Looking for advice on relationships and sex

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 25, 2014 9:30 PM GMT
    I have recently started dating a guy that I've know for about 2 years now. Before we started a relationship we hooked up all the time and would sometimes have sex and get off multiple times a day. My partner got a hemroid or something to that extent and at the same time it was painful for me to do anything even urinate so we stopped all sexual acts for two to three weeks. Once I felt better I wanted to start doing things again but we just never picked up from where we left off. Now, we never have sex and rarely get off. Since then we started a relationship, but that hasn't changed anything. He tells me that he is afraid to have sex because he doesn't want to get another hemroid and doesn't want to do anything because he thinks it will just lead to me wanting sex. He also has told me that he is not comfortable with himself and his self image and is uncomfortable with me seeing his body since he thinks he is out of shape. I have a hard time understanding what the real issue is. Before we started a relationship we got into a fight and stopped talking for awhile. During this time apart he hooked up with a guy and told me they had sex but he didn't enjoy it since he just thought of me the whole time. I just don't understand how he can have sex with some random guy but not with his now boyfriend. I'm just looking for advice on what might be going on and how to fix it.
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    Feb 25, 2014 11:25 PM GMT
    Maybe he's built up some anxiety about sex in case he gets a hemeroid etc. (didn't know you could get that from sex) He could see the doctor if it's anxiety.

    What's his body hang up? If it's to do with losing weight/putting on muscle you could offer help him with that by going gym together or something.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 25, 2014 11:36 PM GMT
    You can have great sex without anal. What's the hold up?
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    Feb 25, 2014 11:45 PM GMT
    Dump him and move on. Life is too short and you are too young to have to deal with other peoples issues and hangups.

    And that BS about his hookup is just that - BS.

    During this time apart he hooked up with a guy and told me they had sex but he didn't enjoy it since he just thought of me the whole time.

    So he thought about YOU but didn't enjoy it?! icon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gif

    That's all you need to know.

    Move on AND don't look back.

    Sorry this one didn't work out for you.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Feb 26, 2014 1:35 AM GMT
    Thom1993 saidMaybe he's built up some anxiety about sex in case he gets a hemeroid etc. (didn't know you could get that from sex) He could see the doctor if it's anxiety.

    What's his body hang up? If it's to do with losing weight/putting on muscle you could offer help him with that by going gym together or something.
    ha ha ha you can't get hemorrhoids from having sex. hemorrhoids come straining while taking a dump. anyhow, i think you should seek out therapy. if he is not interested in therapy than i think you might want to end that relationship because without sex you just have a roommate or cuddle buddy
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    Feb 26, 2014 1:44 AM GMT
    tuffguyndc said
    Thom1993 saidMaybe he's built up some anxiety about sex in case he gets a hemeroid etc. (didn't know you could get that from sex) He could see the doctor if it's anxiety.

    What's his body hang up? If it's to do with losing weight/putting on muscle you could offer help him with that by going gym together or something.
    ha ha ha you can't get hemorrhoids from having sex. hemorrhoids come straining while taking a dump. anyhow, i think you should seek out therapy. if he is not interested in therapy than i think you might want to end that relationship because without sex you just have a roommate or cuddle buddy


    Maybe the poster meant herpes or a hernia or something lol
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    Feb 26, 2014 2:27 AM GMT
    UndercoverMan saidDump him and move on. Life is too short and you are too young to have to deal with other peoples issues and hangups.

    And that BS about his hookup is just that - BS.

    During this time apart he hooked up with a guy and told me they had sex but he didn't enjoy it since he just thought of me the whole time.

    So he thought about YOU but didn't enjoy it?! icon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gif

    That's all you need to know.

    Move on AND don't look back.

    Sorry this one didn't work out for you.


    Such relationship knowledge at your age; I am much impressed. Everything isn't rosy and problem-less all the time? Wow sheriff. Turns out people have baggage and the human psyche is more complicated than what Twilight depicts. Who would have thought.

    OP, have you talked to him about how you feel? Have you told and shown him that you do think he's sexy and that he turns you on? He is using fear of hemorrhoids as an excuse for his insecurities, so you should try to find a way together to improve his outlook and get rid of his shame/embarrassment.
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Feb 26, 2014 3:19 AM GMT
    I call foul. Profile pic is fake:

    tumblr_inline_mv82hbykgF1rivtsu.jpg

    icon_rolleyes.gif

    Op claims to be from Texas. Pic is from Switzerland.

    Whoever you are, maybe you have a real problem, I don't know. But using a blatantly false profile pic sucks.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 26, 2014 3:43 AM GMT


    Secrettom, go get tested for sexually transmitted diseases at your local clinic.

