I am spending a load of money in trying to be attractive to other gay men

  • Matthew56

    Posts: 392

    Feb 06, 2014 6:42 AM GMT
    I became conscious about my appearance and looks when I started hitting the gay scene what triggered it off really was when I was in a sauna and I was met with great hostility by another man just on account of my looks/appearance

    So ever since then I have spent so much money in to be attractive to other gay men. I have spent so much on going to the gym, going to the barbers and because I have seen a little thinning in my hair which scares and worries me I am spending £817.00 on treatments to sort it out.

    Sometimes it gets tiring and exhausting trying to be attractive to gay men and I just wanna stop as it creates anxiety worry and stress but with the superficiality and stress upon looks/appearance I have no choice but to go on

    Anyone else feels the same way?
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Feb 06, 2014 6:48 AM GMT
    Because you were rejected by a man in a sauna...

    The problem you have is inside your head, not on the outside.
    Until you change your outlook, you'll never be happy with your looks.

    Some men will find you attractive, no matter what.
    And, some will not.
    It's the same for each of us.

    Sadly, I don't think that anything any of us say will stop you from throwing away a lot of money.
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    Feb 06, 2014 6:52 AM GMT
    Not really no.

    Honestly I couldn't give a crap who finds me attractive and who doesn't.

    I couldn't possibly care less if my hair is right or my body is perfect or if I fit in.

    at the end of the day I'm me just me, I don't find my self in the slightest bit attractive (and I'm generally not attracted to guys who look kinda like me)

    But I do alright either way guys seem to find me attractive they like me. some have erroneously attempted to get me to dress better or make my hair pretty but I can't be bothered going to that sort of effort over my appearance.

    Plus honestly I have so many other things to do with my time and money then trying to "look right"

    You should take a serious look at yourself and ask if everything your doing is making you happy and if you can't honestly say yes to yourself you need to make changes in your life.
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    Feb 06, 2014 6:56 AM GMT
    Jesus Christ, is there a sane black man on RJ? Anyone?


    Anyways, lemme keep in real witchu...icon_lol.gif

    Your issues go far beyond just your appearance. You're an OK looking guy. Your body is decent, but you lack a certain.....IT factor to make you really stand out.

    Getting a haircut and wearing the latest fashions can only go so far with certain people. You eventually have to realize there is only so far you can go in the looks department.

    But what it sounds like for you at least, is that you need some sort of professional help. A single incident of a guy turning you down in a suana should not turn you into this emotional wreck. Pull yourself together woman!!!!icon_mad.gif

    Seriously, find a counselor....
  • Matthew56

    Posts: 392

    Feb 06, 2014 6:56 AM GMT
    [quote][cite]Webster666 said[/cite]Because you were rejected by a man in a sauna...

    The problem you have is inside your head, not on the outside.
    Until you change your outlook, you'll never be happy with your looks.

    Some men will find you attractive, no matter what.
    And, some will not.
    It's the same for each of us.

    Sadly, I don't think that anything any of us say will stop you from throwing away a lot of money.[/quote

    It was not really rejection I was just in the sauna just chilling and he was there and just gave me hostility even though I was not even trying it on and just because of my looks. Note I was looking quite awful on that day
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Feb 06, 2014 7:45 AM GMT
    lilTanker saidNot really no.

    Honestly I couldn't give a crap who finds me attractive and who doesn't.

    I couldn't possibly care less if my hair is right or my body is perfect or if I fit in.

    at the end of the day I'm me just me, I don't find my self in the slightest bit attractive (and I'm generally not attracted to guys who look kinda like me)

    But I do alright either way guys seem to find me attractive they like me. some have erroneously attempted to get me to dress better or make my hair pretty but I can't be bothered going to that sort of effort over my appearance.

    Plus honestly I have so many other things to do with my time and money then trying to "look right"

    You should take a serious look at yourself and ask if everything your doing is making you happy and if you can't honestly say yes to yourself you need to make changes in your life.

    ^^^this!

