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    Feb 25, 2014 11:09 AM GMT
    a
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    Feb 25, 2014 6:08 PM GMT
    Dennis89 saidI know my attitude and posts seem to be along the same lines and sometimes i can be positive about things but at turning 25 this year and little or no experience of anything sexual under my belt and no i wont try grindr or that crap lol i have a some morals, my thing is that in my life on the times i have been out no one as ever come to me or tried tap me up or what ever i mean i know im not the best looking or on a scale of being fit like some hot lads/men but im not ugly plus where do you actually meet lads and yeah i know go out etc and there everywhere but i dont seem meet anyone im on a dating site and well thats going no where plus if anything did happen with my lack of experience i fear i wont know what to do even from the basics. Sounds like a sad pathetic existence i have and people say others have it worse but im not taking that from them but when you have never had basic human love in a relationship etc its so hard to not be upset as thats the basic of being human aint it, money, cars etc are luxuries and i aint interested in that i just want a boyfriend and i want that face to be , i know this sort of thing must get asked daily and same answer get given but i just wanted to say it out aloud, and again i know i sound pathetic but any advice would be great.


    Maybe you need to work on your self confidence before meeting new people for a full on relationship.
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    Feb 25, 2014 9:35 PM GMT
    Going nowhere on a dating site? I find that hard to believe. Can you be more specific about what is happening on the site? Is it that only unattractive guys and sex pests are contacting you?

    The only negatives I can see about you are that Wigan has probably not got a good gay scene (could be wrong) and you look a bit too serious in most of your pics. Apart from that I don't see why you would not get plenty of attention.
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    Feb 25, 2014 10:18 PM GMT

    'i know im not the best looking'

    ..no, you're fine looking, which is better in a lot of ways. Less intimidating. Think about that.

    'where do you actually meet lads..'

    ...anywhere where there are people. Meet them, strike up acquaintances. Some men will be gay, some men will know gay men, some women will know gay men. See? Like so.

    '..plus if anything did happen with my lack of experience i fear i wont know what to do even from the basics.'

    Oh yes you will; it begins with a kiss, touching another's hand, and what you don't know, chances are, the other will. icon_wink.gif

    '...and again i know i sound pathetic but any advice would be great.'

    No, you don't sound pathetic.
    Nope.
    Uh uh.
    Not at all.

    Remove that thought from your head forthwith. Now. Immediately.

    Each day is a new page; write on it. Give another a small lift with a greeting. Man, woman, tall, short, tall, plain, handsome, shy, bold, old, young..it doesn't matter. Then while you're not looking...Bam!

    warmly,

    -Doug

    Oh and last of all, start believing what I'm telling you, lol!



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    Feb 26, 2014 1:46 PM GMT
    Dennis89 saidI know my attitude and posts seem to be along the same lines and sometimes i can be positive about things but at turning 25 this year and little or no experience of anything sexual under my belt ...i just want a boyfriend and i want that face to be , i know this sort of thing must get asked daily and same answer get given but i just wanted to say it out aloud, and again i know i sound pathetic but any advice would be great.


    Advice: You are 25 and just starting your life as a gay man. Those of us who came out back in the 20th century must envy your opportunities. You have myriad ways of meeting and connecting with other gay men that weren't available back in the days when gay bars were the only venue. Trust me, if the only option you had was clubs full of bad dance music, cigarette smoke, and drunk guys, today's online options would seem like a miracle.
    You lack confidence. For most, confidence is not something you're born with. You have to build it from within yourself. How do you build confidence? Through experience. It's just like learning any other skill. You get out there, make mistakes, learn from them how to do better. And there you are.
    Now get on with it.
  • MikeW

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    Feb 26, 2014 3:23 PM GMT
    Dennis89 saidi suppose its just i seem to have been forever trapped in that catch 22 of scared of going for it and getting out there yet i wont get out there untill i am not scared icon_sad.gif well from my other online venture it seems to have took a good turn so im abit more icon_lol.gif about things icon_smile.gif

    Well, that's good news. Like someone said above, self confidence is built and one does that by taking small risks -- which may seem like big risks at the time. One way I used to do it is if I felt afraid to try something I'd try it exactly because I was afraid to. Now, I'm not talking anything dangerous or life threatening, I mean the simple things everyone else was doing but I was afraid to do.
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    Feb 27, 2014 9:39 AM GMT
    Just because you wouldn't prefer to use something like grindr, there is no need for you to slut shame those of us that do. Just saying.

    You already know the answer(s) to your question. Clubs, dating websites, bars, activities, social networking, etc.

    As the others have stated, you seem to be lacking in self-confidence. That is a problem because all of these things require some level of the same thing: making yourself known. I find that there is no quicker turn-off to gay men than a man without self-confidence. Not that I'm saying that this quality is a must-have, but the more people that know about you, your character and what you'd have to offer in a relationship, the more guys will tend to come knocking at your door. Avoiding any gay atmosphere or any medium of interaction with other gay men will likely end you up with more of your situation - unless you get very lucky and someone brings it upon themselves out of the blue.

    Self-confidence (for me at least) comes from within. Knowing yourself, what you want in the world and not being afraid to ask for it and trusting in your instincts will take you miles.

    I remember the days of "just wanting a boyfriend"... then I got one. And another. And another. Then I've found that I was very naive; it's okay to want to be loved but it's another to be downright naive. There world isn't that simple and love is never easy. What seemed at one point to be the "end all-be all" solution to all of life's problems turned out to only create more problems in life. I guess what I'm saying is don't obsess over the idea, be patient and try to see the bigger picture in life. Love comes only when it's ready - not when you or someone else is. Focus on yourself, what you want and what makes you happy in life and at some point someone else will see what a happy home they can have in you.
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    Feb 28, 2014 7:49 PM GMT
    "...and no i wont try grindr or that crap lol i have a some morals,"

    You are confusing morals with judgements. A Knee jerk judgement at that. Technology is here and NOT going away. Most people meet that way now.
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    Mar 01, 2014 12:04 PM GMT
    Do you frequently wear that Doges cap? Just saying . . .


    But, you have pressure from seeing all the shit online... You don't have to hurry or be depressed. Honestly there are tons of guys that would want to bring you home. Just interact, on Grindr or where ever. You can be friendly and talk without worrying about sex, if it happens great, if not so what. Just be safe.
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    Mar 01, 2014 12:14 PM GMT
    Why don't you move away. New start somewhere else and then everything and everyone is new so you'll be almost forced to meet new people and interact with a variety of people. One of them may even become something more than a friend.
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    Mar 01, 2014 1:25 PM GMT
    Fair enough. I've heard a change of scenery can be as good as a rest but I've never lived anywhere different to be honest.
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    Mar 01, 2014 6:06 PM GMT
    A couple of completely disparate suggestions:
    1. Join, or go on some excursions with some gay outdoors group. Brits seem to go hiking (rambling?) everywhere - there must be a gay or partially gay group to attach yourself to where you at least meet other guys. Gay rugby? Gay cricket? Gay football?

    2. Who says your first experiences have to be with either a BF or a Grndr hookup? You have a pic of you in Venice some time, so you at least can travel. If you're still inexperienced when summer rolls around, take a short vacation to an very gay vacation spot - Sitges, Ibeza, or Provincetown, USA, (or whatever gay spot is around in your part of the world, where you can meet other guys available for a weekend romance - where everyone is going back home again at the end of the week/month, and they are all looking for a fling, but no one expects to get into a relationship. Meet a nice guy and go for it.


    BTW, you can EDIT the title of the post - so it is more informative, and might get you more readership.