Virgin at 23, and extremely embarrassed

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 04, 2014 12:00 AM GMT
    So here's the deal...I'm 23, and I'm a virgin. I've struggled with my sexuality for most of my life (and still haven't entirely figured it out) but I do know that my main attraction is to men.

    Anyway, I've never really had the opportunity to have sex with someone. I wouldn't say I'm weird or socially awkward, I just don't have a big group of friends so I don't get to go out much.

    The only sexual experience I've had so far was a couple of weeks before Christmas. I met some guy from Grindr and he gave me head, and that was it. I did enjoy it, but not as much as I thought I would. Although I am on some antidepressant medications which have effected my sex drive, so I'm not surprised.

    Anyway, I basically feel like such a loser/freak for not having a full sexual experience by my age. I've never even made out with anyone (just the oral sex experience lol). It's gotten to the point that it causes me extreme anxiety anytime I think about it, and even major depression. I just feel like there must be something wrong with me, and I'll probably be alone forever.

    Only 2 people know of my virginity, and they are my 2 closest (female) friends. I'm afraid that if anyone else knew, they would probably judge me immediately and look at me differently. And if the day ever comes that I do find someone who would possibly want to date me, they would probably run for the hills if I told them I'm a virgin.

    I'm really not the type of person who will just go out and have random hook ups, as I would like sex to be with someone who I actually have feelings for. But I just feel like I'm so "behind" in life, so at this point I'm just willing to hook up with any halfway decent-looking person who wants to fool around (hence the guy I hooked up with from Grindr), just to "get it over with". I'm also pretty insecure about my looks/body, but I did just join a gym so I guess that's a good start...

    What is wrong with me? icon_sad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 04, 2014 12:04 AM GMT
    Nothing is wrong with you, so calm down. Lots of guys don't really get started early. You're 23 and have oceans of time. Take it from a guy who turned 57 yesterday and isn't nearly through yet.

    And don't go out with just anyone "to get it over with". You won't enjoy it. And it will cast negative feelings over the whole business. Get off your tuchus, find a place (you know like a bar) where there are attractive young men near your age, and go be sociable. It will happen.

    If you let it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 04, 2014 12:04 AM GMT
    ikilledcaptainplanet saidsince when did get head not count as sex? you ain't no damn virgin.


    Only a fellow virgin would say that.

    Head is not intercourse, therefore not sex...

    Trust me, I'm an expert at sex....icon_twisted.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 04, 2014 12:32 AM GMT
    TBH, just do it(condoms). Life is short and full with tragedies. Plus the older you grow, more baggage you are going to carry with yourself, and more picky you will be. Your mind and body is going to used to being untouched, with few occasions such as this thread, when you really need sex. So just do it, and if it is any help, have a one or two drinks. But not drunk enough that you forget condoms. I mean you will be old and look back and have nothing to share. Will that be worth it? And what if your Mr. Right comes along and you are NOT his Mr. Right?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 04, 2014 12:49 AM GMT
    123triston saidAnd what if your Mr. Right comes along and you are NOT his Mr. Right?


    Yeah, this is what I'm afraid of.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 04, 2014 1:00 AM GMT
    It's your life, do whatever you want to do with it man. If you want to not be a virgin, go out and get laid. if you want to hold out, then hold out! don't ever be embarrassed about who you are, sexually or otherwise. Don't worry about it, and don't get depressed about it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 04, 2014 1:14 AM GMT
    Dude, so who cares if you're a virgin? I wish that I didn't have sex and just waited for somebody that loved me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 04, 2014 1:15 AM GMT
    I lost my V-Card at 25 and I don't regret waiting that long. In fact, if I could go back, I'd wait even longer. Obviously, you don't want to do it with just anyone. Wait til someone special comes along if that's what you're waiting for.
  • Suetonius

    Posts: 1842

    Feb 04, 2014 1:33 AM GMT
    See, you asked and you got two opposite suggestions - 123triston and Hellass. You're a goodlooking guy so when you'[re ready, you won't have a problem finding guys. Suggest you research some NYC gay bars, and find out which ones you might be most comfortable in, and start going occasionally. Like 123triston said, have a drink (don't have a lot), relax, and talk to some guys. Eventually, you will run into some that you like. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. In any event, stop worrying about your status.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 04, 2014 1:38 AM GMT
    i don't think anyone cares, but also…don't let life pass you by. Not every decision you make is going to be a good one. Its called 'life happens".
    make the best of it..
    … Cheers…
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Feb 04, 2014 1:38 AM GMT
    don't be embarrassed, there is nothing wrong with wanting to wait for the right guy.
  • Import

    Posts: 7193

    Feb 04, 2014 2:18 AM GMT
    You shouldn't feel embarrassed.
    It's just sex.