    If and when I groom to look nice, I do it to please me, not others.
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    Feb 07, 2014 12:03 AM GMT
    Save your money. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. It's all extremely subjective. Some will find you hot, others will not. It's the same for everyone. Even Channing Tatum - I don't find him hot at all. And even if you're losing your hair - you would look great with a shaved head anyway like 99% of black men who have that look. So relax and stop trying to please everyone cuz you can't.
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Feb 07, 2014 12:13 AM GMT
    Matthew56 said[quote][cite]Webster666 said[/cite]Because you were rejected by a man in a sauna...

    The problem you have is inside your head, not on the outside.
    Until you change your outlook, you'll never be happy with your looks.

    Some men will find you attractive, no matter what.
    And, some will not.
    It's the same for each of us.

    Sadly, I don't think that anything any of us say will stop you from throwing away a lot of money.[/quote

    It was not really rejection I was just in the sauna just chilling and he was there and just gave me hostility even though I was not even trying it on and just because of my looks. Note I was looking quite awful on that day



    Honey, you look the same, every day.
    Find what makes you happy and do it.
    That's what people like to see: a happy guy.
    Go on Amazon.com and order Louise Hay's book, "You Can Heal Your Life." It costs only a few dollars.
    Or, you can do nothing, and stay miserable.

    BTW, take a walk down the street and notice how many REALLY ugly people you see. That should make you feel a lot better.
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    Feb 07, 2014 3:30 AM GMT
    My dogs each get $80 haircuts. I go to Supercuts. Priorities!

    Seriously, be careful about getting on that merry-go-round. You'll never get enough validation from gay men no matter how good you look (rockin' bod notwithstanding) so get on if it makes you feel better about yourself but don't do it for them.
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    Feb 07, 2014 3:49 AM GMT
    eagermuscle saidMy dogs each get $80 haircuts. I go to Supercuts. Priorities!

    Seriously, be careful about getting on that merry-go-round. You'll never get enough validation from gay men no matter how good you look (rockin' bod notwithstanding) so get on if it makes you feel better about yourself but don't do it for them.


    So, RJ does have class "A" gays. hmmmmm

    And to the OP, I am in a baggy sweatpants and a hoodie most of the time. You gotta keep it real and there are people who are attracted to that. First, it prevents superficial people to come in your life. Secondly, people get the message that he doesn't really give a fuck. And that's how I live anyways. Seriously, stop worrying about other people and draining you savings. Cause when you are old, with no major source of income, you will wonder, wish I had saved some.
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    Feb 07, 2014 3:59 AM GMT
    hellass saidSave your money. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. It's all extremely subjective. Some will find you hot, others will not.


    This... when you find the right guy, he won't care if your clothes are designer, your haircut expensive or your body is perfect. He'll like you for who you are.

    If someone is so shallow as to rip you apart for not living up to their standards, the problem lies with him, not you.

    A tip - nothing is more attractive than confidence and charisma. Work on that, not the superficial stuff.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 07, 2014 4:01 AM GMT
    You are fine…. you can't please all of the people all of the time! Save your money.
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    Feb 07, 2014 4:10 AM GMT
    #1 You're doing a lot of mind reading about the situation in the sauna. "Mind Reading" is a very unhealthy habit to engage in, because no one is good at it. You most probably misread the man's expression for hostility. I can't tell you how many times I've thought someone hated me and then after months of being in their presence, they have come up to me and introduced themselves. And nine times out of ten, they tell me they thought my body language was hostile towards them. Body language can get complicated and we can never be sure if we're reading the person correctly. It's also entirely possible you reminded him of someone he despised and didn't hide his emotions adequately.

    #2 Regardless....you should never be that concerned with the approval of others. This was a total stranger. So even if he didn't like your looks....who fucking cares? That fucker doesn't pay your rent. Why do you care what he or anyone else thinks of you? The only person that has to be happy with your looks is YOU.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 07, 2014 4:28 AM GMT
    Shouldn't you be getting haircuts anyways?
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    Feb 07, 2014 4:53 AM GMT
    stop trying to fit in with that cheeky "I'm all that" asshole London crowd
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    Feb 07, 2014 5:20 AM GMT
    123triston said
    eagermuscle saidMy dogs each get $80 haircuts. I go to Supercuts. Priorities!

