Your Biggest Worry?

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    Sep 22, 2007 2:49 AM GMT
    So Im sitting at home alone on a friday night, and i thought to myself; am i going to spend my whole life alone.

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    Sep 22, 2007 3:46 AM GMT
    I think you will only have to be alone if you choose to be.

    Now, that doesn't mean you won't have to move to another area.
  • zakariahzol

    Posts: 2241

    Sep 22, 2007 3:47 PM GMT
    My biggest worry ,must be that I become disable and cannot take care of my self . Being unmarriage with no children , no bf really I dont know who to depend on in case of my disability. Just hope it never happen so I dont have to worry about it.
  • Salubrious

    Posts: 420

    Sep 22, 2007 4:26 PM GMT
    My worry is that I'll never be able to hold down a stable job/life/etc. I self-destruct.

    As for you, I've thought the same thing... but we're young, and as gay men, I think we just have to be a bit more patient than our straight counterparts.
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    Sep 22, 2007 6:19 PM GMT
    I guess in a certian kind of way I have the same fear but different. I had the bf, the family, the life I wanted but like they say all good things come to an end. When my fiance passed away in the WTC, I found it hard to move on and now 6 years later I feel like maybe now its okay. My worst fears are that I won't find anyone to start over with and that my "fairtale" has come and gone. Even worse, Im worried that when I do find a new guy he too will leave me in another tragic way and honeslty I dont think ill be able to handle it again.
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    Sep 22, 2007 6:49 PM GMT
    oh jeeze Ryan...sorry to hear that. I hope you're doing better.

    As for me, my biggest worry is a life time of singularity. But the more I think about it, I rather be single than in a relationship for the sake of having one.
  • haflingthief

    Posts: 1

    Sep 23, 2007 2:11 AM GMT
    accualy I have to agree with jacksonsgym that is my HUGEST worry is to be alone for the rest of my life
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    Sep 26, 2007 6:18 PM GMT
    At the risk of sounding agist, Jacksonsgym, you're only 21. Why are you putting pressure on yourself to "have someone"? That isn't to say you can't feel lonely at that age (or any age), but you are young, handsome, and live in a major city. The belief that you will be "complete" if you have a relationship isn't necessarily true. If anything, that belief puts even more pressure on the relationship for both parties to live up to responsibilities that aren't really theirs'.

    Why do you think you'll be alone? Are you not meeting people (or rather the right people)? The best way to meet people with similar interests is to join an organization you are interested in -- a sports team, a volunteer for an event/a cause, an interest class. In the meantime, do things that you enjoy, both on your own and with friends. The more fulfilled you are on your own, the more interesting you'll become to other people, making you a more attractive (potential) partner in the process.

  • iHavok

    Posts: 1477

    Sep 26, 2007 6:46 PM GMT
    I'm with Salubrious and worried I won't ever be able to overcome my self destructive urges. Sucks big time.
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    Sep 26, 2007 6:51 PM GMT
    My biggest worry is that my partner, whom I love very much, will die before me and I will be left all alone to deal with being HIV+ and getting older.

    Jacksonguy your feelings are perfectly understandable since you are closeted, when you get to meet more gay men though your outlook on life should brighten. Hopefully you will then find someone who will share your life like I did.
  • MikePhilPerez

    Posts: 4357

    Sep 26, 2007 7:00 PM GMT
    jacksonsgym,

    I was the same. I have a partner now, but I was 32 before I found him.

    You will find someone too.

    But I know how you feel.

    Mike
  • iHavok

    Posts: 1477

    Sep 26, 2007 7:04 PM GMT
    I was single for seven years at one time. I just couldn't find someone who was what I wanted. For a while I became pretty depressed by it, but then that faded I was forced to realize it is possible to survive being single, and I learned to find some solace in it.
    You'd be surprised what simple little things you take for granted by being single.
  • cowboyathlete

    Posts: 1346

    Sep 28, 2007 3:32 AM GMT
    Count me in with the lonely worry crowd.
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    Sep 28, 2007 3:41 AM GMT
    jacksonsgym wrote: "So Im sitting at home alone on a friday night, and i thought to myself; am i going to spend my whole life alone."


    You will if you don't stop sitting home alone feeling sorry for yourself, get up off your sorry ass, and get out there and meet people and experience life.
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    Sep 28, 2007 12:15 PM GMT
    ditto to what ITJock said.

    You're an attractive young guy, so get out there and let the world know what you have to offer.

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    Sep 28, 2007 1:22 PM GMT
    To find someone is easy but to find the right one, that's hard...but not impossible.
  • Laurence

    Posts: 942

    Sep 28, 2007 2:34 PM GMT
    Oh Please.

    Make some good friends and you'll never be alone.

    Men come and go (sometimes literally..haha) but friends will be there forever.

    Don't sit around fretting that'll you'll never find love. You may never. But as ITjock said, get out there and get looking and have fun in the meantime.

    Good luck

    Lozx
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    Sep 28, 2007 5:28 PM GMT
    5'7, 140, 30 inch waist and looks like an underwear model. Yeah, that's a recipe for loneliness!
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    Sep 28, 2007 6:05 PM GMT
    chasersprize wrote: "5'7, 140, 30 inch waist and looks like an underwear model. Yeah, that's a recipe for loneliness!"

    He's 21, he lives in Toronto, hell, all he has to do is walk down to Church and Wellesley...

    All Right now lets get a pool going - How long will it take him to 'not be lonely' after he walks in the door of either 'Fly', 'Woody's' or 'Alibi'?

