Dating Jewish?

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  Dec 19, 2008 3:22 AM GMT

  I have been told by several guys lately that I am an ignorant, intolerant person because I am unwilling to get really serious with non-Jews. Conversion is totally cool! (BTW TOTALLY SINGLE)I am pretty religious and I want to share that part of my life. Am I really ignorant or faithful?

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• EricLA
  
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  Dec 19, 2008 3:49 AM GMT

  If your religious beliefs are such a strong part of your life and you would need your partner to share them, I can accept that. But you know there are men out there who would convert.

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  Dec 19, 2008 3:54 AM GMT

  "Am I really ignorant or faithful?"
  
  Nope. Neither. It's a big part of you.
  Then there's but..whatever person you're going to eventually be with is a mystery, and sometimes that mystery just needs to be explored. You could find yourself head-over-heels with a guy that is plain old agnostic, or even with a faith that is very different from your own. Or none at all. Being a person of some small faith, I'd hazard that you believe that somehow we end up the person that's meant for us, as God moves through us in strange and obscure ways. So who's to judge what and what manner of person we'll be with? The love we speak of is deeper than a particular faith or un-belief. Suppose part of your existence is to show others something that may enrich them and their world view?
  Or they you?
  A chance, we both think, not to be denied. I'm christian with a small c and Bill is, I think, agnostic, though even that's something he's vague about, so not to be disturbed.
  
  Wishing you and yours a Happy Hannukah Dec 22nd.
  
  "Hanneirot hallalu anachnu madlikin 'al hannissim ve'al hanniflaot 'al hatteshu'ot ve'al hammilchamot ...."
  
  (We light these lights for the miracles and the wonders.....)
  

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  Dec 19, 2008 4:20 AM GMT

  No. As long as you're not disrespecting anyone of another religion. I'm kinda the same way, but the opposite. LOL. I probably wouldn't even be able to stand a date with an ultra-religious guy of any faith.
  
  Who you want to spend the rest of your life with is entirely your decision.
  
  However, from your post... are you seeing someone non-jew and having him choose whether to convert or break up? Methinks it's time to think about your priorities. You can't force someone to convert. Neither should you force him to choose. If having someone who shares your faith is really that important to you, don't string him along.

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• DCEric
  
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  Dec 19, 2008 4:32 AM GMT

  As a semi-religious Jew, I have had trouble dating Christians. I think it is just part of the community feel for me. No problem with other non-Jews though. I am currently partnered with a Hindu (who is somewhat more religious than me), and we have no problems so long as we keep things seperate. I go to temple with him, and he sometimes comes with me. This may get to be a problem when we have kids though.
  
  So, in answer to your question, no you aren't ignorant. Tolerance is not from participating in something else- but being aware and accepting of it. If in order to be tolerant of something you had to participate, I would have had a number of straight men in the sack by now.
  
  ...and I would like to second what Sedative said about converting other people.

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  Dec 19, 2008 4:32 AM GMT

  its difficult enough finding a guy that is worth dating at all. adding the fact that he has to be jewish is just going to make it that more difficult.
  
  I definitely put somewhat of an emphasis on any guy I would date being agnostic/atheist but I'd never say that it were a deal breaker.
  
  aren't most jewish people non-religious these days anyway?
  I've heard that a large percentage of jews don't have any metaphysical belief or connection with god. Would that kind of jew be okay for you to date?

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  Dec 19, 2008 4:37 AM GMT

  blinktwice4y saidits difficult enough finding a guy that is worth dating at all. adding the fact that he has to be jewish is just going to make it that more difficult.
  
  I definitely put somewhat of an emphasis on any guy I would date being agnostic/atheist but I'd never say that it were a deal breaker.
  
  aren't most jewish people non-religious these days anyway?
  I've heard that a large percentage of jews don't have any metaphysical belief or connection with god. Would that kind of jew be okay for you to date?

  
  
  I think there really is something to that. I know someone who is at least part jewish and still eats porcine. Is the restriction of porcine only an orthodox thing?

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  Dec 19, 2008 4:38 AM GMT

  Trust me, they have biases too which don't duelve nearly as deeply as religious beliefs, but it's when they're being rejected that they will be quick to call out any injustice regardless of how they may have treated people in the past. I think as long as you're upfront, and not leading people on you're fine.

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• DCEric
  
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  Dec 19, 2008 4:39 AM GMT

  blinktwice4y said
  aren't most jewish people non-religious these days anyway?
  I've heard that a large percentage of jews don't have any metaphysical belief or connection with god. Would that kind of jew be okay for you to date?

  
  
  You apparently have never been in New York on a Saturday. There are enough black hats to make you think you are in the Warsaw Ghetto.
  
  /Anyone who doesn't know what a Ghetto actually is will be promptly beaten.

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• DCEric
  
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  Dec 19, 2008 4:44 AM GMT

  Ok, this is for the non-Jews benefit. There are three segements to being a Jew. Only one of the three is religious. The other two are cultural and ethnic. I belong to all three, however there are plenty of mixes, where a person can belong to only one or two of the three. This is very different from Christianity where there is no ethnic nor cultural componant (with the large exception of secular Christmas celebrations).
  
  I'm not sure what the OPer's qualifications are, but depending on those limitations there are as many as 7 million Jews in America, and as few as 5 million.

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  Dec 19, 2008 4:47 AM GMT

  DCEric said

  blinktwice4y said
  aren't most jewish people non-religious these days anyway?
  I've heard that a large percentage of jews don't have any metaphysical belief or connection with god. Would that kind of jew be okay for you to date?

