Dating Fraternity Men

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 22, 2008 9:16 AM GMT
    Is their a website devoted strictly to gay fraternity men? An I don't mean the queer fraternity.

    Looking for "The One" but he's gotta be Greek!icon_cool.gif
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    Dec 22, 2008 2:09 PM GMT
    ...and masculine, a football player, an Aquarius, has to have dark hair, dark eyes, and a mustache?

    Try here.
  • JayneCobb

    Posts: 709

    Dec 22, 2008 2:32 PM GMT
    He's GOTTA be greek? Doesn't really leave you a large pallet to choose from now does it?

    What is it? Less then 2% of college students per year go greek? Then 10% (assuming that the ratio of gays to straights is still 1 in 10). Means... well I'm no mathematician, but that's not a very big number of people now is it?

    Uhh
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    It's OK to have a fantasy, just don't let it completely control your decision making when it comes to relationships or you'll find yourself (most likely) alone.
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    Dec 22, 2008 3:46 PM GMT
    Don't think there is any websites out there, as this is one of the more "specific" gay sites you will find.

    O and the statistic of college men to greeks changes by campus. In my undergrad, 25% when greek. In my grad, about 35% go greek. At ND, 0% since Greek life was banned.
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    Dec 22, 2008 4:08 PM GMT
    BoardRider53 saidHe's GOTTA be greek? Doesn't really leave you a large pallet to choose from now does it?

    What is it? Less then 2% of college students per year go greek? Then 10% (assuming that the ratio of gays to straights is still 1 in 10). Means... well I'm no mathematician, but that's not a very big number of people now is it?

    Uhh
    Photobucket


    It's OK to have a fantasy, just don't let it completely control your decision making when it comes to relationships or you'll find yourself (most likely) alone.



    There is just one flaw with your analysis. It fails to take into account that gay, bisexual and questioning men flock to fraternal organizations in much higher proportions then they are found in the general population. There was a study that looked at the actual percentages of people who 'experienced patterns of homosexual arrousal" when shown gay porn pics among people in the military, college frats, and some other mens social organizations. They found that the don't ask don't tell is not working for the military and that college fraternities have shifted dramatically and now have a fairly high percentage of bisexual guys. But I agree that you shouldn't restrict yourself to one particular characteristic like this that is relatively meaningless in terms of who the person actually is.
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    Dec 22, 2008 5:03 PM GMT
    YngHung, your point might be valid, but those aren't the type to date. I saw about 5-6 brothers go down in flames after their brother hookups just turned out to be curious men who wanted to know what it was like.

    Gays should avoid falling in love / dating a straight, it is just a recipe for disaster. The stories I can tell...
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    Dec 22, 2008 5:06 PM GMT
    You dont date a frat guy you just do him and have fun when he's drunk. Dont fall for straight guys they end up married and messing around on their wives making them bi or maybe closet gays.
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    Dec 22, 2008 5:28 PM GMT
    I'm looking for a gay, jewish, black, midget with homicidal tendencies. Is there a website for that?

    And it would help if he had a severe case of ondontophobia.
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    Dec 22, 2008 6:06 PM GMT
    yes...
    there is









    ...did that answer your question? icon_biggrin.gif

    I'm here to help.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 22, 2008 7:30 PM GMT
    Gentlemen I appreciate the words...BUT...i initiated Phi Sigma Kappa and I wouldenjoy if my sig other initiated fraternity as well...not a fantasy but similar interests...kinda like body building.

    I bodybuild roughly 6 times per week...and I expect my other half will as well.icon_cool.gif
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    Dec 22, 2008 7:49 PM GMT
    lol, i was in a frat for about 2.5 seconds. um, like most of my gay friends who joined frats. we dropped out after a year or so. btw, most frats aren't full of the same guys. so what exactly are the similarities that you're looking for? fraternities are not sororities. most choose guys on wether they will brings grils around, how they get along with the rest and if they are good at sports (comes in handy during those panHellenic tournaments)
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    Dec 22, 2008 8:12 PM GMT
    I am looking for someone my own age however i would enjoy if he iniated a fraternity...then of course there's his individuality...

    the fraternity membership is the first cut in the sleection process of sig other but not friends...

    I have several non greek friends.
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    Dec 22, 2008 8:21 PM GMT
    gawd...i equate fraternities with douche bag-e-try. that just might be my experience from UCLA. the world's lergest douche bag fest is found on gayley and strathmore ave.
  • SFGeoNinja

    Posts: 510

    Dec 22, 2008 9:49 PM GMT
    PhiDude saidI am looking for someone my own age however i would enjoy if he iniated a fraternity...then of course there's his individuality...

    the fraternity membership is the first cut in the sleection process of sig other but not friends...

