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So Im sitting at home alone on a friday night, and i thought to myself; am i going to spend my whole life alone.

I think you will only have to be alone if you choose to be.

Now, that doesn't mean you won't have to move to another area.

My biggest worry ,must be that I become disable and cannot take care of my self . Being unmarriage with no children , no bf really I dont know who to depend on in case of my disability. Just hope it never happen so I dont have to worry about it.

My worry is that I'll never be able to hold down a stable job/life/etc. I self-destruct.

As for you, I've thought the same thing... but we're young, and as gay men, I think we just have to be a bit more patient than our straight counterparts.

I guess in a certian kind of way I have the same fear but different. I had the bf, the family, the life I wanted but like they say all good things come to an end. When my fiance passed away in the WTC, I found it hard to move on and now 6 years later I feel like maybe now its okay. My worst fears are that I won't find anyone to start over with and that my "fairtale" has come and gone. Even worse, Im worried that when I do find a new guy he too will leave me in another tragic way and honeslty I dont think ill be able to handle it again.

oh jeeze Ryan...sorry to hear that. I hope you're doing better.

As for me, my biggest worry is a life time of singularity. But the more I think about it, I rather be single than in a relationship for the sake of having one.

accualy I have to agree with jacksonsgym that is my HUGEST worry is to be alone for the rest of my life

At the risk of sounding agist, Jacksonsgym, you're only 21. Why are you putting pressure on yourself to "have someone"? That isn't to say you can't feel lonely at that age (or any age), but you are young, handsome, and live in a major city. The belief that you will be "complete" if you have a relationship isn't necessarily true. If anything, that belief puts even more pressure on the relationship for both parties to live up to responsibilities that aren't really theirs'.

Why do you think you'll be alone? Are you not meeting people (or rather the right people)? The best way to meet people with similar interests is to join an organization you are interested in -- a sports team, a volunteer for an event/a cause, an interest class. In the meantime, do things that you enjoy, both on your own and with friends. The more fulfilled you are on your own, the more interesting you'll become to other people, making you a more attractive (potential) partner in the process.

I'm with Salubrious and worried I won't ever be able to overcome my self destructive urges. Sucks big time.

My biggest worry is that my partner, whom I love very much, will die before me and I will be left all alone to deal with being HIV+ and getting older.

Jacksonguy your feelings are perfectly understandable since you are closeted, when you get to meet more gay men though your outlook on life should brighten. Hopefully you will then find someone who will share your life like I did.

jacksonsgym,

I was the same. I have a partner now, but I was 32 before I found him.

You will find someone too.

But I know how you feel.

Mike

I was single for seven years at one time. I just couldn't find someone who was what I wanted. For a while I became pretty depressed by it, but then that faded I was forced to realize it is possible to survive being single, and I learned to find some solace in it.
You'd be surprised what simple little things you take for granted by being single.

Count me in with the lonely worry crowd.

jacksonsgym wrote: "So Im sitting at home alone on a friday night, and i thought to myself; am i going to spend my whole life alone."


You will if you don't stop sitting home alone feeling sorry for yourself, get up off your sorry ass, and get out there and meet people and experience life.

ditto to what ITJock said.

You're an attractive young guy, so get out there and let the world know what you have to offer.

To find someone is easy but to find the right one, that's hard...but not impossible.

Oh Please.

Make some good friends and you'll never be alone.

Men come and go (sometimes literally..haha) but friends will be there forever.

Don't sit around fretting that'll you'll never find love. You may never. But as ITjock said, get out there and get looking and have fun in the meantime.

Good luck

Lozx

5'7, 140, 30 inch waist and looks like an underwear model. Yeah, that's a recipe for loneliness!

chasersprize wrote: "5'7, 140, 30 inch waist and looks like an underwear model. Yeah, that's a recipe for loneliness!"

He's 21, he lives in Toronto, hell, all he has to do is walk down to Church and Wellesley...

All Right now lets get a pool going - How long will it take him to 'not be lonely' after he walks in the door of either 'Fly', 'Woody's' or 'Alibi'?

I'll put a Benjamin on < 10 minutes.

Laurence is right. Trust me...being alone and being comfortable with that is so much better than being in just any relationship. If you're expecting a guy to fill some void in your life then you better get ready for lots of good ol' alone time. Let's be honest, relationships rarely last a lifetime anymore - gay or straight ones. Find a great circle of friends because really good friends will be there after all the boyfriends cum and go. Great friends are what seperates lots of happy gay men from the unhappy ones. You're 21. This isn't even worth concerning yourself over now.

