"Having Fun? Well Stop It."

  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Dec 18, 2008 9:41 PM GMT
    From comic book artist Ethan Van Scriver's recent column:

    [quote]I meant to say that I've become enamored with a brand of Christmas tune that I call "Having fun? Well, stop it.", and I love it when these come on the radio. I get all excited and jittery, and if Sharis is with me, I'll talk back to the song. It's great. Here are some examples of "Having fun? Well, stop it." Christmas songs. I hope you are also a fan.

    1. Happy X-Mas (War Is Over): This one is great, because it punches you in the face right away. The hatred, the disdain that John Lennon feels for you is palpable. You aren't living up to his standards by any means, and this is the guy that married Yoko.

    "And so this is Christmas," he spits. "And what have you done?"

    The answer is nothing. I've personally done very little. I barely groom myself. And Christmas, the cheerful holiday where people have cookies and open presents is as good a time as any for self-loathing. Why stop then?

    "Another year over, and a new one just begun," John advises us. And this is good news. Another chance for me to get it right. I believe I will cheat on my wife with May Pang, live in a bag and stay in bed all day until Barrack pulls us out of Iraq. It worked before, and...

    ...Oh, it didn't?

    What do you do, as a music producer, when faced with the task of having to mix Yoko Ono's backing vocals? This Working Class Hero is something to me. Imagine sitting behind the soundboard and looking at all those knobs and wondering if technology is truly capable of adequately solving those problems. Only 4 years earlier, they'd managed to put a man on the moon, but it would be decades before the Vocoder would be realized. And still, they were able to muffle the sound of Yoko's barks and yelps with the same technology found in today's pocket calculators.

    I truly makes me believe in Jesus. Jesus X.

    "War is Over, if you want it." I wish you'd given us that equation before the Tet Offensive, Lennon! Thanks for nothing.

    2. This One's For the Children: People ask me all the time, "Ethan, why do you watch footage of the New Kids on the Block?" And the answer is simple: The same reason I watch footage of Hitler and Nazi atrocities. Now that time has passed and the danger is gone, it's safe to look back and remind ourselves, clinically, of past evils. And obviously, I'm not saying that Jordan Knight is like Hitler, (Jordan had far better teeth) but everyone at those times knew that both had to be stopped, by any means necessary.

    My grandfather fought during World War II, and he did what he could there. I was there, in 1989, doing what I could to stem the tide of NKOTB. I think I drew a cartoon for the school newspaper, "New Kids on the Chopping Block", where a large chicken was decapitating Joey McIntyre.

    You had to be there. And also be 13.

    Again, though I'm not actually comparing a teenie pop band to National Socialism, I think it's interesting to compare the mindless fervor of much of Germany during the 1930's to what was happening here in the United States during the late 80's. No one was actually listening to these songs because they couldn't possibly have been. There was something else, something in the way Jonathan shaved canals into his mullet w/rattail that hypnotized millions of willing pre-teen girls into purchasing New Kids On The Block: Merry, Merry Christmas. And on that album was to be found one of the single worst songs ever written, "This One's For The Children." (I guess "Hangin' Tough" was for the Baby Boomers.) Let us examine:

    At the start, a lisping male voice startles us to attention:

    "This is a very serious message so all of you please listen.."

    Tinkly chimes, and then:

    "There are some people living in this world
    They have no food to eat
    They have no place to go"

    This non-specificity makes me feel utterly helpless. And without further information, let me recommend that the "place" they should "go" is anywhere that offers something to "eat". This "world" these "people" are "living in"....am I safe in assuming it's Earth? Frankly, the story loses me. And it sucks, because I have a Futon and half a rotisserie chicken that no one seems to want. I wish I could help....

    "But we all are God's children
    We've got to learn to love one another
    Just remember, they could be us
    Remember, we all are brothers"

    People aren't eating or going because I don't love them? Why isn't God paying child support? And if "they" could be "us", they'd presumably be well fed and playing a brand new Nintendo Wii for Christmas. I think you meant to say, "Just remember, we could be them," but I don't want to criticize too much. I just have some questions.

    "I'm not trying to darken up your day..."

    And here's the lie, but at least it shows some self-awareness.

    "But help others in need
    And show them there's a better way"

    And that better way, which they fail to realize, is to have a home to go to and food to eat. Why won't anyone
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    Dec 18, 2008 10:57 PM GMT
    LOL agree. NKOTB had to stopped. I've never heard that Lennon song though.
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    Dec 18, 2008 10:59 PM GMT

    Timberoo, you are totally cute, but I'm not reading that wall of text.
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    Dec 18, 2008 11:40 PM GMT
    Here you go, Sedative.

    Happy Christmas on playlist.com

    Betcha can't make it past one of Yoko's choruses. That woman ruins everything.
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    Dec 18, 2008 11:41 PM GMT
    Sedative saidLOL agree. NKOTB had to stopped. I've never heard that Lennon song though.


    You haven't? One of the few modern Christmas songs I can listen to. A true classic. Even Yoko does not sound too bad.
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    Dec 18, 2008 11:56 PM GMT
    Ahhh - yess, John &Yoko. Happy Christmas (war is over). What a fantastic, great song that is. It was released December 1972.
    While this song hit the charts, on a mild but wet Saturday evening, a 20 year old delusioned and confused guy was sauntering along the Strand, London, having just been dumped by his girlfriend a few weeks earlier. His long, wet hair hanging down his head made him look like a drowned rat. Heading towards Charing Cross Station and Trafalgar Square, he was suddenly stopped by two casualy dressed guys in the street.
    "What do you think about Jesus?" the taller of the two asked.
    "er - what?"
    "Jesus loves you. He wants to enter your heart."
    "Oh I'm a Catholic. Beat it, both of you!" The young man turned to leave, but was stopped by the tall fellow.
    "Don't resist Him. Please, we would like to talk more with you."
    Glad for some attention, the drenched long -haired fellow spotted a bar tucked away in an alley across the road.
    "Okay, there is a bar just over there. Would you like me to buy you both a drink, and get ourselves warmed up?"
    The three sauntered to the bar. Inside, after the drinks were bought, the three found a vacant table, and the tall guy, who seem to be training the other fellow, who was from Japan, took out a Bible, and persuaded the young guy to read.
    "Wow! A Bible. IN THE PUB!"
    This man's destiny was about to change forever.
    And on the radio, John & Yoko strummed their Christmas hit, "Happy Christmas (war is over)".
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    Dec 19, 2008 12:22 AM GMT
    icon_neutral.gif

    *ahem*

    Thanks madtown. icon_smile.gif And so sorry Jonathan, but I really couldn't get past Yoko... and the children's chorus. icon_lol.gif