    I have several non greek friends.


    I can understand what you're saying: you want someone with a similar outlook and similar life experiences, the experience of going greek being the primary one.

    As a gay guy in a fraternity at UW, however, I would strongly advise you to not limit your dating pool to frat guys.

    Even if you find another gay guy in the Greek system at your school and both of your respective houses don't have a problem with you guys dating, and this is a BIG if even at a liberal school like UW, you would not be wise to do so. For one thing, gay guys within the Greek system at most schools I'm aware of are very rarely out of the closet due to the internalized homophobia you find in many fraternities. I would guess that out of all the guys who are gay or bisexual in fraternities at UW, maybe one in four are open about it. The rest are deeply closeted and use awkward facades of hetero masculinity to cover up their insecurities. Especially when guys hook up within the same house, this creates a significant amount of intra-house drama that can never be discussed or resolved. And remember, this is at one of the most liberal schools in one of the most liberal cities in the country!

    True, Greek life has become much more progressive in the last 5 years or so, especially with regard to gays, but I'm assuming you want a guy who is out so you don't have to sneak around and lie to your friends about where you're going/who you're fucking???

    I have loved many things about going Greek myself, it has allowed me meet literally thousands of new people and become more socially engaged, new forms of organization, has introduced me to many new perspectives and passions that my brothers have had, and given me the strongest friendships I have ever had. My non-greek friends are continually shocked by the level of committment our brothers keep to one other. I do not regret joining a fraternity one iota as a gay man, That being said....

    You should be aware there is a darker side of what you're looking for. Aside from the tremendous obstacle of the guys you're after not being out, even dating out gay guys within your greek system creates issues. You will find that these guys are often just as promiscuous between houses as gays in the club circuit. The "gay Greek underground" at most schools is full of guys who literally all know each other (with such a small population, it's hard not to), and you might get tired of this pool real quickly. When dating happens within the same house, they are not only promiscuous but, shall we say, incestuous?!?!? If you absolutely must date frat guys, avoid ones in your own house, because intra-house dating is still almost completely taboo despite the increasing tolerance towards gay brothers.

    I think you'll find that being gay as well as being Greek are both experiences that push you to mingle with, and become closer to, an increasingly diverse range of guys as you learn from their experiences. You should not use being Greek as a strict litmus test for your potential dates. Just as you have something to show the world through the Greek experience, other people have just as much to show you in return. Your Greek experience makes you different from other guys, it does not make you superior. A non-Greek guy who turns your crank in every possible way may just surprise you.

    I wish you the best of luck!
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    Dec 22, 2008 10:15 PM GMT
    I am dying here, please use initiated correctly when talking about Greeks. The Fraternity initiates pledges after a recruitment and pledging process. Initiation is the actual ceremony each Fraternity does to welcome new members in to their brotherhood. "I initiated" means nothing, the Fraternity initiates you.

    Go ahead and try to date a Greek gay guy. You will still be hard pressed to find a good selection of "out" fraternity guys. Sorry, just isn't gonna happen. Maybe after college yes. I have found many gay former Greeks, during school though, nah, you will just get your random hookups and that is it and all your abercrombie frat boys are just as vein as the next.
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    Dec 22, 2008 10:20 PM GMT
    davidp7 saidTrue, Greek life has become much more progressive in the last 5 years or so, especially with regard to gays

    Doubt it, the stigma of what a Fraternity man will have to be completely revamped. 5 years isn't gonna change that. A complete social rebirth on the outlook of gays nationally will.

    Yes, as we have seen in other Greek-related threads, man other guys had great experiences being out and Greek. That is great and I am really jealous of that experience. Nonetheless, there is still a stereotype that exists which is even propagated by ill-minded and mis-informed RJers.
  • SFGeoNinja

    Posts: 510

    Dec 22, 2008 10:38 PM GMT
    I was referring to UW only in that comment. Five years ago there were pretty much zero out gay guys in the Greek system. Out of 30 houses in our Greek system, I would say about half have at least one out gay guy. Most guys come out after pledge is over, but I do know of a few guys who rushed houses as openly gay. Delts and Kappa Sigs are probably the most progressive houses on campus. Only a handful will toss guys out for being gay, whereas that used to be the norm.

