What would you define as "picky?"

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    Feb 09, 2014 6:16 PM GMT
    Within my 20 years of existence, there were only two men who were interested in me. The first was during my second year of college in the fall who was in a committee I was part of. He was a young one (17) and was about two years younger than me at the time. One day, another friend had discussed with me at a committee party that he was sad about not having a significant other and wanted one really badly, and confessed that she lied to him saying I was interested in him - even though I had no interest in him at all.

    Now there was nothing with him at all. I considered him as a friend (sort of like a sibling, probably because of the age difference despite he wasn't that much younger) and he was a good kid. However at the moment, as fatuous as it sounds, for some reason that tiny age gap didn't help. Plus, he was in his final year of HS and on his way to another school. We are still on good term, though he criticized me for being picky due to not wanting to date him.

    The second one, currently, is a friend of mine, though lately he's been grating my nerves. About last month, he and I were talking to another friend and out of the blue he says, "Are we going out this semester? Because everyone says we should." I looked at him with a dumbfounded expression and the conversation led to how he was interested since the beginning of last semester, but went on to someone else because I was working towards someone else at the time. He even had the audacity to say we should date because we're both tall and mellow, even though between us I'm the calm one, and dating him would be like dating a clone physically (I'd rather date someone shorter than me). During that time, he kept harassing me for an answer before I spoke with him in private and said no. This was before he became a pain in the ass.

    However, he's sort of a manwhore as others described. He was in a relationship with another guy but had someone else on the side. He's very open about his "hit list" - who's the next guy he plans on screwing, whether gay or straight, in a "You're Next" kind of fashion. He also made a remark about how he needed dick, and then snapped at me for "not wanting to give it up to him" and wanted to pounce on me because I smelled nice that day. Basically, others described him as thirsty, and he's a tad intimidating because he's huge.

    Though I will admit that I can be a tad picky, I don't really have a preference. However, I'm deemed picky because of my actions despite it was only two guys. If anything, I didn't take the active role of finding a significant other until the beginning of the last year - if one guys fail, I do my own thing until someone else who catches my eye comes along.

    TLDR: What would you define as picky?
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    Feb 09, 2014 6:54 PM GMT
    This made me laugh so here it is.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 09, 2014 6:57 PM GMT
    Picky applies to food.
    With people it's "selective."
    You could force down some spinach for needed vitamins but you can't force arousal with someone you're not attracted to.

  • Feb 09, 2014 7:40 PM GMT
    I have a different take in that I came out at age 15 and had nothing but support and guidance during those first few years. Then I became confused about this very topic. I moved to larger cities with gay populations, but because we only make up such a small percentage of people (those statistics about gay people only making up 2-5% of society includes BOTH gay men and gay women!), I was surprised to see how rude and rejecting other gay men were, who clearly had no reason to have that attitude, as they weren't even on the level of what they desired. Who were they to expect someone with qualities they themselves didn't even possess? It's because of the fact that we get basically horseshit dating prospects, and 'maybe' meeting someone every couple of years only to not hear back from them again or you having no interest in them either doesn't prepare us for any kind of same sex relationship and certainly won't lead us to finding someone to marry someday. We don't get the luxury of starting-out relationships when we don't even know where to meet someone who MIGHT have a thing or two in common.

    The hot button issues are money, higher education and sexual compatibility: all things that we don't match up on. We expect each other to have enormous amounts of money and multiple graduate-level degrees. We expect perfect bodies, youth, and top men with the sexual drive of a college athlete. However, this rarely, if ever, presents itself in real gay life, and if it does, these kinds of men only want each other. Since the gay community has moved away from going out to gay places in favour of online chats and then internet porn, we see these images of perfect not-gay college aged guys and unconsciously think 'THAT is what I'm gonna find if I wait long enough'. I waited 15 years. I was in that whole athletic trainer scene and ran marathons and was around all those kinds of guys. Not one - out of thousands I had met and to the best of my knowledge - was gay. The only gay guys there were the older coaching staff or the event planners or what have you. These jocks you see online are posing nude because they're doing whatever it takes to scape enough money together for drugs, gambling, child support, pay back alimony or legal fees - they are not curious about being gay just as a lot of us are not curious about having sex with a 400 pound middle aged woman. And until we accept that we are a community of ordinary, average income, not in the greatest shape and mostly passive bottom gay men, there's going to be nothing but resentment and false hope and night after night on these gay dating sites with the same guys over and over who just change their profile name every three months.

    Because we have such an absence of trust amongst gay men and we are still very much an anonymous, very happy to reject each other community, we've withdrawn from one another. After being treated badly by the very group of people you've waited years to come out to, you have little interest in getting involved again. Most of these men, because they never learn responsibility through relationships and most don't have kids, never grow up, so what you see at 20 rarely changes at 30, 40 or 50.

    I think it's great we have fantasies but it's a shame that in the process we've chosen to have nothing to do with each other in real life. Simply because we have outrageous expectations of each other considering how few of us are available. I know - we like what we like - but your chances of finding that among such a small selection of men are next to nothing. You'll either have to let go of some of your 'expectations' or get used to being alone and having your computer porn for companionship.