    I'll put a Benjamin on < 10 minutes.
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    Sep 28, 2007 6:07 PM GMT
    Laurence is right. Trust me...being alone and being comfortable with that is so much better than being in just any relationship. If you're expecting a guy to fill some void in your life then you better get ready for lots of good ol' alone time. Let's be honest, relationships rarely last a lifetime anymore - gay or straight ones. Find a great circle of friends because really good friends will be there after all the boyfriends cum and go. Great friends are what seperates lots of happy gay men from the unhappy ones. You're 21. This isn't even worth concerning yourself over now.

    I don't worry about being alone. I worry about what to do with my life that would give it some purpose instead of just wasting it on pointless things. If I have a partner to do it with, that's great. Otherwise, I know I'll have a blast with my best friends along the way.
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    Sep 28, 2007 6:24 PM GMT
    My biggest worry in life right now is making financial end's meet....I've been on my own since just after I turned 17, and life's expensive, lol! It's a horrible feeling not having the money for some bill and having to scrounge for a while.
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    Sep 28, 2007 6:40 PM GMT
    I'm sorta with CMON on this one. At 18 I was occasionally asked to support my parents rather than them supporting me. As it was, I left to support myself at that age.

    Nowadays supporting myself while living a happy life is a challenge. I guess I refuse to compromise on the happy part. I took a very fulfilling job in a low-paying industry (ecology) where I compete with non-profits and volunteers. At the same time I bought my first home and became addicted to a sport that requires lots of time commitment. Now I'm finding myself typically in the red month-to-month (thanks for low-interest credit cards), and not really able to put any financial or sweat equity into my home. But I ain't giving up rugby, my career, or my house. So I remain perpetually worried about how a major repair, complicated illness, or industry downturn would affect me financially.

    I grew up poor so I know how to successfully be a cheap bastard and still be fun to hang with. I tend to skimp on myself (especially denying myself fabulous clothing, fancy groceries, and perks like cable TV and slick new phones that do everything). But I don't always stay cheap in that I'm often very generous to friends, sometimes too much. I'll pick up a round or a meal fairly easily. So of course I'm making my own bed here.

    Still, a trip to New Zealand would be nice, and my ex-coworkers in high tech can afford it. Oh well.

    Yeah. Money worries me more than most other things. Well, I guess my home's cracked foundation nicks at me every time I hear the walls settle. But it's sort of related, really.
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    Sep 28, 2007 7:10 PM GMT
    I think being UTTERLY alone (no friends or anything) is probably the greatest and most common fear. But I also think that if you surround yourself with people or even go to places where there are people you don't know you can alleviate that fear. If you are not that picky about who you are kind to, you will be surprised how many friends you can make. EVERYBODY wants to know that there is someone who cares for them.

    I do remember having money concerns like cmon and rugger mention. I put myself through college working a lot which made it hard sometimes while having phone, car, etc expenses but managed to never stay more than $1000.00 in debt.

    When I moved away from my parents after finishing school and started my first big corporate job, I was paranoid about messing up and losing my job. One thing that helped was a sort of meditation that I would do where I would lose my job, my car, my place, until there was nothing left but ME. When I sat with that fear and stress in my mind, I found my fear sort of melting away as I detached myself from my possessions.

    I had that job 12 years and then got laid off. I had some severance pay but was in the middle of remodeling my house so I was stressed to finish with my savings. To make matters worse I was about to move here to San Diego and look for a Job. So I put my house up for sale as I saw my savings disappear, and moved with nothing but a car full of stuff and my dog, and a lot of memories of my first house and the place where I came out. I was a little worried about how long it would take to find a new job and the the housing market was in a slump. At some point, my family and friends let me know that they would help if I needed it. I realized that in my old fear I left them out of the equation and felt less stressed about everything. I had finally come to the realization of my meditation standing by a road next to a gas station in the middle of nowhere (actually west texas) with just myself, my dog and whatever I could carry. There was a strange peace an contentment being liberated from so much "stuff".

    My house finally sold after 8 months at a pretty nice profit. I had actually found a job before that so I could have kept the house, but I decided I needed my liberation more. Really, if you think about it the fear of being alone and being broke have a common notion of helplessness and loss of control. Never forget there is a world of people willing to help you, and you are never completely broke if you have yourself and your friends. But also have confidence that if you don't panic and don't get overwhelmed by your fears you are capable of great things!
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    Sep 28, 2007 10:08 PM GMT
    Besides maggots there is one greatest fear I have and it is responsible for all the things that I obsess over in life and why I act the way that I do.

    I'm always afraid that I don't have enough time.

    I worry about it with school because I still haven't picked a major and I just started my second year. If I don't choose soon I'm screwed, but if I do and it deviates from the science courses I've been taking, I'm still screwed.

    I'm afraid that it'll take me to long to find a mate and that if I don't do it now I'll wind up one of those old desperate men who shower kids in money and gifts just to keep them around.

    I worry that I don't have enough time to find a decent job and if I don't i'll wind up evicted.

    I just worry that I'll never have enough time to do all the things that I want and need to do in life.

    But I try to remind myself that I'm young and a good part about being young is making mistakes, and having the luxury of knowing, unless some awful tragedy should land upon us, that we have many years to come.

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    Sep 28, 2007 10:15 PM GMT
    Oochiebua, I think you have to remember that you have all the time in the world when it comes down to it. There's no rule that says you have to finish in four years, or choose a major by the end of your second...I mean, I took some time off and am now going to be taking a fifth year to complete classes, considering I changed my major and have to take a few more now...but it's definitely no major deal. I mean, you have to think about money, etc...but if you look hard enough, you find a ton of it out there.