    Granted, this is at a very liberal school, and I'm sure this cannot be generalized for most Greek communities. The trend of improved tolerance for gay frat guys is very new, to be sure. On the positive side, because fraternities are traditionally thought of as being the height of hetero masculinity, having openly gay guys within them has a huge impact on the Greek system as an institution. Not only does it change the public image of what fraternities are like, but it changes people's conception of what being gay is like as well.
  • metalxracr

    Posts: 761

    Dec 22, 2008 10:44 PM GMT
    Interesting. Even though I'm in a fraternity I'll date anyone.. mostly. I'm very iffy about dating a guy from a fraternity other than my own.
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    Dec 22, 2008 11:10 PM GMT
    davidp7 said
    PhiDude saidI am looking for someone my own age however i would enjoy if he iniated a fraternity...then of course there's his individuality...

    the fraternity membership is the first cut in the sleection process of sig other but not friends...

    I have several non greek friends.


    I can understand what you're saying: you want someone with a similar outlook and similar life experiences, the experience of going greek being the primary one.

    As a gay guy in a fraternity at UW, however, I would strongly advise you to not limit your dating pool to frat guys.

    Even if you find another gay guy in the Greek system at your school and both of your respective houses don't have a problem with you guys dating, and this is a BIG if even at a liberal school like UW, you would not be wise to do so. For one thing, gay guys within the Greek system at most schools I'm aware of are very rarely out of the closet due to the internalized homophobia you find in many fraternities. I would guess that out of all the guys who are gay or bisexual in fraternities at UW, maybe one in four are open about it. The rest are deeply closeted and use awkward facades of hetero masculinity to cover up their insecurities. Especially when guys hook up within the same house, this creates a significant amount of intra-house drama that can never be discussed or resolved. And remember, this is at one of the most liberal schools in one of the most liberal cities in the country!

    True, Greek life has become much more progressive in the last 5 years or so, especially with regard to gays, but I'm assuming you want a guy who is out so you don't have to sneak around and lie to your friends about where you're going/who you're fucking???

    I have loved many things about going Greek myself, it has allowed me meet literally thousands of new people and become more socially engaged, new forms of organization, has introduced me to many new perspectives and passions that my brothers have had, and given me the strongest friendships I have ever had. My non-greek friends are continually shocked by the level of committment our brothers keep to one other. I do not regret joining a fraternity one iota as a gay man, That being said....

    You should be aware there is a darker side of what you're looking for. Aside from the tremendous obstacle of the guys you're after not being out, even dating out gay guys within your greek system creates issues. You will find that these guys are often just as promiscuous between houses as gays in the club circuit. The "gay Greek underground" at most schools is full of guys who literally all know each other (with such a small population, it's hard not to), and you might get tired of this pool real quickly. When dating happens within the same house, they are not only promiscuous but, shall we say, incestuous?!?!? If you absolutely must date frat guys, avoid ones in your own house, because intra-house dating is still almost completely taboo despite the increasing tolerance towards gay brothers.

    I think you'll find that being gay as well as being Greek are both experiences that push you to mingle with, and become closer to, an increasingly diverse range of guys as you learn from their experiences. You should not use being Greek as a strict litmus test for your potential dates. Just as you have something to show the world through the Greek experience, other people have just as much to show you in return. Your Greek experience makes you different from other guys, it does not make you superior. A non-Greek guy who turns your crank in every possible way may just surprise you.

    I wish you the best of luck!


    This is almost like de ja vu

    I have had this conversation before, and I have learned a lot from it. Phidude, if you are strictly looking for people with the same expectations as you, I have found that students who were formerly on student government, or leaders of other organizations hold high standards like us greek. As a freshman I am still learning, and still have plenty to learn, but I know that I have to get myself out there and meet people the right way, and so far so good.
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    Dec 23, 2008 8:11 PM GMT
    Pinny...

    Initiated as opposed to blackballed, depledged, thought about rushing...

    But why I really say that is some dudes today dont associate with their fraternity anymore...therefore if someone used to be in a fraternity...IOW initiated into a fraternity... he's still in the running
  • Klutch84

    Posts: 286

    Dec 25, 2008 12:44 PM GMT
    Chuy2010 saidYou dont date a frat guy you just do him and have fun when he's drunk. Dont fall for straight guys they end up married and messing around on their wives making them bi or maybe closet gays.


    EXACTLY, but when I was in college I was a frat boy and while I was a pledge in my frat I dated a guy who was the prez of his frat... It was fun while it lasted for about 2 years but now he's "happily married" to some broad...
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    Dec 26, 2008 5:41 AM GMT
    well in my experience frat houses are ripe with closet cases, so it shouldn't be a problem.