    So, RJ does have class "A" gays. hmmmmm

    The going rate for grooming a standard (large) poodle is around $80.

    People don't need $80 haircuts (which is why I spend $10, if that) but some dog breeds do. Especially poodles, because they don't have fur but hair which keeps growing and growing and growing to the point where it gets all matted like a Brillo Pad and the dog can't function. Even their ear canals need to be routinely plucked because otherwise they'd get clogged and infected by their own ear hair, and not every dog owner is up to this task. To NOT cut a poodle's hair is INHUMANE:

    2dkl1sh.jpg
    Which dog would you rather meet in a sauna?
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    Feb 07, 2014 5:21 AM GMT
    I spend $15 on my haircuts + eyebrow waxing. $25 a month on my gym membership. I don't see how you're spending that much money. If your hair is thinning, just get a buzz cut or a high-top.
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    Feb 07, 2014 5:31 AM GMT
    somersault saidstop trying to fit in with that cheeky "I'm all that" asshole London crowd



    I do that in Miami, and trust me, it's not always fun and it's expensive!!!icon_mad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 07, 2014 8:21 AM GMT
    The sauna... Really! Not even a real date, some dick in a sauna has got u all finacially open. Reallyicon_rolleyes.gif
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    Feb 07, 2014 9:48 AM GMT
    save your money and go on a trip or do whatever, lol, people either like you or they don't. Why do you seek desperate approval from them? Lol, learn to be happy with yourself.
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    Feb 07, 2014 10:22 AM GMT
    I can relate to this on some level. Eventually I just decided that I'm me, and whatever.... and that I was constantly comparing myself to other people; examining the details of what they have, and I never will have. Yeah, you gotta stop doing that.

    It's tough, but eventually you really have to just stop giving a shit. Stop giving a shit whether you get laid or not, or fretting about not having any male attention for years, or the "what's wrong with me!?" mirror mantras. You know what? It may never happen. You may never fall in love. But you have to recognize that it doesn't matter either which way. Been there done that.


    There have been times I've even considered getting off RJ (for example,) entirely because like in real life, I'm exposed to all of the things other people have, that I don't.
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    Feb 07, 2014 11:55 AM GMT
    jmusmc85 said
    somersault saidstop trying to fit in with that cheeky "I'm all that" asshole London crowd



    I do that in Miami, and trust me, it's not always fun and it's expensive!!!icon_mad.gif


    it's an utter waste of time
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    Feb 07, 2014 3:14 PM GMT
    jmusmc85 said
    somersault saidstop trying to fit in with that cheeky "I'm all that" asshole London crowd



    I do that in Miami, and trust me, it's not always fun and it's expensive!!!icon_mad.gif

    Why is it important to you what vain, empty people think of you?
  • Eli_jah

    Posts: 1391

    Feb 08, 2014 2:27 AM GMT
    lilTanker saidNot really no.

    Honestly I couldn't give a crap who finds me attractive and who doesn't.

    I couldn't possibly care less if my hair is right or my body is perfect or if I fit in.

    at the end of the day I'm me just me, I don't find my self in the slightest bit attractive (and I'm generally not attracted to guys who look kinda like me)

    But I do alright either way guys seem to find me attractive they like me. some have erroneously attempted to get me to dress better or make my hair pretty but I can't be bothered going to that sort of effort over my appearance.

    Plus honestly I have so many other things to do with my time and money then trying to "look right"

    You should take a serious look at yourself and ask if everything your doing is making you happy and if you can't honestly say yes to yourself you need to make changes in your life.


    Hmm, most guys would be attracted to you. You got a real Russell Crowe thing going on.
  • Import

    Posts: 7190

    Feb 08, 2014 2:29 AM GMT
    gurl, dont waste yo damn money.
    shiiit.
    spend it on taking a vacation. Enjoying things YOU wanna do.

    That whole "tryin to look cute" schtick will get old. quick.

    and after all that money. u still gonna be single. U need to focus on you.

    and meeting people that are into you for you.
    not pretentious pricks.