The Most BRUTAL GAY SCENE You've Suffered

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    Sep 22, 2007 1:06 AM GMT
    An informal weekend poll inspired by the hometown-bashings in a couple of recent threads.

    In which city do you find the [gay] locals hardest to click with, and why?

    *Easy on the vitriol boys!
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    Sep 22, 2007 3:10 AM GMT
    London. Huge city. Huge gay population. Very diversified gay population. Very segmented. There's a shop, cafe, pub or club for just about every sub-culture in our sub-culture. Tribal in a way -- Image is everything if you want to fit in anywhere. Add big-city jaded-ness with British reserve and you can get some really tough nuts to crack. :^)

    * I lived in London for several years and the gay friends I made there were all ex-pats, most of whom related sharing similar circumstances or observations. Still, I really loved (miss) London's unbeatable vitality and edginess, gay or otherwise.
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    Sep 22, 2007 3:20 AM GMT
    Actually I love London.

    The place I found most difficult Atlanta; because so much of the social scene there is networked private parties & backyard 'BBQ's', social groups and sports clubs; not really like the big commercial social scenes like in NY, Boston, SF, LA, Montreal, etc.

    People were very friendly, it is just that a lot of the gay social scene was more privately oriented.
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    Sep 22, 2007 3:56 AM GMT
    I've found that in Phoenix, it is very hard to click with gay men if you're looking for more than a quick hook up. Maybe it is because I came out later in life. I don't know. I've just found it difficult to make friends that are gay.
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    Sep 22, 2007 5:53 AM GMT
    What gives guys?
    Afraid of being dropped from someone's little ol' hot list, or what?

    Go on then, be brave -- the Tourism Associations of the world eagerly await your critique!
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    Sep 22, 2007 6:04 AM GMT
    Though, Aero it all depends. I've had nights in places that were magic and other nights that though same place, and same sites, were, yawn, boring, and definately cliqued with no one.

    There are great people and 'trolls' everywhere, and sometimes it's just luck, and the chemistry of the meeting. And who knows why? Sometimes it's them, and sometimes mew, and sometimes who knows?
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    Sep 22, 2007 6:12 AM GMT
    Meh, political correctness.

    Next.
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    Sep 22, 2007 6:17 AM GMT
    Once upon a time - back in the dark ages - there was a saying:

    "If you wanted to work and be gay you moved to NY; If you wanted to be gay and work, you moved to SF"
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    Sep 22, 2007 6:36 AM GMT
    Maybe, Aero, but I've run the gamut of things in even that epitome of shallowness: LA. Yes, there are the shallow navel gazing types, and not necessarily the 'beautiful people' but others who I approached because they just seemed interesting. But beside that I've had everything from the great hookup to intense philosophical conversations, to making permanent friends, to having people almost literally sob their hearts out, and, let's not forget, even the lecherous.

    So maybe a PC answer, but in my experience everytime is different with it's own chemistry, or maybe mine.
  • OutOfEden

    Posts: 100

    Sep 22, 2007 6:51 AM GMT
    The only places I've hit since being out and active are Tampa, Atlanta, and New York and each of those was more of a "one night" situation than "taste the flavor". Now in each of those cities I was able to find a local or two and get recommendations for the nightlife while I was in town and find some busy bars and clubs, so really I enjoyed all three, but I think I may be underexperienced for the thread. I will go ahead and hate on Orlando though. There are three gay stereotypes here, the Disney Gay which is considered flaky and unmatured, the Florida boi who is perpetually 19 years old, perfectly tanned, dressed, and frosted, and the Old Souls who don't really give a damn about keeping up appearances but like to go out and have fun. I identify most with the last group but newcomers to this town tend to be pretty disappointed if they don't fall in with any of the stereotypes.
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    Sep 22, 2007 12:58 PM GMT
    I've thought about this a lot cause I was curious as to what makes certain spaces more inviting than others.

    Here in Barcelona friendships take longer to make. There are a couple reasons for this. One of the main ones is that there are tons of international visitors here, and so no one wants to put out for someone who does not live here. Consequently, sex is ridiculously easy, but friendship is more challenging. Another reason is a saying that Catalans are hard to make friends with but once you do they are friends for life (BTW, I'm only half Catalan). I have found that to be very true.

    But down south it gets much easier. I have found similar situations in the US.

    Chicago is one of the most inviting cities I have ever been to, but some of the other cities in the region have been the hardest places to make friends I have ever been in my life.

  • Salubrious

    Posts: 420

    Sep 22, 2007 2:17 PM GMT
    Sadly I only really have only been to Cleveland's gay bars, and none others. They don't seem too cliquish but I don't really go to clubs. Despite being from L.A. originally (well, a suburb of it) I've never been to a club there, but I can imagine it's a bit like how it was described.
  • allamericantx

    Posts: 140

    Sep 22, 2007 4:05 PM GMT


    Dallas is my least favorite city in the U.S.

    "What kinda car do you drive, what neighborhood do you live in, and how much money do you make?" That is all they are concerned with.

    I think the guys in Dallas are really good looking and I won't knock them for that, but the attitude ruins the looks and is an absolute deal breaker.

