"You workout too much, so I'm not sure if I could date you"

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 07, 2014 3:01 PM GMT
    So I have been spending time with this guy who is a nice enough and has great dating potential. Last night after returning home from the gym we were talking on the phone and it came up about my gym habits.

    Now some background on me, five years ago I was 230lbs and all I did was eat badly and play video games with my two friends that I had. I was miserable and everyone always made little nip comments on how I was "chubby" or I had such a cute round face or that I would choose cake over a relationship any day. Needless to say all of it bothered me and I always wished that I could be in better shape. One day I just got up and said you know what? I know I can be so I started on a path to being a better me. It was a long one but I love that I do it and I love to be active. I used to work out at a gym and at my peak workout sometimes six days a week if I'm not lifting I am always doing setting active I just love it.

    So back to the main story, I explain to him that I have a dedicated gym mate who I enjoy working out with and when we workout sometimes it's everyday or we at least do something active. He told me that it seems like I'm gym obsessed and shallow and that if I have such a dedicated gym regiment it doesn't sound like I have much time for dating. I was shocked and I explicated to him that listen I'm new to Tampa I know a total of 3 people I am not much of a bar guy or a drinker and I don't feel comfortable in those settings. The gym is my sanctuary I go there when I'm frustrated to work off the stress(rather then stress eating like I used to) and I actually enjoy being there and conversing with people.

    So my questions for the day are: Am I gym obsessed? Does going to the gym make me shallow? Does having a regiment mean that I am undatable? Should I even continue to go on a date with this man tomorrow or should
    I just tell him that clearly I am not what he is interested in?

    Thanks in advance mates,
    Onigumo
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 07, 2014 3:06 PM GMT
    1. No, you are not "undateable".
    2. This guy is not the right guy for you. He resents your gym habit, most likely because it makes him feel guilty and inadequate. If he feels this way now, how is it going to improve? You'll keep getting buffer and he'll keep getting more resentful.
    3. Date someone who, if not a gym guy himself, understands the demands it puts on you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 07, 2014 3:11 PM GMT
    It seems obvious to me that he's jealous of your friend, as I would be if my boyfriend was doing something as intimate as working out with another guy every day.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 07, 2014 3:15 PM GMT
    He's the one with the problem
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 07, 2014 3:23 PM GMT
    You two are clearly not well-matched. He does reap the benefits of you going to the gym if he likes the way you look. That takes sacrifices.

    However, I would just ask a question. Is 6 days a week excessive? It is clearly taking away time you could otherwise be spending together. Perhaps the solution is to sometimes go in the morning?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 07, 2014 3:26 PM GMT
    Jaggal said
    JohnSpotter saidIt seems obvious to me that he's jealous of your friend, as I would be if my boyfriend was doing something as intimate as working out with another guy every day.


    I did not realize weight lifting was intimate..


    Well it can be for certain people, also depends on who you are lifting with. My gym mate is super attractive we find each other attractive but he doesn't want to date me so it isn't an issue. But sometimes when we are doing arms he stares a bit too hard lol but it's all in good fun nothing has nor ever will happen. And yeah I think he is just feeling pressured to workout more and I told him I would never judge him for not working out as much as I do I mean that's what I enjoy to do I don't want to date myself I want to date someone who understands and allows me to be myself not want to change me to fit their mold or ideal.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 07, 2014 3:29 PM GMT
    Ohno saidYou two are clearly not well-matched. He does reap the benefits of you going to the gym if he likes the way you look. That takes sacrifices.

    However, I would just ask a question. Is 6 days a week excessive? It is clearly taking away time you could otherwise be spending together. Perhaps the solution is to sometimes go in the morning?


