Intrusive roommate problem

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 19, 2014 2:46 PM GMT
    Hey guys so I have a problem and I am hoping that I can get some feedback on what to do

    I've been living with a roommate for around 2 and a half years now, we met online 4 or so years ago and became pretty close. We're both into guys and at first he pretty much was in love with me but never really said it, i told him i never really liked him, although we hooked up briefly when we first met.

    Fast forward a year after we met online, we decided to be roommates in a different city long story short, he was still obsessed with me and used to beg me for sex and sometimes i just allowed because he would ask almost everyday. He is very tight mouthed about his feelings so he hid how obsessed with me he really was quite easily.

    After a while he finally got the hint and now he finally stopped liking me. its been a year and a half since he stopped, but just recently I found pictures of me stored on a hard drive of his in his room. Pretty much we share an internet network, and I never locked my personal laptop on our network, though it is locked for everyone else. He stores porn on this one black hard drive in his room, and i borrowed it the other day to look at, and I found an entire folder where he was storing almost every nude picture I had of me since we moved in. I don't take tons of pictures of me naked or anything, maybe like 20 or 30 in 2 years or less, but he had almost every single X rated picture of me saved on his personal hard drive. I then deleted them and texted him enraged.

    None of my face is in any because i never took nude pictures with my face, but I'm completely gutted and I feel completely invaded. I confronted him about it and he said sorry but its not enough. He could have posted things online or done whatever he wanted with those pictures. To top it off, he even saved pictures of some guys i was talking to for some reason. It was terrifying seeing a whole library of pictures of me in a folder, pictures i don't even have now because I deleted. i took most of the pictures for fun and i sent to very few people.

    We are close friends, but I have almost no friends because of anxiety, being introverted, and struggling with being abused as a kid which I told him about before we even moved in. And he still invaded my privacy many times and pretty much tried to take advantage of my body many times. I have poor self esteem and he thinks im a slut when ive had sex maybe with 3 or 4 different people in my life, and they were all scary experiences for me. I feel exposed,vulnerable and dirty after all of this.

    He knows he is wrong but said he did this a year ago, and he's right because these pictures are old but i still cant get over how he could have invaded my privacy when he knows how private I am. I made mistakes and talked to a lot of guys online before and took pictures, i know this, but I didn't expect my roommate to disrespect my privacy like this.

    I've been a mess the passed 3 days and I just don't know what to do. I have no reliable family, I don't make much money and I can't survive on my own. I feel bad for making one of these pitiful threads, but I'm hoping I can get some helpful feedback. Sorry this is so long. Thanks for anyone who takes the time to read this. I have an account on here already but i made a new one because it's a hard thing for me to talk about.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 19, 2014 3:03 PM GMT
    Loneguy99 said ... We are close friends, but I have almost no friends because of anxiety, being introverted, and struggling with being abused as a kid ...
    You can continue to struggle through life but your long over due to work on your existing built in emotional damage. This seems separate from the room mate issue.

    be kind and understanding but tell him he is only a room mate. It will take a few conversions and this is your fault because you two hooked up in the past. If he pays his half of the rent or mortgage on time, dosnt eat your food he is a keeper.

    if you two put up with each other's drama for 2-4 years both of you must provide something special to one another.

    hope this helps, anyways best of luck!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 19, 2014 3:10 PM GMT
    Sounds like you may have 2 problems to solve.

    You might need some professional counseling to deal with these personality issues you list. You can't go through life emotionally crippled like this.

    But at the same time, your roommate may be making things worse. You may have the wrong roommate for your personal circumstances. Maybe a good guy otherwise, but not for you.

    A change may be in order. Either he corrects his behavior, which you must address with him, or you change your living arrangements.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 19, 2014 4:54 PM GMT
    pellaz said
    Loneguy99 said ... We are close friends, but I have almost no friends because of anxiety, being introverted, and struggling with being abused as a kid ...
    You can continue to struggle through life but your long over due to work on your existing built in emotional damage. This seems separate from the room mate issue.

    be kind and understanding but tell him he is only a room mate. It will take a few conversions and this is your fault because you two hooked up in the past. If he pays his half of the rent or mortgage on time, dosnt eat your food he is a keeper.

    if you two put up with each other's drama for 2-4 years both of you must provide something special to one another.

    hope this helps, anyways best of luck!

    Yep, good advice. The guy did fess up when you asked him. Most likely he was just so infatuated with you that having the pics filled his fantasy. Appropriate thing to do, no. You have a right to feel violated but given the spot you're in, your past feelings about this guy, I agree with pellaz, now's a time to redefine your relationship as strictly roommates with very clear and defined boundaries. Perhaps he needs his own internet line and you should maintain yours separate from his. Good luck.
  • carew28

    Posts: 661

    Feb 19, 2014 7:30 PM GMT
    I think the posts above are pretty good advice. What your roommate did was wrong, but he likely didn't mean any harm by it. He was infatuated with you, but it was an invasion of your privacy. But if he's otherwise a decent roommate, the best thing to do would be to talk it over, and make sure that each of you respects each other's privacy in the future.

    Actually, it could have been much worse. Decent roommates are hard to find, so it would be just as well to make up with him, let him know that there are no romantic feelings, but remain friends.