I don't worry about being alone. I worry about what to do with my life that would give it some purpose instead of just wasting it on pointless things. If I have a partner to do it with, that's great. Otherwise, I know I'll have a blast with my best friends along the way.

My biggest worry in life right now is making financial end's meet....I've been on my own since just after I turned 17, and life's expensive, lol! It's a horrible feeling not having the money for some bill and having to scrounge for a while.

I'm sorta with CMON on this one. At 18 I was occasionally asked to support my parents rather than them supporting me. As it was, I left to support myself at that age.

Nowadays supporting myself while living a happy life is a challenge. I guess I refuse to compromise on the happy part. I took a very fulfilling job in a low-paying industry (ecology) where I compete with non-profits and volunteers. At the same time I bought my first home and became addicted to a sport that requires lots of time commitment. Now I'm finding myself typically in the red month-to-month (thanks for low-interest credit cards), and not really able to put any financial or sweat equity into my home. But I ain't giving up rugby, my career, or my house. So I remain perpetually worried about how a major repair, complicated illness, or industry downturn would affect me financially.

I grew up poor so I know how to successfully be a cheap bastard and still be fun to hang with. I tend to skimp on myself (especially denying myself fabulous clothing, fancy groceries, and perks like cable TV and slick new phones that do everything). But I don't always stay cheap in that I'm often very generous to friends, sometimes too much. I'll pick up a round or a meal fairly easily. So of course I'm making my own bed here.

Still, a trip to New Zealand would be nice, and my ex-coworkers in high tech can afford it. Oh well.

Yeah. Money worries me more than most other things. Well, I guess my home's cracked foundation nicks at me every time I hear the walls settle. But it's sort of related, really.

I think being UTTERLY alone (no friends or anything) is probably the greatest and most common fear. But I also think that if you surround yourself with people or even go to places where there are people you don't know you can alleviate that fear. If you are not that picky about who you are kind to, you will be surprised how many friends you can make. EVERYBODY wants to know that there is someone who cares for them.

I do remember having money concerns like cmon and rugger mention. I put myself through college working a lot which made it hard sometimes while having phone, car, etc expenses but managed to never stay more than $1000.00 in debt.

When I moved away from my parents after finishing school and started my first big corporate job, I was paranoid about messing up and losing my job. One thing that helped was a sort of meditation that I would do where I would lose my job, my car, my place, until there was nothing left but ME. When I sat with that fear and stress in my mind, I found my fear sort of melting away as I detached myself from my possessions.

I had that job 12 years and then got laid off. I had some severance pay but was in the middle of remodeling my house so I was stressed to finish with my savings. To make matters worse I was about to move here to San Diego and look for a Job. So I put my house up for sale as I saw my savings disappear, and moved with nothing but a car full of stuff and my dog, and a lot of memories of my first house and the place where I came out. I was a little worried about how long it would take to find a new job and the the housing market was in a slump. At some point, my family and friends let me know that they would help if I needed it. I realized that in my old fear I left them out of the equation and felt less stressed about everything. I had finally come to the realization of my meditation standing by a road next to a gas station in the middle of nowhere (actually west texas) with just myself, my dog and whatever I could carry. There was a strange peace an contentment being liberated from so much "stuff".

My house finally sold after 8 months at a pretty nice profit. I had actually found a job before that so I could have kept the house, but I decided I needed my liberation more. Really, if you think about it the fear of being alone and being broke have a common notion of helplessness and loss of control. Never forget there is a world of people willing to help you, and you are never completely broke if you have yourself and your friends. But also have confidence that if you don't panic and don't get overwhelmed by your fears you are capable of great things!

Besides maggots there is one greatest fear I have and it is responsible for all the things that I obsess over in life and why I act the way that I do.

I'm always afraid that I don't have enough time.

I worry about it with school because I still haven't picked a major and I just started my second year. If I don't choose soon I'm screwed, but if I do and it deviates from the science courses I've been taking, I'm still screwed.

I'm afraid that it'll take me to long to find a mate and that if I don't do it now I'll wind up one of those old desperate men who shower kids in money and gifts just to keep them around.