    That being said, I never understood why people would join a frat. To me, frat boys were always the picture of low self esteem masked by heavy drinking and general douchebaggery. Professional and business fraternities aside, most of them force a degrading form of conformity (note the polo shirt uniform) and a pack dog mentality that I find very unattractive.
  • spinningguy

    Posts: 178

    Dec 26, 2008 6:12 AM GMT
    God I don't know which is worse the stereotypes and general stupidity that some of my Fraternity Brothers have about gay people or some of my gay friends (including some of my friends on this site) stereotypes and general stupidity about fraternity membership.

    I would assume that you don't want people to judge homosexuals based on what they have heard from friends, what they have seen on TV, or what they assume is true of a culture based on limited and uneducated assumptions.

    The same is true for Fraternity guys don't believe everything you hear from friends, watch on TV, or assume.

    As for limiting yourself to just dating fraternity guys...? I don't get it, you are limiting yourself and potentially letting amazing guys get away because they either chose not to join, did not go to college, could not afford to join, did not feel comfortable, played a sport, or was in the military...No thanks give me a warm and heartfelt guy any day over some precondition even if that precondition is based on ritual, values, and brotherhood.

    Gay and a Fraternity Guy and proud of both!
  • metalxracr

    Posts: 761

    Dec 26, 2008 6:26 AM GMT
    collegeswimmr saidwell in my experience frat houses are ripe with closet cases, so it shouldn't be a problem.

    That being said, I never understood why people would join a frat. To me, frat boys were always the picture of low self esteem masked by heavy drinking and general douchebaggery. Professional and business fraternities aside, most of them force a degrading form of conformity (note the polo shirt uniform) and a pack dog mentality that I find very unattractive.


    Interesting my view of fraternities is quite the opposite! hahaha

    When I think of a guy in a fraternity, especially one who is an officer I think very highly of them.

    They seem, level headed, loyal, smart, and determined. To me determination and hard work is SEXY!!

    There are so many thing you have to do in a fraternity and we have so much community service. We (at least in my chapter) are asked to keep at least a 3.2 GPA. If not you go on probation and we get you tutors and you can't attend any of the parties till you get your grades up.

    It happens, but its rare, and it's only one or two guys at the most IF it happens.

    But we are so busy being one of the best chapters in our fraternity learning everything we have to learn and making sure everyone is doing what they are supposed to and then keeping really good grades! It's so tough!

    The president of our fraternity is the hardest working guy I know and for that I find him extremely hot!

    Also, the GPA average in my fraternity is higher than all the other guys on campus combined GPA. And we're huge!
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    Dec 26, 2008 7:11 AM GMT
    I would guess that the fraternity experience varies greatly from school to school, just as the food service, philosophy department and basketball team experience is different everywhere.

    At my small liberal arts college our Frats were local, not affiliated with national houses (by school edict). In our somewhat isolated location on a smallish campus, being Greek tripled the amount of social life you would have outside of bars and hanging around the dorm. We had fun and also

    I made GREAT friends in my frat, and found something hugely important in my growth as a man: respect and appreciation and genuine brotherly love from a bunch of guys. Not having ever been in team sports, or scouts, etc, this was something I appreciated then and still do - many years later.

    In the 1970s there weren't likely to be "out" gay people in any fraternity, especially perhaps in a small mid-western town. On top of that, who knew what "gay" was? For sure not in the way I would know only a few years later.

    BUT - in four years of college there were five men in my life, and all were frat brothers. (One of these involved only a makeout session, and of the others one was a two night stand, one developed into the occasional romp, one was the guy who "initiated" me (ahem) a few times, and another was a true love affair. ALL of them later married, and as far as I know only one later bowed out of the marriage to decide that, even if he was bi, he was gay-bi, not straight-bi. On the other hand, at least six other brothers later became full-fledged, out-and-out, OUT gay men.

    As far as the quality of the guys in my frat, in my four years we provided two student body presidents and a good share of other leaders, as well as one or two mild-hell-raisers etc. We had guys who were employed full time, guys who had already served in the military (hmm ... I just remembered that I made out one night with one of them, too - he was a foxy ex-navy man of about 24, and a freshman, and I a mere 21 yr-old senior who must have been pulling my fraternal rank ...) Theaterr, art and music majors, track and basketball team stars, pre-med, pre-ministry, pre-law and pre-drop-out ... We covered a wide range, at any rate - a benefit of the small school, where the "type" we sought was defined mostly in terms of what they shouldn't be: assholes, boring, disinterested.

    It was, for me, absolutely a positive experience, and I will always have that to say for fraternities.

    As for the criminal forced drinking and dangerous levels of hazing that happen some places - they should be treated as what they are: crimes.

    OUR "informal" initiation was a hoot, embarrassing and only vaguely sexual ( nothing like playing dumb games in a jockstrap ... is there?!)