Dating Advice

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 11, 2014 1:18 AM GMT
    Hi Everyone,

    So I have a relationship question for anyone who is willing to listen. I met this great guy who is really cute and intelligent. Now he wants to date, but I am unsure because after knowing him for 2 years I really like him a lot. However, I am not sure I can ever love him like you should when you find a mate. I don't really date just to hook up so it's a big decision because it means I could see a future with this person. Also, he's cute, but I don't really find him sexy. So am I just being shallow? Any words of advice from people with similar experiences?
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    Feb 11, 2014 9:35 PM GMT
    I'm a little confused; it's either you find him attractive or you don't. Are you saying that although he's a good looking guy, you're not physically attracted to him? Or, are you saying that after 2 years of friendship, you don't feel like you are into him romantically?

    If you dont find him attractive, you dont find him attractive - and no, that isn't being shallow, it's being honest. Imagine how insecure your partner would feel after awhile.

    If you're not into him romantically, that's perfectly fine. Some people make better friends than boyfriends.

    I may just be being presumptuous - but it sounds like you're a little intimidated by the fact that you can see this working out long term, should you decide it's right for you. That's perfectly normal; getting into a relationship is a big decision and you are sacrificing some of your freedoms/independence. The trick is finding someone that doesn't make you miss those freedoms. The right guy can make everything so worth it.
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    Feb 12, 2014 10:20 PM GMT
    Sometimes it is difficult to move from a successful friendship to something more intimate for fear of losing what you love. I've had guys that I've met with the intent of 'getting to know them' suddenly tell me, 'I really like you as a friend and wouldn't want to jeopardize that'. I got so sick of that statement that at one point I refused to befriend anyone I thought I wanted to date.

    So why is it that if you can develop such a great friendship, you're afraid of loving the guy? Is it physical? Sexual? I think that if you're already second guessing yourself, it might not be a good idea OR at least not the right time.

    Open the communications with your friend. Find a comfortable place that you can both sit and have a real open and honest discussion. I would suggest that YOU start by telling him that you really want to be open and honest, non judgmental and share your personal thoughts with him. Even if he leaves heartbroken, he'll at least appreciate your openness and honestly and won't 'wonder' what happened. Communications is the most important part of any relationship, romantic or friendship. Good luck.
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    Feb 13, 2014 12:14 AM GMT
    If I were you I'd cruise craigslist and search for a 300 pound chubby cocksucker, which is the answer to all relationship problems, duh.
  • Theotherone

    Posts: 6

    Feb 13, 2014 9:44 AM GMT
    Once the new wears off it seems guys have a hard time staying around...In this case..2 years? I think he is doing more for you then you realize. Love is chemical I think, what comes after that (if it lasts) is a mature relationship based on more than "love" and more on how does this person contribute to my life...I maybe wrong but 2 years seems life an eternity in gay relationship years. Am I just young and dumb?
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    Feb 13, 2014 11:28 AM GMT
    smartmoney saidIf I were you I'd cruise craigslist and search for a 300 pound chubby cocksucker, which is the answer to all relationship problems, duh.


    Apparently! I didn't get the memo, lol.
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    Feb 13, 2014 1:32 PM GMT
    Taye saidHi Everyone,

    So I have a relationship question for anyone who is willing to listen. I met this great guy who is really cute and intelligent. Now he wants to date, but I am unsure because after knowing him for 2 years I really like him a lot. However, I am not sure I can ever love him like you should when you find a mate. I don't really date just to hook up so it's a big decision because it means I could see a future with this person. Also, he's cute, but I don't really find him sexy. So am I just being shallow? Any words of advice from people with similar experiences?

    If you have known this guy for 2 years and don't find him sexy, there's no reason to think that any sexual chemistry is ever going to develop down the road. And if it doesn't, what you have is just a friendship. Which will be ruined by trying to turn it into a romance when the attraction isn't there. It does not mean you're shallow. Sexual attraction isn't something you can simply will yourself to feel.
    I once had a situation like this. I enjoyed his company and I was tired of being single. But there was no spark. He knew it (you can't hide something like that). He ended up resenting me and cheated flagrantly. we didn't part as friends.