Starting a friendship/realtionship with someone

  • niceboy87

    Posts: 10

    Dec 21, 2008 6:58 PM GMT
    I'm a guy that doesn't really have any gay friends; I have lots of friends, just not gay. So when I meet a guy and after we've talked for a while, and I'm interested, I really keen on starting a friendship.

    However, I find that everytime I'm always the one that initiates the conversation. Whether it be texting/calls/instant messaging/emails. Everytime, the guy does reply, and we talk and we do have a good conversion and time and he tells me he would want to meet up/talk again, and we do.

    Heres the thing thou, I find that for all these guys, if I didn't actually FIRST talk to them, initiate it, they would probably never contact me again or at all.

    Mind you, some of these guys all we've done is talked and hang out.

    So....I mean...if these guys tell me they're interested in being friends or w/e, shouldn't they at times try to contact me?

    What do you guys think??
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 21, 2008 7:05 PM GMT
    So your question is......
    If someone is interested in being your friend, should they try to contact you?

    Of course. Friendships require people to work. You're really just not a good friend if you don't. They probably are not interested any becoming anything more than a casual acquaintance. People come and go. . . . . .

    If you wanna fuck your friends or acquaintances then go ahead. Don't pussyfoot around the situation. Just be blunt and to the point.
  • niceboy87

    Posts: 10

    Dec 21, 2008 7:13 PM GMT
    debussy81 saidSo your question is......
    If someone is interested in being your friend, should they try to contact you?

    Of course. Friendships require people to work. You're really just not a good friend if you don't. They probably are not interested any becoming anything more than a casual acquaintance. People come and go. . . . . .

    If you wanna fuck your friends or acquaintances then go ahead. Don't pussyfoot around the situation. Just be blunt and to the point.


    Ya thats my question, right on.

    so r u saying that if a guy never tries to contact me...he's only after one thing, and everything he says is BS and is only trying to get me in bed? (for those guys where we've havent done anything)
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    Dec 21, 2008 7:24 PM GMT
    I wouldn't interpret it that way however what you have to keep in mind is that yes beginning and maintaining a friendship IS a 2 way street. And the other person may be thinking the same thing (and not really believing a new friendship could be there) so if YOU really want to pursue the friendship with someone you may have to put in more initiating effort and later on if you believe you're the only putting it out there then you may want to dissolve the friendship....
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    Dec 21, 2008 7:28 PM GMT
    No. I'm saying he's probably not trying to get you in bed. He probably doesn't really care to be bothered by casual meaningless conversation (i.e. texting, email, phone calls.... ). Meet the guy in person. Sit down and maybe talk to him instead of these other means. 30% of communication is visual cues.

    My sex comment came from just personal experience. If I wanna sleep with a guy I let them know. I've never seen the point of trying to be close friends first although it does happen that way sometimes.
  • gsh1964

    Posts: 388

    Dec 21, 2008 7:28 PM GMT
    Guys in the big gay world can be a bit hard to figure out.

    Don't worry about games, if your interested in someone, just contact them. If they haven't responded back, there's a lot of possibilities why. Not just that they arn't interested in you.

    I have a personal rule, it's the 2 and 2 rule.

    If I've called them twice and they haven't responeded back to me in 2 days, then I just move on. No need to get upset about it or hate them, it just means that it wasn't ment to be.
    I have that rule for my own personal dignity. Plus, I don't want to look like a stalker.

    If you then see them a couple of months later it'll be all good. No drama, no stress.

    Hope this helps.

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    Dec 21, 2008 9:10 PM GMT
    There are other reasons why you might always have to be the initiator. Maybe you like to talk more. I'm kind of a solitary person. I wouldn't even think to call my best friend unless more than a week went by without talking to them. But if they call me, I talk and have an awesome time, even if they call every day. It's not that I don't want to talk, it just doesn't cross my mind until a while has passed. My friends all know this and are okay with it.

    So if you're one of those people that like to talk more often, then you'll have to initiate.

    And if doesn't mean that they like you less or are less interested. They just work a different way when it comes to talking.
  • niceboy87

    Posts: 10

    Dec 22, 2008 12:47 AM GMT
    Mycro saidThere are other reasons why you might always have to be the initiator. Maybe you like to talk more. I'm kind of a solitary person. I wouldn't even think to call my best friend unless more than a week went by without talking to them. But if they call me, I talk and have an awesome time, even if they call every day. It's not that I don't want to talk, it just doesn't cross my mind until a while has passed. My friends all know this and are okay with it.

    So if you're one of those people that like to talk more often, then you'll have to initiate.

    And if doesn't mean that they like you less or are less interested. They just work a different way when it comes to talking.


    hmmm...that interesting, gives me something to think about
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    Dec 22, 2008 12:51 AM GMT
    I think it's hard to make friends in the gay community. I have TONS of straight friends and love them all to death. But, my gay friend list is quite small actually. It seems like gay guys meet under the premise of being friends, but if they don't want to sleep with you, they don't want to be your friend either. But, that's just been my own experience.

    Good luck though. Personally I think friends are far more important because they're forever. Guys you date may come and go until you find the one.
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    Dec 22, 2008 12:58 AM GMT
    Friendship is def a two way street. I think the vast majority of people and especially guys are not the type to start conversations. Even if we're only talking friends. I have lots of friends as well and the majority I have met by being introduced by a mutual friends. Rarely will I every kick off a conversation with somebody I don't know. I've bee a member at 24 hr Fitness for a year now and I've been seeing many of the same faces since I first started working out there. It's been a year and I still don't know these guys at the gym. They seem pretty cool but I just don't go up and say hi and neither do they. I think part of it is fear. There is def a social dynamic going on at the gym. If you are the type who is bold enough to make the first move I would say you are the minority. Stick with it man. Don't take it personal if guys are too shy or stuck up. If outgoing is who you are then let it shine.
  • niceboy87

    Posts: 10

    Dec 22, 2008 1:06 AM GMT
    Skank_Bait saidFriendship is def a two way street. I think the vast majority of people and especially guys are not the type to start conversations. Even if we're only talking friends. I have lots of friends as well and the majority I have met by being introduced by a mutual friends. Rarely will I every kick off a conversation with somebody I don't know. I've bee a member at 24 hr Fitness for a year now and I've been seeing many of the same faces since I first started working out there. It's been a year and I still don't know these guys at the gym. They seem pretty cool but I just don't go up and say hi and neither do they. I think part of it is fear. There is def a social dynamic going on at the gym. If you are the type who is bold enough to make the first move I would say you are the minority. Stick with it man. Don't take it personal if guys are too shy or stuck up. If outgoing is who you are then let it shine.


    See, for me, i have no problem making the first move, i do that in all aspects of my life; but I often think (maybe i shouldn't be thinking to much about this) if I'm always the one that starts things off, will I come off as being to desperate?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 22, 2008 1:39 AM GMT
    OH HELL NO!!!!
    Are you serious man?
    Don't take it too personal. What if you call them right before they're about to contact you. There are a ton of reasons.

    Don't get all crazy man. If they talk to you, hey that's a good sign right? We're not in high school, in life there is no equivalent exchange. Someone will always put more than the other person, it's natural. Some people are givers and others are takers. Just how the world works man.

    But if you go down this path of, OMG! They're not really my friends. I'm the one who has to put in all the effort. Well... then I guess you're friendships are going to STANK because that isn't healthy thinking bro.

    Your probably a REALLY AWESOME guy if these dudes are willing and wanting to hang out with you. Don't let such ideas plague your mind. It's all good =D