Get over a straight guy...??

  • Rocky_USC

    Posts: 19

    Feb 14, 2014 12:39 AM GMT
    I saw lot of posts here about how to get over someone..in all cases both are gays..my situation is kind of different but not exceptional..I was (or still I am?) in love with a straight guy who has a gf..I can explain that it was not my fault..we went school together to do our masters,we lived in a same buliding on-campus.. that time he was having problems with his gf..he used tell me "why I have this girl in my life?" He used kiss me in my shoulder..we spent many hours holding hands in private..whenever he became drunk, he used to tell me all emotional words...he even cried to me many times..all of these gave me a very wrong idea that he loves me..and one day suddenly ,I realized I have fallen in love with this guy madly...

    I was happy thinking that he loves me more that his gf. Oh, I was wrong, utterly wrong! When we were leaving school, I got some idea that he loves his gf madly and getting back to her..but I falsely console myself that this is not case..

    Things are worse now..we are attending same graduate school, same department and our offices are in same building...He is so happy with his gf..he loves his gf so madly that I feel shame on myself, I feel utterly stupid.It is sad that I become extremely jealous when I see him talking to his gf..I think he still loves me as a friend but I am not in position now to continue the friendship... But I love him so much..I look at his face and want to kiss him, hug him so badly..but I cant do it..All my personal and professional life are messed up due to this..I want to get over this guy to escape from present pathetic life..

    Sorry for this long post..all wise and experienced people here, can you advise me how to get over this guy..it is becoming harder for me day by day...
  • Bunjamon

    Posts: 3161

    Feb 14, 2014 1:05 AM GMT
    Pardon for being blunt, but...


    ...you never had him, so there's nothing to get over. You need to get a grip and stop allowing yourself to think this way about someone who will never reciprocate.

    This is also the umpteenth thread about this very topic. There's a search feature.
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    Feb 14, 2014 1:14 AM GMT
    I think you need time away.

    I had a similar experience. I had a crush on my straight friend and somehow fooled myself that he could possibly be bi and like me back.

    Sure enough he was into girls and thought nothing of me. I was very sad, but I guess it wasn't as bad as your case as I realized early enough to stop fooling myself.

    Time away from him eventually helped me get over him.
  • Rocky_USC

    Posts: 19

    Feb 14, 2014 1:43 AM GMT
    Bunjamon saidPardon for being blunt, but...


    ...you never had him, so there's nothing to get over. You need to get a grip and stop allowing yourself to think this way about someone who will never reciprocate.

    This is also the umpteenth thread about this very topic. There's a search feature.


    Yes you are absolutely true..this is the big lesson
    I have learned from all these pains..
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 14, 2014 3:53 AM GMT
    It's really easy to get over this guy. Simply put....he's not into dick!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 14, 2014 4:17 AM GMT
    Emo straight guys...
    ugg--the worst.
    Yes, happens to us all; probably as much as it does a straight girl falling for us.
    Try and look at it like that; as if a girl was crushing on you and how it makes you feel--she pushes to hard and you run the other way.
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    Feb 14, 2014 7:58 AM GMT
    We've all fallen for someone we will never have. You must remind yourself that it wasn't ever going to happen, it's just a fantasy. Reality will sink in eventually, and your crush feelings will diminish until they're gone. You'll be able to move on and you look back on this and see it as a life lesson, which is that you can't have everything you want. I'm sorry it's tough and I hate it to no end when it happens to me, but it's part of being alive.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 14, 2014 6:24 PM GMT
    Don't lose a wonderful mate , because he is not what you wanted to be . He is still your mate , and a good mate is better than any lover you will have .
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    Feb 15, 2014 2:03 AM GMT
    ^^^^^ I agree with all of the above suggestions, but especially the last one. If you care to keep this guy as a friend, don't do what I did as an undergrad (a long time ago) and that was to imagine I could turn him into wanting me if I was hot enough, athletic enough, won games with winning shots (H2o-polo) and just my general terrific self! It wasn't EVER going to happen. He wanted women. I stupidly TOLD him what I thought of him, me, US. Guess what? No more friend. I still think of him, but just a little. I wish I had kept my mouth shut, and just kept him as a friend. I could have done that if I'd kept my cool and not blown it. I advise you to just transfer your feelings into a friendship ONLY type of thing with this guy.
  • Rocky_USC

    Posts: 19

    Feb 15, 2014 4:14 AM GMT
    Jockbod48 said^^^^^ I agree with all of the above suggestions, but especially the last one. If you care to keep this guy as a friend, don't do what I did as an undergrad (a long time ago) and that was to imagine I could turn him into wanting me if I was hot enough, athletic enough, won games with winning shots (H20-polo) and just my general terrific self! It wasn't EVER going to happen. He wanted women. I stupidly TOLD him what I thought of him, me, US. Guess what? No more friend. I still think of him, but just a little. I wish I had kept my mouth shut, and just kept him as a friend. I could have done that if I'd kept my cool and not blown it. I advise you to just transfer your feelings into a friendship ONLY type of thing with this guy.


