Advice on bisexual relationship

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 02, 2014 6:35 AM GMT
    A friend of mine came to me for some advice but I wasnt sure what to tell him so im asking you all to see your insight on this: So hes bisexual and hes in a relationship with a girl, hes very much into her and at first she played like she was ok with him being bi but after a while she started to get paranoid about it like she freaks out over nothing and gets very insecure and its not like my friend does anything to make her feel that way.

    I told him to leave her but he says he likes everything about her except this issue. Is there a way to fix this? Or is the relationship destined to fail in the long run? How could this girl be more open minded about it and understand that even if he also like men it doesn't mean he will act on it?





  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 02, 2014 6:40 AM GMT
    Straight women are NEVER ok with a man who is bisexual or has experimented with other men in the past. I think this is even more so in machismo cultures. Tell your friend to dump her.
  • SuntoryTime

    Posts: 656

    Mar 02, 2014 6:47 AM GMT
    xrichx saidStraight women are NEVER ok with a man who is bisexual or has experimented with other men in the past. I think this is even more so in machismo cultures. Tell your friend to dump her.


    As a guy who has been invited to a few bi threesomes, I have to say this isn't true.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 02, 2014 6:56 AM GMT
    I have had numerous women walk. Nay, RUN away when they found out that I was bi. Others (a very few) immediately want a threesome.

    It seems to me that if the person in question is monogamous, it should not matter at all. I don't see why that is hard to understand. It should only be an issue if an open or a polyamorous relationship is planned.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 02, 2014 7:02 AM GMT
    mindgarden saidI have had numerous women walk. Nay, RUN away when they found out that I was bi. Others (a very few) immediately want a threesome.

    It seems to me that if the person in question is monogamous, it should not matter at all. I don't see why that is hard to understand. It should only be an issue if an open or a polyamorous relationship is planned.


    Yeah he's monogamous and told her that he would't cheat but shes still paranoid. Like the simple fact hes bi makes him a slut or something.
  • Import

    Posts: 7190

    Mar 02, 2014 7:09 AM GMT
    he sounds like he's gay.
    and the chick is obvs desperate so will settle for anything with a dick.

    #sad
  • PolitiMAC

    Posts: 728

    Mar 02, 2014 7:11 AM GMT
    Your friend should be able to have a relationship with someone who isn't going to criticise something to fundamental to him. I wouldn't say that on that basis alone; he should dump her immediately, because as with many, opinions and views will differ.

    I don't know her well enough to make any final judgements, but I think it's worth sitting her down and talking to her about that particular part of your friend. It's only fair to him, and will; benefit her in the long run, so she can become more tolerant in the future.

    Not saying it will be easy, but for the good of the relationship, sitting ina a situation where one person is suspicious or paranoid about the other's activities, nay, his innate feelings! Is just not healthy and I don't think it would work in the long term for the relationship.

    Those are my two cents icon_smile.gif I hope your friend* can find his way through this icon_biggrin.gif
  • Import

    Posts: 7190

    Mar 02, 2014 7:13 AM GMT
    u should dump them as frends until they're less confused and stupid.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 02, 2014 7:14 AM GMT
    Import saidhe sounds like he's gay.
    and the chick is obvs desperate so will settle for anything with a dick.

    u should dump them as frends until they're less confused and stupid.


    #sad

    I see youre bitter as always and making blind assumptions, for all you know she can be a real hottie who could be with any man she wanted but chose him. Now shut up and go to bed, its past your bed time.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 02, 2014 7:25 AM GMT
    SuntoryTime said
    xrichx saidStraight women are NEVER ok with a man who is bisexual or has experimented with other men in the past. I think this is even more so in machismo cultures. Tell your friend to dump her.


    As a guy who has been invited to a few bi threesomes, I have to say this isn't true.


    I 2nd that! I've met women who likes that their boyfriends are bi but that's only when he likes other men. Those women are threatened when the guy looks at another female and then she thinks it's cheating.

