Very safe sex

  • beaujangle

    Posts: 1701

    Dec 18, 2008 2:03 PM GMT
    There are a few posts recently on HIV+ and of course it's disturbing.

    I have a question for you guys. How do you feel about practising really safe sex as in no penetration at all, not even with condom since condom may break?

    Would you be contend wth mutual masturbation which is 100% safe (even in long term relationship)?
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    Dec 18, 2008 2:52 PM GMT
    beaujangle saidThere are a few posts recently on HIV+ and of course it's disturbing.

    I have a question for you guys. How do you feel about practising really safe sex as in no penetration at all, not even with condom since condom may break?

    Would you be contend wth mutual masturbation which is 100% safe (even in long term relationship)?


    Here's what I did with my late poz partner: anal & oral sex, both with a condom on him (he was the top), and mutual masturbation with no condom, cause he didn't shoot much. A powerful shooter might hit you in the eye, a possible infection risk, and could require a condom. I remain negative.

    The safety of unprotected oral sex is still debated regarding HIV (you can also get other STDs from it). Studies appear to be inconclusive regarding a strong connection between unprotected oral and HIV transmission. It's theorized by some that mouth sores, or even bleeding gums after tooth brushing, could be HIV entry points.

    For my HIV partner I always used condoms for oral on him. I tried to buy non-lubed, non-spermicidal types, because of the bad taste of the treated condoms. Otherwise, I'd usually wipe it down with a damp cloth after putting it on him. Still, it was very much a balloon taste, so sometimes I added a little flavoring.

    An ex-BF has been sexually active in NYC since 1980, and saw the AIDS crisis there up close. His solution, that has kept him negative, is no oral or anal at all, just masturbation (he loves JO clubs there).

    Plus he also does "frotage" which is rubbing his dick against you until he cums. The way he likes it is with the other guy lying on his stomach naked, while he lies on top and humps his hardon along the ass crack.

    Strangely, as the "bottom" I always found that extremely relaxing, almost tranquilizing, to have my ass treated that way. He'd get understandably upset if I fell asleep and started snoring before he'd shot all over my back. Funny memories this brings back.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Dec 18, 2008 2:53 PM GMT
    safesex-1.gif
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    Dec 18, 2008 3:14 PM GMT
    Safe cracking?
  • beaujangle

    Posts: 1701

    Dec 18, 2008 3:23 PM GMT
    Thanks a lot, Vespa. You are my favourite because you are ever so nice & reassuring.

    Nice to know that there are gays who can do without penetration. All my previous partners seem to want penetration......
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    Dec 18, 2008 4:00 PM GMT
    You're too kind! Yes, there are guys who don't do anal ever, or rarely ask for it. But lots of guys do, and sometimes finding a good sexual match can be a challenge.

    And some guys can become quite pissy if you get in bed with them and only then do they find out you don't perform the very specific act they require. And I say "require" because some guys have a very limited sexual menu from which they choose.

    They do it one or two ways only, and nothing else you might offer to do will interest them. In fact, they may not even be able to get hard or cum except by their preferred methods. So it pays to communicate with each other before opening that bedroom door.

    But you have a right to have sex YOUR way, too. Finding 2 guys who mutually agree on what they like and will do for each other sexually isn't always easy, on top of all the other factors that must be balanced in a relationship.
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    Dec 18, 2008 5:33 PM GMT
    beaujangle saidThanks a lot, Vespa. You are my favourite because you are ever so nice & reassuring.

    Nice to know that there are gays who can do without penetration. All my previous partners seem to want penetration......


    The popularity of anal sex I think is pretty recent (since the late 60s, with a revival in the 1990s). It has always been around but at one time it was not automatically assumed when you hooked up with someone (only twice was it expected during a one-night stand when I was single).

    I personally have never really enjoyed it that much. I am very sensitive in terms of touch so I don't need to act like a human pile driver to get off. All a guy has ever needed to do when I am horny is touch me a lot and I am very, very happy. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Dec 18, 2008 5:44 PM GMT
    There are guys who feel that if you didn't do anal, then you didn't really have sex. I disagree.

    There are guys who may think you are not virile, or manly, if you don't want to have anal sex. Not true.

    It's a good question. With all the concerns about HIV, condoms, cleaning yourself if you are a bottom and physical pain (LITERALLY IN THE ASS), I've been avoiding anal sex for a while now.

    Some guys don't understand.
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    Dec 18, 2008 6:00 PM GMT
    KissingPro saidThere are guys who feel that if you didn't do anal, then you didn't really have sex. I disagree.

