Where to go from here

  • Theotherone

    Posts: 6

    Feb 09, 2014 2:15 AM GMT
    It's another one of those post but it's my first post so go easy on me please...So I found out my bf had an A4A account. I confronted him and he said it was just for "friends". Later I found out he was saying things like "I'm dating someone right now but I wouldn't mind meeting up and seeing where things go". So I confronted him again he said he only intended to jack off with them for fun. He apologized, admitted it was wrong and that I meant a lot to him and he didn't want to lose me (I'm one of the only ppl he knows, He's new to area). He says he doesn't look "that far in the future because of med school and can't say if he and I have a future. I broke up with him...This is where I'll get the eye rolls....I don't want it to be permanent. I think he is young 21 (I'm 24) and just needs time to work things out. Is it possible to work things out later? Thanks, sorry for being one of those guys.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11837

    Feb 09, 2014 4:03 AM GMT
    Dude...It kinda sounds like your willing to put your life on hold until he figures his shit out. Continue to move forward towards your goals and distance yourself from him for now. If you stand your ground now, he may realize what he has lost and return. If he doesn't, he wasn't the guy you thought he was....
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    Feb 09, 2014 1:24 PM GMT
    It is possible to work things out, have an open relationship, because your pretend boyfriend already does.
  • Theotherone

    Posts: 6

    Feb 09, 2014 10:40 PM GMT
    Thanks for the replies guys. I'm going to try and have no contact with him. It will be hard since he is one on my classes this semester...I just really care for him and don't want to give up, but will. How do you go to friends after this?
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    Feb 12, 2014 6:31 AM GMT
    It sounds like we're in the same boat =D. Smiles aside, I am sorry to hear that; this is an unpleasant place to be.

    I'd like to echo mybud and say that It's unfair for you to put your life on hold while he "figures his shit out".

    It sounds like a maturity issue; you're on a higher level than he is. my (ex)boyfriend was also 21 and I'm 26. Maybe this highlights a critical problem here - we're pairing boys with the men. We're thinking about love, romance and a future while they're thinking about gym buddies, a4a, and being sleaze-bags.

    I think what we need is real men, the kind that make us feel special, give us their undivided attention and have their acts together. Not boys that can barely hold down a conversation; never mind a relationship. (Do you hear my frustration speaking?)

    Do you even want to be friends with someone you don't trust? Doesn't necessarily mean you have to be pissy about it; I was very cordial with the way I broke it off with my ex.
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    Feb 12, 2014 9:44 AM GMT
    Theotherone said How do you go to friends after this?

    You don't. If you get back together, then you are a couple again, If you don't, because of what each of you has been through, then "friend zone" does not sound viable.
  • Theotherone

    Posts: 6

    Feb 13, 2014 9:36 AM GMT
    Yeah it does sound like we are in the same boat...and maybe you are right about the age thing...We will see. Sunday we are suppose to be meeting for lunch to talk about things...He is in one of my classes on Mondays so I'm trying not to lose my shit...icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Feb 13, 2014 11:06 AM GMT
    Theotherone saidYeah it does sound like we are in the same boat...and maybe you are right about the age thing...We will see. Sunday we are suppose to be meeting for lunch to talk about things...He is in one of my classes on Mondays so I'm trying not to lose my shit...icon_rolleyes.gif


    I do think that a conversation is in order; I do feel like you are working to your benefit.

    Mine ended up messaging me, apologizing up and down and going into what sounded to be honest detail about the extent of his fooling around online. While I really appreciate that he did that, I still wish that we would've been having the conversation before I found out about it on my own - or better yet before any of it even happened. I still haven't made peace with the fact that he lied.

    Let me know how your situation turns out; I wish you luck.