Anyone had their heart broken for the first time? Any suggestions how to fix it ASAP?

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    Dec 22, 2008 11:32 AM GMT
    Anyone had their heart broken for the first time? Any suggestions how to fix it ASAP? How did you guys deal with it? Never thought i'd feel this way to anyone. Feeling the rush of a thousand heartaches sucks!!!
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    Dec 22, 2008 11:38 AM GMT
    terra22 said
    The first time it happened to me I channeled all my anger, frustration, and sadness into the gym, running, and partying.



    guess you weren't really that frustrated...










    I KID!
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    Dec 22, 2008 11:41 AM GMT
    Cake or Death.

    EDIT: Okay after what the guys below me said... I add a third option... Cry. It works. icon_cry.gif

    Cake or Death or Cry.
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    Dec 22, 2008 11:42 AM GMT
    I am from the "emotions are there for a purpose" school. When you feel sad and want to cry, cry, alot. Tears secrete stress hormones. That is why after a good cry you feel better. Don't spend alot of time alone thinking about what went wrong and blaming yourself. If a relationship ends it may in the long run be for the best (a cliche I know but it is true like most cliches).

    As Terra22 said above do not use drugs or alcohol to numb the pain and escape. First of all addiction may result. Secondly alcohol is a depressant and often makes you feel worse afterwards.I remember a guy who I used to play volleyball with who threw himself into organizing circuit parties after the "love of his life" and him broke up. Within 5 years he had killed himself due to drug addictions. An extreme example but a warning nontheless.
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    Dec 22, 2008 1:27 PM GMT
    SurrealLife saidI am from the "emotions are there for a purpose" school. When you feel sad and want to cry, cry, alot. Tears secrete stress hormones. That is why after a good cry you feel better. Don't spend alot of time alone thinking about what went wrong and blaming yourself. If a relationship ends it may in the long run be for the best (a cliche I know but it is true like most cliches).


    Yeah, I agree with this. Do not dwell on it and don't use other things to mask your pain but allow yourself to feel it so you can put it aside and move on from it. I wish I would have followed this advise the first time it happened to me.
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    Dec 22, 2008 2:29 PM GMT
    For me, the quickest way to forget an old love is with a new love.
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    Dec 22, 2008 2:38 PM GMT
    Nothing helps you get over a guy quite like fresh dick, and lots of it. Lets you know there are more fish in the sea.
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    Dec 22, 2008 3:06 PM GMT
    TheIStrat saidNothing helps you get over a guy quite like fresh dick, and lots of it. Lets you know there are more fish in the sea.


    I know that helps with a lot of guys, but after I broke up with a guy I did not want to have sex or go on a date for at least 6 months. Once burned, twice shy I guess.

    If something happened to my current relationship I would probably retire from the gay scene altogether with the exception of volunteer work and maybe some sports leagues. After a certain point in time the emotional effort to get comfortable with another person just does not seem worth it.
  • Sayrnas

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    Dec 22, 2008 3:11 PM GMT
    TheIStrat saidNothing helps you get over a guy quite like fresh dick, and lots of it. Lets you know there are more fish in the sea.



    That or Ice Cream (in very small doses...Mmmm Cherry Garcia mmmm)
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    Dec 22, 2008 3:35 PM GMT
    There aren't any quick fixes. There is truth in the old saying that "Time heals all wounds" It took me over a year to get over my first heart break. For that year I did not date I did not do anything...but hang out with my friends and I through myself into work and school. That year I made the Dean's list and continued to do for three semesters! YAY! 8-)
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    Dec 22, 2008 4:34 PM GMT
    It'll take time, which is the SHITTY part! However, in the meantime instead of dwelling on the breakup, dwell on what they taught you, what they showed you and the good times you guys had, and take that and learn form it and move on with yourself!!!
  • torontoguy222...

    Posts: 410

    Dec 22, 2008 4:39 PM GMT
    Oh boy, I was heart broken for my first time a few months ago. Basically it was unreciprocated love for an older man. The first few days were horrible -- lots of crying -- and it only improved moderately over the upcoming weeks. Even today, almost 3 months later, I'm not sure if I'm ENTIRELY over him. I still feel like I have a void that is yet to be replaced.

    Most of the friends I sought out said it'll just take time...2, 3, maybe 4 months. They suggested I keep busy...go out, meet some new people, hang out with friends. For me, I spent a tonne of time at the gym. It's been very therapeutic for me, plus you get a hot body at the same time, haha.