    Oh Jockbod48, you are so true..I was behaving exactly like you, thought my body will attract him..but just yesterday I saw some intimate pictures of him with his gf..I am devastated, thinking how fool I am...Everytime I think thats enough and then I see his face, his fucking cute face...Being so close, its hard like hell!! My general guess, after all these pain, it is very difficult to be friend again..I hope all of your caring suggestion will help me to overcome this pathetic situation....
  • newguy30

    Posts: 9

    Feb 15, 2014 6:45 PM GMT
    You need to focus on your personal life not his.

    Currently you're hanging over his every action. You can't really force yourself to stop thinking about him but what you can do is try to meet other gay masculine single men. You can still want your friend just add your new agenda to your daily life. With a little persistence and luck, you can meet someone that unlike you back.

    Just try it, you've got nothing to lose.
  • Killer32

    Posts: 9

    Oct 25, 2014 11:31 AM GMT
    Rocky_USC said
    Jockbod48 said^^^^^ I agree with all of the above suggestions, but especially the last one. If you care to keep this guy as a friend, don't do what I did as an undergrad (a long time ago) and that was to imagine I could turn him into wanting me if I was hot enough, athletic enough, won games with winning shots (H20-polo) and just my general terrific self! It wasn't EVER going to happen. He wanted women. I stupidly TOLD him what I thought of him, me, US. Guess what? No more friend. I still think of him, but just a little. I wish I had kept my mouth shut, and just kept him as a friend. I could have done that if I'd kept my cool and not blown it. I advise you to just transfer your feelings into a friendship ONLY type of thing with this guy.


    Oh Jockbod48, you are so true..I was behaving exactly like you, thought my body will attract him..but just yesterday I saw some intimate pictures of him with his gf..I am devastated, thinking how fool I am...Everytime I think thats enough and then I see his face, his fucking cute face...Being so close, its hard like hell!! My general guess, after all these pain, it is very difficult to be friend again..I hope all of your caring suggestion will help me to overcome this pathetic situation....


    So how you doing now give us an update!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 25, 2014 12:17 PM GMT
    Bunjamon saidPardon for being blunt, but...


    ...you never had him, so there's nothing to get over. You need to get a grip and stop allowing yourself to think this way about someone who will never reciprocate.

    This is also the umpteenth thread about this very topic. There's a search feature.



    what a load of BS
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 25, 2014 12:24 PM GMT
    This can be one of the hardest things in life to get over
    That is true love, when you love the person and personality and has absolutely nothing to do with sex, only some mentally degraded moron could say something like you never had him so there is nothing to get over.

    It depends on the situation, is he using the situation that you have feelings for him in his advantage?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 25, 2014 7:15 PM GMT
    Bonapart saidThis can be one of the hardest things in life to get over
    That is true love, when you love the person and personality and has absolutely nothing to do with sex, only some mentally degraded moron could say something like you never had him so there is nothing to get over.

    It depends on the situation, is he using the situation that you have feelings for him in his advantage?

    Really? It's more like unrealistic love than true love. True love, generally, happens between two people who are mutually interested in each other. Falling for someone, who you know isn't available, is stupid. You know what will be the outcome, but still you are living in your imaginary world of happiness.
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Oct 26, 2014 4:45 AM GMT
    I can never understand how gay men fall in LUST for straight men (or even bisexual men).
    These are men who will NEVER have a relationship with you.

    In the mean time, you are torturing yourself, and wasting your time, wishing and hoping that things will change.
    THEY WON'T.

    Get away from this guy ASAP.
    Start hanging out with GAY guys until you find somebody who deserves you.


  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Oct 26, 2014 5:31 AM GMT
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  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 26, 2014 5:37 AM GMT
    Bunjamon saidPardon for being blunt, but...


    ...you never had him, so there's nothing to get over. You need to get a grip and stop allowing yourself to think this way about someone who will never reciprocate.

    This is also the umpteenth thread about this very topic. There's a search feature.


    Your comment is incredibly ignorant. It doesn't matter if he ever "had him" or not....what matters is he is hurting.

    The best way to get over him is to break all contact with him for a period of time. Only you will know when it's safe for your heart to see him again as friends. You will probably want to tell him why you're distancing yourself from him; that way he won't be hurt when you refuse to talk or see him. No contact means no contact. No texts, no phone calls, email, nothing. You'll get over him MUCH faster this way.
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Oct 26, 2014 6:50 AM GMT
    I agree, you shouldn't have to get over something you were never under. Stop obsessing over this guy. He will never give you what you want and need. Time to mature.icon_idea.gif
  • Amelorn

    Posts: 231

    Oct 26, 2014 8:27 AM GMT
    Webster666 saidI can never understand how gay men fall in LUST for straight men (or even bisexual men).
    These are men who will NEVER have a relationship with you.

    In the mean time, you are torturing yourself, and wasting your time, wishing and hoping that things will change.
    THEY WON'T.

    Get away from this guy ASAP.
    Start hanging out with GAY guys until you find somebody who deserves you.




    Biology/love/lust is neither particular nor discriminating.

  • buddycat

    Posts: 1874

    Oct 26, 2014 9:25 AM GMT
    I agree, just get over it. You need to accept this will never happen and just back off. It is not like he is going to change his mind, he is not into guys period.