How to approach Medical Resident?


  • Feb 16, 2014 6:20 AM GMT
    So I signed up to get some advice on a situation.

    I recently got a new job at the hospital as a NP. I started back in December and was on orientation for about one week, rotating in the different sections of the ER to get a feel for each pod. When I was orienting with the supervising doctor, there was a resident that was super attractive, and well, smart. I was sitting on the chair, waiting for my supervising doctor to finish with a patient, when the resident introduced himself to me. "Btw, my name is Alex." Likewise, I introduced myself to him. But we didn't say much afterwards.

    Fast forward to this week - that resident was with the supervising doctor and came to my section of the ER to retrieve some supplies. While I was stuffing my face with food, he made a general comment to my advising doctor that "something smelled good" -- which was clearly my food. I wanted to respond back to him but at the time, was too busy catching up with my charts and trying to eat as I don't get a lunch break. We didn't really speak to each other at this time.

    I was randomly on OKCUPID when I saw a picture of a guy that looked very familiar. I clicked on the picture and it was the RESIDENT! I was a bit shocked because I never thought he would have been gay. I would have messaged him on okcupid....except he hasn't logged in since November.

    Now that it is established that he's gay - and after reading his profile - I really would like to get to know him more, even if it's just being friends. The problem is that...it's the hospital. It's the ER. And it's very busy. While I'd LOVE to go up to him and make small talk with him, "Hey, how's this section of the ER going? Seen any cool cases" it's difficult to strike that conversation up especially when he's busy with patients.

    Any suggestions on how I could chat it up with him WITHOUT being awkward (or have other people around?)

    I thought about 2/3 ideas:

    1. I drop a note in his mailbox. I could say something like, "Hey man. I think you're a pretty cool guy. We should hang out sometime." And leave my number (instead of my name) on the note.

    2. I could e-mail him and say: "Hey, I saw you last week in my part of the ER. I wanted to ask you something but didn't get a chance to since I was catching up on charting. I'm interested in working on the MAIN side of the ER, and was wondering since you were the only resident I worked with during my orientation shift, if I could work with you on a part of few shifts so that I could get a hang of mainside ER before I start working there in a few months. Blah blah blah."

    3. The residents have lectures every Tuesday at 7am which I am allowed to attend to as well.

    While 3 is probably more ideal and personable, 2 definitely falls into my comfort zone. If he says No to me following him, then that's that. But if he says yes, then it would allow me to get to know him during work. But then at that point, is it just a work-established relationship at that point?

    Any advice would be helpful! Thanks!
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    Feb 16, 2014 2:52 PM GMT


    Like this,"I'm grabbing some lunch soon, would you like to join me?"
    Casually, and not expecting him to.
  • Iakona

    Posts: 367

    Feb 16, 2014 2:57 PM GMT
    I never understood this whole beating around the bush, avoiding what you want thing. Go up to him and say "Hey, want to grab a drink after your shift sometime" It's quick, it's simple, and you will find out right away if he's interested.
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    Feb 16, 2014 3:04 PM GMT
    You answered it yourself - go with # 2.

  • Feb 16, 2014 3:18 PM GMT
    Iakona saidI never understood this whole beating around the bush, avoiding what you want thing. Go up to him and say "Hey, want to grab a drink after your shift sometime" It's quick, it's simple, and you will find out right away if he's interested.


    I wouldn't mind that, except it's hectic as hell in the Emergency room. I don't have his schedule, so I don't know when he's here or for how long. And whenever I see him, he's busy with patients and or trying to save someone from coding. #2 just seems reasonable in a hospital setting. Just wanted to make sure that doesn't sound weird doing it.

  • Feb 16, 2014 3:19 PM GMT
    Broseph saidWhat was he looking for on okcupid? Do you fit?


    Yeah. We were 84% match if that means anything, haha.
  • Iakona

    Posts: 367

    Feb 16, 2014 3:39 PM GMT
    Well then ask him after the lecture with the residents.... if there is a will, there is a way! Trust me.
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    Feb 16, 2014 3:53 PM GMT
    Don't crap where you eat.
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    Feb 16, 2014 5:18 PM GMT
    nicetieletsbang said
    Broseph saidWhat was he looking for on okcupid? Do you fit?


    Yeah. We were 84% match if that means anything, haha.


    What attracts you to him?
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    Feb 17, 2014 4:17 AM GMT
    Option 2 would probably make the most sense because it is a reasonable request and is in your comfort zone. The problem with that option is he could decline or delay for reasons that may be completely irrelevant to his wanting to get to know you or it could seem as coming on too strong. So modify option 2 but instead of asking to work with him, just say you had a couple of questions and wondered if you could get a quick coffee together.

  • Feb 17, 2014 5:18 AM GMT
    socalfitness saidOption 2 would probably make the most sense because it is a reasonable request and is in your comfort zone. The problem with that option is he could decline or delay for reasons that may be completely irrelevant to his wanting to get to know you or it could seem as coming on too strong. So modify option 2 but instead of asking to work with him, just say you had a couple of questions and wondered if you could get a quick coffee together.


    You think it seems too strong if I try to ask if I could work with him on a couple of patient-cases?
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    Feb 17, 2014 9:44 AM GMT
    nicetieletsbang said
    socalfitness saidOption 2 would probably make the most sense because it is a reasonable request and is in your comfort zone. The problem with that option is he could decline or delay for reasons that may be completely irrelevant to his wanting to get to know you or it could seem as coming on too strong. So modify option 2 but instead of asking to work with him, just say you had a couple of questions and wondered if you could get a quick coffee together.

    You think it seems too strong if I try to ask if I could work with him on a couple of patient-cases?

    Maybe "too strong" isn't the right term. I was thinking maybe a bit too invasive. Just a possibility because I am just guessing how he could perceive it if he is also shy and attracted to you. My thought about getting a quick coffee is an easier decision for him. It just comes across as very casual.
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    Feb 17, 2014 2:05 PM GMT
    socalfitness said
    nicetieletsbang said
    socalfitness saidOption 2 would probably make the most sense because it is a reasonable request and is in your comfort zone. The problem with that option is he could decline or delay for reasons that may be completely irrelevant to his wanting to get to know you or it could seem as coming on too strong. So modify option 2 but instead of asking to work with him, just say you had a couple of questions and wondered if you could get a quick coffee together.

    You think it seems too strong if I try to ask if I could work with him on a couple of patient-cases?

    Maybe "too strong" isn't the right term. I was thinking maybe a bit too invasive. Just a possibility because I am just guessing how he could perceive it if he is also shy and attracted to you. My thought about getting a quick coffee is an easier decision for him. It just comes across as very casual.


    I agree! It does also subtly let him know you are interested in him enough to spend time with him.