I worry that I don't have enough time to find a decent job and if I don't i'll wind up evicted.

I just worry that I'll never have enough time to do all the things that I want and need to do in life.

But I try to remind myself that I'm young and a good part about being young is making mistakes, and having the luxury of knowing, unless some awful tragedy should land upon us, that we have many years to come.

Oochiebua, I think you have to remember that you have all the time in the world when it comes down to it. There's no rule that says you have to finish in four years, or choose a major by the end of your second...I mean, I took some time off and am now going to be taking a fifth year to complete classes, considering I changed my major and have to take a few more now...but it's definitely no major deal. I mean, you have to think about money, etc...but if you look hard enough, you find a ton of it out there.

Yeah thanks for the advice. I'll follow. I mean 19 years old there are a lot of better things I could be doing instead of worrying.

Sometimes we worry so much about life that we all forget to live it. It is a future minded aspect of myself that I am trying to quiet a bit.

I have stopped worrying... all it does is make you miserable...

Personally, I'm single and I'm happy. I've gotten to a point in my life where I finally realised that your happiness really does come from inside yourself and its neither realistic nor fair to the other person to expect them to make you happy.

That said, yes, I do miss the whole "someone to wake up with, come home to, cuddle up to, grow old with" thing... especially since my last relationship ended only because he died, rather than because we fell out of love. When something ends abruptly, I think you miss it more... though maybe for different reasons than most...

If the right guy comes along again, I won't say no to a relationship. But if I grow old as a single man, then I'm fine with that. I'd rather be old, alone and happy than be miserable in a relationship with the wrong guy at any age.

My biggest worry is that I wont be there for my children as long as they need me the most...in their developmental years...Being 45 and my youngest being in kindergarten...I worry most I wont be there for him...but its one reason I focus so heavily on my health...so that when he is old enough to need a training partner for athletics...Ill be there for him...when he needs serious guidance in navigating lifes bumpy roads....Ill be there to offer guidance and support...I realize these are relatively unique to most gay men, but nonetheless they are real for me!!!

My greatest worry - or fear - is being separated from the man I love. I waited 48 years for him to come along, and we'll have precious little time together as it is. I don't want to give up a single day of it prematurely.

To JacksonsGym -- forgive me for putting it this way, but you're 21. The world is just beginning to open itself up to you. I can virtually assure you that you will not be alone unless you want to be. But be a little patient - explore - experience life. Your 20's don't last that long - neither do your 30's or 40's or 50's. As inconceivable as it may seem to you now, you'll wake up one day with an AARP card in your wallet.

Treasure the moment. Enjoy the ride. We only get one, you know.

Joey

does my phobia count? haha. being judged and scrutinized by people (even strangers!)

jacksonsgymSo Im sitting at home alone on a friday night, and i thought to myself; am i going to spend my whole life alone.

I'm in a much better position to worry about that LOL.

I worry that I'll never be kissed, never have sex, spend my life alone, never find happiness...

That's it.

I'm afraid of not knowing happiness before I die. Corny but true.

My biggest fear...

That I can't hack it in the university education system and I'm sitting in a lot of classes not really properly understanding a lot of the concepts and not really putting in enough work yet feeling exhausted and over worked.

I have to say my biggest worry would have to be: Not telling the ones I love how much they mean to me, and how much I love them. I guess not spending as much time as possible with them before they go. I don't dread being alone because I have been alone, and I have been with some one. I have experienced both sides. I just would like for everyone to know how much they mean to me before I/they go...

jacksonsgym saidSo Im sitting at home alone on a friday night, and i thought to myself; am i going to spend my whole life alone.

You never know.. It is always good to have a plan B.

There is something utterly comfortable about misery and feeling sorry for yourself. Perhaps you could put that energy into making things a bit more interesting for yourself. I learned how to cook all those nights when I was "waiting" instead of submitting to my "woe is me " instincts.
I had to hide my Alanis Morrisette CD, (yes I am old)
Energy attracts like energy. The last thing I ever needed was someone on that same wave length. Be productive, go out and help someone else who isn't quite making it or create something fulfilling. Finding someone does not mean you will feel happy and loved. You have to do that for yourself. cliche yes, but true. You have to stay involved in the rest of the worlds goings on and figure out where you fit in on your own. The alternative is finding that guy you thought you were waiting for and freaking him out with your worry and desperation. How many threads can you read from guys who thought they found "the one" but then realized they had freaked him out, before you realize your life isn't a puzzle with one missing piece. Finding the guy is the most basic step, keeping him or yourself interested is the tricky part.