    As for the OP's inquiry, nothing he can do except support the friend. The friend's gf needs to get over her own insecurities and the only person that can truly help her with this is herself.
  • Import

    Posts: 7190

    Mar 02, 2014 7:27 AM GMT
    David3000 said
    Import saidhe sounds like he's gay.
    and the chick is obvs desperate so will settle for anything with a dick.

    u should dump them as frends until they're less confused and stupid.


    #sad

    I see youre bitter as always and making blind assumptions, for all you know she can be a real hottie who could be with any man she wanted but chose him. Now shut up and go to bed, its past your bed time.

    she's a whore.


  • PolitiMAC

    Posts: 728

    Mar 02, 2014 7:35 AM GMT
    Import said
    David3000 said
    Import saidhe sounds like he's gay.
    and the chick is obvs desperate so will settle for anything with a dick.

    u should dump them as frends until they're less confused and stupid.


    #sad

    I see youre bitter as always and making blind assumptions, for all you know she can be a real hottie who could be with any man she wanted but chose him. Now shut up and go to bed, its past your bed time.

    she's a whore.




    Hey, come on, regardless of whether you meant that or not, that's a juvenile thing to say and isn't constructive in the slightest.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 02, 2014 7:40 AM GMT
    PolitiNerd said
    Import said
    David3000 said
    Import saidhe sounds like he's gay.
    and the chick is obvs desperate so will settle for anything with a dick.
    u should dump them as frends until they're less confused and stupid.
    #sad

    I see youre bitter as always and making blind assumptions, for all you know she can be a real hottie who could be with any man she wanted but chose him. Now shut up and go to bed, its past your bed time.

    she's a whore.

    Hey, come on, regardless of whether you meant that or not, that's a juvenile thing to say and isn't constructive in the slightest.

    I saw that coming, why do you think I sent him to bed right away? He earned himself a spanking.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 02, 2014 1:33 PM GMT
    hahaha I love some of the replies. So small minded.

    She needs to work on her trust issues with him. He can't "fix it" but he can help her overcome her insecurities.

    Couples counselling might be an option to explore.

    If he thinks she's worth the effort then he will need to work with her to overcome this particular problem and hopefully they will find a way over it and have a strong lasting relationship.

    To others who think it's cool to just go "dump her" or that "he's gay" well you need to stop looking so black and white and think a little bit bigger then your own limited experiences in life.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 02, 2014 2:17 PM GMT
    this isn't an issue about sexuality, it's an issue about trust. what difference does it make when he "came out" as bi. if she could trust him as a "straight" man, she should be able to trust him now. he's still the same guy.

    if she can't trust him, i'd leave her.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 02, 2014 2:23 PM GMT
    It's difficult though because if her boyfriend was straight she would know she has everything (in theory) that he needs. Because he is bi though she will always worry that she cannot be everything he wants. I think bisexuals have it harder than both gay and straight people because both men and women will doubt their own ability to be everything to their partner. The best situation really is a relationship between 2 bisexuals who will both be able to relate to each other although it doesn't always work out like that.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 02, 2014 2:40 PM GMT
    Isn't a simple answer to any bisexual relationship same as any other relationship whether gay or straight in the sense that no matter what there is always someone else to look at for what ever reason but if you are with someone you are with them.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 02, 2014 4:47 PM GMT
    I was married for more than 20 years , my ex-wife knew i was bisexual when we met . We promised to each other to be into a monogamous relationship , she trusted me and i stayed true to my promise .
    It wasn't easy at time temptation was present , but if you really love the person you have a life with , love will overcome your temptations .
    If your mate wants to keep that girl around , he has to be ready to fully commit on her desire of monogamy , if he can , he has to let her go .
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    Mar 02, 2014 5:19 PM GMT
    David3000 saidHow could this girl be more open minded about it and understand that even if he also like men it doesn't mean he will act on it?

    First, this line is a bit concerning. This is like saying a gay man won't act on being gay, probably not going to be true. Eventually it would happen and that needs to be discussed up front.

