I'm ashamed for what I may have done

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 27, 2014 8:37 AM GMT
    I think I may have infected a friend of mine with HIV.

    I feel like shit. I pretty much hate my very existence. I didn't know at the time though. I later found out. I wrote to him on facebook, but that didn't work out well. I feel like shit.

    I truly don't deserve to live. I did what I could in seeing about him. But I also don't know if he has it.

    He ended up having a child afterward. What if that child is infected. I know i didn't know at the time. But still what the fuck was I thinking.

    I truly am sorry for what I've done.
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    Feb 27, 2014 11:58 AM GMT
    You didn't do this on purpose; you do deserve to live. You deserve to live a healthy and normal life. Let's pray your friend is negative.

    What I will say is it's scary to get tested, but if you're sexually active, even just oral, you should get tested and then carry on. Often local LGBT centers will provide testing in a safe environment and you can ask a bunch of questions you may not feel comfortable asking your regular health care provider. Some LGBT centers will offer incentives to get tested which is nice of them.

    Let's not throw stones at the OP -- we have all lived in a glass house.

    Maybe someone has been in a similar situation and can offer insight. BUT you're not a bad person. Yes, you made a mistake, BUT this doesn't mean this is the end of your life.
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    Feb 27, 2014 12:19 PM GMT
    Also assuming you're not a troll. Please find out the treatment protocol and seek a consuelor. You definitely need a counselor to get you over this hump. You need compassion and to know you're still a human worthy of love.

    I wish I knew more about HIV treatments and the ideal protocol for healing emotionally, but I'm not trained in this area. I know if they use the oral swab to test you, they will typically have the patient comfirm the results with a blood test (although a false positive is unlikely). This is where knowing a local LGBT center that specializes in STD prevention would be a Godsend -- they can begin to direct you to a counselor or whatever treatments you may need.

    Can anyone else offer insight on this subject? I recently bought a book on STDs, I thought I should know more about them. I think we as a community like to spend so much time on our bodies and keeping out faces youthful, but we forget sexual health is important too.
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    Feb 27, 2014 12:31 PM GMT
    YourName2000 saidThis doesn't jive with your "I'm not sexually active" statement in your profile, or your "I'm celibate" thread: http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/3054410

    Your threads seem to be your poetry, and come of as troll bait. I'm guessing that's what's going on here? icon_confused.gif

    Like I said, reading your threads/posts...have to ask.


    What he wrote in that post put tears in my eyes icon_cry.gif This is why I knew psychology wasn't my career path. Sensitive souls are the easiest to be manipulated and feel pain.

    "
    azariah1982 saidAnd will for the rest of my life.

    Man just thinking bout it makes me sad. Makes me wish born a female. But that's a slap in the face to God. I know He makes no mistakes. I guess I'm asexual. I'm young and it seems to be more temptation since there are is an abundance of gay men.

    I can't say men made me happy. Cause for me it was just temporary. It was a grasp at the wind. emptiness filled my stomach. Hurt, dismay, and anger became constant. I learned they never loved me just wanted to screw me [over] like a jack-legged worker running out on his project. Left me absent of their presence thought he was my wishing present. But the phone calls I would wait for made me feel even more insecure. They wanted less but I wanted more. My flesh made me a who're. I thought it would be for sure. It was just paramour. He was like a convenient store but inconveniently was the one destroyed my joy.

    Man I never got what I wanted . Love

    Takes bow
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    Feb 28, 2014 5:51 AM GMT
    This was way before I found out I had HIV...your not paying attention. I was sexually active then. By I haven't been since.

    AnOriginal saidYou didn't do this on purpose; you do deserve to live. You deserve to live a healthy and normal life. Let's prayyour friend is negative.

    What I will say is it's scary to get tested, but if you're sexually active, even just oral, you should get tested and then carry on. Often local LGBT centers will provide testing in a safe environment and you can ask a bunch of questions you may not feel comfortable asking your regular health care provider. Some LGBT centers will offer incentives to get tested which is nice of them.

    Let's not throw stones at the OP -- we have all lived in a glass house.

    Maybe someone has been in a similar situation and can offer insight. BUT you're not a bad person. Yes, you made a mistake, BUT this doesn't mean this is the end of your life.
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    Mar 01, 2014 5:00 PM GMT
    If he had a baby after these things happened. . . Then the story should have been little different. Any normal circumstance would ask for embryo HIV test. If something was not right then the origination would have questioned too. Then this guy should have come to you on this subject. Well, whatever happened lets not judge that. Be careful.

    Regards
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    Mar 02, 2014 3:46 AM GMT
    leo_ saidIf he had a baby after these things happened. . . Then the story should have been little different. Any normal circumstance would ask for embryo HIV test. If something was not right then the origination would have questioned too. Then this guy should have come to you on this subject. Well, whatever happened lets not judge that. Be careful.

    Regards


    I know they test the moms but do they also test the fathers? The mom and baby might be fine even if hes positive.
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    Mar 02, 2014 5:08 PM GMT
    David3000 said
    leo_ saidIf he had a baby after these things happened. . . Then the story should have been little different. Any normal circumstance would ask for embryo HIV test. If something was not right then the origination would have questioned too. Then this guy should have come to you on this subject. Well, whatever happened lets not judge that. Be careful.

    Regards


    I know they test the moms but do they also test the fathers? The mom and baby might be fine even if hes positive.


    please correct me if I am wrong. If the mom is positive the baby can still be negative. But if the father is positive then the baby would be positive?
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    Mar 03, 2014 2:23 AM GMT
    Here's also the fact: as a bottom he has a much lower chance of passing it to his top.
  • abbull3000

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    Mar 13, 2014 5:21 AM GMT

    I know they test the moms but do they also test the fathers? The mom and baby might be fine even if hes positive.

    please correct me if I am wrong. If the mom is positive the baby can still be negative. But if the father is positive then the baby would be positive? [/quote]

    Well HIV is carried by the seminal fluid, not the sperm itself.