If the loudest voice in your soul is questioning being alone, you probably just aren't ready to balance another person in your life.

My biggest worry?

Hillary Clinton

My biggest worry: another Republican president (a.k.a McCain).

my calc test on friday?

haha

i suppose it should be that i'll never learn to think about the future

You're right to be thinking about things like this at such a young age. Just don't get paranoid because it ;) A lot of guys just go their lives sleeping whomever they could get their hands on at the clubs. Sometimes they find lovers, but the dramas from having a lover usually keep them decidedly single.

Sure, there's no way of single handedly changing the nature of the gay community, or those in it, but you if you believe that you will find someone someday you will see the opportunity when it arises to be with that guy. Than, even if for a short while, you'll find the happiness that illudes so many flightsy homos.

But remember too, that you're still young, and now, more than any other part of your life, you need to have fun, have short term relationships - if pleases YOU, go home a few times with a guy from the club, but practice safe sex and self control. It's easy to get sucked into the vanities of the gay 'scene', and just as hard to get away from it. But above all else, learn to love yourself first. If and when the time comes to be with the right guy, you'll know it in your gut.

I don't worry about loneliness because I don't get lonely. People generally don't believe me, but it's true-- I don't. If anything, I value my solitude more and more with time and find that I spend a lot of time wishing *everyone* would just go away for a bit and let me have the world to myself (though, then I'd have to figure out how to keep everything-- water, power, etc). The irony is that being alone used to bother me a lot, but then I spent the first 4 or 5 of my years at university at the middle of a huge network of really great friends and after going a bit overboard and making 'membership cards' for our crew and everything, gradually as that group started to disperse from graduations or drop-outs or what-not, I found I didn't really 'miss' anyone, and was less and less concerned with filling the vacancies in my circle as they opened up. I thought about them occasionally, wondered how they were, sometimes I'd drop them a line just to say 'hi,' but I've never longed for their presence or whatever, never felt like they were "gone" and I needed them back, even as years passed.

No, my biggest worry-- I think-- is a meaningless death having left nothing of importance or value behind, having done no *memorable* good with my life. I can't think of much worse than just dying face-down in the woods somewhere and going anonymously into the ground as food for worms with nothing left behind to mark my passage through the world. I want to have been someone who mattered; if not to the whole of history, then at least to someone who'll tell stories about me, because in the end I'm skeptical that there's any kind of afterlife. So I suspect that all that remains of us-- after our bodies stop and the electrical activity runs down in our brain-- is the memory of us that's passed on in the world's collective consciousness, like imprints or pieces of the puzzle that was "me/you" that get dispersed among those who knew us and re-assembled second-hand in future generations, like a piecemeal process of reincarnation. I want my fragments to stay in circulation beyond me, re-combining in others down through time. That not being the case is my biggest-- and sometimes only-- real 'worry.'

my biggest worry is money

being alone isn't so bad unless even you don't want to be around yourself

Add me to the lonely crowd.

Two years ago I broke up from a 14 year relationship. I'm sure I held in the last 7 years because I was afraid of being alone.

Although, now, definitely the best thing I did. It takes time to find myself again, the gym and having interests and friends outside of work definitely helps too.

Loneliness is a big worry for all Gay people, as they may not have the family (kids) to support them in their later years.

As I said above. Don't rely on having a partner to keep you company,and make an effort to put yourself out there and make friends (even internet friends).

Good luck

Lozx

So whats the big deal sitting alone on a Friday Night! does it matter what night it is? l am alone many nights as my B/F is a long way away in University and thats the way it goes at times! l have my books i can use the phone the internet and hey looking at all these Fab' guys on here keeps me sober!


So Boy your not the only one on this planet Wake up!

My biggest fear is retirement. I own a business and do alright but I wonder how I would ever pay the health insurance if I wanted to retire early. I also couldn't start saving for retirement until just a few years ago and with cost of everything rising I wonder how I will ever retire. I constantly worry about it especially as friends in their early 50's start retiring.

My new mantra is "All I Have Is Now". I can't do anything about the past and have no control over the future or even if I will have a future. I can live in the moment and quit worrying about all these details of life. Easier said than done though.