    There are guys who may think you are not virile, or manly, if you don't want to have anal sex. Not true.

    It's a good question. With all the concerns about HIV, condoms, cleaning yourself if you are a bottom and physical pain (LITERALLY IN THE ASS), I've been avoiding anal sex for a while now.

    Some guys don't understand.


    But it's good to hear that some guys do understand. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Dec 18, 2008 6:01 PM GMT
    When I was in my 20s the fear of Aids was at its peak. I only had one friend come down with it but I heard of many friends of friends of mine. I rarely had sex back then. When I moved to France I found a different attitude than the sanctimonious popular American attitude. The French felt you could have all the sex you wanted provided you played it safe. I drew a line in my sex life. When I knew nothing about the guy the only risk I would take is kissing and receiving oral. If I got carried away I would give oral. The only problem with this strategy was that I never developed much of a desire for anal sex. Only when I was in love once did I want to have anal sex in either position.

    While I would like to meet someone with whom I would feel intimate enough to have anal sex, I can't just do it with someone I just met. On the other hand, I don't believe in abstinence. I think a good JO session can take care of a lot of sexual tension and I find it can be great low-risk, guilt-free fun.
  • beaujangle

    Posts: 1701

    Dec 19, 2008 2:04 AM GMT
    Thanks guys for the posts. I'm glad i'm not the only one & it' nice to hear that 'you can have all the sex you want provided it's safe'. It's so true!

    Also, one thing I notice is that there are not many posts on this thread & all the posts are from 'older guys'. Can I assume that the younger ones are into anal sex?
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    Dec 19, 2008 6:25 PM GMT
    Beaujangle. A lot of Americans have been raised to feel guilty about any sex that does not involve true love. Most young gay Americans still share this guilt to some extent or another. I see it in their posts all the time. I felt the same way in my 20s. I thought sex clubs were an abomination and I'm sure there are plenty of guys on the site who feel that way. I've observed that some guys who develop a monogamous LTR at a young age will remain fairly righteous about how their single friends behave. It can often be hypocritical. If a guy remains single for several years and doesn't take a vow of celibacy then he will have to come to terms with how active he wants to be. I feel it is better to be active and safe than to try to deny oneself sex. If you deny yourself sex you are more likely to loose control when you finally get laid because you will feel so emotionally vulnerable.

    I have found European gays are more liberated but that doesn't mean they take more risks.

    BTW: Why is it that gay men call each other sluts while straight men call each other lucky?
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    Dec 19, 2008 7:38 PM GMT
    beaujangle saidThanks guys for the posts. I'm glad i'm not the only one & it' nice to hear that 'you can have all the sex you want provided it's safe'. It's so true!

    Also, one thing I notice is that there are not many posts on this thread & all the posts are from 'older guys'. Can I assume that the younger ones are into anal sex?


    Probably because the older guys experienced first hand the horrors of the AIDS crisis and the younger guys have not. There is nothing like direct experiences to teach valuable life lessons. If guys who now bareback ever visited an AIDS hospice and saw people in the advances stages of the disease they may think twice.
  • MattyC0709

    Posts: 1199

    Dec 19, 2008 8:18 PM GMT
    Honestly I don't like sex anymore (recently)... it feels too dirty for me. Frottage and mutual masturbation are a much better alternative, although I'd prefer avoiding sexual contact, as it might end up in sex anyway.
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    Dec 24, 2008 10:25 AM GMT
    beaujangle saidThere are a few posts recently on HIV+ and of course it's disturbing.

    I have a question for you guys. How do you feel about practising really safe sex as in no penetration at all, not even with condom since condom may break?

    Would you be contend wth mutual masturbation which is 100% safe (even in long term relationship)?



    I take it you've never heard of the term G0y, guys who enjoy emotional and sexual intimacy without ever having anal(penetrative) sex.

    Google it for more on the term.
  • beaujangle

    Posts: 1701

    Dec 24, 2008 10:28 AM GMT
    RyanReBoRn said
    beaujangle saidThere are a few posts recently on HIV+ and of course it's disturbing.

    I have a question for you guys. How do you feel about practising really safe sex as in no penetration at all, not even with condom since condom may break?

    Would you be contend wth mutual masturbation which is 100% safe (even in long term relationship)?



    I take it you've never heard of the term G0y, guys who enjoy emotional and sexual intimacy without ever having anal(penetrative) sex.

    Google it for more on the term.



    cool! thanks for sharing! will google it.