    Do it, please.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 26, 2014 3:48 AM GMT
    Rita said
    UndercoverMan saidDump him and move on. Life is too short and you are too young to have to deal with other peoples issues and hangups.

    And that BS about his hookup is just that - BS.

    During this time apart he hooked up with a guy and told me they had sex but he didn't enjoy it since he just thought of me the whole time.

    So he thought about YOU but didn't enjoy it?! icon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gif

    That's all you need to know.

    Move on AND don't look back.

    Sorry this one didn't work out for you.


    Such relationship knowledge at your age; I am much impressed. Everything isn't rosy and problem-less all the time? Wow sheriff. Turns out people have baggage and the human psyche is more complicated than what Twilight depicts. Who would have thought.

    OP, have you talked to him about how you feel? Have you told and shown him that you do think he's sexy and that he turns you on? He is using fear of hemorrhoids as an excuse for his insecurities, so you should try to find a way together to improve his outlook and get rid of his shame/embarrassment.


    Talk to me when you've had a few more years under your belt and a little less wet behind the ears. I've been around the block way more times than you have and know a line of BS when I hear it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 26, 2014 3:14 PM GMT
    MikeW saidI call foul. Profile pic is fake:

    tumblr_inline_mv82hbykgF1rivtsu.jpg

    icon_rolleyes.gif

    Op claims to be from Texas. Pic is from Switzerland.

    Whoever you are, maybe you have a real problem, I don't know. But using a blatantly false profile pic sucks.
    Thanks MikeW! The story seemed too bizarre to be believed as well.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 26, 2014 4:48 PM GMT
    Assuming that you're hiding your real identity because we all know you under a different name or you're afraid of someone else signing on and seeing your post (thank you Mike for the heads up there), I'll answer generically for anyone who might face this issue:

    Relationships do tend to get stale in the bedroom after a period of time if there's not something 'spicing' them up. You need to keep if fresh and to do this you must communicate. Talk to your partner, what's his fantasy, what does he like to have done to him, what turns him on, tell him what you like, what turns you on.

    The other reason that a guy doesn't care to have sex is because he's getting it some place else. Again, if that's the case it's because he's not happy in the current relationship and this is usually because the two of you are not communicating.

    Guys need to talk to each other, be open, nonjudgmental and most important of all….LISTEN! If you don't listen to what the other person is saying, you'll never be able to bridge the gap. Figure out his needs, hear his complaints, find what makes him happy. If he's happy then you can begin to share what would make you happy and together you can both find fun, excitement and happiness in the bedroom. Think outside the box, be prepared to have to face your fears of doing things you didn't think you ever would. You don't need to compromise your moral beliefs or your integrity but you do need to be open and willing to entertain the ideas that are presented and not just blow them off as things you'd never do.

    Good luck.
  • helloandgoodb...

    Posts: 620

    Feb 26, 2014 5:11 PM GMT
    anytime they have only one pic and it;s a model shot you know it's fake. better to have no pic at all.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 26, 2014 7:59 PM GMT
    Prep H.

    Good lube.

    Fiber.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 27, 2014 10:14 AM GMT
    Kudos to whoever said "Get tested immediately". Um, get tested immediately. Do it together if you want a "bonding" experience.

    Coming from a similiar (although not identical) situation, I would be very skeptical. You are 100% justified for asking the question "Why doesn't this man want to have sex with me?". I've been in a 3 year relationship in the past and there was never a period when I've thought or said "Lets just cut out sex altogether", it was more like "Are you ready for round 2?" and vice versa.

    I'm not doubting that people do indeed have traumatic barriers that they put up in regards to sex, but it just seems a little odd to me as well in this situation, in which you guys have had what sounds to be a very active sexual relationship in the past. I dont think one measly hemorrhoid is the culprit, either. He has body image issues now? Did he put on a good 20-30lbs since you guys have last had sex?

    What ever it is, you need to confront and communicate with your partner and voice your concerns. Something is "up" (and not in the right department).
  • helloandgoodb...

    Posts: 620

    Feb 27, 2014 11:26 AM GMT
    MikeW saidI call foul. Profile pic is fake:

    tumblr_inline_mv82hbykgF1rivtsu.jpg

    icon_rolleyes.gif

    Op claims to be from Texas. Pic is from Switzerland.

    Whoever you are, maybe you have a real problem, I don't know. But using a blatantly false profile pic sucks.


    we got him. profile deleted
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 27, 2014 1:38 PM GMT
    helloandgoodbi said
    MikeW saidI call foul. Profile pic is fake:

    tumblr_inline_mv82hbykgF1rivtsu.jpg

    icon_rolleyes.gif

    Op claims to be from Texas. Pic is from Switzerland.

    Whoever you are, maybe you have a real problem, I don't know. But using a blatantly false profile pic sucks.


    we got him. profile deleted


    Good work team. High five.