  
  
  You apparently have never been in New York on a Saturday. There are enough black hats to make you think you are in the Warsaw Ghetto.
  
  /Anyone who doesn't know what a Ghetto actually is will be promptly beaten.

  
  
  
  haha, yes, i have seen this odd mating ritual that takes place in new york.
  this is not a reflection of most jewish people though.
  
  It's the toupee fallacy. One would say that they can always spot a toupee, but that is only cause you can spot the really obvious toupees. What about all the ones that are much better and go undetected. You cannot account for these.
  
  
  

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• DCEric
  
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  Dec 19, 2008 4:55 AM GMT

  Yes, but they had been used for centuries before then. The first was in Venice in 1560, partially as a reaction to the expelling of Jews from the Spanish and Portugese Inquistitions.

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  Dec 19, 2008 5:25 AM GMT

  DCEricThis is very different from Christianity where there is no ethnic nor cultural componant (with the large exception of secular Christmas celebrations).

  
  
  Really there's no ethnic or cultural aspect to Christianity? And are the Christmas celebrations really secular, or treated the same across the large swathe of Christianity? Are you really sure of what you speak?

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  Dec 19, 2008 5:42 AM GMT

  Alot of Jewish folks are still practicing and I am one of them. Also I do not force conversion because its not Jewish. If they choose to convert, it will be BECAUSE of me, not FOR me! Reading the responses proves my point...I need a Jew because non-Jews do not understand alot of my sentiments. When I converted to Judaism, I promised to G-d and the Jewish people to live in the faith and continue to perpetuate the tradition in my children. I do casually date non-Jews but they have other detriments that supersede the Jewish issue. Does that clarify anything?
  

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  Dec 19, 2008 6:18 AM GMT

  not making people convert is non jewish? someone should forward that message to Michelle Obama's cousin Rabbi Capers Funnye who insist on the act of evangelism (to borrow a christian term). I'm not all that religious. I consider myself to be more spiritual. However, I think it would be easier to date someone Jewish for me. I was ina 5 year relationship in which religion was a heated debate. he grew up catholic and was not an "atheist". I always fought with him about the issue of raising kids jewish. I dunno, part of it is the fact would want to share my culture and life with my husband and kids.

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• asupas
  
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  Dec 19, 2008 6:25 AM GMT

  I have a secret 'thing' for Jewish guys but I'd have a hard time converting. I'm not very religious at all but I appreciate the history and culture behind Judaism.

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  Dec 19, 2008 6:30 AM GMT

  haha, i would NEVER date a religious jew... so you're all good... can barely stand religious christians...

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  Dec 19, 2008 6:31 AM GMT

  I'm an atheist Jew. My husband is a secular Catholic. Makes the holidays easier in terms of spending time with my family on Hannukah and his family on Christmas. When we have children, they'll grow up in a multi-cultural family.

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  Dec 19, 2008 6:34 AM GMT

  I think religious Christianity is far different from religious Judaism. We are a people before anything else. we like to say that we live y our laws and not die by them ;) also, a lot more accepting. take dana international for example (: i love her, him, her... or whatever...LOL

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  Dec 19, 2008 6:59 AM GMT

  lol, i meant we are a nation... an ethnic group. although as far as american jews go... they are a class all their own.
  
  take for example the fact that israel is a country for all jews... no matter what.

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  Dec 19, 2008 7:05 AM GMT

  agri_sci saidI have been told by several guys lately that I am an ignorant, intolerant person because I am unwilling to get really serious with non-Jews. Conversion is totally cool! (BTW TOTALLY SINGLE)I am pretty religious and I want to share that part of my life. Am I really ignorant or faithful?

  
  
  Faithful? What does another person's religion have to do with YOUR faith? If anyone is telling you that being with someone of a different faith is sinful, etc...then no, you're not ignorant. The person telling you this is ignorant and you are just plain crazy for believing them. If you believe that God will judge you for another person's sin, then you need to have a sit down with God and get real.

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  Dec 19, 2008 7:11 AM GMT

  first, we don't believe in sin like Christians believe in sin. Second, Jews arent told to...its just expected that they will marry other jews because thats the only way we get new jews. however, i dont know how that would apply to a gay couple.

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  Dec 19, 2008 7:36 AM GMT

  First off agri, as a fellow Jew, congrats to sticking to your guns! (and the fact you don't spell out "God" is impressive! As you see, well, I'm likely a bit less religious). I completely understand your point and, if this is what you want, don't settle for less.
  
  You are not ignorant, and by no means are you intolerant. Yes, you are very faithful, and you really should be commended, most of all, for knowing what you want.
  
  Just keep in mind a few things:
  
  The gay population can seem small enough, whittled further by the datable population, whittled further by the datable Jewish population. There might be times when you feel you're dealing with a sliver. I'm probably telling you what you already know, but just to throw it out.
  
  Is there a religious level of Judaism you're looking for - i.e. reform, conservative, orthodox?
  

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• Hunter9
  
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  Dec 19, 2008 7:37 AM GMT

  im jewish in name only... will not date anyone who is religious whatsoever
  
  and can some please explain what this whole jewish culture is?... i dont feel or appear any different culturally than any atheistic christian

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• novajava
  
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  Dec 19, 2008 7:38 AM GMT

  Take it from this goy handsome!..U r just being faithful...nothing wrong with it!

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