    But at 23 you're probably wanting to know what all the fuss is about. And your first experience and getting your nob polished was less than thrilling it sounds.

    Perhaps u should just go out, to a bar.... with those good friends of yours (u mentioned u had 2 close girl friends?)..... have a few drinks, loosen up a bit, relax and just try and genuinely have fun.

    People are drawn to fun people. Chat someone up. Who cares if you're rejected. Doesn't sound like u have much to lose anyway.

    Stop wallowing in self-pity.
    You're a pretty goodlooking guy. I'm sure you'd have no problem getting another decent looking guy like yourself. Don't just settle for some fugly bitch to get it over with. U should find someone u actually are attracted to.

    Good luck. Let us know when you catch the first dick in ur ass or vice versa

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 04, 2014 2:23 AM GMT
    Oh you...

    It really is nothing to be embarrassed about. I wish I waited until I met someone who was really great and I trusted. You don't want to be a guy who has a bunch of guys under his belt (literally) - truly great seriously won't care about virginity and will help you and will want to be supportive in the bedroom. No rush. You're only 23.

    As for this Grindr business....I thought I taught you better!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 04, 2014 2:31 AM GMT
    Well Oral SEX... IS Sex... buuuuttt

    You have the looks for sex so it's no biggy.. you have grindr so you could Easily get laid some more.. Buuut that is Clearly not the problem...

    You want More... a relationship, to not do it with some online ho

    That will take time to meet the right one and going out.. go to places gay guys hang out and gays exclusively so you don't have to feel ashamed or like you will bump into someone you know.. being alone at these places is ideal just so no one avoids you thinking you are taken already

    Good things come with time.. I'm the one to talk haha.. I Really want a relationship too, but rushing into something stupidly will only lead to bad things occurring in your life.. then you Really will have something to think about

    PLUS... that guy that gave you head... Yeah he was an Amateur... no guy should walk away from head without feeling it went 110% better than expected

    icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 04, 2014 2:33 AM GMT
    Don't be embarrassed - why do you think gays are so allegedly promiscuous? Most of us were conflicted late bloomers, cases of arrested development, that weren't given the opportunity to have sex under the high school bleachers or upstairs at the non-gay-porn-fantasy frat house. Don't believe all the hype, you're right on schedule. Maybe start worrying by 25.
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Feb 04, 2014 2:56 AM GMT
    eagermuscle saidDon't be embarrassed - why do you think gays are so allegedly promiscuous? Most of us were conflicted late bloomers, cases of arrested development, that weren't given the opportunity to have sex under the high school bleachers or upstairs at the non-gay-porn-fantasy frat house. Don't believe all the hype, you're right on schedule. Maybe start worrying by 25.

    This is basically right on except don't worry even if you're 25.

    Most gay teenagers don't date one another because it isn't (yet) socially acceptable for them to be out and dating. SO… most gay guys don't even start dating until they're 18 or in their 20s. Like EM says, you're right on schedule. Nothing "wrong" with you at all.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 04, 2014 3:50 AM GMT
    Don't pay much attention to sex...
    In this promiscuous world, Sex is obviously over-rated.
    Trust me, You'll do a lot better in life without/with little sex and with a healthy mind.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 04, 2014 3:51 AM GMT
    It was actually 6 months ago until I lost my virginity, and at the age of 24! like I never did anything but kiss a guy until then. But then there are always things that holds us back, for you it seems insecurity, which is something that can be overcome, as for mine it was more for moral reasons, which I had to wait until I felt comfortable with another human being sexually.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 04, 2014 4:07 AM GMT
    I like how the guys whose status is dating and/or relationship, telling the poor guy not to have sex. When you guys can get sex anytime you want. The boy needs to live a little and he'll be off the anti-depression pills. Just lose you virginity using safety and it would be a big burden off your chest. You will gain more confident in life in general. After loosing your virginity, then continue looking for dating/relationship guy. Seriously man just do it. I lost my v-card and now I am much confident in negotiating with guys. I let them know that I want to know them a little and then have sex. If they say no, then it's ok cause you've had sex already. It's not like he's underage or if he looses his virginity, no guy is gonna marry him. Even girls don't have that mentality anymore.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 04, 2014 4:25 AM GMT
    123triston saidI like how the guys whose status is dating and/or relationship, telling the poor guy not to have sex. When you guys can get sex anytime you want. The boy needs to live a little and he'll be off the anti-depression pills. Just lose you virginity using safety and it would be a big burden off your chest. You will gain more confident in life in general. After loosing your virginity, then continue looking for dating/relationship guy. Seriously man just do it. I lost my v-card and now I am much confident in negotiating with guys. I let them know that I want to know them a little and then have sex. If they say no, then it's ok cause you've had sex already. It's not like he's underage or if he looses his virginity, no guy is gonna marry him. Even girls don't have that mentality anymore.