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    Sep 22, 2007 5:05 PM GMT
    Dallas. The boys, far too many of them, are pretty much cornered into one of the last gay ghettos in the US, trying to outdo each other. The air of judgement up there is brutal. Everyone from 18-50 wearing Hollister (the new A&F) and trying desperately to be all buffed and shaved and dyed, all perspective lost. Rampant drugs too. I don't blame them, I blame the region. That's what the bible belt does to gay guys.

    I realized I've painted a bit of a caricature here, and surely someone will point out an individual experience to try and refute this. But really I've been there very often (due to rugby get togethers), have friends who live in Dallas, and the consensus seems to be that Oak Lawn is a gay cesspool.
  • RSportsguy

    Posts: 1925

    Sep 22, 2007 5:14 PM GMT
    Wow, I had a couple of friends who just visited Dallas and they said that they had a blast. They were only passing thru, but they did spend one night there and said that the people were incredibly nice and the gay bars were fun. Well, maybe they were not there long enough to see any of the bad.
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    Sep 22, 2007 5:21 PM GMT
    As they say..."nice place to visit, but..."

    I've had fun times there too, but I was with 40 ruggers.
  • Warren

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    Sep 22, 2007 5:25 PM GMT
    Ha, in Greenville, we have one gay bar. I suppose that would make it more inviting, except that its a private club and not very good. huzzah for the south...

    I've visited Dallas, it seemed alright, though everyone is kinda shoved into Oaklawn.

    SanFrancisco, while very open with its gays, was, for me, very rough. I think it was partly me not prepared for how very gay it was (coming from SC and all) and that there were tons of really beautiful people there who basically ignored me. I met a couple cool people there, but it was intimidating. Next time I go, I think it'll be much better.

    Phoenix, I visited, but didn't really get into the scene, didn't have anyone to go with, and i hate to go to bars and stuff by myself.
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    Sep 22, 2007 5:54 PM GMT
    For some reason just the name Oak Lawn conjures up images of the upper class anglo-saxon country club scene.
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    Sep 22, 2007 10:27 PM GMT
    I'd have to say Greenville as well, being born and raised here, I'd have to say there's not much here for gays.
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    Sep 23, 2007 12:37 AM GMT
    Atlanta is the worst....been to LA...been to NYC....been to SF...and here...Ive never seen more drugged out posers....its all about the car you drive, the clothes you wear....the drugs you use and the A listers you know...more drugs and shallowness than Ive ever experienced anywhere else.
  • OutOfEden

    Posts: 100

    Sep 23, 2007 2:04 PM GMT
    This is a pretty fun thread, I enjoy hearing the perspective on these other cities, many of which I've hoped to visit. MascjockATL you post regularly enough that I've learned to respect your perspective, I'll have to watch out for the pretentiousness of Atlanta next time. I suppose it's easy enough to find sex in any town so hookups don't count as helping to form an opinion of the scene, even if it was a really great time :D I was surprised by Warren's views on San Francisco, I haven't been there since my pre-adolescent years but I've always hoped of returning and picture it as a great gay mecca of openness and acceptance. Sounds like they have no problem with accepting your sexuality but accepting the rest of your personality is just as much of an issue there as elsewhere.

    For the record, all of you Greenville boys are hot as hell and welcome on my porch any day.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Sep 23, 2007 4:22 PM GMT
    Every place has its brutal scenes...
    in New York its all about where you live and what kind of work you do
    ...In LA its what kind of car you drive
    DC...it's all about who you know
    here in Miami...its what parties you get invited to

    we're a bunch of clicky guys us gay men
    if you let it get to you...it'll make those little bitter lines come around the edges of your mouth
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    Sep 23, 2007 4:26 PM GMT
    Well I havent been into "the scene" in many of the major US cities (thats for my 20's) but I loved the Chicago scene.

    the Shanghai scene however is not so nice. There are only a few places to go and each is filled with guys who only speak enough english to pick someone up and thats it. I know its probably my fault for sucking at Chinese but it gets old dealing with the passerby ex-pats on buisness trips with wives back home, or a guy telling you in broken english some cheezy pickup line that he memorized just to not understand your reply.
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    Sep 23, 2007 4:42 PM GMT
    GQ Jock, you have made the most sense...its everywhere...and we all have our own data points....and the gay world isnt easy no matter where you live...the grass certainly isnt always greener...

    I have a good friend moving to Boston because he thinks it will be better than here in Atlanta...less drugs...more friendly guys...

    I hope it works out that way for him...and all who want to find a greener place....
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    Sep 23, 2007 5:21 PM GMT
    Guys!
    I have been to so many places, there is not enough rooom here to list. If you go someplace with a hook up "fixation", reality will slap you silly. Go easy on the locals and yourself, let go of the desperation. Be friendly to one and all but don't force yourself on anybody. If you are intent on having a good time, have it within yourself first then spread it to others. Sorry to sermonize here, butt, you need to like yourself before others will like you. If you don't feel comfortable in your surroundings, make your own utopia, when others find out they will ALL want to come and join you! Thanks for listening y'all.