Normal to not like sex at all?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 18, 2014 5:23 PM GMT
    Ok I'm 40 years old and have finally realized that sex holds no interest for me. In my 20s I had sex because that is what is required and expected of you when you are actually dating. However as time has passed I have realized that sex holds no purpose and that there is no fun in it. I'd much rather hold, cuddle, and kiss a guy. I have no drive to pursue anything further. Would this be acceptable for anybody when in a relationship?
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    Feb 18, 2014 6:15 PM GMT
    Only if your partner doesn't like it either. But some people are sex addicted
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    Feb 18, 2014 6:30 PM GMT
    I've an asexual cousin living with her "we're not lesbians" partner in one of the most committed and loving relationships I've ever witnessed. She's about 4 or 6 years younger than me, so probably around 50/early 50s and they've been together since their late teens.

    When they visit me I give them separate bedrooms yet during the day they are inseparable. What's sad is they feel they have to hide their love, all these years that we've never invited one without the other as partner.

    Just at a party the other week, after overhearing my cousin's partner introduce herself to one of the guests as my cousin's friend, I pulled her aside and finally, after decades of watching this, let her have it. I said to her "you're killing me, how you just introduced yourself as a mere friend." "That you don't acknowledge in the full light of day your special relationship."

    I didn't tell her it's insulting to the rest of us but that's how I feel. That I've buried two loves after only 10 years each, both times denied marriage, one time in hiding from my bud's homophobic mom, yet she gets decades with my cousin and hides in front of our faces for no reason at all. I hate it and I let her know.

    And she looked up at me and nodded, knowing that I was right.

    You find who you love, and you love each other however you can.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 18, 2014 7:42 PM GMT
    _Behemoth_ saidOnly if your partner doesn't like it either. But some people are sex addicted
    talking from experience again?icon_lol.gif
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Feb 18, 2014 9:08 PM GMT
    Well, no, it is not "normal" for anyone else. But if that is how you feel then it is "normal" for you.

    I've been celibate for well over a decade now (except for jerking off). It isn't that I don't enjoy sexual stimulation, I do. But I don't miss having a partner now that I've outlived two of them and am generally not interested in trying to find another at this stage of my life. However, what I *DO* miss, even more than sex, is cuddling at night with a warm male body. There's something very reassuring about it and I miss that sense of safety, security and warmth. So, yeah THAT is normal for me.
  • A_shirtGuy

    Posts: 12

    Feb 19, 2014 1:36 AM GMT
    KApparition saidOk I'm 40 years old and have finally realized that sex holds no interest for me. In my 20s I had sex because that is what is required and expected of you when you are actually dating. However as time has passed I have realized that sex holds no purpose and that there is no fun in it. I'd much rather hold, cuddle, and kiss a guy. I have no drive to pursue anything further. Would this be acceptable for anybody when in a relationship?


    I feel exactly the same way that you do. Unfortunately, we are in the minority.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Feb 19, 2014 1:38 AM GMT
    As long you are happy and honest with yourself, you're fine.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 19, 2014 1:46 AM GMT
    I've known friends like this. I'm too affectionate and need some nookie from time to time to keep my sanity!
  • newguy30

    Posts: 9

    Feb 19, 2014 4:59 AM GMT
    No sports and now no sex?

    Jk, there are definitely people out there that are similar. Everyone is different. Personally i feel like you might want to please someone that you love and you just haven't met that person.

    I would try to find someone that only cuddles. I met someone once that didnt like cumming period.
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    Feb 19, 2014 5:12 AM GMT
    newguy30 saidNo sports and now no sex?

    Jk, there are definitely people out there that are similar. Everyone is different. Personally i feel like you might want to please someone that you love and you just haven't met that person.

    I would try to find someone that only cuddles. I met someone once that didnt like cumming period.


    No I've loved people before and I still didn't like the sexual acts. I think I will try to find a guy who only likes to cuddle and kiss.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 19, 2014 5:16 AM GMT
    newguy30 saidNo sports and now no sex?
    I know. So heathen.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 19, 2014 5:21 AM GMT
    You do realize your offers for sex will now Double ironically. . .

    Guys like a challenge icon_lol.gif

    So are you saying even in an amazing relationship you wouldn't have sex because you wanted it? You sure?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 19, 2014 5:22 AM GMT
    Hey KApparition, how are you with romance?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 25, 2014 9:50 AM GMT
    A percentage of gay males are are of this preference. Keep looking you can find this.

    Best of luck
  • Al3cBui

    Posts: 43

    Feb 25, 2014 10:48 AM GMT
    theantijock said...

    You find who you love, and you love each other however you can.


    I get so much joys whenever I see your post sir. Because you always have stories to share. I love stories. If you ever write a book please let me know.

