"I won't disappear again" and then he did

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 18, 2014 12:19 AM GMT
    I had a date with this one guy a few years ago. I thought it went very well, and it ended in some pretty good sex. He kept flaking on a second date so I called him out on it and he said something really weird: "I think we're in very different places in our lives right now". Ah well.

    A few years later (a couple months ago) he messages me on Scruff and is flirty. I remind him of who I am and he says "OH! I went to send you a Facebook message to say we should have another date a few months ago but saw you had a boyfriend and thought I would be best to leave that alone". I explained that my bf and I broke up a few months ago. This guy says he wants to do another date. I say "Well, first you have to explain why you vanished last time". He says he doesn't remember for sure. We have our second date (before which he says "Don't worry, I won't vanish this time!"). It goes great. Ends in good sex. Quite nice all around. As I leave he says, "Don't worry! I WON'T vanish this time!"

    A week goes by and I decide to text him and see if he wants to do a third date. He says he does, but he's leaving town for work for two weeks and will be back early February. I text him in early February and he says he does want to see me but that a female friend is visiting him that weekend from out of town and he'll get back to me when she's gone.

    That was two weeks ago.

    I get that he was just not that into me, but what is up with all of this "don't worry I won't vanish this time" shit? And claiming that he is into another date if he clearly isn't?
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Feb 18, 2014 12:22 AM GMT
    He's a player just looking to hookup. You're probably a notch on his bed post and he probably gets off or finds humor in finding people that will fall for his line.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 18, 2014 12:27 AM GMT
    He didn't vanish, he just chose to ignore you again. If someone actually likes you they'll make it obvious - move on.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 18, 2014 12:32 AM GMT
    You're being played like a country fiddle.

    th_dog_playing_violin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 18, 2014 6:16 AM GMT
    You hooked up with him and keep asking if he wants to hang out. You are an easy lay and he has no respect for you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 18, 2014 6:35 AM GMT
    Just wants to tap and go ....that's the hardcore tangible evidence ...in the overbearing face of reason and logic .,.just forget dude .
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 18, 2014 6:50 AM GMT
    Jaggal said
    hellass saidYou're being played like a country fiddle.

    th_dog_playing_violin.gif


    +1


    XD

    +2
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 18, 2014 8:35 AM GMT
    Sorry man, he's an asshole! Move on, he's not right for you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 18, 2014 6:36 PM GMT
    This happened to me with a FWB but I never put him on the spot to say he won't vanish again. When someone does that to you it doesn't matter what he says all you need to know is that he is the type to do that period. In my case the sex was good and I had no delusions of romance, although even after standing me up twice he started talking like he did. I haven't heard from him since his last disappearance which is a convenient way to move on. In short if you see it for what it is and not what you want it to be, you won't be so confused and disappointed.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 18, 2014 8:24 PM GMT
    hellass saidYou're being played like a country fiddle.

    th_dog_playing_violin.gif


    ROFLMAO!

    Uh, yeah though. If you're being genuinely serious here - this is what guys do when they want sex. Empty promises and charm to placate you in person, excuses and half-hearted responses afterward. He's giving you the "run-around".

    Even you yourself acknowledged that the sex was good. Perhaps he wants that and not the "strings attached" that you're expecting? We've all been here before *hugs*.

    Solution? Never "put out" on the first date (unless you want what I'd call a classy hook-up).
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Feb 18, 2014 11:15 PM GMT
    Jaggal said
    hellass saidYou're being played like a country fiddle.

    th_dog_playing_violin.gif


    +1


    Haha what a cute dog.

    Anyway, yeah, I have to agree with Rolfron.
    He just seems like he's using you for sex. Once he gets it, he casts you aside until he needs his needs taken care of and for all you know, he might have others guys (and girls?) on the side. He's just a player from what it sounds like and I think if you're looking for a relationship, the worst thing to do is have sex on the first few dates.

    So for now, move on unless you want to be his sex partner. Otherwise, forget him and when you do meet another guy (and I'm sure you will), if you're looking for something more serious, try not to put out on the first date. Get to know him and work from there. Good luck!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 20, 2014 2:57 AM GMT
    I guess everybody will keep saying to you the same thing.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 20, 2014 5:28 AM GMT
    1/ He's not that into you in a romantic sense.

    2/ He played you for a fool. (TWICE)

    3/ He said **I won't vanish again** only to get into your pant.

    4/ Shame on you twice for letting him pulled the string.

    5/ If he truly likes you and wants to be with you, he won't bs you with all these excuses. Gay men are fickle, most just want to move on after they hit that piece of ass.



  • brendanmuscle...

    Posts: 593

    Mar 03, 2014 5:58 AM GMT
    honestly, i think hes just not really that into you. if he was, you would know-
  • kentstrongtom...

    Posts: 1294

    Mar 04, 2014 12:14 AM GMT
    He's married.