Feb 15, 2014 7:25 PM GMT
I've been dating this guy--long distance--for about four months, and, while it was love at first site for me (and, presumably him as well, because, well, he said so)...I'm really beginning to think I've found a narcissist that jumped straight out of the textbook---
After reading what seems like hundreds of articles about this particular "personality disorder" (for lack of a better phrase), I've found the following...
*We're right at the four month mark--a point which narcissists tend to change the dynamic in the dating relationship. What were once romantic texts and phone calls throughout the day have diminished in frequency, as well as tone.
I get that fact that every relationship goes through a honeymoon period--but this is almost night and day.
I point out the four month mark specifically because one article said right at four months was a key time marker--weird.
*He is 6'2", and tends to take bigger strides than me when we're wallking somewhere, but, since the beginning, he always ends up 20 or 30 feet ahead of me. However, when I've brought it up (couples walk together, strangers do not walk together, ya know), it's my responsibility to "keep up".
*Little empathy, if any, for any of my emotional stuff. When he responds, he somehow always makes that one vulnerable moment that I might be going through about HIS feelings or reactions.
*His idea of emotional gifting when I like to put our relationship on the "philosophical wash cycle"--"So, what else do you want to know about me"?
*In the minutia of life, I'll ask specifically "how is friend A, B, or C? How is work? How is your dog?"....on and on. I get NONE of those questions, ever.
*Disregard for putting any identifiable effort into maintaining, and cultivating, our relationship--broken promises to call or Skype, etc., when I've brought it up (trust me, we've had one of "those talks"), it is "life gets in the way", and "I'm forgetful".
Funny, when we were doing the courting dance, life didn't get in the way, and his memory was sharp.
I've got dozens of more examples, this's and thats, that, at the time, I thought were me just overthinking everything (I tend to do that anyway, which makes dating a narcissist even worse for the other person)---and, I can elaborate if this thread gains traction...
But, in the meantime, a little feedback, first hand experiences, etc. would be helpful.
While there is a lot of literature about Narcissistic Personality Disorder out there, there's very little, if any, directly through the lens of the gay dating/relationship community.
Thanks in advance.
After reading what seems like hundreds of articles about this particular "personality disorder" (for lack of a better phrase), I've found the following...
*We're right at the four month mark--a point which narcissists tend to change the dynamic in the dating relationship. What were once romantic texts and phone calls throughout the day have diminished in frequency, as well as tone.
I get that fact that every relationship goes through a honeymoon period--but this is almost night and day.
I point out the four month mark specifically because one article said right at four months was a key time marker--weird.
*He is 6'2", and tends to take bigger strides than me when we're wallking somewhere, but, since the beginning, he always ends up 20 or 30 feet ahead of me. However, when I've brought it up (couples walk together, strangers do not walk together, ya know), it's my responsibility to "keep up".
*Little empathy, if any, for any of my emotional stuff. When he responds, he somehow always makes that one vulnerable moment that I might be going through about HIS feelings or reactions.
*His idea of emotional gifting when I like to put our relationship on the "philosophical wash cycle"--"So, what else do you want to know about me"?
*In the minutia of life, I'll ask specifically "how is friend A, B, or C? How is work? How is your dog?"....on and on. I get NONE of those questions, ever.
*Disregard for putting any identifiable effort into maintaining, and cultivating, our relationship--broken promises to call or Skype, etc., when I've brought it up (trust me, we've had one of "those talks"), it is "life gets in the way", and "I'm forgetful".
Funny, when we were doing the courting dance, life didn't get in the way, and his memory was sharp.
I've got dozens of more examples, this's and thats, that, at the time, I thought were me just overthinking everything (I tend to do that anyway, which makes dating a narcissist even worse for the other person)---and, I can elaborate if this thread gains traction...
But, in the meantime, a little feedback, first hand experiences, etc. would be helpful.
While there is a lot of literature about Narcissistic Personality Disorder out there, there's very little, if any, directly through the lens of the gay dating/relationship community.
Thanks in advance.