    KApparition saidOk I'm 40 years old and have finally realized that sex holds no interest for me. In my 20s I had sex because that is what is required and expected of you when you are actually dating. However as time has passed I have realized that sex holds no purpose and that there is no fun in it. I'd much rather hold, cuddle, and kiss a guy. I have no drive to pursue anything further. Would this be acceptable for anybody when in a relationship?


    You are not the only one. Really. I am never really interested in "butt" sex. It is even kind of weird for me to kiss someone. I like cuddling.

    But I will never rule out the option to have sex with or kiss someone just because I don't like it. What if you meet a person who makes you realize that you do like sex, but only with him/her? Maybe all the ones you've been with are like gnomes (not saying that this is true but just maybe), who make you feel uncomfortable and you can't get intimated with those. I think it's best to be open-minded, you never know who you will meet in the future.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 25, 2014 12:44 PM GMT
    Have you guys ever thought that it may be your internalized homophobia, which could be the reason behind your lack of interest in having sex with a man? And by sex, I don't mean just the anal sex.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 26, 2014 12:18 AM GMT
    I prefer the kissing/cuddling shit over the other stuff as well. I DO like the oral stuff as well..I'm just not as crazy about the anal shit like most guys. Oh well.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Feb 26, 2014 12:20 AM GMT
    meninlove said Hey KApparition, how are you with romance?

    He doesn't like it.icon_mad.gif
  • luv2frot

    Posts: 8

    Feb 26, 2014 2:25 AM GMT
    Guys who are into anal sex make the mistaken assumption that everyone shares their tastes in sexual expression.

    There are lots of same-sex attracted men who are not only turned off by anal sex but don't identify with mainstream gay culture and all its baggage.

    Guys who aren't into anal sex are difficult to find because they frequently defy the gay label and stereotypical behavior.

    RJ seems to be fairly open and civil toward guys not into anal although there are guys who may tell you that "you're not doing it right" as if anal sex is a requirement for sexual expression. Insistence on penetration seems a bit hetero-normative to me.

    There are several sites that discuss non-penetrative sexual expression. A good place to start is www.frotnation.com

    There are links on that site that will also connect you with other sites and like-minded brothers.

    Hope this helps.
  • Apparition

    Posts: 3521

    Feb 26, 2014 7:16 AM GMT
    There are millions of people your age who dont like sex. We call them Women. lol.

    It is okay to like what you want, but if you are ASEXUAL always be up front about it if you ever date. Dont trap a guy who actually likes sex into the hell of never getting it. it will never ever work out if you dont tell.

    other than that. there are tons of guys who like to cuddle.
    hang around an ED clinic to be sure.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 26, 2014 10:01 AM GMT
    KApparition saidOk I'm 40 years old and have finally realized that sex holds no interest for me. In my 20s I had sex because that is what is required and expected of you when you are actually dating. However as time has passed I have realized that sex holds no purpose and that there is no fun in it. I'd much rather hold, cuddle, and kiss a guy. I have no drive to pursue anything further. Would this be acceptable for anybody when in a relationship?

    That would be fine with me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 26, 2014 10:32 AM GMT
    Apparition saidThere are millions of people your age who dont like sex. We call them Women. lol.

    It is okay to like what you want, but if you are ASEXUAL always be up front about it if you ever date. Dont trap a guy who actually likes sex into the hell of never getting it. it will never ever work out if you dont tell.

    other than that. there are tons of guys who like to cuddle.
    hang around an ED clinic to be sure.



    Hahaha, yes! I got trapped into an asexual relationship, I liked/loved him so much I stayed for months. It drove me to new levels of insanity and actually made me so frustrated, all my bad qualities came out as I was always so moody! It was sue to his erectile dusfunction which he couldn't be arsed to sort out. He just didn't care coz he was asexual and had no libido.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 26, 2014 10:27 PM GMT
    Lol its normal he doesn't need to see a urinologist .... for that

    Lol
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 27, 2014 6:46 AM GMT
    KApparition saidOk I'm 40 years old and have finally realized that sex holds no interest for me. In my 20s I had sex because that is what is required and expected of you when you are actually dating. However as time has passed I have realized that sex holds no purpose and that there is no fun in it. I'd much rather hold, cuddle, and kiss a guy. I have no drive to pursue anything further. Would this be acceptable for anybody when in a relationship?


    I kind of agree with you
  • buddycat

    Posts: 1874

    Feb 27, 2014 10:51 AM GMT
    I think it really depends on the individual if you go by research done Kinsey. Some are Asexual and have no desire for sex with either sex. I find I don't desire sex much until I become attracted to or fall for a guy. Everyone is different.