Advice on my closeted AND long distance relationship...

  • Feb 26, 2014 9:33 AM GMT
    Hey guys,

    I am in the closet and always said I would come out when I found the right guy.
    So here's my situation:

    for the past 8 months I've been talking to this guy from home (I go to college in Hawaii) who I met in person for he first time over winter break when I was there and we really hit it off intellectually and sexually. I missed him immediately after I got back to hawaii for spring semester and we decided that we both really like eachother and neither of us want to be with anyone else so we made it official (though not public)

    My problem:

    He is extremely deep in the closet (his dad is a pastor) but as I always said I'd come out if I met the right guy. and he is my first ever boyfriend, so I quickly told three of my friends here in hawaii. They all were so awesome about it and took it so well. I was so excited to tell my bf that my friends were so chill about it I told him on the phone that night and his response was "I'm not coming out any time soon. I can't promise I ever will" -_- ... real buzz kill. I explained to him I would never push him to come out I just felt ready to myself which he understood but kinda just changed the subject.

    So now I'm wondering if there's even any point to coming out when my bf is 5,000mi away and is dead set against being out himself.

    He's so great in every other department and expresses he cares about me just as much as I do about him, but I'm scared to continue getting attached to him when this all seems so impermanent.

    Any advice for me??
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 26, 2014 3:26 PM GMT
    Let's see if I can summarize your situation:

    - You're in the closet and want to come out when you get a bf.
    - You meet a guy but he's also in the closet.
    - You are now his bf and want to come out except he wants to remain closeted. And you're upset about this.
    - Now, you think you should just remain closeted because he doesn't want to come out.
    - You're wondering if it's worth getting attached to a guy who's 5000 miles away.

    Sorry but I can't come up with any advice for you because your situation is too complicated and screwed up to come up with a favorable solution. Good luck with whatever valuable advice you can get!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 26, 2014 5:42 PM GMT
    more difficult to find that big gay date while your in the closet. A closet is a small space and you have nothing to share in a relationship.

    my guess your in the closet to insure the college rent checks continue to flow from New York. No bad here, you owe your parents nothing, they dont sleep in your bed. After your financially stable bring home your husband for thanksgiving dinner.

    Till then enjoy the closet. Sounds like you have someone to take care of your needs when you visit home.

    sorry; both of you are not ready for a relationship.