    I have a very strict work schedule and I could go in the mornings but that would consist of me waking up at 4:30 to be able to make it there get in a good workout and get to work and eat so Monday through Fridays right after work is all I can do. I never said that we couldn't do stuff and if he wanted to catch a movie or do something I would certainly forgo the gym here and there to spend time with him. But within reason I am an obsessive planner. I typically plan my days out for food and clothes and even the gym (day I'm advance for that the rest a week) I am a marine brat I'm
    Used to being in my schedules and routines and don't like spontaneity being sprunf up on me an hour before I leave work.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 07, 2014 3:29 PM GMT
    Jaggal said
    JohnSpotter saidIt seems obvious to me that he's jealous of your friend, as I would be if my boyfriend was doing something as intimate as working out with another guy every day.


    I did not realize weight lifting was intimate..


    Jealously is a emotional weakness, crippling ones ability to behave like a rational adult. If you can't trust the person that you've chosen to share your life with.... Whats the pointicon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 07, 2014 3:43 PM GMT
    Yeah I just don't get it I mean I'm a nice guy often nicer then I should be and I am not shallow at all. Yet I get stuff like this all the time, you aren't buff enough, you are too short, you are sweet and hot but not hot enough. I find it funny that I hear you are good but just not good enough often from guys I've been on dates with. But this one does take the cake! I did not know one can shame someone for being inshape.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 07, 2014 3:52 PM GMT
    You'll be fine, keep working out...he better deal with that shit.!, I've had this problem with guys before there's some insecurities there
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 07, 2014 3:54 PM GMT
    Broseph said
    Onigumo saidI get stuff like this all the time, you aren't buff enough, you are too short, you are sweet and hot but not hot enough.


    Where are you hearing this?? In person? Grindr?


    In person surprisingly after a date I've been told you are so sweet too bad about "insert not so nice comment here"
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 07, 2014 3:58 PM GMT
    I don't know you. Maybe you are shallow, but having a gym regimen in no way makes you "shallow." Unless there is some other aspect of your personality that's making him use the term to label you, he sounds like a very insecure person. And insecure people will always try to control you. Sounds like he's trying to passive-aggressively control you even now and you're not even dating yet. This is one of those red flags you hear so much about. Use this warning wisely.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 07, 2014 4:02 PM GMT
    Jaggal said
    JohnSpotter saidIt seems obvious to me that he's jealous of your friend, as I would be if my boyfriend was doing something as intimate as working out with another guy every day.


    I did not realize weight lifting was intimate..


    Only if you spot someone doing squats
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 07, 2014 4:08 PM GMT
    JohnSpotter saidIt seems obvious to me that he's jealous of your friend, as I would be if my boyfriend was doing something as intimate as working out with another guy every day.


    "Intimate?"
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 07, 2014 4:10 PM GMT
    Onigumo said
    Jaggal said
    JohnSpotter saidIt seems obvious to me that he's jealous of your friend, as I would be if my boyfriend was doing something as intimate as working out with another guy every day.


    I did not realize weight lifting was intimate..


    Well it can be for certain people, also depends on who you are lifting with. My gym mate is super attractive we find each other attractive but he doesn't want to date me so it isn't an issue. But sometimes when we are doing arms he stares a bit too hard lol but it's all in good fun nothing has nor ever will happen. And yeah I think he is just feeling pressured to workout more and I told him I would never judge him for not working out as much as I do I mean that's what I enjoy to do I don't want to date myself I want to date someone who understands and allows me to be myself not want to change me to fit their mold or ideal.



    Probably my best bud is my gym mate. We get there at the same time and we leave together. It motivates both of us to get off of our ass and get to the gym. He lives about seven minutes away and me, 10 - 12 depending on traffic lights.

    Whomever leaves first texts the other with a ITC OMW (in the car, on my way). We do really workout, but prank, fuck around a little too and the time passes fast.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Feb 07, 2014 4:15 PM GMT
    JohnSpotter saidIt seems obvious to me that he's jealous of your friend, as I would be if my boyfriend was doing something as intimate as working out with another guy every day.

    YCYL
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 07, 2014 4:21 PM GMT


    I'm not sure what to make of this, "So I have been spending time with this guy who is a nice enough and has great dating potential."

