoken with an attorney and there's very strong case to recover your investment.

    3. While the legal process is underway you strongly suggest he find another place to live to avoid major unpleasantness.

    Even if you're not of the mindset to go through with the legal process, suggest you consult with an attorney. The threat of a process could put you in a good position to offer a settlement as an alternative. What is there to lose?
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    Feb 02, 2014 5:27 PM GMT
    I don't mean to sound blunt but you clearly need counselling, both psychological and legal. It sounds like your emotional turmoil is preventing you from thinking straight. You need to identify why you were, and continue to be, attracted to the guy (who by your own admission clearly has some serious negative traits). You also need to understand your legal rights as explained to you by an unbiased expert, and not you ex.
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    Feb 02, 2014 5:28 PM GMT
    Not being a practicing attorney, but coming from a legal family, I concur that the advice above me here is spot-on. Take steps to pursue any legal recourse without hesitation.

    Best of luck to you!
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    Feb 02, 2014 5:37 PM GMT
    Wow, sad story. Sorry you're having to deal with all this.
  • MarvelClimber

    Posts: 511

    Feb 02, 2014 5:38 PM GMT
    Set emotions aside. GET A LAWYER!