My biggest worry is my Nana's health. She's 80 years old and we are very close. Other than that I don't worry much. I believe that I am capable of meeting and excelling the demands of anything this world has to throw at me.

Midterm grades LOL

Being alone when I'm older.

My biggest worry right now is that all the emotion and time and love and hate that i've put into my friendships and family life will be for nothing once i come out to them, or for the ones that stick by me, one day they will eventually forget me. The times when they "forget" to include me slowly becoming more and more frequent until the day the phone just stops ringing. I know friends come and go, but making friends is a hard thing for me to do, especially being in a city of city slickers and very very few country boys and girls. Most people just don't get me, which makes me value and work so hard to keep friendships strong.

Dying with regrets.

Yikes, my biggest worry is never graduating college or becoming self-sufficient.

that one day something will cause this great journey called life that has for the most part been very kind and generous to me will take a startling detour causing me to have trouble providing for myself... health wise and financial wise.

My biggest worry.

Coming back to an even more polluted and fucked-up planet.

I'm constantly worried that there is a better deep fried cheese stick out there somwhere that I haven't sampled. Sometimes I wake up in a cold sweat thinking "Dear sweet God! What if it doesn't get any better than T.G.I.Friday's deep fried mozzarella sticks! What if I have experienced the pinnacle of deep fried chessy goodness!?!? What is there for me now?"

As My storey starts off. I would like to of started my storey off by saying I was born at a young age, but in fact I was kicked and told to get out.

My Pa was forced to marry a catholic terrorist, whom was below our class, and did her best to drag us down tothe low station in life she was born in. How many times did One hear it say. I never had that why should he!

My Pa was Born a Lutheran aristocrat, But forced to become a Catholic because he got one pregnant. So I had this evil religion forced on me from birth, and my mom and her mother and brothers took joy in beating the crap out of me, because I was born an aristocrat too, and not a peasant like them. Bringing me and my father down, helped them feel better.

I have no worries.

I don't worry about death.

I don't worry about cash.

I don't worry about getting old, as I know I want.....

I don't worry about anything until the very last minute, and worry is justified.

I once worried I would never see my man in Russia again.

I worry no more. She'll be right. My life has prepared me to be strong.

The worry that you're going to be "Alone in Life"
makes people make very terrible choices about relationships when they come along or stay in relationships that should have ended a long time ago

What IF you are alone in life?
What IF you're blown up in a Cessna over Akron Ohio in a domestic Terrorist plot?

Worrying about it doesn't solve anything
If you want a relationship then it's all about keeping your eyes and options open
and making YOU the best man you can be so that someone will notice and be attracted to you

My biggest fear is being mediocre... Not being special... I guess I want to be a hero, a lover, someone to remember and not just another soul lost in time.

My biggest fear is failure and letting down the ones that I love.

Ghen saidMy biggest fear is failure and letting down the ones that I love.

Gosh thats a lot of worry. does that come with youth, and fade with age?

I have many, many worries. But I do my best to look the other way and make the most of what I have, and what I'm capable of doing.

Pattison said

Ghen saidMy biggest fear is failure and letting down the ones that I love.

Gosh thats a lot of worry. does that come with youth, and fade with age?

I find actually the opposite. As I'm getting older the stakes are higher so the anxiety increases.

After surviving being shot through my chest at 17, and coming away from a horrible car crash at 26 (not my fault!) I really don't have any worries. I'm more focused on being grateful to be here!

Jockbod48 saidAfter surviving being shot through my chest at 17, and coming away from a horrible car crash at 26 (not my fault!) I really don't have any worries. I'm more focused on being grateful to be here!

Yikes! Is it too late for me to kiss your boo boo and make it better?

RBY71 saidI'm constantly worried that there is a better deep fried cheese stick out there somwhere that I haven't sampled. Sometimes I wake up in a cold sweat thinking "Dear sweet God! What if it doesn't get any better than T.G.I.Friday's deep fried mozzarella sticks! What if I have experienced the pinnacle of deep fried chessy goodness!?!? What is there for me now?"

lol. The cheese sticks at Red lobster are fabulous. They are flaked with Parmesan cheese on the outside, so good. IF you have already tried them, you must lie to yourself. Go back and sample them like it is the first time, or you could just use it as an excuse to get some cheddar bay biscuits!

My only real worry is, the welfare of my sons.