    Best of luck, and hang in there. It can only get better with time...

    Which brings me to another technique I used: MUSIC! Leona Lewis' "Better in Time" has become my theme song. Any inspirational music will do you well (ie. Cher's "Strong Enough", or most of Pink's songs lol). Avoid sappy James Blunt stuff--that hurt like a bitch.

    Tony
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    Dec 22, 2008 6:21 PM GMT
    The first break-up can't be, and shouldn't be fixed "ASAP". You have to let it run its course. It sucks but with time you will be alright!

    It took me close to 2 years to get over my first heart break. Now looking back I laugh about it. Its just life. Don't rush it, enjoy what you can!
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    Dec 22, 2008 6:29 PM GMT
    I have to agree with terra22, the gym is a great place for channeling your energy and somethimes anger and frustration too, ive experienced my biggest gains on broken heart phase!!

    youre just too cute torontoguy!! awww siiiigh icon_redface.gif
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    Dec 22, 2008 6:33 PM GMT
    Be sure that right now you're doing what it takes to really take care of you.

    Work out, eat well, and give yourself a few treats.

    Get a present for yourself - a nice massage, a new shirt, take a day off ... whatever it is that will be a treat for yourself!

    Hang in there!
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    Dec 22, 2008 6:51 PM GMT
    It's the worst feeling in the world. You not only feel emotionaly sad, but you physically feel sick..........When it happened to me, I thought the world was a negative place.

    Cry you stinkin heart out and get it our of your system. Allow yourself to be a vegetable for a few days but don't overdo it.

    Get togther with your buddies, have a drink and cry on his shoulder. A real buddy will let you do that and NOT talk about it the next day.

    Then you have to do something with that energy, so do something physical, like running or exercising.

    Then start looking at that hot guys bulge at the gym or grocery store.

    You will bounce back!
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    Dec 22, 2008 6:55 PM GMT
    Make sure that this is a 100% clean break. Don't see him... ever. My ex and I had a lot of mutual friends, so after a few weeks, I thought I should man up and be okay with hanging out with him in a group setting so our friends didn't have to chose.

    Big mistake. It hurt so much seeing him. And eventually, we ended up getting back together, only to break up again a few weeks later.

    We repeated this cycle three more times until I finally told him I could never see him again and we shouldn't be friends.

    Don't do what I did.
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    Dec 22, 2008 6:55 PM GMT
    this too, you shall over come
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    Dec 22, 2008 8:25 PM GMT
    This method was recommended to me by an old friend and it worked like a charm.

    It's the "Heartbreak Filmfest." Get 5 or 6 of the most maudlin, sentimental, tearjerking, shameless, chick-flicks you can find, plus one silly comedy. Watch the tragedies one after the other. Have drinks handy. Wallow, weep, wail, have no shame. Tear up all your photos and mementos of your ex. Get it out of your system. Then watch the comedy. You'll find you can laugh again, and the whole concept of heartbreak will seem a little ridiculous.
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    Dec 22, 2008 8:35 PM GMT
    Time will heal your pain, your broken heart, your soul.

    Now all you have to do, is wait for enough water to pass under the bridge, and poof. Your pain will be gone, and your heart healed.
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    Dec 22, 2008 8:40 PM GMT
    ur fav ice-cream and fav movie always does it for me. u might also want to stay away from the cause of the heart brake meaning try not to see him if u can
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    Dec 22, 2008 8:47 PM GMT
    well I'd have to say that the besides the best cure of just letting the time pass, spending time with friends who can distract you is another good idea. I've also found that if you don't have an outlet for that feeling of frustration or heartache it just keeps getting bottled up. If you don't already have an outlet for that I'd suggest getting one. For me a nice 3-4 mile run with the ipod blaring loud music does me just fine, and then after I feel a lot better than I would have if I had just eaten ice cream and watched southpark. Everyone has their own way of dealing with loss and it is by no means easy, but there are ways that you can put that frustration to goo use.
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    Dec 22, 2008 8:49 PM GMT
    go to the gym, occupy the rest of the time with school, friends and family. stay busy... go on a few dates and months later you'll think the entire thing was silly.
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    Dec 22, 2008 11:53 PM GMT
    May sound cliche but...

    Time.

    The most proactive thing you can do while waiting is to avoid behaviors that are deleterious to your mental and physical health as well as your daily life (school, work, socializing, etc).
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    Dec 23, 2008 12:08 AM GMT
    Delete his number and move on with your life. Quick.