    Not all guys are like that, some actually have you know- a conscience.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 04, 2014 5:13 AM GMT
    Be not embarassed. Know that there are men who greatly appreciate the gift of patience which you still hold.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 04, 2014 5:16 AM GMT
    123triston saidI like how the guys whose status is dating and/or relationship, telling the poor guy not to have sex. When you guys can get sex anytime you want. The boy needs to live a little and he'll be off the anti-depression pills. Just lose you virginity using safety and it would be a big burden off your chest. You will gain more confident in life in general. After loosing your virginity, then continue looking for dating/relationship guy. Seriously man just do it. I lost my v-card and now I am much confident in negotiating with guys. I let them know that I want to know them a little and then have sex. If they say no, then it's ok cause you've had sex already. It's not like he's underage or if he looses his virginity, no guy is gonna marry him. Even girls don't have that mentality anymore.

    Someone who is on anti-depressant medication is not just going to "get off it" or "get over it" by one single change in their life. In this case, sex.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 04, 2014 5:29 AM GMT
    Eh do whatever you want man. Only you can decide what's good for yourself. Good luck!

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 04, 2014 7:54 AM GMT
    Do not go into it unprepared, you only have stated that you are a virgin, is that receptive or penetrative? or do you even know what you like?

    For penetrative, there is not much to prepare for, except you may have erection difficulties, especially wearing a condom while on the anti depressant, get yourself a fleshjack and practice, if you have erection difficulties, talk to your doctor who prescribes your anti depressant

    For receptive, if you have never had anything up your bum, please practice with a aneros or small dildo first, it was my experience, because the anal muscle is not used to something going in, vs coming out (pushing), if done slowly enough, you will hear a "pop" noise, I assume now that the anal muscle opens and closes real fast as you insert from being 'tight', over time and with practice, your anal muscle expands, relaxes both ways. Always prepare before butt play, a clean rectum makes for a better experience, the 'first time', it may feel like you have to defecate because you must learn the muscle control, if you ever experience real pain, stop, go slow, relax, use much lube. If you see blood, stop, see your doctor and get checked for hemorrhoids

    I would love to break your cherry icon_wink.gificon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 04, 2014 10:45 PM GMT
    scruffLA saidDo not go into it unprepared, you only have stated that you are a virgin, is that receptive or penetrative? or do you even know what you like?

    For penetrative, there is not much to prepare for, except you may have erection difficulties, especially wearing a condom while on the anti depressant, get yourself a fleshjack and practice, if you have erection difficulties, talk to your doctor who prescribes your anti depressant

    For receptive, if you have never had anything up your bum, please practice with a aneros or small dildo first, it was my experience, because the anal muscle is not used to something going in, vs coming out (pushing), if done slowly enough, you will hear a "pop" noise, I assume now that the anal muscle opens and closes real fast as you insert from being 'tight', over time and with practice, your anal muscle expands, relaxes both ways. Always prepare before butt play, a clean rectum makes for a better experience, the 'first time', it may feel like you have to defecate because you must learn the muscle control, if you ever experience real pain, stop, go slow, relax, use much lube. If you see blood, stop, see your doctor and get checked for hemorrhoids

    I would love to break your cherry icon_wink.gificon_lol.gif


    I'm a virgin either way, but I can't have receptive sex because of an intestinal surgery I had (which is another thing that I'm insecure/depressed about). So I guess I'm a top by default lol.