    Professional counseling is needed so each can understand the other and what issues they have with dealing with these sexual feelings. I would think this would be a nearly impossible relationship without some defined boundaries and openness to ensure sexual satisfaction for the guy. Anything less is likely to result in cheating, resentment, anger, no sex at all or a combination of any or all of these.
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    Mar 02, 2014 6:16 PM GMT
    Is she really insecure?
    How much time dose your friend spend on gay dating sites?
    It's always so easy to jump on the "they're just insecure and need to get over it" band wagon.
    It is what I have to tell my man over and over again when he say's I spend to much time on here.

    The last Woman I dated was super hot/smart/rich and when I asked her to marry me she confronted me with my bisexuality, saying she couldn't spend the rest of her life with a guy that just went threw the motions in the bed room.
    As luck would have it, she'd been with a man who loved doing it with woman so much that it's all he wanted all the time and she didn't want to settle for anything less, even though she loved me so much it hurt.
    My case can not be compared, in that, I was merely going threw the motion--more gay than Bi.
    Or
    Maybe she's just insecure, as most woman who can have any man they want are known to be.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 02, 2014 9:53 PM GMT
    If you decide to be in a gay relationship you obviously like men.

    I think when a guy says he's bi, females get nervous that he is actually gay, but wants to be with a woman for societal reasons. Also are her friends contributing to any fears about dating a bisexual guy?

    He needs to reassure her that his values, word, and loyalty mean more than a hookup with a male or female. He needs to ask her if she has any questions and to put them on the table. Maybe she's been hurt in the past or has concerns etc. If it's still a concern after a serious conversation, maybe she needs therapy or the guy needs to end the relationship.

    I wouldn't just leave her though.


    Also I know I'll get heat for it, BUT coming from her point of view -- if she's on the pill and they're having unprotected sex I'm sure STDs cross her mind. Yes, she should trust her partner but HIV isn't temporary and the media has shown women who have been infected by their husbands.

    The gay community has been painted as a playground for men hooking up, having open relationships, and being adventurous in the bedroom.
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    Mar 02, 2014 10:30 PM GMT
    ^^^^ Replying to all the answers, no hes not been fuckin around they both got tested and both are clean. He doesnt have gay friends or does anything to make her feel threatened. She says she trust him but cant help it being like that.

    Just one thing, if you like boys and girls isnt it normal that you watch both genres in porn (behind her back)? Do you think thats cheating in any way?
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Mar 02, 2014 10:44 PM GMT
    Either she trusts him or she doesn't.

    If he has told her that he only thinks of her when they are in bed and he's happy with her, but that's not enough for her, then it never will be.

    Sayonara, sweetie.
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    Mar 03, 2014 12:03 AM GMT
    David3000 said^^^^ Replying to all the answers, no hes not been fuckin around they both got tested and both are clean. He doesnt have gay friends or does anything to make her feel threatened. She says she trust him but cant help it being like that.

    Just one thing, if you like boys and girls isnt it normal that you watch both genres in porn (behind her back)? Do you think thats cheating in any way?


    No, I don't think watching both kinds of porn is cheating. If anything it may prevent the guy from cheating -- since he's bi he can have a sense of "fulfillment" through porn if that makes sense?!?! What I will say is messaging guys in a sexual manner on a site like this, Grindir, or any other site would be cheating. Unless your partner is cool with that -- I wouldn't be.

    I highly doubt most of the guys that state they're in a monogamous relationship actually okay their Grindir use with their partner.
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    Mar 03, 2014 12:37 AM GMT
    Hmmm... I have a very pragmatic and highly unconventional possible solution.

    They could invest in a lie detector test (taken by an esteemed professional), where the gf gets to ask all the questions she needs to know the truthful answer to. And vice versa if wanted. It may not work for those suffering from a deeper or clinical neurosis (therapy/ medication/spirituality may be in order there, if the lie detector test isn't enough), but, i'd imagine it to be a strong relief for most.

    Otherwise, the nagging doubts will always plague her in the back of her mind, and will likely always have some type of affect on how she interacts with/relates to/truly trusts her bf. It may not always be visible or conscious, but like a silently ticking time bomb hidden in the basement, it will undoubtedly manifest a negative effect for one or both, sooner or later.

    I would take the test with somebody I loved enough and with whom I wanted to make and fortify a real, secure, fulfilling, permanent relationship with.