Desperate for advice

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 10, 2014 12:02 AM GMT
    This might be long...
    I'm a 20 year old guy. My mom died two weeks ago after battling cancer for a year and a half. I hate where I go to college. I haven't made any new friends since high school, and because I dislike where I go to college, I have no motivation to get involved and make friends here. Transferring isn't really an option because of financial reasons, etc.
    I guess I'm gay. I don't really have a problem with this, but I am in a toxic situation with it. I met a guy a year ago online and we met up to basically have sex. We hung out every once in a while and before long I was in love with him. I have been so in love with him for about a year and I hate that I love him. We have never discussed our relationship with each other so it is so confusing. He is 15 years older than me. I don't think he's taking advantage of me or anything, but I think it is safe to say that I like him a lot more than he likes me.I never want to tell him how I truly feel because I don't want to complicate things being that I'm 15 years younger than him. I want to get over him but I am so in love with him. He sees other guys and that makes me feel like shit. I think me loving him so much has caused me confusion with my sexuality. I don't find anyone else attractive because I only want to be with him.
    I am home this weekend, but later tonight I'll drive back to school and sit in my single dorm room alone. I have friends at school, but none of them are "my people", if that makes sense. I wanted to study abroad next year and get away from everything but the application date already passed. I am thinking about doing the same old crap for another year and it makes me want to die.
    Lately I've been thinking a lot about a lifetime. Seeing my mom's lifeless body in a casket at her wake about a week ago made me think about what I am doing with my life; where am I going and whether I am happy. I have NO idea about what I want to do when I get out of college. I also have no idea what I'm even going to major in. Although i'm doing alright academically, it's hard to stay focused in school when you don't have direction.
    I'm so bored with my life and I hate how I am desperate for this guy. I wish he was a bitch to me so I had a reason not to like him. I feel like I'm wasting my life.

    What do you guys do when you feel like total shit?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 10, 2014 12:29 AM GMT
    tinabob saidThis might be long...
    I'm a 20 year old guy. My mom died two weeks ago after battling cancer for a year and a half. I hate where I go to college. I haven't made any new friends since high school, and because I dislike where I go to college, I have no motivation to get involved and make friends here. Transferring isn't really an option because of financial reasons, etc.
    I guess I'm gay. I don't really have a problem with this, but I am in a toxic situation with it. I met a guy a year ago online and we met up to basically have sex. We hung out every once in a while and before long I was in love with him. I have been so in love with him for about a year and I hate that I love him. We have never discussed our relationship with each other so it is so confusing. He is 15 years older than me. I don't think he's taking advantage of me or anything, but I think it is safe to say that I like him a lot more than he likes me.I never want to tell him how I truly feel because I don't want to complicate things being that I'm 15 years younger than him. I want to get over him but I am so in love with him. He sees other guys and that makes me feel like shit. I think me loving him so much has caused me confusion with my sexuality. I don't find anyone else attractive because I only want to be with him.
    I am home this weekend, but later tonight I'll drive back to school and sit in my single dorm room alone. I have friends at school, but none of them are "my people", if that makes sense. I wanted to study abroad next year and get away from everything but the application date already passed. I am thinking about doing the same old crap for another year and it makes me want to die.
    Lately I've been thinking a lot about a lifetime. Seeing my mom's lifeless body in a casket at her wake about a week ago made me think about what I am doing with my life; where am I going and whether I am happy. I have NO idea about what I want to do when I get out of college. I also have no idea what I'm even going to major in. Although i'm doing alright academically, it's hard to stay focused in school when you don't have direction.
    I'm so bored with my life and I hate how I am desperate for this guy. I wish he was a bitch to me so I had a reason not to like him. I feel like I'm wasting my life.

    What do you guys do when you feel like total shit?
    I don't think you should put too much emotional investment with your guy. Seems like a friends with benefits situation. But you're wishing more towards something meaningful. You either need to stop seeing this guy, or come to the realization that he doesn't share the same deep feelings as you and take the "relationship" at face value.

    As for school, just try to make best of the situation. Join clubs or activity groups, either inside school or outside. I think you need to just work harder at meeting new people. The more you put yourself out there, the more likely you'll develop friendships with people you actually care about. And maybe meet someone on a romantic level.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 10, 2014 12:44 AM GMT
    Wow! You got a lot goin on. And, to answer your question...
    1. The gym. Cardio for anxiety, depression and stress. Weights for anger and other strong emotion.
    2. A counselor or psychotherapy solution to help untangle the issues.

    Both in combo work wonders.
  • whytehot

    Posts: 1166

    Feb 10, 2014 12:46 AM GMT
    tinabob said...He sees other guys and that makes me feel like shit...

    ... I wish he was a bitch to me so I had a reason not to like him.



    How many reasons do you need again?
  • jo2hotbod

    Posts: 3603

    Feb 10, 2014 12:53 AM GMT
    If you like this guy then put out how you feel with him, you said he doesn't know. If he wants what you want you're all set if he doesn't then move on.

    About school, go talk to an academic counselor and see what your options are, if you're miserable do something about it, there are always options. Go find them
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 10, 2014 12:55 AM GMT
    Hugs Bubs.
    Sounds like normal 20-year-old stuff. You'll find equally depressing threads here and it get's to the point that you don't have to view the guy's profile to know he's 19-21 range.
    I guess I can remember back that far and relate--I joined the Marines--took care of that; point is we/I made it thru and hardly remember how bad it got.

    The older guy? You need to have "the talk" with him. It's been a year so it's past time. Again, just me, but I dated that young (12 years older than my man of 13 years). and never expected anything of it, knowing they'd learn, grow, and leave; most did, one stuck.

    What's not normal is all of this at one time.

    So Do me/us a favor; Tomorrow, go to the campus counseling center and ask to talk to someone.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 10, 2014 1:05 AM GMT
    whytehot said
    tinabob said...He sees other guys and that makes me feel like shit...

    .... I wish he was a bitch to me so I had a reason not to like him.



    How many reasons do you need again?


    We aren't dating so he has every right to see other people.
  • whytehot

    Posts: 1166

    Feb 10, 2014 1:11 AM GMT
    Sry I was reading too fast. Can't tell if it's one of those "we had sex a long time ago and now there's nothing between us", or one of those "we're still having sex, but haven't had the talk so by gay standards we're not exclusive" scenarios.