    Isn't spending time with that guy considered already dating?

    I can't say he's insecure or jealous or that you're spending too much time at the gym or shallow without knowing a lot more.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 07, 2014 4:23 PM GMT
    HottJoe said
    JohnSpotter saidIt seems obvious to me that he's jealous of your friend, as I would be if my boyfriend was doing something as intimate as working out with another guy every day.

    YCYL


    Go to straight gyms and leave all this drama behind plus make many new friends.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 07, 2014 4:59 PM GMT
    Thank you everyone for the swell advice and comments! I was actually shocked and not even sure if I should continue to talk with him. I don't like to be rude or hurt anyone's feelings so I'm going to try to be nice and ask to be just friends later.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 07, 2014 5:21 PM GMT
    Jaggal said
    JohnSpotter saidIt seems obvious to me that he's jealous of your friend, as I would be if my boyfriend was doing something as intimate as working out with another guy every day.

    I did not realize weight lifting was intimate..

    My partners and I are all over each other, as often are the other partners I see.
    My one partner (the married policeman) keeps bouncing his huge pecs for me and saying he wants to fuck me. I pinch the hell out of his chest. I call him "Officer Sexy."
    My other partner wants me to massage his muscles all the time. He's pretty narcistic and expects me to tell him how handsome he is. I'm always squeezing his arms and shoulders and he keeps diddling with my chest.
    My last partner keeps getting numb fingers when we work out (anyone know why?) and lets me hold and squeeze his hands (and pat his big pecs for fun).
    That's off the top of my head but even totally straight spotting is intimate.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 07, 2014 5:25 PM GMT
    Doesn't sound like he's worth dating, seems like he might have an envy issue.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 07, 2014 5:57 PM GMT
    JohnSpotter said
    Jaggal said
    JohnSpotter saidIt seems obvious to me that he's jealous of your friend, as I would be if my boyfriend was doing something as intimate as working out with another guy every day.

    I did not realize weight lifting was intimate..

    My partners and I are all over each other, as often are the other partners I see.
    My one partner (the married policeman) keeps bouncing his huge pecs for me and saying he wants to fuck me. I pinch the hell out of his chest. I call him "Officer Sexy."
    My other partner wants me to massage his muscles all the time. He's pretty narcistic and expects me to tell him how handsome he is. I'm always squeezing his arms and shoulders and he keeps diddling with my chest.
    My last partner keeps getting numb fingers when we work out (anyone know why?) and lets me hold and squeeze his hands (and pat his big pecs for fun).
    That's off the top of my head but even totally straight spotting is intimate.


    You mean like tea bagging them when spotting them on the decline bench?

    This one

    photo 7fd78b2d-4b1a-4097-a42a-1751b3f33232.jpg

    tried to 'pants' me up on the 3rd floor running track while I was texting and doing a fast walk. During the struggle to keep my pants up and on I accidently let my phone go over the railing and onto the concrete floor below.... about 35'. Thank you Motorola for building a phone where the screen doesn't shatter.

    And one time when he wanted me to crack his back (big hug) the only known RJ member at my gym came 'round the corner and I had to tell him that's it not what he thinks.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 07, 2014 7:19 PM GMT
    ^Funny story.
    It reminds me of how often I spot someone on the flat bench and his head ends up pressed into my stomach.
  • killercliche

    Posts: 948

    Feb 07, 2014 7:59 PM GMT
    Onigumo said He told me that it seems like I'm gym obsessed and shallow and that if I have such a dedicated gym regiment it doesn't sound like I have much time for dating.


    This is pretty much verbatim of what an envious clueless lazy bitch would say to demotivate someone into being a copacetic blob with them.

    Find someone better; it can't be that hard.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 07, 2014 8:12 PM GMT
    I'd say you have dedication. You've made a commitment to doing something really good in your life.

    I'd run if I were you!